Somatic Healing for Wellness-Focused Women

(#101) Feeling Good is a Practice: How to Expand Your Nervous System’s Capacity for Joy & Positive Psychology Tools

• Rae The Somatic Coach • Episode 101

Share episode

Why does joy sometimes feel harder to hold than stress? In this episode, Rae explores the emotional complexities of joy and how our nervous systems can struggle to trust happiness, especially after trauma, chronic stress, or survival-mode living.

You’ll learn how nervous system regulation, somatic tools, and the science of positive psychology can expand your capacity to feel joy fully and safely. Plus, Rae introduces the PERMA model of well-being and how you can use it to integrate joy, resilience, connection, and meaning into your healing journey.

✨ In this episode, Rae explores:

  • Why joy can feel unfamiliar, unsafe, or fleeting
  • How nervous system responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) affect your ability to feel good
  • The surprising ways joy can bring up fear, guilt, or discomfort
  • How to retrain your body to feel safe with happiness and ease
  • The PERMA model from positive psychology (and how to embody it somatically)
  • Practices like breathwork, glimmers, journaling, and mindful presence to build emotional resilience

Whether you’re navigating trauma healing, burnout recovery, or simply trying to feel more like yourself again, this episode will show you how to nurture joy as a practice, not a performance.

💌 Sign up for the Somatic Healing Newsletter to access Rae’s free breathwork + meditation resource library and stay connected to her latest offerings.

CONNECT
 Work With Me
The Somatic Healing Newsletter
Instagram
Website
Subscribe & Review Apple Podcasts
Follow & Rate Spotify

Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome back to the podcast. If you are new here, I'm Ray. I'm a schematic coach and breath work facilitator. And if you aren't new here, welcome back. I'm so glad that you're tuning in for today's episode. So for today's episode, I wanted to speak with you about this emotion of joy and how sometimes when we're feeling really happy, it can actually feel hard to like maintain this feeling. So you might experience this sometimes after you've had like a breakthrough, or depending on where you are in your healing journey, maybe that's like what you're looking to feel, like you're seeking more joy and like you're experiencing it in like spurts. But sometimes when we feel it, it can be hard to maintain it. And so I want to chat about that today. And I'm also gonna speak a bit on positive positive psychology because it's a topic that interests me. I think it goes well with joy, and it's one that I don't think many people talk about from this lens. So let's do it, let's dive in. So joy is an internal state that creates feelings of openness, expansion, warmth, safety, flow. And this can sometimes feel hard to maintain because oftentimes it's more comfortable to feel stressed. It's hard to trust the feeling, especially if you're used to chronically being stressed or being in one of the four survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, fawn. So the brain has been conditioned to really scan for danger or disappointment, loss, criticism, and it can trigger a contraction if we're not used to feeling the sensation or feeling the emotion of joy. And the part of the body that is in control of feelings of safety and connection might not have as much practice. And so it requires like a retraining of the body to trust that the feelings of joy and the feelings of ease are safe, and that is really why sometimes it can be the hardest feeling to maintain. And this challenge can show up when someone starts to feel genuine joy, and then immediately they're either thinking that it won't last or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Another way that this can show up is if someone feels like if they are joyful or happy, that it will make other people uncomfortable. And maybe they feel like they're too much or taking up too much space, or they're having this fear around if they are, if they change the way that they are, that they'll face some sort of rejection for those changes. And then another way that it might show up is that we can only feel joy or happiness as a reward for being productive or achieving a certain thing. So we end up tying this state of joy and happiness to our worth. And we think at times that we can we're not worthy maybe of feeling those things, when in fact that's not true. I also want to name that for individuals that are highly sensitive or very in tune with what's going on in the world today, it can be extremely challenging to carry this feeling of happiness and joy when there is so much going on in the world today, so much suffering, so much pain. And in the media you see it, in the news, on social media, you'll see it. So there is this duality of being aware of, you know, the state of the world and also being able to tend to your nervous system. And if that if the state of the world is something that you are passionate about, like how can you show up in a way that honors, you know, your boundaries? Maybe you can serve in some way, whether it's being involved or uh financially, like donations and fundraising. I mean, this is like a topic for another episode probably, but I have to name it because I think it's a very real thing, especially with how much we are um exposed to in terms of like what's going on in the world. So it can absolutely be challenging to maintain this feeling of joy when around us it's really it's really challenging to see what's going on in the world today. And tying this into the nervous system, we really want to understand that it's safe to feel joy. So it's safe to feel at ease. And this is really working with feeling safe in our body, feeling safe to feel a feeling, our emotional capacity, widening our window of tolerance, being able to regulate our emotions and being able to have the capacity to hold duality of maybe multiple emotions at once. So, an example would be feeling joy and also feeling grief. It's possible. So, this is a practice, something that definitely you can grow and expand and work with your nervous system. And I think one part that really helps to expand that ability to expand your capacity, retrain your body, trust the feelings of joy and ease, is that mind-body connection. And so most of traditional psychology focuses on what is wrong. But what's interesting about positive psychology is that it totally shifts that question and it shifts it into what makes life worth living. And this is a field that was founded by Dr. Martin Seligman, and he wanted to study what helps people thrive, not just what helps people survive. So this is definitely not about toxic positivity or like pretending everything is fine. This is about building the inner resources that are needed in healing spaces like somatics and inner child work to really move forward and really feel safe in expanding your emotional capacity to feel. So building resources of gratitude, resilience, meaning, connection. It's another way to blend the feeling, the feelings of feeling safe and feeling good, and also the feelings of joy. So something that positive psychology is built on is called the PERMA model. And that includes five key elements for achieving well-being. So I'm gonna run through what that acronym stands for. So the P in PERMA stands for positive emotion. So this can look like cultivating joy, gratitude, love, and in the body, this can look like working with your heart space, expanding the heart space, allowing it to feel safe, to be open in this part of your body. Oftentimes the heart space can hold a lot of you know trauma and healing that needs to be done. So it's being able to feel safe and feeling that expansion. The E stands for engagement. So that is really being able to feel fully immersed in a state of flow. It's like that feeling when you completely lose track of time while you're doing an activity. So maybe it's like art or dance, meditation, breath work, whatever that might look like for you. I think that what's really interesting about this, or what stood out to me about it, was I've been, I was an athlete growing up. And so I really found my flow state from competing and playing soccer and lacrosse and all different sports. And when I was on the field or on the court or whatever I was doing, I was completely fully immersed. I was in such a flow state. I was so clear-headed because all I was focused on was the game. And I think that's also why I ended up finding breath work because I was seeking this like flow state, this inner peace, this fully engaged moment after not competing. So that's kind of, I think, one of the reasons why I ended up finding breath work. And then we have R. R stands for relationships. So this is really creating those healthy, deeply supportive connections in your personal life, platonic and romantic relationships. And what this looks like in the body is feeling safe enough to be in connection with another person. So being able to also co-regulate with another person. So a lot of this shows up in the nervous system as well. And again, works with that building that sense of safety and allowing yourself that ability to build those strong, deeply supportive, healthy relationships. And then the fourth letter, M in PERMA, stands for meaning. So this is having a sense of purpose or contribution. And how this shows up in the body is when we feel aligned, when we feel grounded, maybe we feel a connection to something bigger than ourself. We feel um like we are making a contribution, like we are making an impact, and how that physically feels in the body to feel grounded and aligned and connected. And then A in Perma stands for achievement. So this means making progress, being able to master something, and how this shows up in the body is really feeling empowered, feeling capable, and feeling proud of yourself when you have small or big wins. So again, this can take training your nervous system to be able to feel safe in those expansions, even though they are, you know, positive, uplifting emotions. So there's definitely this intersection of joy in the body and positive psychology and how that creates the mind-body connection. So a few examples that I can think of is feelings of gratitude. So we're often, I've heard, I'm sure you have as well, like write write down three things that you're grateful for, either when you wake up in the morning or when you go to sleep. And this is a phenomenal practice. This is great. This is going to shift your mindset. This is going to allow your perspective to change, really allow you to notice what is in your life, things that you are grateful for. And then one way to bring that to the next level and integrate the body would be noticing what it feels like in your body to feel that gratitude, to feel those things. So it's an interesting practice, definitely something if you're if you're writing those gratitude lists, try it with this extra, this extra moment of okay, what does it feel like in my body to really feel grateful and safe for the roof above my head, for the house that I'm in, like to know that I am so safe in this moment. There's nothing in this moment that is affecting my safety. Try it out, see what happens, see how it feels. The second example I have for you is noticing glimmers. So glimmers are like these like micro moments of joy, and it's another way of really savoring the present moment. It's like, can you slow down and really let your mind and your body register this glimmer for even 20 seconds? And glimmers, I feel like they were like trending on social media for a little while, but for anyone that isn't aware of what they are, they're basically like these like yeah, micro moments of joy. It could be like a warm cup of coffee in the morning, it could be watching the sunset, it could be reading a chapter in your favorite book, it could be taking a warm bath, um, it could be even smaller micro moments than that, but those are just some examples. So glimmers are a great example of like making that mind-body connection and cultivating that sense of safety for joy. And what's interesting about this idea of glimmers and how I'm using it to really tie the mind and body, you know, connection. Um, there was a psychologist, Barbara Frederickson, who found that in order to experience what's called emotional flourishing, that we need to have three positive experiences for every one negative experience. And I interpret this and connect this again with those glimmers. So it's really allowing the body to intentionally find a sense of safety and joy in these micro moments and welcoming in those moments. So, like having that second layer of presence and awareness. So this could look like smiling or waving at a neighbor, practicing breath work before bread, noticing the sounds of the birds outside, or listening to your favorite song, really soaking in uh, you know, your morning cup coffee or morning cacao, whatever it might look like. And what these moments are doing is really creating new neural pathways. So every single time you're embodying a state of joy or gratitude or compassion and you feel safe enough to do that, you're rewiring your brain and recalibrating your body towards safety. And some other practices you can do in addition to the glimmers and really savoring the present moment. Uh, you can do some breath work practices for joy, you can do meditation for safety and joy, you can journal for emotional capacity and joy. And at the end of every guest episode, I always ask, you know, what is really lighting you up right now? And I love asking that question because when people are in joy, it's felt. You can really feel it. It spreads to other people. Um, you know, I I love seeing it on like some different social media, uh, you know, viral videos. There's always like, you know, people like singing and dancing. And when it looks like authentic, you can really feel it. Um, it's so cool. It's so cool to like see other people just like, you know, doing their thing and feeling happy and being in joy. And this episode is really all about giving yourself the permission to know that, yeah, you can be happy, you can be in joy. It's not based on your worth, it's not based on anything external to yourself. And I hope that this uh episode gave you some tools and resources and shifts that are gonna support you in feeling that feeling. And that is what we have for today's episode. So thank you so much for tuning in every week. I really appreciate it. I love recording these episodes for you. And yeah, if you want to keep in touch, sign up for the newsletter in the show notes. It goes out um on the first and 15th of every month, and I might be sprinkling some more in there. So you might be hearing from me a little bit more, but we'll see. So if you want to stay in touch, sign up for that. It's in the show notes. And yeah, I hope you have an incredible rest of your day. I hope you have an incredible rest of your week, and I will talk to you soon. Thank you for being here and tuning in to Somatic Healing for Wellness Focused Women Podcast. If you were moved or inspired by today's episode, please take a moment to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. It truly helps the podcast grow and helps more people find me on their healing journey. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for the monthly newsletter, links to more resources, opportunities to work with me, and ways that we can stay connected. If we aren't already connected on social media, head over to Instagram to follow me at Ray the Somatic Coach. Send me a DM. I'd love to connect with you, and I answer each note that comes in. I am so happy you're here, and I cannot wait to talk with you on our next episode of the podcast.