(#112) Working with Uncertainty: Somatic Healing for Anxiety, Safety and Nervous System Regulation

Feeling anxious, uncertain, or out of control as you start a new year or transition into something unknown?

In this episode of Somatic Healing for Wellness-Focused Women, Rae shares 4 powerful somatic tools to help you calm anxiety, release the grip of control, and reconnect with your body’s innate capacity for safety, resilience, and trust.

🎧 Inside this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why uncertainty and anxiety often go hand-in-hand and how your mind tries to compensate with control
• The empowering mantra that changed Rae’s life: “I can handle it”
• How to reframe discomfort as a sign of growth and nervous system expansion
• Somatic regulation tools to calm anxious spirals
• A gentle reminder of what is actually in your control and what’s not

✨ Whether you’re navigating a new beginning, closing a chapter, or simply feeling stretched, this episode offers practical tools to ground your nervous system and meet yourself with compassion in the unknown.

💌 Sign up for the Somatic Healing Newsletter to access Rae’s free breathwork + meditation resource library and stay connected to her latest offerings.

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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.

Transcript

New Year, New Uncertainty

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the podcast. If you are new here, I'm Ray. I'm a schematic coach and breath work facilitator. And if you aren't new here, welcome back. I'm so glad that you are tuning in for today's episode. So today's episode is building off of episode 103, which is working through uncertainty and the sense of having a lack of control and how that contributes to anxiety specifically. So I chose this topic because I'm still working with that theme of the new year, you know, because I just love it so much. And when we're starting a new year, there may be chapters that are closing, new beginnings that are starting. So there's a lot of navigating newness, and that it definitely includes uncertainty and navigating a sense of control. So I hope this one is timely. I hope you enjoy it. And let's dive in. So when uncertainty comes up, it affects our anxiety specifically because we might feel like a sense of fear, a sense of we don't know the unknown, we don't know what's happening. And so our anxiety increases and our mind tries to find safety, it tries to find comfort, and it does that by trying to control what we, you know, think we can control. And so this can show up as trying to predict every outcome. Um, it can look like avoiding making decisions or avoiding any kind of discomfort or something that we even think might bring us discomfort, even though it might not, but we are trying to protect ourselves. And it can also look like micromanaging. So um maybe there's something big that's out of our control. So we try and all the other things that are in our control, we try and like manage those things instead. So the idea is when this happens, completely human that this happens, um, it's to regulate and work through these feelings, have awareness around it, find that sense of safety internally, maybe loosen that grip of control, that sense of unsafety. And so I'm gonna share a few ways that we can do just that. So the first reframe and tool that I have for you is when we're working with anxiety, the voice of it usually says something along the lines of if I don't know this outcome, it's because I'm not safe. And this has happens, you know, internally automatically, and it's a fear response. So it's like something here is unknown, and that means that like I'm in deep trouble. I am afraid. And your nervous system what's funny actually is that your nervous system learns safety through tolerating these moments of uncertainty. And when we talk about nervous system capacity on the podcast and in session, it often looks like feeling okay with feeling uncomfortable. And what's interesting is that in the world of somatics and the world of feeling sensation and sensation association, all that good stuff, there is no right or wrong or good or bad feeling. There is just what is, and there's just what is present with us in that moment. And this is something that I wrote about recently in my newsletter. Actually, may have but it might have been the newsletter for January. So the newsletter goes out on the first and the 15th of every month. And I think I wrote a wrote about this January 1st because it's been something that I've been resonating with too. So it's like a lesson that I'm like to continuing to revisit. And I think it's just like really helpful. So anyway, tangent, but we're back. So when you have the ability to be with what is and like meet yourself, what I call meet yourself in the arising and love what is, it's like the uncertainty can be uncomfortable, yes. But the new narrative would be uncertainty is uncomfortable and I can handle it. Or like this feels really uncomfortable, but I know what to do and I can handle this sensation. I can handle this feeling. And I have a funny story around this. So when I was working at a therapy practice about this, must have been three years ago now, um, the owner of the practice always brought the team out to do these fun activities like once or twice a year. And so for this activity, we ended up going to a drag show brunch, which was really fun. And um at the time, it was right around when I was getting married. So for some reason, I don't know how this happened, but for some reason the performers thought that that's why we were there. Like they thought that, like, oh, they're the here for the bride, or like the bride, yeah, I would be a bride. That's I was gonna say bride to be, but no, I would be a bride. So, oh, they're here for the bride. And we're trying to explain to them, like, no, no, this is like a work event. Like, we're not here for me. And it was very funny, funny. So they were kind of like, you know, very focused on me. And they ended up, oh man, they ended up picking me to do this like catwalk competition. Cause when you go to these brunches, they have like fun games and stuff. And this is just not something that I would volunteer for, honestly. Like, not, I just wouldn't jump up and be like, yeah, like pick me. But they that I was voluntold. And so I was obviously like nervous. And right before I'm about to walk down, they had us like walking down the center of, oh my god, it's like giving me like secondhand, it's bringing me back. They had us like walking down um the center of the restaurant and we to a song and we had to like, you know, like dance and you know, do whatever. I don't even really remember what I did. But right before I was about to walk down, one of the girls on my team yells, Rachel, you can handle it. And I was like, oh my God, talk about an embodied affirmation. It was like to this day, I still hear that in my head. And it has been so transformative for me. So this is like the funniest story that I have about that mantra. But it is a mantra that you can use. You can use when something uncomfortable happens, when you're moving, when your heart is beating fast, when you feel like outside of your comfort zone. I don't know if anyone else would be at a drag show brunch, walking, doing a catwalk competition. But if you are, borrow it because you can handle it too. So that is uh yeah, a way that you can embody a mantra and invitation also is that you can reflect on times where you've already handled uncertainty. So you've already done the uncomfortable thing, you've already navigated the hardship. Here you are. Like reflect on times where you've already done it and you know that you can do it. And when this feeling of discomfort comes up, notice how it feels in your body and practice that mantra. So you can do this intentionally, like, you know, nothing unsafe, of course, but like putting yourself in a situation that's outside of your comfort zone. And you can repeat this mantra while you're uncomfortable. So an easy first example that came to mind for me was like giving a presentation of some sort. Like public speaking can be really nerve-wracking for people. Um, so yeah, the next time you give a presentation, if you're nervous, instead of like fighting the nerves or feeling like fearful, being like, yeah, I'm nervous and I can handle this feeling and I've got this and I'm gonna do a really great job and like see what happens, see how that supports you. Because it's not like pushing away the sensation or the feeling, it's saying, like, you get to be here, and I can handle it with you here too. And then, you know, you can always process it afterwards and all that good stuff too. And the second tool that I'll share with you kind of builds on that last part, actually, that I just said and goes along with tool number one. But what when you feel discomfort, allow yourself to know that you are expanding your capacity and that it's allowing you to grow in some way. So the shift here is that instead of avoiding being uncomfortable, we're seeing it as our minds, our body, our spirit, soul is stretching into a stronger version of ourselves. And so the new belief could be being uncomfortable means I'm expanding my capacity, not necessarily like the ability, but the capacity for taking risks. So being uncomfortable means I'm expanding my capacity for taking risks. And I make that distinction distinction with ability to take risks because like I feel like I feel like anybody, maybe not anybody, but I feel like it's it, we can just do something and then like think about the residual thing after. Um, but to do something mindfully and know that it's gonna be uncomfortable and you're gonna do it anyway, I think takes like a particular type of courage and a particular type of awareness. And yeah, so that's what this mantra is for. It's like doing those uncomfortable things with intention. And then to integrate this tool even further, after you try something new, you could ask yourself, like, okay, like what did I learn? Or what am I in the process of learning? Did I meet a new part of myself? Did you surprise yourself? Um, is there a part that need that has like a need? Like I remember when I first started the podcast, like it was so outside my comfort zone. I literally would just have to like lay on my floor and like regulate for a minute because I would be like so nervous, like literally like sweating, like I was just so nervous. So it's like in the growth, in the discomfort, something might get activated. And it's like, what does that part need? That part for me needed to just like lay on the floor, breathe, and be like, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. And get curious with myself and be compassionate. So, like, that's what that might look like. Um, and then the last question is how did you strengthen your resilience for discomfort? So, how did you expand your window of tolerance by doing this new thing? And this is just one way to build that nervous system safety from the inside out because you're still taking action, you're still being curious, and you're still being compassionate towards yourself. All right, ready for tool number three. So, this one is about changing the narrative of I don't know what to do. Like I'm feeling this, I'm feeling that, I don't know what to do. We're changing that to I can regulate through my body. So when anxiety happens, it often happens because the mind is trying to solve what the body is feeling by looking for safety and doing that by looking for what's in our control. So this is a nervous system response. It's something that so many of us experience. And so when we're very maybe caught in like a loop of anxiety or a loop of an emotion, and we're like, I don't know what to do, you can mindfully say, Oh, I can I can regulate with my body. And so you can regulate and reconnect with your body by doing some one of these, one of these few few tools that I'll share with you. So the first is orienting, and that looks like pausing where you are and looking around your space for about 60 seconds to a to two minutes. Um, and you're just gonna notice if you're inside, you know, the walls around you, if you're outside nature, and you're gonna start just noticing what you see and allow your senses to come online. So, like, what do you see? Can you feel something? Can you smell something? Just really allowing your senses to come online and yourself to pause in the exact place that you're in. The second would be what I would call like a sensation drop-in. So that looks like asking yourself, where is this anxiety living in my body? And oftentimes for me, it's like shoulders, like neck, throat area. Like that's really where my anxiety is because normally when I'm anxious, I'm like shoulders up, usually. Like I'm super in my head. I've got some thoughts that I'm like ruminating on. And so when I ask myself, like, oh, like where is this living in my body? It's like so subtle, but it just gives me a chance. It gives me like a split second to be like, oh, that's right. Like I can, I can be in my body. Like, I don't always have to be like thinking and solving this issue in my head. And um yeah, so that's just like a helpful tool. So asking yourself, where is this anxiety living in my body? You could do some grounding breaths. So a very grounding breath is inhaling for four seconds, holding at the top for one or two seconds, and then taking a long exhale through the mouth for six seconds. So inhaling through the nose for four, holding, exhaling through the mouth for six. And that is a nice and grounding breath. You could add some anchoring touch, and that looks like placing one hand on your chest, one hand on your belly, really allowing things to slow down. And you could also do some movement. So maybe like orienting, connecting with the sensation, doing some grounding breath, touching your chest, and your belly is like not the vibe. You can move, you can shake, you can stretch, you can physically get up and move from where you are in that moment. If that means like grabbing a cup of water, going for a quick walk, like move and change your environment and where you are and notice how that affects your mental state, how that affects your body, and ideally allowing yourself to feel safe in what is arising for you and easing that sense of control in the mind. And then the last tool that I'll share with you, tool number four, is returning to what is in your control. And this might have already happened organically if you did the other three tools, and now here we are. But um, if you're doing any any of these in real time, but this looks like reminding yourself that you can control your choices, your actions, your boundaries, your responses, your beliefs, but you cannot control other people's thoughts or feelings or outcomes, timelines, opinions, behaviors, beliefs, all that good stuff. So the challenge here, I think, is finding the safety in this in-between and the duality of that and bringing yourself back to the present moment to really see and understand like what is in your control. All right. So quick recap of our four tools. The first was working with that mantra of I can handle this. The second was working with the discomfort of uncertainty, lack of control, anxiety, and allowing that discomfort to know that you are growing. The third was changing the narrative of I don't know what to do to I can regulate through my body. And the fourth was returning to what is in your control. So I hope that you enjoyed today's episode. You can definitely revisit it in the future if you're ever feeling those waves of anxiety, those anxious spirals, and just use it as a reminder. So thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. If you would like to stay connected and receive the monthly newsletter and gain access to the Breathwork Resource Library, you can do that by checking out the show notes. And yeah, I hope you have an incredible rest of your week, an incredible rest of your day, and I will talk to you soon. Thank you for being here and tuning in to Sematic Healing for Wellness Focused Women Podcast. If you were moved or inspired by today's episode, please take a moment to leave a reading and review on Apple Podcasts. It truly helps the podcast grow and helps more people find me on their healing journey. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for the monthly newsletter, links to more resources, opportunities to work with me, and ways that we can stay connected. If we aren't already connected on social media, head over to Instagram to follow me at Ray the Sematic Coach. Send me a DM. I'd love to connect with you, and I answer each note that comes in. I am so happy you're here, and I cannot wait to talk with you on our next episode of the podcast.