(#128) Embodied Decision Making: How to Trust Yourself and Your Nervous System

Why do decisions feel so hard sometimes? In this episode, we dive into embodied decision making, nervous system regulation, self-trust, and the emotional patterns that can make it difficult to know what’s truly right for you. If you’ve ever struggled with overthinking, people-pleasing, fear of making the “wrong” choice, or feeling disconnected from your inner knowing, this conversation will help you reconnect with your intuition and your body. 

Through a somatic and nervous-system-informed lens, Rae explores how decision making is not just a mental process—it’s a full mind-body experience. This episode walks through how childhood conditioning, perfectionism, trauma responses, anxiety, and high-achiever patterns can disconnect us from our authentic yes and no. 

You’ll also learn practical tools for building self-trust, reconnecting with your intuition, and making decisions that feel aligned instead of fear-based.

✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:

•  What embodied decision making actually means 
•  Why decision making is a nervous system experience
•  How anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and fear affect decision making 
•  What an “embodied yes” and “embodied no” feel like in the body 
•  How trauma and conditioning can disconnect you from your intuition 
•  How to strengthen self-trust, self-knowledge, and self-compassion 

🌿 This episode is for you if:

•  You struggle with overthinking and decision fatigue 
•  You second-guess yourself constantly 
•  You feel disconnected from your intuition 
•  You’re navigating a big life transition, career change, or relationship decision 
•  You want to build more self-trust and confidence in your choices 

Embodied decision making is not about making the “perfect” choice—it’s about learning to trust yourself, listen to your body, and move through life in alignment with your values and inner knowing.

📩 Want more somatic healing tools and nervous system support? Check out the free Breathwork Resource Library and monthly newsletter.

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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.

Transcript

Welcome And Why Decisions Feel Hard

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the podcast. If you are new here, I'm Ray. I'm a cinematic coach and breath work facilitator. And if you aren't new here, welcome back. I'm so glad that you are tuning in for today's episode. So for today's episode, I wanted to dive into embodied decision making. And I think that decision making is something that we all navigate at some point, whether we feel like it is easy or more challenging. It's something that is definitely a nervous system experience. And I think there's so many layers to it. So let's get into it. So the first time that I was able to connect decision making to being a nervous system experience was when I was going through my coaching certification program a few years ago. We did uh this practice, it's called like an embodied yes-no practice. You may have heard of it before, and if not, I can share what it is in a few moments here. But it was one of the first times where I was making a decision based off of like an inner experience rather than just automatically kind of like outsourcing what that might look like. So for some people who can make decisions or have been able to make decisions in the past without even flinching, God bless you, this episode is probably not for you. So come back next week. No, but I'm kidding. Obviously, stick around if you want to. But I know for myself, I'd say that my biggest struggles here historically have been around disappointing people, maybe getting it wrong or making a mistake, or just not feeling like a hundred percent. Like I felt like I need to feel a hundred percent about my decision. And an easy example I can use for this would be like um if you're going shopping and you go shopping and then like after shopping, you feel like exhausted and you're like, now I need to take a nap. It's because you just tried to make decisions for like two hours. Like that's exhausting. So today we're gonna be talking all about big decisions,

Embodied Yes No Practice Explained

SPEAKER_00 2:23

like changing your job or um moving. And then we'll also be able to talk about some smaller decisions too, like buying the shoes. But really, all of this conversation applies to all of it. Um, so what I can say for my personal experience that has helped, and what was really like the turning point for me in this realm of making embodied decisions was getting more familiar with what my likes and dislikes were, and getting more familiar with feeling more challenging emotions, like having a strong aversion to something, like even disgust is a really helpful emotion for making some great decisions and for knowing your preferences. And so I've done a lot of somatic work and processing around different forms of trauma, really getting to know myself deeply and having a very compassionate, patient, and loving relationship with myself. And I think that that has made the decision-making process just such a different experience for me, something that I definitely did not know could be a nervous system experience as well, prior to, you know, all of the coaching and programs that I've gone through and all that good stuff. So, what really is an embodied decision anyway? Like, what does that really mean? So I think that that means making a decision from a place that feels in alignment with what yes or no feels like to you, and meaning that you know and have awareness around what that is. So I mentioned the embodied yes-no practice that you can do around this. And briefly, what I'll share is usually it's like a guided practice, but you can even try it on yourself, see how it goes. Um, but it goes something like asking questions that you know are a yes, like what's your name? Is yellow your favorite color? Uh, do you have brown hair? Are you wearing a white shirt? Things like that. Things that you know are a yes, where physically in your body you could feel like, yes, my name is Rachel, like whatever that might look like for you. And then doing the same thing with things that you know are absolutely a no. So I don't like olives. So, like, do you like olives for me? Nope, don't like them. Things like that. So you would be able to have a connection physically between the mind and the body around what a yes feels like in your body and what a no feels like in your body. And this is an intentional practice, so it does involve slowing down and to be like, what's up here? Getting curious, pausing. So it is more um, there's more awareness there, there's more pacing there, and it is definitely an intentional practice, or then you would listen to the response. So it also might not be what you want to hear sometimes, which is always interesting when that happens. So, an example might be you go shopping and you want to buy the shoes, but they're really, really expensive and it might elicit a lot of fear financially because they're just way out of your budget. Like, maybe these are like $2,000 shoes or something just like astronomical, where they're just like way out of your budget. So you would be able to tune in and maybe you even know already, like, that's a no. Like, there's no way I'm spending two grand on shoes. And for some of you, maybe you're like, Yep, sign me up. I'm getting the Louis Vuittons, no problem. So using this as a practice where you also want to listen to the response that it elicits in your body with what emotions might be there can be really helpful for making embodied decisions. And I've been using the shoe example for some reason, I have no idea why, but you can also use this with like applying for a new job, relationships, you know, accepting a new job that can be really scary. So checking in with yourself and using this practice to see if it's an embodied yes or if it's an embodied no.

Why We Lose Our Inner Authority

SPEAKER_00 6:39

And this whole concept of embodied decisions can be really challenging for people. I think that it can be challenging for a few reasons. The first is that we can be disconnected from what is really true for us. You know, we're not taught in school growing up how to understand ourselves from a nervous system perspective. And we also have different forms of childhood conditioning. So that could look like being afraid to make a mistake, being afraid to have a need, like wanting to not make a fuss, um, wanting to do the right thing, like good girl syndrome. So that's something that can definitely come into play with decision making. And all of that can also be really challenging to express what you might need. So there are so many different reasons, forms of why this could be a really challenging thing for anybody. And then there's also this one thread of high achievers that can even override what their yes or no might be because they are so conditioned around performance. So the result comes before what they even need, and it can be very hard for making decisions because there's no space for the person themselves to have a need. There's only the space for the result. So between all of these various things that I've mentioned, over time, the compounding effect of these behaviors become a pattern. And the patterns and behaviors lead people to really lose touch with what their inner authority is, what their inner knowing is and their inner guide. And that is what's challenging. So they don't even know what their yes or no is. There's no determinator in there because they've been really outsourcing for so long that it's just become a pattern. And it's become really challenging to express needs or make a mistake or put themselves first, um, et cetera, et cetera. And so, how do we bounce back, right? Like, how do we go from really struggling with making decisions to really feeling connected and embodied in what is important to us and how we say yes and how we say no?

Self-Trust Self-Knowledge Self-Compassion

SPEAKER_00 8:58

And I think there are three really important factors that contribute to having this be something that feels really embodied. And the first is having a sense of self-trust. So to me, that looks like knowing that you can navigate decisions and that you know, like you know, even if you're feeling like super disconnected right now, like whatever season of life that you might be in, you will find your way back. You will find your way back to yourself. And knowing that the compounding effect of taking action towards your alignment also adds up. So even we have, you know, these past experiences, having this awareness, it's like, okay, well, we also have a compounding experience of different behavior. And knowing that whatever that different behavior is, like increasing that self-trust, you have your own back. You are showing up for yourself in a new way and you are staying true to your word, and that will build, compound over time that self-trust, just like a muscle would build and compound over time. And the second piece that I think also adds to that self-trust is self-knowledge. So really knowing what your values are, what your strengths are, your blind spots, your challenges. Self-knowledge is information about yourself that feels true to you, that is unshakable. It is grounded in core values, knowing your nervous system, being connected to your intuition. All of these, all of that information will only add and grow your self-trust. And then the third piece that I always talk about that I think is super important is this idea of self-compassion. And moving through all of this, this whole process of embodied decision making, of increasing self-trust, of increasing self-knowledge with through a lens of self-compassion. Really knowing that we are all putting one foot in front of the other. We don't know what we don't know. And when we come and we navigate through any of our challenges with a sense of self-compassion, it will dissolve those harder emotions way easier. So it's something that, you know, is just like really, really, really important to incorporate when you're doing any kind of self-development or leadership work or transformational work. So now you have this awareness around your embodied yes now. You have awareness around these three qualities. And then when we start to make these embodied decisions, there are some funny things that can

When Alignment Feels Like Discomfort

SPEAKER_00 11:39

happen. So this is a new behavior, right? So it's like things might feel different inside, they might look different externally, and there might be like a greater sense of empowerment for sure, ideally. Like you're like, yeah, like this feels like aligned, like this feels great. Like, look at me. Like I feel really good about this decision. And you also might feel like a heightened sense of discomfort. You're like, oh, maybe you're taking a risk. Maybe you're acting with more courage. Maybe you're like, what the heck is going on? So inside it might elicit a different experience. So just having awareness around that your nervous system, it is expanding to tolerate a more discomfort around change, around uncertainty. And so sometimes we can be like, oh no, I have anxiety, or oh no, I feel like, you know, whatever it might be, XYZ. When in fact, it's our nervous system communicating with us in some way. So this kind of like compounds on that embodied yes no. It's like once you get connected and you have that intel and that connection and that information, like you're gonna have more um capacity and you're gonna be navigating some maybe discomfort at the same time, even though it does feel empowering too. And at the same time, when you start to make these decisions that feel aligned rather than maybe forced by guilt or fear or society pressures, there are, you know, amazing things that can happen. You can find yourself leaving jobs, uh, friendships, relationships, but ultimately the discernment around how you walk through your life, it increases. So now you are using your own inner power, your own discernment to make decisions. And that will bring you into a greater place of leadership for yourself, self-leadership, and a stronger sense of embodiment. So you're going to feel like some sort of um inner connection to yourself that feels really strong. And there's going to be a sense of deeper understanding because now your decisions and your actions and your behaviors are stemming from a different place. And that's really, really empowering. And the final thing that I will

External Waves Support And Closing

SPEAKER_00 14:00

mention before we close out today's episode is that when you're making all these changes inside, you're feeling empowered. You're also like maybe like, what the heck is going on? But now you're making decisions from a different place. It can sometimes make waves externally. There are, you know, relationships in her life or friendships or partnerships, whatever it might look like, that might not um be used to having your consideration for yourself be so integral to your decisions. And that's okay. So knowing that you have the tools, you have the capacity, the resources to navigate discomfort, to be able to navigate um anything that might change externally based on your new embodiment. So, and if you feel like that's challenging, that makes sense too. This is right, like a new behavior, this is completely new. So you can always get support if that feels like it's challenging as well. And that is what we have for today's episode. So I hope that you enjoyed today's episode all about embodied decision making. I hope it served you. And yeah, if you have any questions, any takeaways, reach out to me, let me know. I'd love to hear from you. And I hope that you have an incredible rest of your day, an incredible rest of your week. And I will talk to you soon. Thank you for being here and tuning in to Sematic Healing for Wellness Focused Women Podcast. If you were moved or inspired by today's episode, please take a moment to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. It truly helps the podcast grow and helps more people find me on their healing journey. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for the monthly newsletter, links to more resources, opportunities to work with me, and ways that we can stay connected. If we aren't already connected on social media, head over to Instagram to follow me at Ray the Somatic Coach. Send me a DM, I'd love to connect with you, and I answer each note that comes in. I am so happy you're here, and I cannot wait to talk with you on our next episode of the podcast.