The Hearts Hello

Embrace Healing

• Keona Ellerbe • Season 2 • Episode 15

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What if the key to healing your heart lies in acknowledging the very pain you wish to forget? Join me, Keona Talana, on the Hearts Hello Show as we explore the complex yet transformative journey of emotional recovery. Drawing from my own experiences, including the physical and emotional challenges of C-section recovery, we confront the reality of lingering heartbreak and disappointment. Together, we'll learn to recognize the signs of being stuck, avoiding emotions, and grappling with trust issues, all while understanding that true healing requires embracing these uncomfortable truths.

In our journey through the process of healing, we touch upon the significance of acknowledgment and forgiveness. Just as rollover minutes taught us patience, we explore how unresolved pain can hold us back from personal growth. Through genuine conversations with God and an honest confrontation with our inner struggles, we learn the art of releasing blame and guilt. By embracing forgiveness, we lighten our emotional burdens, freeing ourselves to cultivate gratitude and self-care. This episode is a reminder that healing is a continual journey, and surrounding ourselves with a supportive community can make it less lonely.

The essence of reclaiming personal power is at the heart of our final conversation. Recognizing and confronting our emotional patterns, like avoidance and self-doubt, allows us to regain control over our well-being. As we celebrate small victories and prepare for life's inevitable challenges, we open ourselves to love, joy, and peace. Together, we embrace vulnerability and the strength it brings, nurturing heartfelt connections that guide us toward a healed heart. Join us on the Hearts Hello Show as we navigate this path of healing and empowerment, surrounded by love and community.

Speaker 1:

Hey, heart Seekers, welcome to the Hearts Hello Show, where our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, kiana Talena. In this episode we're going to dive straight in because we're going to be talking about how to heal your heart. Whether that's through heartbreak, disappointment or even some self-inflicted wounds, healing is going to be essential for our growth and living authentically. I have a question for you all have you ever been with someone and you all have separated, broken up, whatever, and you feel like you have just gotten over it? Right? You've gone through the we're not together phase I didn't need this person, all of this stuff going on in your head, right, and you have told yourself that this person is no longer significant in your life and you need to go ahead, get yourself together so that you can move on to the next. Until you see a picture, until you see that person out in public, until someone says their name or talk about them, and your heart sinks. See, most of the time we don't take the necessary steps, time to heal, and so we go from one thing to the next, not really realizing that your heart needs time, that there's still a wound there for a person, a situation, or even something that you may have done with yourself, and it takes time to heal. See, even when I begin to think about you, know so many individuals like, for example, with me, I have four boys, and so each one of those births were a C-section, and on the outside it may look like you're completely healed, but you don't realize that all of the internal damage that took place from cutting away at the muscle, doing all of these things, and so you try to jump into doing something too quickly, or you try to work out too quickly and you realize, ouch, that still hurts. See, the same thing happens when we go from one thing to the next and we don't take the necessary steps to stop, pause and heal, because what happens is like I just said you'll either see the person, a picture, someone ends up talking about them, and then you realize that I didn't heal that space properly, and so now you have either gone on to something else or in a different relationship and realize that you're still holding on to feelings that you may have had for someone else, while you're also trying to build something with someone.

Speaker 1:

And so I want us to make sure that we take this necessary time, because I'm raising my hand. This just recently happened to me where I thought that I was good, like I didn't talk to you, I thought I was okay, until I saw a picture and I'm like, oh, that hurt. But I realized that I was telling myself that I was good and I am, but I didn't take the necessary time to deal with what happened in that situation, to acknowledge what happened in that situation, so that when a conversation or the person may cross my path or I may see a picture that it doesn't sting, cross my path or I may see a picture that it doesn't sting. And I want us to make sure that, as we are growing and living this authentic life, that we take the necessary time to heal, the necessary time to sometimes to grieve, and we just kind of blow past this. And we just kind of blow past this oh, I'm going to be okay. But we begin to tell ourselves these lies. And the lie is no longer a lie when the truth is presented in front of you.

Speaker 1:

And my goal today is for us to just take a moment to sit and think about the pain that we have experienced and, although it may be too heavy for us to carry, we do need to acknowledge the discomfort. We do need to acknowledge that it took place, because in order for us to move past that place of pain into healing, we have to acknowledge that it happened. And so a wounded heart doesn't just stem from like I said before, romantic pain. It can be betrayal or unmet expectations, or even just your own inner critic. And so signs that your heart needs healing sometimes is when you're feeling stuck or stagnant, avoiding the emotion of the situation, your difficulty in trusting others or yourself. See, when you don't deal with things, they roll over into something else.

Speaker 1:

Y'all remember rollover minutes. I know I've gotten off track, but you remember how we used to really wait until a certain time at night because we've used all of our minutes up during the day in order to be able to talk to someone. I digress, but we have to make sure that we are dealing with our areas in our lives where we may feel some resistance and some unresolved pain. So for me, I'm not just talking about you know. You know I try to make sure that I'm living what I'm talking about. And so this happened to me and I'm like if this has happened to me, then I know that it's happened to someone else and it didn't feel good and I had to realize that. Oh, I need to address that. I need to figure out why there's still this sting in my heart when I feel like I'm good. So your healing begins with you saying that hurt me, and it's okay to admit that I had to be hurts and to not blame myself or the other person for what transpired. See, sometimes we often try to figure out why something worked did not work and then put a blame or a label on either yourself or the other person, when it just could have very well been not supposed to be. I know that's not proper English, but you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

And I heard my pastor say that we oftentimes go before God in prayer with this. We oftentimes go before God in prayer with this facade or this mask and we're we're praying and we're praying, and we're praying and God is waiting for us to really have the conversation with him about what's bothering. You See, we want to hoop and holler sometimes with prayer, and God is just sitting there. I envision him sitting on the throne looking at me like so we just not gonna touch that. We not gonna talk about the real issue here. We're going to talk about all of these other things, the blessings, and all of this other stuff breaking strongholds and all of these other things that we can pray about, but we don't necessarily address the issue.

Speaker 1:

And so I want us to address our issues. I want us to release the blame. I don't want us to hold on to any anger or any guilt, because what it does, it ends up weighing us down, and so the forgiveness is not about the other person. It's about you freeing yourself. I had to free myself. I had to free myself from thinking what was wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with me, and we have to make sure that we are taking this necessary time.

Speaker 1:

So I need you to think about, just for a quick second. Check it with your heart. What area do you feel like you're still holding on to? Something in your heart because you feel it it's weighty that you need to release? Just take a second. Is it a person, is it a a thing? Is it just something that you have been holding on to? And every time it's brought up, there's a sinking in your stomach, there's a stinging in your heart that we have to address, that. We have to acknowledge that, we have to address that. We have to acknowledge that. We have to realize, in order for us to be healed, we're going to have to deal with that thing. And so I just need you to realize that you're worthy of love, peace and joy.

Speaker 1:

And so when you begin to tell yourself that, whatever that ache may be, whatever that wound may be, allow that scar to heal fully Again. It may look like it's healed on the outside, but there still may be some inner workings that need to be addressed. But there still may be some inner workings that need to be addressed. And so I need us to take some time. We've acknowledged what it was, and one daily thing that we can do for our healing is being gracious. Gratitude, focusing in on what's good can often soften the sting of what hurts. So when you begin to highlight those small affirmations, those small acts, affirmations, and setting the boundaries and prioritizing your self-care, again you recognize what the issue was.

Speaker 1:

Then it's going to take some time for you to begin to heal. See, healing doesn't have to be lonely. Find people who see you, who hear you, who holds space for you and your growth as you're going through this process. See, oftentimes I share with you that we just kind of blow through things and say, oh, whatever it happened. But no, I need you to acknowledge that it did happen and it's going to take a second to heal, got it. So your healing is going to be your journey. It's not a destination and, as we have started, by acknowledging, releasing and embracing the love, first for ourself and then for others, all of these things begin to shape and mold and to take place. So, when you go into your next, whatever your next thing may be, thing may be, you're going in with a healed heart. You're going in with at least acknowledging that there is still something there and that scar is still a tad bit tender. Okay, got it All right.

Speaker 1:

So, again, the first thing that we had to do was acknowledge the pain. Why? Because ignoring it, suppressing it, only makes it linger, and we have to acknowledge that it allows us and acknowledging it allows us to be able to face it and process it. How do we do this? Again, we have to name the feeling and be honest with ourselves. Are you sad, are you angry? Are you betrayed? Do you feel disappointed? Write it down and then write an affirmation with it. It's okay to feel this way. My feelings are valid, and I will move through them.

Speaker 1:

The second thing that we have to do is to forgive ourselves and others. Why? Because holding on to resentment keeps your heart heavy. Have you ever just felt heavy? This is why Check in with your heart. Forgiveness isn't about, you know, exercising those hurtful behaviors, but it's about freeing yourself from its grip. So how are we going to do this? Write yourself a letter, or even to the person that may have hurt you, expressing how you feel and choose to let go. If you send it or not. You've written it. Now release it. So the mantra to that is going to be I release what no longer serves me and I'm choosing peace.

Speaker 1:

The third thing that we must do is prioritize our self-care, Because when our heart is wounded, it's going to be essential for us to nurture ourselves back to strength. So what does that look like? How are we going to do it? It's going to be different for each one of us, but you're going to have to treat your body kindly rest, nutrition, movement. Figure out what gives you that energy, what causes you to still deal with the fact that you're healing, but knowing that you're also moving forward at the same time. So, in this process of healing. You're going to set your boundaries. You're going to protect your peace. You're going to engage in those activities that bring you joy, if it's reading, creating or just simply spending time outside. You don't realize just how much sunlight can do for us, just how much a walk in nature will do, so you can begin to tell yourself that you're caring for yourself is not selfish and it's essential.

Speaker 1:

The fourth thing that we're going to do is to reflect and learn why. Because the pain often comes with a lesson about our boundaries or values or what we truly need. And we can go about doing this just by journaling our experience. What did I learn about myself through this? How will I protect my heart moving forward? How will I protect my heart moving forward? And you can tell yourself the experience is shaping me into a stronger, wiser version of myself.

Speaker 1:

And, like I said before, you got to connect with other people. Don't go into a shell, because your healing does not have to be a solo journey. So find your community, find your connections that bring you comfort and perspective and, while you're in that community, share your feelings with your trusted friends. If you don't have any trusted friends, get you a therapist or a support group, surround yourself with people who are going to uplift you and encourage you, and begin to tell yourself that I'm worthy of love and connection. And again, I talked about being able to cultivate gratitude. So you're going to have to focus on the good. It doesn't erase the pain, but it does help with shifting your focus. So, each day, write out three things that you're grateful for and notice the small joys around you, like a kind word or just a beautiful sunset, and realize that gratitude opens your heart to receive love and healing.

Speaker 1:

In healing, if you're spiritual, you're going to have to go to God. Go to God in prayer and, again, like I said before, be honest with your feelings. Be honest, spend time in prayer and meditation, asking God for guidance and for peace and, as you're doing that, reflect on the idea that your healing can be a divine process, not just something that you have to deal with alone, and begin to tell yourself that I trust that this pain has a purpose and that I am being guided towards my healing. The eighth thing that you're going to do is embrace time and patience. Again, I talked about it. The scar is going to be there. The scar is what you can see, but it does not necessarily mean that you are completely healed from the inside. You heal from the inside out.

Speaker 1:

So your healing is a journey and it's not going to be a quick fix. So rushing through your process can leave your wounds unresolved and then you're back in this same spot again because you have not dealt with what you needed to do. So I need you to be gentle with yourself and, on those hard days, celebrate even the small steps forward and realizing that healing is not linear, and that's okay. But you are making progress each and every day. So as we go through our healing journey and again, this is not just a one and done. No, healing is something that there are going to be things throughout our adventure, through life that will cause us to have to heal, will cause us to have to grieve, and we need to understand how to do so.

Speaker 1:

Even if you're not dealing with anything now, being in a place where you can recognize and understand and are given some steps if something were to happen in your life, you now have these tools in your toolbox that you can pull from when you need them. So healing your heart is going to mean that you're going to have to open yourself up to the possibilities again of love, joy and peace, starting with loving you and giving this time and space to yourself. Remember, it's not just about erasing the pain, but learning to live fully despite it. So I'm just thankful for each and every one of you all as you are going through this journey, as we are trying to be the best versions of ourselves, but also realizing that we are human and that there are going to be some good days, there are going to be some bad days, and there are going to be some days in between to be some good days. There are going to be some bad days and there are going to be some days in between, but how we deal with each one of our days is going to be up to us. No one else can determine how we deal and go throughout our day except for us.

Speaker 1:

So I give you your power back. I didn't have it, but I needed to remind you that you may have been giving it away to someone else when you yourself. It's yours, so take it back. Take it back, it's yours for the taking, and so I just want to thank you. I want to thank you for your heart, either if it's wounded or healed. I need you to notice your patterns, your emotional heaviness, your avoidance, your self-doubt. It's affecting you daily and your first step towards healing is recognizing the signs. So I am thankful for each and every one of you all who have joined in today for yet another adventure of the Hearts Hello Show, where together, we embrace vulnerability, we learn from each other and we spread love. One heartfelt hello at a time.