The Hearts Hello

Unlocking Your Life's Access Control

• Keona Ellerbe • Season 2 • Episode 20

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Unlock the secrets to managing personal relationships with the precision of a cybersecurity expert. Imagine setting access levels to your life, just as you would in a high-security network. Discover how to categorize your connections into public access for acquaintances, temporary guest passes, limited access for those you trust, and master key holders for your closest companions. We emphasize the importance of setting these intentional boundaries to protect your emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Learn how to assess the people in your life based on respect, trust, and love, while remaining unafraid to revoke access when necessary for your peace of mind.

In our next chapter, we invite you to embrace the power of the present moment and live your life with authenticity and purpose. Picture yourself firmly planted in the here and now, breaking free from limitations and building a legacy that reflects your true self. We stress the importance of being surrounded by a supportive network that lifts you up, especially when you stumble. This episode is a call to action for everyone to boldly pursue their unique purpose and take responsibility for the legacy they create. Join us for a transformative discussion that will inspire you to set boundaries and live with intention.

Speaker 1:

Hey HeartSeekers, welcome to the Hearts Hello Show, where our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, kiana Talena. Today, I need you to put your cybersecurity consultant hat on, the same way that, just like in a job where, depending on your position, there are going to be different levels of access that you have, and so I believe that we have to begin to assess the different levels that people have in our lives. See, most of the time, we just give out these keys all willy nilly and not realizing that not everyone deserves to have the same level of access. And that's what I believe that sometimes we get ourselves in trouble because we've given access to individuals that do not deserve it. And so today I need us to think about, as we are designing our lives and becoming the best version of ourselves. We have to begin to treat ourselves like a security system. I know it may sound weird, but when you think about it, it's the truth. Not everyone deserves the same level of access. So I'm going to give you four levels of access that I believe we all should be. Putting people into categories, you don't have to tell them what category they are in, but that's just like, again, if you're at a job and I'm in the financial sector. So not everyone at the bank is going to have access to a customer's bank account, is not going to be able to go in and move things around. Not everyone has the same level of access. Yes, you may be able to go in and see that they do have an account, but you may just be able to view. Then there are going to be people who have the option to edit. There are going to be different levels. So, again, treat our lives the same way.

Speaker 1:

The first access point is going to be public access surface level. These are going to be the people that you say you know what. You look familiar, but you're not quite sure their name. You may be acquaintances, they may be social media followers. This is going to be your public access. Second is going to be your guest pass. These individuals have temporary access to you based on situations that might not be permanent. So, again, if we're thinking about ourselves and going to a building and you have an access code to get in and let's just say that you're a guest, you're not going to be there for a long period of time, but you don't work there, so that means that there is someone who does is going to have to come down, sign you in and grant you access. This is going to be the same way as your guest pass operates. The third is going to be limited access. They're trusted individuals who you can see, but not sharing everything. Fourth is going to be your master key holders. These are going to be your closest people, who see your most vulnerable and authentic self.

Speaker 1:

So, before we move any forward, I need you to ask yourself this question and answer it who's in your life that currently holds the master key, and do they deserve it? Go ahead, think about it, write it down if you have to, because as we move into this second section, I'm going to tell you why it's dangerous to grant access to everyone, especially to those unrestricted areas. See, sometimes we begin to overshare fit areas. See, sometimes we begin to overshare, we begin to let the wrong people into our inner world. We share our most personal and relatable stories about our pain which has been misplaced. Trust, lack of boundaries, all of these things, but there has to be a level of discernment that we utilize in these areas of access that we grant to people. See, as we begin to talk about our relationships, especially in maintaining emotional and mental and spiritual well-being. We have to operate with discernment.

Speaker 1:

But if we have these access levels set up, we've already put individuals where they need to be, and so our conversations will vary based on your level of access. See, most of the time we end up hurting ourselves because the information that we share with individuals are nine times out of 10, they don't deserve that information, and so then we end up being hurt when what we've shared has come out. Why? Because they had the wrong level of access. Now, I'm not saying that your closest friends may not have a slip up or may something may happen and they do in detail but if you think about how, most of the time where, if you've watched the movies and things like that hackers start from the inside, and so you have to be able to trust the people who are in your space, you have to be able to trust that the information that you share with them is going to be confidential and kept only with them.

Speaker 1:

So how do we set up access levels with intention? First, we have to just be able to determine what the level, the levels are and I gave them to you but then also assess the relationship, does this person consistently show respect, love and trustworthiness? To set the clear boundaries be firm about what is off limits and what is shared. So just because they may overshare with you does not mean that you need to overshare with them. You can sit and listen, you can even provide them with a solution or help to where their their issues may be, but that does not mean that just because they share with you that you have to share with them. Set the boundaries.

Speaker 1:

Number three evaluate your access regularly. Life changes, people change, people are fickle and so sometimes access needs to be downgraded. There may be people who, in your life, have really showed up in areas and you're beginning to feel a tad bit more comfortable. You may need to bump that person up, but remember that life changes, so so should access. Number four I need you to protect your peace, so don't feel guilty about removing someone's access if it's harming you. If you are beginning to share something and there is something stirring in your stomach that just doesn't feel right, your discernment is kicking in, your spidey sense is kicking in and it's telling you.

Speaker 1:

Don't say that you have to begin to trust you. You have to begin to trust you. You have to begin to know you well enough and know the people well enough in your life that you can't just share everything as it relates to your business, as it relates to your relationships. Not everyone is going to be happy with you just because that they're in your circle. There are going to be some people in your circle that just want to see you fail. There are going to be some people in your circle as soon as they get in the car from leaving you, they're picking up the phone and telling all of your business Not everyone is clapping for you Not everyone.

Speaker 1:

So we have to be gatekeepers of our lives, and that means protecting our access points. It's an act of self-love. So, as we're, we've talked about those things and how, what the dangers are, access levels with intention, and then upgrading your access to yourself. See, sometimes we restrict ourselves to ourselves, we restrict our own dreams, we restrict our goals, we restrict our potential. We restrict our potential, and so the only way that we can begin to unlock the deeper parts of ourselves are going to be journaling, therapy, coaching, spending intentional time alone, saying yes to opportunities that align with our purpose.

Speaker 1:

And so I want to challenge you what would happen if you gave yourself full access to your talents, your ideas and your courage, what would happen? Take the limits off of you. Sometimes we talk about what everyone else is doing, but you've actually put the lid on you. You've actually put the lid on you, and so, as we are beginning to look at our access levels in the individuals in our lives, but then also the access level that we have placed on ourselves, or the cap that we have placed on ourselves, we're having to realize that Not everyone deserves access to every part of our life, but you always do. I'll say that again Not everyone deserves access to every part of your life, but you always do. So I need you to take an honest inventory of who has access and where they might need to make changes. This week, before we roll into a new year, I need you to identify one boundary you can set or reinforce and one way you can give yourself more access to your dreams.

Speaker 1:

I'll tell you a story that yesterday I was laying in the bed and I was just. You know, thoughts begin to flood, and so I don't know what it was in my brain that something just clicked about. We used to go on vacation with our grandparents every year year, and it was so vivid this store that we would visit each and every time that we would go out of town. Why this popped into my mind, who knows? But I say that because there are things that we have hidden from ourselves, there are areas in our lives that have yet to be touched, there are things that we need to be able to go back and look at just so that we can smile. And I can say that it truly brought a smile to my face. It made my heart warm, thinking about those memories that we created each and every year. But I believe that it was able to be brought back to my recollection only because I've been spending more time with me Although it gets boring sometimes, I must admit.

Speaker 1:

But I can say and honestly say, that I have learned so much about myself, have learned so much about myself. I can say that I don't have to leave my house just so that I can be, I can feel and be by other people. I'm comfortable with being with me. I'm okay with being with me. I'm okay with being able to look myself in the mirror and honestly assess where I am and being able to figure out what those gaps are and how those gaps needed to be filled need to be filled. I had to remind myself today that there are no L's, that I have taken only lessons and no mistakes, only missteps.

Speaker 1:

So I know that there are times that we have granted individuals access that didn't deserve it and we probably got hurt. There's probably been times that there were people who deserved a different level of access but we wouldn't let them in because we were afraid of being hurt Crazy, right. But now is our opportunity. Now is our opportunity to get it right, because we have to realize that we are the architects of our life and we are the ones that grant access levels. So we have to begin to build wisely, love fully and protect what matters most. So I'm excited. I'm excited about where we are all getting ready to go.

Speaker 1:

I'm excited about where we currently are because we have to make sure and I've said it before that we have to be comfortable in our nail, and that means being present where our feet are. And so, when you ever forget about being present, just take a look down and see where your feet are. Be in that moment, feel that moment, hear that moment, smell that moment. Feel that moment, because tomorrow is not promised, but we can do our best, each and every day, to show up as the authentic version that we have been created to be.

Speaker 1:

Why? Because God has put us on this earth for a purpose. He created and molded us even before our parents knew that we were going to exist, and so we have been created with purpose on purpose, and now is our time, and now is our time. So I'll tell you now, if no one has already told you go forth. Go forth in those things that are going to propel you forward. Go forth in being that legacy builder. Go forth in being that generational bondage breaker. Go forth. No longer shall you be stuck, and that means looking at who's around you is going to help you, even sometimes when you fall. No-transcript.