The Hearts Hello

Beyond the Excuses

• Keona Ellerbe • Season 2 • Episode 27

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What if you could transform life's setbacks into stepping stones for success? Join me, Keona Talana, on The Hearts Hello Show as we navigate from feeling trapped in a victim mindset to flourishing with a victor's mentality. Through heartfelt personal stories, including my own experience of being laid off, we uncover the power of radical responsibility in reclaiming our lives and stepping beyond excuses. By acknowledging our limiting beliefs and recognizing the comfort zones that keep us stuck, we can break free and pursue excellence over perfection.

In this episode, we explore how shifting your language and self-talk can redefine your narrative and empower your journey. Discover the importance of taking ownership of your actions and curating an environment filled with positive influences. By committing to small, consistent actions, you can break old patterns and build a path to success. Together, we challenge the excuses that hold us back and embrace the adventure of life, supporting each other in reaching our fullest potential and becoming the most authentic versions of ourselves.

Speaker 1:

Hey HeartSeekers, welcome to the Hearts Hello Show, where our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, kiana Talena. As we roll into our second week in this month's series on radical responsibility, we are going to talk about shifting from victim to victor. Again, we are shifting our mindset, moving beyond our excuses and going from the victim to the victor. I know a lot of times that you know excuses. Sometimes they feel like a warm blanket, they're comfortable, they're familiar, they're easy to wrap ourselves in. But comfort won't get us to where we need to go. So today we're going to talk about what it really takes to move beyond our excuses and shift from a victim mindset to a victor's mindset, and shift from a victim mindset to a victor's mindset. I know you all hear me talk about time and time again how I will reference we us, because I never want to get to a place where I feel like I have arrived. We all have work to do and in every stage of life we elevate to, there are going to be some things that we have to tweak, refine and some things we just have to chuck and can't deal with at all. So it is me sharing with you all that, even though I am the host of this show. None of us ever arrived, none of us ever arrive, to the level of perfection. The only thing that we should be striving towards is excellency. And so, in excellency every day, each and every day, as we show up to be 1% better, as we show up to be the most authentic version of ourselves, as we show up being integral and loyal and all of those amazing characteristics, we have to realize that the excuses that we tell ourselves my gosh, are keeping us stuck. We have to realize that, in order for us to shift out of that mindset, that we have to bring ourselves to a place where the crutch is no longer what's needed. If you take the crutch away, you can walk just fine. But the excuses that we begin to tell ourselves and I say that we begin to tell ourselves, because no one else's opinion of how we should be moving should matter above the opinion of what we say to ourselves and how we shift and move in our lives, in our lives so, as we're thinking about those areas in our lives that we have been telling ourselves that we are the victim and not the victor, you're going to have to deal with that today You're going to have to identify the excuses. You're going to have to recognize the victim mentality. You're going to have to realize that there are indeed some practical steps in order for you, for us, to reclaim our power. So how do we rebuild our lives, living testimony?

Speaker 1:

It is so easy to fall into a victim mentality, where it appears to be everyone else, until you take some time to look at you in the mirror and realize that you know what blaming everyone else is not the answer. Even when I look at my experiences of just being laid off last year, were there some clues that let me know that I should have been applying for positions before the shoe actually dropped? Absolutely. See, most of the time we see the red flags and we know the things that we're supposed to do, but we just don't do them. We feel like we have more time, we feel like they're always just not going to happen to us.

Speaker 1:

Was the victim? I turned that into this situation? This scenario has now set me up for success. See, what I thought was a setback was indeed a set up by God. God set me up to remove. Set me up to remove what I was considering, making sure that everything was met in my household, but I had to realize that I was using the job as a crutch.

Speaker 1:

I was realizing that I was always putting my purpose on the back burner. Why? Because the job was the crutch. The job allowed the income to come in. The job allowed me to be comfortable. The job allowed me to do and go wherever I needed to go without having to second guess me swiping my card. So was that the excuse that I was giving myself to not walk in my purpose? Because, oh, I have, I have this over here, so I don't need to work as hard. See, while I'm working extremely hard for someone else's dream, I'm putting my putting the things on the back burner that I know that I'm supposed to be doing.

Speaker 1:

And so, yes, it was a setup for success, because I was able to take some time, one to just sit with me and have my moment of how could this happen? How did I end up in this place, never being let go before? And it wasn't based off of productivity or anything dealing with what I was doing on the job. It just so happened to be the department that I was working in no longer needed all of the people that were there, but in my head I'm questioning. But in my head I'm questioning well, was it something that I did that they weren't telling me? So, even when applying for positions, knowing that I am qualified, I'm just like, oh OK, well, it should be easy for me to roll into another job. God is like oh no, I have, I have other plans. Yes, you are indeed qualified, but that setback was a setup for where he was taking me.

Speaker 1:

So I had to let go of the excuse. I had to let go and get out of my mind that they did this to me and turn it into what my success story will be, what your success story will be, when you remove the crutch, when you shift your mindset from the victim mentality to the victor mentality, when you take some time away from social media and realize what's important to you, not focusing in on what everyone else is claiming that they are doing. Because it's easy to get on social media and say and show what you may be doing, but no one sees what happens when the cameras aren't rolling. No one sees what really happens in the household. No one knows, except for those individuals. So why in the world would you be in comparison to someone that you don't know what their story is. And it's your job, it's your responsibility to now create your own story. It's now your responsibility to take yourself out of and understand just what the victim mindset is. See, the victim mindset will have you feeling powerless. It will have you blaming external circumstances and continuing to wait for someone to rescue you. I'm raising my hand because that was me Thinking that, oh, it should all just be easy. Oh, someone is just going to call. Oh, I'm going to connect with the right. No, so your excuses may sound like I can't, because or it's not my fault or I don't have the resources.

Speaker 1:

But when you begin to shift your mindset, when you begin to notice and to show up in your life, in real life, when you begin to notice and to show up in your life, in real life, what are the things that you have been saying to yourself? Have you told yourself about your career that you can't succeed because no one is hiring? What about your relationships? I always attract the wrong people. What is it that you are saying out of your mouth? Is it your personal growth? I'm just not confident enough to go after what I want. These things that you say out of your mouth are dangerous, and they're dangerous because they keep you stuck, they drain your energy and your motivation and they block your progress and opportunity. You have to be mindful of what it is that you say out of your mouth. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. So when you begin to speak life over you, things begin to shift, things begin to change. Those crutches that you are holding on to no longer can exist because you have now told yourself that you can do it can exist because you have now told yourself that you can do it. So what's going to be your turning point? How are you going to shift into a victor mindset?

Speaker 1:

First, you have to realize that being a victor it's taking radical responsibility for your actions and your choices. As humans, we are the only ones that have free will, and so, each and every day, we show up and do the things that we want to do, based off of the choices that we make. We have options to do one thing or another. So it's up to you. You have to acknowledge that pain and setbacks, without letting them they don't define you. You have to realize that choosing solutions over complaints have you ever talked to someone? And every time they open their mouth, they are complaining about something. How does it make you feel when you leave this space? Or how do you feel when you see them across the room? Do you try to duck and dodge so that you don't have those conversations? Why? Because they are energy suckers. They suck all of the energy out of you by complaining. Everything is a complaint, and they make it seem like they have no control over their life, but yet the decisions that they make are their own. So there are going to be three truths about victors. They own this story. Instead of letting it own them, they begin to ask better questions. So, instead of the why me, they ask what can I do about this? They take action despite fear, doubt or difficulty. See, the time.

Speaker 1:

The time is now for you to shift from your excuses to actions. If it's rebuilding your credit, if it's launching your business despite the fear, if it's advocating for yourself, whatever that may be, now is your time, the time that you're talking about. Oh, I can do it. Do it tomorrow. No, why is it that you can't do it today? You have told yourself time and time again I'm going to start on Monday. Oh, next month sounds good. Oh, I'm going to do this when.

Speaker 1:

Stop telling yourself the same excuse over and over and over again, expecting a different result. The last time I checked, that's the definition of insanity. So if you want a different result, you're going to have to do something different. So guess what? I have the answer for you. I'm going to help you break free from your excuses. The first one is going to be identify your excuse. Write it down. What stories are you telling yourself? What lies, even better, are you telling yourself?

Speaker 1:

Number two reframe the narrative. So instead of I don't have the resources, you're going to reframe that to how can I find or create the resources I need. Doesn't that just make you feel better? When you say I don't have the resources, your mind goes to everything that could go wrong. But when you tell yourself, how can I find or create this, you go into creative mode. You begin to figure it out. We have a society that just kind of takes things and is just like oh well, this just is what it is. No, it's not Figure it out. How can you find it? It's there for your taking, but you're going to have to look for it.

Speaker 1:

Number three I need you to take ownership of one thing today. That's it. What is one thing I can do today that will move me forward? Just one Four I need you to surround yourself with victors and not victims.

Speaker 1:

I know some of you all may have family members that you, just you can't answer the phone because everything is going to be a complaint. There are going to be some people that you're going to have to put on, do not disturb. There are going to be some people that you're just going to have to say you know what? I don't have the capacity to deal with your foolishness today or tomorrow, matter of fact. I'm going to let you know, be okay with saying it, because you need to protect you. You need to position yourself around people that are going to help you win. So you're going to evaluate your environment. Are you around people who always complain, are those who challenge, or are you surrounding yourself by people who challenge you to be better? Figure it out.

Speaker 1:

Number five I need you to commit to small, consistent action. You're going to have to be intentional in this walk, because you have created a habit, you have created a pattern in your life and there has to be a pattern interrupt and in order for the pattern interrupt to take place, it's going to have to be with intentional action, consistent action. Progress happens when you do the hard things daily, not just when you feel motivated. I'll say that again Progress happens when you do the hard things daily, not just when you feel motivated. So, as we are thinking about what those things are that we need to take ownership of, as we're in this month of radical responsibility, taking ownership, shifting from a victor, my, a victim mindset to a victor mindset, we gotta do to do better. See, your story is still being written and you yes, you, you hold the pin. So no one is coming to save you, but the good news is you don't need them. To the moment you shift your mindset, everything changes. So I'll challenge you Write down one excuse that you've been holding on to and rewrite it with a, and take one action step in the next 24 hours toward a goal.

Speaker 1:

You got work to do. You've said that you want to live your life full out. You said that you want to be the most authentic version of you. You said that you are tired of wearing the mask. You said that now is your time, this is your year, and so, in order for all of those things to happen, and they will, because you're going to begin to speak life into your situation, over yourself.

Speaker 1:

Just remember that life and death are in the power of your tongue and you are with you all day long. So you can't blame everyone else for your circumstances. You have the power. You have the. You have the power to control your situation. So the next time something doesn't go the way that you thought it should have gone, figure out what part that you played in it and how you can make a change. So I'm excited about each and every one of you all taking radical responsibility, about us all taking radical responsibility, because we understand that life is an adventure and that we are traveling it together. This is why you come back and you listen to me talk each and every week, and I thank you because we're in this together and I can't wait to hear about all that you've accomplished, all that you're doing and, as my mentor used to say, I'll see you at the top, because the bottom is way too crowded.