The Hearts Hello

Are You Playing Small? Let's Change That!

• Keona Ellerbe • Season 2 • Episode 30

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Are you tired of feeling like your aspirations are out of reach? It’s time to break free from the limiting mindset of small thinking. In our newest episode, we delve into how small thoughts can trap you in a cycle of fear and self-doubt, preventing you from unlocking your true potential. Join Keona Talana as she passionately shares insights into recognizing the signs of small thinking and the steps necessary to embrace a more expansive mindset. 

Discover the transformative power of accountability as you hone your personal growth journey. The episode discusses practical strategies to identify and dismantle the barriers that keep you from considering bigger possibilities in your life. Are you surrounded by individuals who bolster your ambitions or ones that root you in comfort? Learn how to curate your environment to encourage growth and nurture your dreams. 

We challenge you to confront your limiting beliefs head-on and rethink the narratives that have held you back! It's time for action—whether it’s pursuing that big opportunity, voicing your ideas, or reshaping your goals to match an authentic representation of your ambitions. 

Life is too precious to play small, and your dreams deserve the recognition and effort needed to bring them to fruition. So, tune in, take notes, and prepare to take that leap of faith! Don’t forget to leave a comment and share how you plan to step outside your comfort zone this week. Subscribe and join us for this enlightening journey toward personal empowerment and self-discovery.

Speaker 1:

Hey, heart Seekers, welcome to the Hearts Hello Show, where our hearts are the foundation of our well-being and happiness. I am your host, kiana Talena. Well, I'm hoping that you all took some time last month to really hone in on accountability, and if you have not done so, I would highly encourage you to go back and listen to next month, because everything that we are talking about during this year are dominoes, so when you knock over one, it sets you up for where it is. You're getting ready to go, but you need each and every piece of it to be the true and authentic version of yourself, or at least to acknowledge that there are some areas in your life that need some work, and we all have areas in our lives that need some work, because otherwise, what are you listening to me for? I'm excited because, as I share with you each and every week, I don't just get on here and talk about stuff. I talk about those things that are dear and near to my heart and those areas in which that I'm still working on, because none of us if we're honest with ourselves, none of us have arrived and as we are going to the next level and truly leveling up in who we are and showing up as the true and authentic version of ourselves. That's going to cause us to constantly change. It's also going to cause us to have to do some self-introspection, because the person that you are today is not the person that's going to get you to the goals, the dreams, the aspirations that you have. So we have to recognize what our habits are, what those traits are, what those things are that we have to constantly keep at the front of our mind, because those are going to be those stepping blocks, those are going to be those mountains, those are going to be those things that we're constantly trying to hurdle over in order to get to our next.

Speaker 1:

And so I say all of that to get us to where we are today, which is we're going to deal with making sure that we are breaking through and breaking the habit of small thinking. I know, I know you think that you got it all together. I know that you think that you're not playing small, but I promise you, if you just take some time today to look at how you operate and maneuver in your life, you will realize that there are some areas that you are still hiding. There are some areas that you are still playing small in, and it's okay, because we are going to get through this month of March and we're going to break through our thinking. We are going to tackle the small thinking Because, honestly, you all, that's what's keeping you stuck and, in order for you to have that breakthrough moment, that is what's going to cause you to get to your next, going to cause you to get to your next. So I have a question for you. If you've ever felt like you were playing small, like your dreams are just out of your reach, not because you can't do it, but because you haven't given yourself permission to think bigger than this episode is going to be for you. But the question that I have for you is are you ready to go to the next level? Are you ready to get rid of the stinking thinking mentality? Are you ready to be okay with not being okay? Are you ready to step outside of your comfort zone? Are you ready to forget about what the opinions of other people have to say about where you're going in your life? Are you OK with that? Because that is what's going to cause you to stop thinking small.

Speaker 1:

So, when we just define what is small thinking, it's a mindset that limits our possibilities based on fear, past experience or self-doubt. It sometimes shows up and sounds like I could never do that, or that's too big for someone like me, or I'll just stick with what's safe. And so that small thinking, yes, it shows up in our daily lives and it causes us to settle for less than what we want. It causes us to avoid opportunities because our fear of failure and it causes us to settle for less than what we want. It causes us to avoid opportunities because our fear of failure and it surrounds ourselves and we begin to surround ourselves with people who do not challenge us. Does that sound like you? I know it sounded like me and I had to realize that, in order for me to get out of this thinking mentality, I had to do something different. And for me, that caused me to take a step back. It caused me to look at myself in the mirror. It caused me to realize that you know what I can't do, what I need to do with this type of mentality and the people around me.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes you don't have to get rid of people, but you do have to separate yourself. If you're always calling someone and it's always something negative, or you get off the phone or you leave someone and you're feeling quite heavy. What is it? And why do you keep surrounding yourself with that type of thinking and those types of individuals? I'll wait, because those things sometimes especially if they have goals, dreams and desires that are unfulfilled in their life and you share what it is that you want to do they're not going to be the cheerleader, they're going to be the one that says are you sure that you can do that? Wow, that seems so big, is it? I mean, how are you going to go about accomplishing all of those things? And what do you do? You begin to question the very thing that you know that you are supposed to be doing. But we're not doing that anymore.

Speaker 1:

We're realizing that those types of conversations are small minded conversations with small-minded individuals. They might not be bad and they may not even realize that they do or say some of the things that they do or say. But it's your job and your responsibility to guard your goals, your dreams, your desires, your aspirations, because some people will come in and steal the very thing that you know that you're supposed to be doing not physically steal it, but they'll steal your motivation, they'll steal your desire, they'll steal what it is that you know that you should be doing and how you should show up. So sometimes you have to keep it to yourself. So why do we think small Could be the fear of failure? We stay where it's comfortable because we don't want to risk disappointment.

Speaker 1:

There's limited past experiences and in those things, if you've never done or seen it done before, you assume that you can't do it and then again, like I already shared with you, it's that negative self-talk and that conditioning Many of us were taught to be realistic rather than to dream big Could be just a lack of exposure that we don't always know what's possible because we haven't seen it modeled. But can I admonish you today to be that trailblazer? Can I admonish you today to do something different, regardless of if you have not seen it done before, because you are the one You're waiting for someone else to model it for you. When you are the model, you have to go out here, and it's not going to always work out the first time, but your responsibility is to at least try it and then, if it does not work, figure out the pieces that didn't work and go back and tweak it, because most of the time you give up on the very thing that is going to work, but because it didn't work that way, you figure that it's not going to work at all, as opposed to saying, okay, well, if I move this here, if I do this here, rearrange the puzzle, not throw the whole puzzle away. Now there will be times when certain things just don't work and you have to know when to move on from that. But nine times out of 10, when it does not work out the way that you think that it should work, you chuck the whole thing.

Speaker 1:

You say you know what, this isn't worth it, and that fear mentality of it didn't work the last time. It's what's causing you to be stuck this time. Work the last time. It's what's causing you to be stuck this time. So you have to break out of that mentality. So I need you to think about a time when you thought small about yourself or your potential. What did that cost you? How far along could you be in your life if you decided to keep going? So I need you, I need us, to break out of the habit of small thinking. I need you to acknowledge it, because becoming aware of the limiting beliefs allow you to tell yourself that you got some work to do so, instead of saying I'm not ready, ask yourself what would it take for me to be ready? I need you to expand your environment. Surround yourself with people who think bigger and push you to do the same. Read books you to do the same. Read books, listen to podcasts, find mentors. Challenge you. So many people are waiting for someone to be their savior, waiting for someone to show up and save them. Let me tell you right now, no one is coming to save you.

Speaker 1:

You have to put in the work, and in putting in the work, that means sometimes reframing failure. So, instead of seeing failure as proof of you're not capable, see it as a step towards your growth, because every major inventor failed before they succeeded. Major inventor failed before they succeeded. And if it's again rearranging the puzzle, taking out what didn't work, adding a new piece, stop always starting over. Starting over is hard. Sometimes it's necessary, but there are times when you didn't need to start over. You just needed to tweak and move.

Speaker 1:

And I need you to take uncomfortable action. See, most of the time you're looking through life and you're looking at things through the lens of what you are capable of doing. That is comfort. When you're looking at your bank account and you're saying, I don't know if I can afford that. You're looking at it through what you can see and if you're anything like me, then you serve a big God. So why are you limiting what it is, that the ideas that were given to you? To move forward, use what you have and figure it out. We have to get into a figure it out mentality, as opposed to a I give up mentality. So I need you to take that uncomfortable action, because growth happens when you push beyond your comfort zone.

Speaker 1:

So your challenge for this week is to do one thing that stretches your thinking. To do one thing that stretches your thinking. Apply for something big, start that project, pitch that idea, because you have to get out of the mindset of it's just going to all come to me, it's all going to come in this pretty big bow and I'm going to move forward because I know that. You know it's just going to be absolutely amazing. It's going to come pre-packaged. And no, it's not. Nope, not at all, because if it came in that package, you still would not recognize it. You wouldn't even know what to do with it if it came pre-packaged.

Speaker 1:

You have to put in the work, because in order to maintain it and keep it, there has to be a level of work towards it, and if it came in this nice, pretty bow, then you're not going to put in the work to keep it. This is why, when you hear the 1% talk about what they don't necessarily just give their children, you know the legacy and the things that they have worked for. Or when they do give it, they squander it away because they weren't the ones to put in the work to get it. So you're going to have to put in the work. You want all of these dreams and goals and you want to be the authentic version of you. That requires work. There are going to be some areas in your life that you're going to have to unlearn and relearn because, if you're honest with yourself, there are some things that you thought to be true that are not. It may have been true to you at that moment because of where you were and your perception of life, but I need us. I need you to do the work. I need you to do the work. So identify that one area of your life where you've been thinking too small and this week, take one step towards breaking out of that mindset. So I know some of you all are still trying to figure out, but I don't know. How do I know if I'm playing small? Glad you asked the signs that you're playing small. Here we go.

Speaker 1:

Number one you constantly doubt yourself. See, you second guess your decisions, even after making them. You hesitate to speak up and share your ideas and you tell yourself that you're not ready. Even when you are. Number two, you say I'm fine when you're not. You're lying to you. You settle for things that you don't fulfill, that don't fulfill you, your relationship, your jobs, your friendships. You even tell yourself that it's not that bad, even when you know what you want. And what you want is more. You avoid the change because it feels safer to you to stay where you are. Number three you minimize your accomplishments. You're not being humble. You downplay your wins instead of owning them. You deflect compliments by saying oh, it was nothing. You let that imposter syndrome that you don't deserve success. Stop it.

Speaker 1:

Number four you stay in your comfort zone. You avoid taking risks, even when they could lead to something better. You stick to what's familiar, even when it's unfamiliar, unfeeling. And you say no to opportunities out of fear, not because you don't want them. Number five you wait for permission. My gosh, you feel like you need someone to tell you that it's OK and to go after what you want. Again, there is no one coming to save you. You hesitate to make bold moves because you're looking for that external validation. Stop it. You hold back your voice in meetings, conversations or social settings.

Speaker 1:

Number six you fear judgment more than you fear staying stuck. You worry about what others will think if you step into your power. You shrink your dreams because you don't want to outshine others and you avoid doing what you love because you fear criticism. Number seven you overthink instead of taking action. You spend more time analyzing than actually doing. You tell yourself you need more time, more research, more experience, more training first. So you're stuck in the cycle of what if that keeps you from moving forward?

Speaker 1:

You say yes when you want to say no. I say it all the time. If it's not a hell yes, it's no. And remember no is a complete sentence. No, nah, no, thank you Not going to be able to do it, not today, when I let you know. Then we'll move forward. But you put others' needs above your own. Even when it drains you, you avoid disappointing people at the expense of your own growth. You let guilt keep you in situations that don't serve you. Number nine you resist being seen or heard. You avoid the spotlight. Oh, I just like to play in the background. Bah, even when you have something valuable to say, you would rather hide. You hide your talents or passions instead of sharing them with the world, and you stay silent in situations where you should be speaking up. You talk yourself.

Speaker 1:

Number 10, you talk yourself out of big ideas. So you get excited about an idea, but then you talk yourself out of it. You let fear convince you that it's not the right time and you believe others can do it, but not you. Number 11, you surround yourself with small thinkers. Your circle discourages you from thinking big. You feel guilty for wanting more because no one around you is aiming higher. You stay environments that enforce playing small.

Speaker 1:

Number 12, you compare yourself to others and feel behind. So you're scrolling social media all day. You think I could never do that. You believe you're too old, too young, too inexperienced and you let comparison keep you from starting. You tell yourself, number 13, you tell yourself you'll start one day. So you're delay action by saying I'll do it when I have more time, more money and more confidence. You're always waiting for the perfect conditions. You put off your dreams instead of taking the first step.

Speaker 1:

Now, number 14, you stay in situations that no longer fit you. You stay in jobs, relationships, friendships that drain you. You tolerate mistreatment and under-evaluation instead of advocating for yourself. You feel stuck but convince yourself it's best. It's the best that you can do. Number 15, you set safe, easily attainable goals so you don't challenge yourself to think bigger. You aim for what's realistic rather than what excites you. You play it safe instead of stretching your potential.

Speaker 1:

So, with all of that being said, with all of what I gave you, with all of what you need in order to move forward and no longer play small, I need you to break free, and your awareness is the first step. So, if you recognize any of these signs, don't beat yourself up. I just need you to acknowledge it and choose differently. So how are you going to start? Challenge your small thoughts with bigger questions. What if I can do this? Take that one bold step this week, even if it scares you. Surround yourself with people who push you to grow and stop waiting for permission. You already have everything you need to go bigger. So I'm excited about where you are. I'm excited about where you're getting ready to go. I'm excited about you moving into your next. I'm excited about where you are. I'm excited about where you're getting ready to go. I'm excited about you moving into your next. I'm excited about the true and authentic version of you showing up, because your time is right now, so let's get to work.