The Hearts Hello

Becoming Is Still Movement: Your Journey Is Valid

• Keona T. Ellerbe • Season 2 • Episode 47

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Have you ever looked at your growth journey and wondered if it even counts as progress? That questioning voice usually shows up when our transformation doesn't match what's celebrated on social media—the loud, visible wins that come with external validation.

This episode tackles the painful disconnect between real growth and recognized growth. We explore why so many of us dismiss our quieter victories: the healing work, boundary-setting, moment of pause before reacting, or choosing self-care instead of burnout. These transformations may not come with certificates or social media likes, but they represent profound progress that deserves acknowledgment.

You'll discover practical strategies to honor your journey, including creating a "this counts" list to document wins you'd normally overlook, redefining progress based on your current season, and catching comparison before it undermines your confidence. We dig into the powerful truth that "becoming is still movement"—even when that movement happens beneath the surface where others can't witness it.

The conversation addresses how we often measure ourselves against our "survival self"—that version who hustled, overperformed, and ignored her needs—instead of celebrating the healthier, more authentic self emerging. We talk about the courage it takes to encourage yourself when no external support is available, and how to build relationships with people who can reflect your growth back to you.

Whether you're in a healing season where showing up for yourself is progress, or a building season where having a sustainable plan counts as forward movement, this episode affirms that your journey is valid exactly as it is. Ready to transform how you measure growth? Write down three small things you've done that you wouldn't have done a year ago and join our 40-day authenticity challenge as we walk this path together—not perfectly, but honestly.

Speaker 1:

Today I want to speak directly to the part of you that's been wondering is this even progress? I know because it's not loud, it's not shiny and it doesn't look like what they post on social media. So let me say it clearly this still counts. Even if it's slow, even if nobody claps, even if you're the only one that knows what it costs you, it still counts. See, we live in a world that has been conditioned to believe that only certain kinds of growth matter the kinds with receipts, the kinds you can post, the kinds that scream look at me. But what if your most powerful transformation is the one that no one else sees?

Speaker 1:

See, here's why so many people feel like their progress doesn't count, and it's because it's not visible to others, it's slow and messy. See, so many people are comparing their chapter two to someone else's chapter 20. It could be that you think, if it's not perfect, it's not real, or maybe that it doesn't count, that mindset shifts don't count as progress, or that you haven't been taught how to affirm yourself. So we only feel like we're moving forward when we're producing, performing and perfecting. But let me free you today. Becoming is still movement. Let me say that again Becoming is still movement. So I need you to get past the thinking that where you are right now is not progress. I need you to get out of your mind, stop scrolling, looking at what everyone else is doing and have you in your mind thinking that you have not achieved more than you have. Can I tell you that you are way further than some people could only fathom. Yes, you may be in your mind and, yes, you may have all of these goals, dreams and desires that you have and you feel like that you are not making progress, even when you are tiptoeing. But can I remind you that, as a baby, before we begin to fully take off and walk without holding onto anything and then, at that moment taking off to run, that there were moments that we had to get our footing right, that we had to make sure that we were okay before we took our hands completely off and took those first steps. And for some of you all, that is where you are and you're not realizing that you just got up from crawling. You're not realizing that those tiptoeing steps are still getting you to the place that you want to go to.

Speaker 1:

And I want to encourage you today do not allow someone else to make you feel like that you should be where you want to be quicker, faster and in a hurry, because no one can walk this path out except for you. No one can push you any faster than you are ready to go, and don't allow anyone to have you thinking that where you are right now, you should be further than so. How do you actually get past the mindset that says that you're not doing enough? We're going to go ahead and talk about it, because the first thing that you're going to have to do is name what you're actually doing. See, if you rested today instead of running yourself into the ground, that counts. If you chose not to text them back, that counts. If you took one deep breath before speaking, friend, that counts. So start a discounts list. I need you to write down something each day. You would have dismissed before, because we are going to shift the lens. We are going to watch how this changes the way that you look at where you are.

Speaker 1:

The second thing that you're going to have to do is redefine what progress means to you. You're going to have to do is redefine what progress means to you. Progress doesn't always mean visible results. Sometimes it means unlearning, healing and reclaiming. So you're going to have to ask yourself what does progress look like in this season of my life? Because if you're in a healing season, then showing up for yourself is progress. If you're in a building season, then making a plan and resting before the sprint is progress. Don't allow anyone to hurry you along in your progress. They don't know what you have been through. They don't know where it is that you are truly supposed to be going, and just because to them it seems like you should be there faster, that might not be your case. You know you enough to know if you can push a little harder and by all means, if you can then go harder. But if that is not the season that you're in, you can slow roll it and still be making progress.

Speaker 1:

The third thing that you're going to have to do is catch comparison early. See, comparison is subtle. It sounds like I should be further, but healing sounds like I'm further than I was. And if you're borrowing someone else's ruler to measure your growth, return it. You don't need it. Number four speak to yourself like you speak to others. You affirm your friends for showing up. Now it's your turn to say it out loud I'm proud of me. That was a big deal for me. That counts. You don't have to need the outside applause to clap for yourself Y'all.

Speaker 1:

Can I tell you how much I encourage myself? Can I tell you those times when I may have been crying and I had to wipe my face and still pick up the phone and handle business? Can I tell you all of the times when I just didn't feel like it? But that level of having to encourage myself if I knew that I needed to get something hot to drink my favorite beverage, one of my favorite beverages, is coffee. If I needed to get some coffee to make myself feel a little better, if I needed to take a walk just to get some fresh air, whatever it was that I needed in the moment, just so that I could continue with what it was that I was supposed to be doing.

Speaker 1:

Because sometimes you cannot have a complete meltdown. When you got work to do, when you have people relying on you, you have to continue to keep pressing in, through the tears, through the hurt, through all of the things that people don't know that are going on. You have to keep pressing through sometimes, because just when you may be going through certain things, some people just can't handle it. And then, after you've gone through it, then you're able to have a conversation about it and people will be like, well, why didn't you tell me? Because I knew you couldn't handle it. Some weight is just heavy, some weight you're just going to have to carry on your own. But I promise you, whatever that weight is that you have been carrying, you are equipped to handle it. You're just going to have to encourage yourself, in whatever season this is that you're in Number five. I know this. I said that sometimes the wait is for you, but then there are going to be moments when you're going to have to let your support circle reflect you back to yourself. Be around people who can say girl, that shift right there, that's growth. And if you don't have those people yet, let this space be that for you, let this podcast be that for you.

Speaker 1:

This challenge if you all didn't realize it and you've just been completely under a rock I have been dropping gems in this 40-day challenge. By the time you listen to this, we will be on day 22. And guess what? Every day, I'm giving you something to think about. Not only am I giving you something to think about, I'm giving you a journal prompt. I'm giving you an affirmation, I am giving you homework because what I'm realizing is that there is so much information out here but not enough individuals actually doing the work. And then you will come and say, well, no one's coming to help. Can I tell you right now? Nobody coming to save you. You're going to have to save yourself. But this 40 day challenge, that is not just for you, this is for me too, because I realized that in a 40 day challenge, and what it signifies that you come out on the other side refined, go do your homework. Do some research on how 40 appears in the Bible. See what happens every time there's something taking place that revolves around the number 40, you will be surprised. I'm not going to give you the answer, because I feel like now is the time that you're going to have to put in the work. Now is not the time where you're just going to have things handed to you. You're going to have to go and find it. So get around people who will support you. And if you don't have that support, I'm here. I've given you tools and resources that you can use along this journey.

Speaker 1:

Number six stop using your survival self as your standard. The old you who hustled, overperformed and ignored her own needs isn't the one you should be measuring against. The healed you, the softer you, the honest you, she's the one becoming. Let her lead. I think about you, know, when my therapist would ask who's driving my bus. And when I say that is because sometimes we go through experience in our lives that we don't heal from, and so when things trigger us, we go back to that age where that incident happened. And so if you're not in control, that eight-year-old, that nine-year-old, that 15-year-old, although you may be, whatever age you are, you revert back to that age. So who's driving your bus? And when you realize who's driving your bus, you deal with that girl. You deal with her, you comfort her, you let her know that it is okay, heal from that space and allow this version of you to leave. There is no reason why 43 year old Kiana should be in the back of the bus. 43 year old Kiana should be driving the bus. So you have to begin to look at things that way. So, now that you understand how to get past that thinking, you understand why people struggle to make it count.

Speaker 1:

Let me just give you a little bit of encouragement. So today, the truth is simple you don't need proof for your progress to be valid. For your progress to be valid, you just need to own it. So I want you to journal when have I grown in ways no one else sees. What small step did I take this week that deserves my recognition? And then affirm this I am growing in ways the world can't always see, but I feel it, and that's enough. So I just want to encourage you today. I just want to let you know that where you are is enough, and so here's what I want you to do this week Write down three small things you've done that you wouldn't have done a year ago.

Speaker 1:

Give them names, give them weight, honor them. They don't have to be finished, they don't have to be loud, they just have to be yours. And remember that progress isn't always about the steps forward. Sometimes it's about the strength it takes to stay. Share this with a friend, someone else who is out there who is questioning their quiet wins too, and this might be what brings them peace tonight. Then I want you to follow the 40 day authenticity challenge and join me daily as we walk things out Not perfectly, but honestly. And until next time, keep showing up and keep choosing you and never forget, even if no one claps, this still counts.