The Hearts Hello

Beyond Breadcrumbs

• Keona T. Ellerbe • Season 3 • Episode 5

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The breadcrumbs we accept in life—those moments when we settle for less than we deserve—don't just appear on our plates. They infiltrate our spirits, leaving us with a subtle ache as we continuously accept "almost enough" and celebrate halfway love. When we keep telling ourselves to be grateful for what's clearly beneath our needs, we start to question our worth. Is this all we deserve? Is this just how life works for people like us?

This transformative conversation dives deep into both the external and internal dimensions of accepting crumbs. While it's easy to identify when others shortchange us, the more challenging work begins when we examine how we breadcrumb ourselves. From dismissing our mental health needs and postponing our dreams to undercharging for our work and overextending ourselves for others—these self-imposed limitations keep us surviving rather than thriving.

Using the powerful metaphor of a cup that can't be simultaneously filled and poured from, we explore practical steps to break free from the cycle of accepting less than we deserve. The journey involves calling out these patterns honestly, defining what fullness truly looks like for us, voicing our needs clearly, and committing to honor our own portion first. Through affirmations that remind us of our inherent worth and a call to write our own "portion list," we're challenged to move beyond mere survival toward the abundance we deserve. Because the truth remains: breadcrumbs might keep you alive, but they will never make you full. You weren't put on this earth to live on leftovers or beg for what already belongs to you. Ready to claim your seat at the full table?

Speaker 1:

Yep, we're not even easing into today. We're going to get straight there, because breadcrumbs are not my portion and they're not yours either. Now, if you've been showing up fully loving, hard giving, deeply praying and preparing, but somehow still walking away with scraps, then this episode is for you because, honestly, I feel it. I've been there and, if I'm being completely honest, there are still some areas where I am working on it. And let me tell you less than ain't working anymore, and I said ain't, and that's what I meant. See, here's what I've learned the crumbs don't just show up on your plate, they show up in your spirit. They show up in that subtle ache you feel. When you keep accepting almost, when you keep celebrating halfway love, when you keep telling yourself to just be grateful for the things that are clearly beneath what you need, you start to question yourself Am I the problem? Is this just how it is for people like me? Maybe this is all I'm going to get, but let me tell you something Crumbs might keep you alive, but they will never make you full. So I need us to do a quick self-check just to see if you have been accepting crumbs Now. It may sting a little bit. It's okay, because we're going to clean you up, we're going to get you together. But I need you to be honest and ask yourself these questions. Do I leave conversations or connections feeling more empty than full? I see you. Am I always the one reaching out, checking in, giving more? Yeah, I feel it. Do I settle because starting over feels too hard or too scary, and have I ever pretended something was enough just to avoid rocking the boat? Now, if you've been honest and your answer is yes, don't shame yourself. Just don't stay there, because survival isn't the same thing as being fed. So let's go ahead and flip the mirror real quick, because some people are all for crumbs. But let's be real. Some of us accepted them. Some of us set the table for crumbs and called it loyalty. Did you speak up? Did you clearly say what you needed or did you smile through being overlooked, hoping they figure it out? So you can't keep being mad at what you're allowing and you can't call it alignment when it's really just fear in a fancy outfit. So when I say breadcrumbs are no longer my portion, here's what I know my portion is and I pray it helps you to define yours. See, my portion is peace. That doesn't require me to pretend. My portion is love that's rooted, not just convenient. My portion is joy that doesn't ask me to dim my light. My portion is rooms where I don't have to shrink to fit. My portion is reciprocity, wholeness and ease. And listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. If the table I'm sitting at doesn't serve that, I'll get up. No drama, no announcement, just movement. So where are you breadcrumbing yourself? Yep, we're going there, because if we're being real real it's not always someone else that's handing us the scrap. Sometimes we breadcrumb ourselves. So we're going to talk about it. Those quiet places One could be your mental health you keep pushing through.

Speaker 1:

When you're exhausted, you dismiss your own pain because you've survived. Worse, you tell yourself I'm fine when you're clearly not. That's a crumb. Your dreams you light up when you talk about the idea, but you never act on it. You pour into everyone else's vision and put yourself and yours on the back burner. You keep saying one day when you really mean I'm scared, that's a crumb. Your money you undercharge. You avoid your finances. You celebrate crumbs because you're too afraid to ask for overflow. That's a crumb. Your time you show up for everybody else's needs while your own keep getting rescheduled. You don't rest, you crash. That's a crumb.

Speaker 1:

Let's talk about your self-worth. You avoid visibility. You wait to feel worthy before showing up fully. That's a crumb. So, yes, we're calling out others, but, baby, let me tell you something we're calling out ourselves too, because you can't build a full life while feeding yourself in pieces. So I know you're asking and you're trying to figure out well, how do I stop accepting crumbs from anyone else? And that includes you. The first thing I need you to do is call it out. Stop romanticizing lack. Name it for what it is.

Speaker 1:

Number two get crystal clear what this fool look like for you. Write it down, don't be vague, be bold. Number three speak it out loud. People can't honor what you've never voiced, and that includes you. Why? Because you are with you all day long and closed mouths stay hungry. Number four honor your own portion first. You want others to pour into you. Start by refusing to pour last into yourself.

Speaker 1:

See, we oftentimes hear you know we're supposed to operate from the overflow, and that means you are not pouring from a cup. They are getting what is being overflowed. What is coming out of the cup once it has already run over is what they get, not? You still trying to fill your cup up and pour at the same time. How do you expect it to ever get full? So just close your eyes if you're not driving and imagine that. Imagine you are holding a cup and you're pouring water into the cup. As you are still trying to pour out of the same cup that you are pouring water into, it will never be full, so they get the overflow, not what's being poured in, and you're pouring out of a cup that was never full. So I need you to always envision that.

Speaker 1:

Have that at the forefront of your mind when you're thinking about doing something extra, trying to give something to someone when you don't have it. That's like you trying to swipe your card when you know that there is no money in it. It is going to be declined. The same thing happens when we are trying to pour out of a cup that is not sufficiently full, but it's okay, because we are going to get there. We are going to get to a place where we begin to recognize not just how other people show up in our lives, but how we can make sure that we are holding ourselves accountable, because sometimes the breadcrumbs we have been accepting them, because we feel like that that's all we desire, that's all we're going to get, and so we'll take it and then be pissed off and mad when that's all that we have, but not recognizing that you agreed to it. You said that it was okay.

Speaker 1:

So the next time that you decide, or getting ready to decide, that this is what you're going to accept, remember what we just talked about. Have that vision in front of you of you trying to pour out of a cup that you are pouring, still pouring into. Or think about that car that you're trying to swipe that has no money on it. You can't purchase it without the money being there. There isn't sufficient funds. Same thing applies. So we're going to affirm what it is that we want, need and desire in our lives. Need and desire in our lives.

Speaker 1:

The first one I no longer shrink to keep the peace. I am no longer available for scraps. I do not resent others for what I stayed silent about. I know what fullness looks like and I walk like it belongs to me. Breadcrumbs are not my portion. I am made for more and I receive it. So listen to me and listen to me clearly.

Speaker 1:

I don't know who told you that just being seen was enough, that your job was to love others through their dysfunction and hope they eventually reciprocate, that your needs were optional, that your voice was too much, that being almost chosen was better than being alone. But I'm telling you today you are not here to live on leftovers. You are not here to eat in shame. You are not here to beg for what already belongs to you. Say it with me Breadcrumbs are not my portion. I didn't hear you. Breadcrumbs are not my portion. One more time Breadcrumbs are not my portion. And if you've been breadcrumbing yourself, and if you've been breadcrumbing yourself, no shame, just truth, just change. So my homework for you this week is to write your portion list. What does real love, real peace, real value look like for you? Identify where you've been settling externally and internally. Then I need you to speak your needs and then guess what, move accordingly. You don't need permission, you need clarity. No more crumbs.