The Hearts Hello

Engage Early, Guard Your Peace, Shape Your Future

• Keona T. Ellerbe • Season 3 • Episode 18

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What if the chaos you keep “handling” is actually a set of early signals you’ve been trained to ignore? We pull back the curtain on a simple but powerful shift: teach your hands to war by engaging early, balancing offense and defense, and moving with emotional maturity. This is not about fighting people or living on high alert. It’s about learning to spot the whisper before life starts shouting.

We walk through seven arenas where small, honest actions prevent big, avoidable messes. In your inner world, we talk naming feelings without judgment and taking one restorative step instead of powering through. In relationships, we dig into patterns—overgiving, short replies, emotional mismatches—and how to set clean boundaries, ask direct questions, and prioritize consistency over potential. With money, we get real about emotional overspending and avoidance, then replace shame with weekly reviews, protective limits, and one aligned decision at a time.

Purpose and calling come into focus through micro moves that give God something to bless—tiny tests, conversations, and reps that build clarity and courage. We confront family and generational cycles by healing out loud, creating new traditions, and practicing intentional parenting. Spiritually, we address drift with simple daily practices that restore peace and presence. And for physical health, we highlight the body’s alerts—fatigue, pain, poor sleep—and what it means to rest first, move regularly, and book the checkup you’ve delayed.

By the end, you’ll have a practical lens and a short list of moves you can make today. Pick one area, take the next right step, and let repetition build strength. Subscribe, share this with someone you love, and leave a review to help more listeners learn how to engage early and protect what matters most. What’s the first small move you’re making today?

SPEAKER_00:

All right, hey friend. Y'all, last week, if you did not listen to the episode, I need you to go ahead and pause this one now and go back and listen to last week because it is going to prepare you for the conversation we are going to have today. And yes, I appreciate the fact that you hopped on and you're listening, but it's also important that I give you some context to where we are in this episode. And I believe that the stirring that you're going to need is in last week's episode. So listen to that one and then come back and listen to this one because this one is a treat as well. So let's just go ahead and talk about something that we don't necessarily talk enough about, and that's being able to teach your hands to war. You heard me right. Teach your hands to war. And no, I'm not talking about fighting people. Although sometimes you feel like you need to lay hands on people and not in a good way. Um, I'm actually talking about the way we move through life, the way we respond to patterns, the way we protect our peace, our purpose, our families, our future. Because here's the truth. Too many of us wait until the battle shows up at our doorfront before we decide to do something. We wait until the relationship is falling apart, we wait until we're drowning emotionally, we wait until the job becomes unbearable. We wait until the opportunity has already slipped by. And then we say, Whew, my gosh, life is coming at me. But friend, life isn't coming at you. Life has been sending you signals for a long time. So teaching your hands to war, our hands to war, simply means recognizing the signs before they turn into storms. And to be honest, being able to look at our lives and say, I see this pattern trying to rise up again. I see this old fear trying to creep back in. I see the enemy trying to reclaim the territory that I've already healed from. I see where I'm slipping and I'm not waiting for the fallout. It's not about being paranoid. It's about you recognizing the signs and really just being present. Because we can't live our lives always on offense, pretending that everything is fine until it's not. We also can't live our lives always on defense, reacting to every hit. So teaching our hands to war, teaching your hands to war is about balance, seeing what's coming before it arrives, cutting off patterns before they grow roots, addressing your emotions before they explode, setting boundaries before resentment builds, listening to that whisper in your spirit before life forces you to listen with a shout. Yeah, it's a lot, but some of us are not exhausted because life has hit hard, but because we refuse to get in front of what we already know. I know that you may have, you know, seen people who are in relationships, or maybe even you, where you're like, you know what, I saw those red flags a long time ago, and I thought I was at a carnival, started dancing, waving the flags around, trying to pretend that the flag wasn't always there, or that it wasn't red, that it was hot pink, or that it was a light pink. No, you saw the warning signs. See, you know the feeling that you get when something is off. You know when a relationship, a relationship shifts, when your energy drops, when something is pulling you away from your purpose. You know when you're slipping back into old habits, but because we don't want to confront it, what do we do? We wait and wait and wait. And then guess what? The battle shows up, bigger than it had to be, louder than it should have been, messier than we ever wanted. So, friend, you don't have to wait for the attack to respond. You can respond when you first sense the movement, you can respond when you first see the pattern. You can respond when your spirit says, Hey, hey, pay attention. See, teaching your hands to war is really about emotional maturity. It's about self-awareness, discernment, courage, and refusing to let life drag you into battles that you could have prevented. It's just like, you know, when you're training for a game, or even when the army is training, they're always training. They're hoping to never have to go to battle, but they're not going to wait until war has raged to decide that they're going to hit the gym, that they're going to decide to learn how to shoot, that they're going to decide that you know what, today is the day that we need to prepare for war that is getting ready to break out tomorrow. See, no, you don't wait until there is a battle. You begin to prepare. And to be honest, if you ask yourself right now, where do I need to get ahead of? What do I need to get ahead of? And where do I need to get ahead of my life? Where am I ignoring something that needs my attention? What pattern is resurfacing that I've been pretending that I don't see? Where is the enemy trying to reclaim something I've already fought for? Where have I been playing offense when it's time to switch to defense? See, this is not about fear. This is about wisdom. Life is easier when we engage early. When you don't want, when you don't want to wait for things to explode, when something is already stirring on the inside of you, when you have already had a thought about something, and then you say, you know what, I'm not gonna say anything. See, when you don't ignore what you already know, when you stop hoping it will disappear on its own and start taking action. Because you, my friend, you are not fragile, you're not helpless, you're not meant to live your life reacting to whatever shows up. You are capable, you are discerning, you are powerful, and you can learn to wage war emotionally, mentally, spiritually, in a way that protects the life that you're building. So today's question for you is it's very simple. Where do you need to get ahead of what's coming? What needs your engagement right now? Because this next season isn't for the passive version of you. It's for the aware, aligned, and activated you. So now that I have given you a little bit of the backstory and even, you know, how I got to this space is because I've realized that there are even areas in my life that sometimes I'll take a back seat. Sometimes I'll wait for someone else to make the first move. Sometimes I will allow my feelings to be put in someone else's hand for them to decide how they're going to treat me. And to be honest, at this big age of 44, I'm still young though. I still don't look like I'm 44, right? But I'm realizing that I cannot take a backseat to my life. I can't give my power away to someone and then expect them to figure out how they're going to handle me or mishandle me. Or if I'm noticing that there are patterns even in my finances, the way that I may be spending, that I need to take a closer look at those things. Not when I'm looking at the bank account and it's like, my gosh, how did I get here? No, there are signs. And most of the time you don't want to deal with the signs because they require work. Sometimes you just don't have the energy, but you you're going to have to realize that you cannot keep coming from behind and expecting to always win, especially when you have already seen that there is something that is off. And so last week when I share with you all that we are, I feel that we're in a season of nesting. And so as you are preparing for all of the amazing things that are getting ready to come into your life, if you really take an honest look and account over the things that have transpired and the patterns and the habits and the things that you have gone through, you will begin to see a sign. And so I need us to engage. See, most people don't fail because they're weak. They fail because they ignore those early signs. And again, we pretend not to see what we see. We downplay what we feel, we silence what our soul is screaming. And so I'm going to break down some of those main areas that we typically overlook so that we can engage early, intentionally, and with emotional maturity. So the first thing is emotional warnings, those ignored signs of I'm tired, but I keep pushing, I'm feeling disconnected from myself, or I'm snapping easier than usual, feeling unseen in relationships, that quiet heaviness that won't go away. And so people typically ignore that because they're stopping, they're they're beginning to um feel that it's inconvenient, or they're afraid to admit and feel vulnerable. And slowing down sometimes feels like failure. But here's how we are going to engage. See, we have to name what we're feeling without judging ourselves. We have to take one small pause, one moment of honesty to tell the truth to someone safe and do one thing to refill ourselves before we continue. See, that engagement isn't dramatic, it's responsive. The second area that we typically ignore are patterns and relationships. The ignored signs are withdrawal, excuses, short replies, overgiving and under receiving, always being the one to initiate emotional mismatches, feeling misunderstood regularly. So why do people ignore that? Because confronting it risks losing the connection. And most people would rather fight for the relationship than fight for their own peace. So how do you engage? Tell the truth early, not when you're fed up. Set boundaries that bring balance, not resist or not resentment. Ask direct questions instead of making assumptions. And pay attention to consistency, not potential. See, engaging means you stop hoping someone will magically meet your needs you've never voiced. Third big area, financial leaks. The ignored signs, overspending to self-soothe, ignoring debt, avoiding looking at bank accounts, saying I'll do it later to budget or saving. Why do people ignore it? Because money is emotional, not mathematical. How do you engage? Get honest about where you're going with your money and where your money is going. Create limits that protect your future self and make one financial decision that aligns with who you're becoming. Review your finances weekly, not yearly. And here's another one: open the bills. Open the mail that you get. And I'm talking to myself. Because I know that there was a time when I was laid off for over that year. I just stopped opening the mail because I'm like, if I don't have the income that is coming in, I don't want to have to open this. And then there's this whole emotional exchange that I have to have with this piece of paper about something that I need to pay, I'm supposed to pay, but where is it going to come from? So I just stop opening them. But you can't do that. So when you're teaching your hands to war financially, it's about cutting off leaks before they become floods. Even in that situation where if I'm laid off, still opening it recognizes the fact that it is there. Seeing the closed bill doesn't mean that it's still it that it's not going to get paid or that it doesn't need to get paid, regardless of if you open it or not. It needs to be paid. But open it, develop the habit of always opening whatever may come in. The fourth area is going to be purpose and calling. So the ignored sign is feeling restless in your job, dreaming of something more but staying still, losing passion, resenting the work that you're doing, feeling misaligned. And why people ignore it is because purpose requires change and change requires courage. So how do we engage? We start with clarity. What do I feel drawn to? Making those micro moves. Give God something to bless by actually moving. The word says, faith without works is dead. And so you're going to have to do something. You sitting around hoping, wishing, and praying, and expecting the blessings to come in when you ain't done no work. Let's be real. And then we have to evaluate our environment. Does it support who we're becoming? Because engaging in purpose warfare means you stop shrinking and start shifting. The fifth area is going to be family and generational cycles. The ignored signs are emotional distance, unhealthy communication, repeating what you've seen when you were growing up, avoiding hard conversations with your children or your partner. And people typically ignore that because dealing with generational patterns feels heavy. But we got to engage, y'all. See what needs to be healed, not ignored. Break the cycles with intentional parenting. Create new traditions. Heal out loud so your children don't have to heal silently. See, most of the time you you hear people say, I'm trying to give my child everything that I didn't have. But what you don't realize is that your parents were doing the best that they could. And the same thing applies to you. You're doing the best thing that you can. But sometimes your children need to hear what's going on so that they know that it's not them. So that they know that things may be shifting in the house, but it's not like people aren't saying anything about it. So engaging here is legacy work. The sixth area is going to be a spiritual drift. Your ignored signs are feeling disconnected from God, not no longer praying with intention, not trusting your intuition, losing peace faster. And people typically ignore it because spiritual misalignment is subtle until it's not. So how do we engage? Re-center with one intentional practice: prayer, journaling, reflection. Listen when your spirit says pay attention, cut ties with environments that disturb your peace. Invite God back into the conversation you stop having. He has not moved, y'all. We're the ones that drift away. And so He is always there with His hand out, waiting for you to reach for Him. So engaging spiritually is about returning, not performing. The seventh way is our physical and wellness. The ignored signs are constant fatigue, pain you push through, anxiety in your body, not sleeping well, using food or busyness as coping. And people ignore it because slowing down feels like failure in a world that praises exhaustion. So how do we engage? Rest before your body forces you. Schedule movements, hydrate and nourish yourself intentionally. Get the checkup that you've been avoiding. Treat your body like it's carrying your calling because it is. So what does engaging really mean? Engaging again does not mean fighting everything. It means being aware enough to stop ignoring what you already know. Engaging means addressing the shift early, responding to the whisper before life yields, protect what's valuable, interrupt the pattern, tell the truth sooner, adjust before you self-destruct, defend your peace, guard your purpose, refuse to move blindly. So when I say this is how we teach our hands to war, practically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially, you stop letting life happen to you and you start participating in shaping your own future. Y'all, we are doing life different now. We cannot keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. That is the definition of insanity. So when we know better, we do better. And everything that I share with you all on these episodes are just one more piece to the puzzle, one more tool to add to your arsenal, one more thing that you can be mindful of and to think about as you go about your day. When you're moving without a plane, you're just doing life, just to be doing life. And that may have been cool when we. We were younger, but the older you get, you realize that you have to be more intentional about how you move. You have to be more intentional about who you spend your time with. You have to be intentional about your life because no one is going to be intentional about your life if you aren't. Here's your wake up sign. Here is the sign that you're going to have to start training now today. Whatever that means for you, pick one thing for you to do and begin to work on it. Keep chipping away in it, keep doing it day after day after day. That's just like when you start doing push-ups. You may not be able to do as many, but if you keep doing the push-ups every day, you get a little bit stronger. That's the goal. Every day, do a little bit, get a little bit stronger, get a little bit better. And they, those things begin to accumulate. So I'm excited about where it is that we're going. I'm excited about where it is that your life is transitioning into. I'm excited about the version of you that is emerging, but you're going to have to put into work. You're going to have to put in the work. You're going to have to engage. Stop waiting for life to show up at your doorstep. Sometimes you're going to have to show up at it. So I'm excited for you. Share this episode with someone who you love. Share this episode with someone where you all can engage in war together. But the one thing that you do not want to do is engage in war when you are not prepared. Because you can only imagine how that will be catastrophic. All right. You got the tools. Now let's go. Let's put in the work.