Layers: Is This Who I Am or Who I Had to Be?

Last week, we asked the question: Who taught you how to be? 

This week, we’re taking the conversation deeper.

What if some of the things you’ve accepted as your personality aren’t actually personality at all? What if they’re survival strategies you developed along the way?

In this vulnerable episode, I share some of my own reflections and the questions I’ve been wrestling with as I continue unpacking Human Compliance in my own life. Together, we’ll explore the difference between who we truly are and who we had to become to make it through certain seasons.

Because awareness is powerful—but awareness is only the beginning.

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why you think the way you think, react the way you react, or carry things that no longer seem to fit, this conversation is for you.

It’s time to stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “Where did this come from?”

The answer might reveal your next layer.

#TheHeartsHelloShow #HumanCompliance #PersonalGrowth #SelfAwareness #Authenticity #HealingJourney #EmotionalIntelligence #MindsetShift #FaithAndGrowth #IdentityWork #PurposeDriven #WomenWhoLead #SelfDiscovery #GrowthMindset #BecomeWhoYouAre #EmotionalHealing #PersonalDevelopment #HealingInLayers #ChristianPodcast #PodcastForWomen #keonatalana

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey friend, can I tell you something? This human compliance journey that I have been on has been working my nerves a little bit. And I know that sounds funny coming from the person that's teaching it, right? But I'm serious. Last week I asked you all a question. Who taught you how to be? And if I'm honest, I thought I was creating a conversation just for you. No, uh-uh. What I didn't realize was that God was about to turn that same question right back around to me. Oh, Lord. Me didn't get myself together. Have you ever really asked somebody a question and then realized that you needed the answer too? Yeah, yeah, that has been me all week. I have been sitting with that question, and the more I sit with it, the more I realize that there are things about myself that I've accepted for

The Question Turns Personal

SPEAKER_00 0:53

years as um, yeah, that's just who I am. But now I'm wondering, is it or is it who I had to become? See, that's a different conversation, and that's the one I want to have today. Because I think a lot of us have things we've labeled as personality when they might actually be survival. I know, let me explain. See, the other day I found myself thinking about somebody not unusual for me, thinking about whether they were okay, thinking about whether they had everything they needed, thinking about whether they felt supported, thinking about whether they felt cared for, and then all of a sudden I got emotional. Not because anything happened, not because anyone did anything wrong, but because I realized how much energy I spend thinking about other people. And for a moment I had to ask myself, Kiana, when is the last time you thought about yourself that much? Yeah, friend, I wasn't ready for that question because I immediately wanted to defend myself. You know how we do. Well, this is just who I am. I have a big heart, I care about people, and all of that is indeed true. But then another question

When Kindness Comes From Survival

SPEAKER_00 2:08

came, and this one hit me even harder. What if being hyper aware of everybody else's needs isn't just kindness? What if some of it came from survival? What if somewhere along the way I learned to pay attention to everybody else before I paid attention to myself? Now, let me say this. Before y'all start sending me messages, hear me clearly. I'm not saying caring about people is wrong. I'm not saying serving people is wrong. I'm not even saying loving people is wrong. What I am saying though is sometimes we never stop to ask where certain parts of us come from. And that's what human compliance is making me do. It's making me stop and examine things that I've never examined before. Not because they're bad, but because I've never questioned them. And maybe that's what growth really is. Not finding out you're wrong, but finding out that there's more to understand. So you know what's interesting is the things that people compliment us on the most can sometimes be the things exhausting us the most. Think about it. How many times have people told you you're so strong, you're always there for everybody, you always figure it out, you're dependable, you're resilient. And those sound like compliments, and they are. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself what it costs you to become those things? Because that's where I've been lately. Not rejecting the things that make me who I am, just trying to understand them better, trying to understand where they came from, trying to understand what still serves me and what doesn't. And if I'm being honest, I don't have all the answers. I really don't. I wish I could get on here and tell you that I have figured it all out, and I have not. There are still things

The Hidden Cost Of Compliments

SPEAKER_00 4:04

I am uncovering, there are still things I'm questioning, there are still moments when I realize there's another layer underneath the layer that I just uncovered. And if you've ever been on a healing journey, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You finally work through one thing, you celebrate, you thank God, you feel free, and then guess what? Six months later, another layer shows up and says, Hey girl, remember me? And you like, girl, no. Actually, I was hoping that we were done. But that's the thing nobody tells you. Healing happens in layers, growth happens in layers. Freedom, it happens in layers, and every layer requires a different version of you. See, the version of you that survived isn't always the version that can thrive. And this version of you that protected yourself isn't always the version that can receive. See, the version of you that got through the storm isn't always the version that's supposed

Healing And Growth In Layers

SPEAKER_00 5:06

to live in the sunshine afterwards. And maybe that's why some seasons feel uncomfortable. Because God isn't asking us to become someone new, he's asking us to release who we no longer need to be. Who Lord? See that sentence right there? Maybe He's not asking you to become someone new. Maybe He's asking you to release who you no longer need to be. Oh, yeah, that hit hard. Because some of those versions protected us, some of them carried us, some of those versions even helped us survive the things that we didn't think we'd make it through. But see, survival and purpose are not the same thing. And eventually you reach a place where survival can't take you where purpose is trying to lead you. And that's where I think I am. Not at the finish line, not with all the answers, not completely healed, not completely finished, but I am aware. Aware enough to know there's another layer, aware enough to know that I can't ignore it, aware enough to know that if God is showing it to me, it's because there's freedom attached to it. And maybe, maybe that's just where you are too. Maybe you're listening to me ramble on this episode, and there's something you've been noticing, a pattern, a reaction, a fear, a habit, a belief. Something that just keeps showing up. And maybe instead of judging yourself for it, you need to get curious about it. Maybe instead of asking, what's wrong with

Releasing The Version That Survived

SPEAKER_00 6:42

me? Why do I feel this way? Maybe you need to ask, where did this come from? Because that question changes everything. And before I let you go, I want to leave you with the same question that I've been sitting with all week. Not as homework, not as an assignment, just as something to think about. Is this who I am? Or is this who I had to be? And friend, if the answer surprises you, don't panic. That's not failure. That's awareness, that's growth. That's another layer being revealed. Because I don't know what layer God is pulling back for you right now. I just know He's pulling one back for me. And if I'm honest, some days I want to put it right back.

Get Curious And Ask Why

SPEAKER_00 7:32

And some days I'd rather stay comfortable. Some days I'd rather keep doing what I've always done. But I think growth is agreeing to look anyway. So that's what I'm doing. I'm looking. And maybe that's all you need to do too. Talk to you next week, friend.