Alyssa Chavez [00:00:01]:
Hello and welcome back to the Endo Belly Girl podcast. I am so excited today because I have a very special guest on the episode which you will, who you will learn about very soon here. This episode is, at the time that it's published, is going to be coming out on Valentine's Day, just happened to fall on a Wednesday, so I thought it was going to be so appropriate to take a moment on that day to honor all of those who support us along our journey. Endo just isn't something that we should ever be. Going alone and having a support system in place is just so important to your health. Now, I could talk about that from my own point of view, but I thought it would be so much more powerful to hear from the perspective of somebody who is on the other side of that coin. So I would like to welcome to the podcast today my fabulous hubby, Jose. Welcome, Jose.
Jose Chavez [00:00:59]:
Hey, thank you for having me.
Alyssa Chavez [00:01:03]:
Jose and I have been in a relationship now for over 14 years, married for over six of those, and we have been through so many ups and downs along the way, as all of you endowarriors are familiar with. So Jose, what have been the biggest challenges for you as a spouse and loved one along this journey?
Jose Chavez [00:01:23]:
The biggest challenges, I think, have been, I guess, the not knowing, not understanding, and having to slowly but surely try to understand what's happening with someone that you love. And so I think that's the biggest challenge I've had, is just trying to understand, I guess.
Alyssa Chavez [00:01:47]:
Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense because nobody goes into this knowing all the things, I think for both of us. When I first received my endometriosis diagnosis, neither of us had even heard of it, knew anything about it. So it's definitely been a learning curve for both of us. But I can imagine maybe even more so when you're on the other side and just kind of having to watch somebody go through it.
Jose Chavez [00:02:09]:
Well, what makes it difficult too, is not only are you learning from it, but then obviously you're seeing someone that you love go through it. And as we all know, it's not necessarily a pleasant experience, it's a big learning experience. But besides the physical pain, there's an emotional pain that comes along with it, that we've been blessed, that it's unified us in that regard. But nonetheless, there's trials and tribulation with that, and you just have to learn to be very patient with each other.
Alyssa Chavez [00:02:44]:
Yeah, agreed. And that certainly is something that I think we're continuing to learn every day.
Jose Chavez [00:02:49]:
Yes.
Alyssa Chavez [00:02:51]:
Now, you mentioned a little bit about our relationship and kind of how that's been impacted. But that's really my next question for you that I would love for you to share with everybody today is just how do you feel like our personal relationship has been impacted by endometriosis?
Jose Chavez [00:03:08]:
Well, that's a tough one because it's impacted us in every way. How can it not when it comes to your health. Right. It's going to involve and it's going to seep into pretty much everything that we do in one way or another. So a lot of it is just perspective. You have to start to realize that this is part of your journey. This is who, as a team, we're going to deal with. I'm not going to say that it's easy or anything of that nature.
Jose Chavez [00:03:42]:
And so you kind of just accept that this is what it is and for good or for worse, we're going to deal with it together. So I don't know if that answers the question.
Alyssa Chavez [00:03:51]:
Yeah, I think so. We talk about that a lot when things are coming up, one or the other of us is going through a hard time. It's like we look at each other, hey, we said for better or for worse.
Jose Chavez [00:04:02]:
Yeah.
Alyssa Chavez [00:04:03]:
Certainly have seen both sides of that coin in the time of our relationship. But I don't know about you. Hopefully you feel the same on this, but I personally feel like, I think our relationship has gotten stronger through all of this. I think because we've been through so many ups and downs together, we've seen each other go through hard times and come back out of it and help to build each other up. I personally feel like our relationship, and I know this isn't the case, unfortunately, for everybody, but I feel like our relationship has gotten stronger for it, and I'm very thankful for that. I'm thankful to have a support here that I feel like has my back and sometimes literally holds me up. And it's been pretty cool.
Jose Chavez [00:04:53]:
Thank you. Thank you for saying that. Yeah, I have to agree with you. You know what I mean? I think in many regards, it's only going to go one or two ways. Right. Whether it's going to strengthen you, it's going to break you. And I've been fortunate enough that for whatever reason, it's allowed me to do my best to really understand empathy. You know what I mean? I didn't realize that to some degree.
Jose Chavez [00:05:18]:
I didn't know what it was. You know what I mean? And when you're experiencing things that are trying, it just gives you this understanding of just so much patience. I don't know. You kind of sort of start to respect the person who's actually going through it as well. You start to go like, wow, what a strong individual. Because it's not easy. It's not easy. It's not easy because it involves more than just the physicality of it.
Jose Chavez [00:05:45]:
For us, I think my wife has talked about it's also affected our family making process. And so I think the physical part you can deal with. It's the emotional part that seems to be more of the challenge. And so that's what has been more of a challenge for, I think, for both of us. And so, as a team, luckily, my wife and I, we're very fortunate that we can sit down and actually talk to each other and listen and just learn to just be silent while the other one talks as best we can. Go back to that word of empathy. I think she empathizes with me, and I empathize with her. Not in a way of like, oh, I feel sorry for you.
Jose Chavez [00:06:39]:
No, it's truly just love. And that empathy turns into respect and admiration because you're like, wow, you're. You're so strong, you know? And I think for both, if there's other couples listening to this, it's not only empathy for the woman and empathy for the man, but it's this beautiful strength or whatever couple. It's cool. It's cool. I lost my train of thought, but.
Alyssa Chavez [00:07:05]:
You know what I mean. I get where you're going with that. Yeah, it's definitely been an interesting journey. But I think we both have learned a lot from it, a lot about life, a lot about each other. And, yeah, that's kind of what I wanted to share with you all today. So we were actually having a conversation just. I think that was just last night, wasn't it, about my endometriosis surgery, which was about a year and a half ago at the time that we're recording this. And I know I've talked a little bit about what that experience was like for me.
Alyssa Chavez [00:07:36]:
I know I've touched on it here and there, but I think a lot of us endowarriors who have been through surgery, some of you listening, have been through many multiple surgeries. I know, but I just wanted to hear a little bit, particularly for the surgery, because it's kind of a big deal in your life having some abdominal surgery. And I know it's very different going through it yourself than it is watching a loved one go through that. So I was wondering if you can share a little bit with everybody about what that experience was like for you. Watching me go through surgery, scary.
Jose Chavez [00:08:13]:
I mean, if I'm being open about it, it's scary. It's scary with someone that you love when they're talking to you and at the hospital and they're throwing all this terminology and information to you, and it feels like it's going 100 miles a minute, and you're trying to grasp the concept of what's about to happen and not fully understanding what is happening, what isn't happening. And so you kind of just have to fall back on faith, and you do a little silent prayer, and you look at your wife and you just share your love. And I think, as cheesy as it sounds, your love and your optimism and your hope overrides eventually. Because while she was in her surgery, I just went back to the car and sat there quietly and just afraid until I heard she was good to go and I sat with her. And then relief. But no, it's scary. That's all there is to it, much.
Alyssa Chavez [00:09:31]:
Less the fun recovery process. Right. Because I remember the first, at least the first few nights when I got home, you've had incisions in your abdomen, and I couldn't even walk easily, much less get up and down. And I remember wanting so badly to go to bed, but I couldn't even use my abdominal muscles to lie down because it was so fresh. Right. And so he literally had to hold me and just lay me down on the bed, remember that? And then pull me back up. I couldn't do anything on my own. So it was certainly, I think, an interesting experience for both of us.
Alyssa Chavez [00:10:13]:
Just that level of support and trust in each other and things that may not come up in a day to day.
Jose Chavez [00:10:22]:
Yeah. And I don't mean to interrupt, but a big driving force of that is just the possibilities and the hope of being better. That is a big part of it. As scary as it is, the idea of you no longer being in pain or you no longer having. Well, yeah, being in pain. And also for us, the possibility of baby and how exciting that is. When the surgery took place, our percentage went up. Even if it's a slight bit, it's a slight bit, and I'll take it.
Jose Chavez [00:10:57]:
I'll take any little increase in possibility of having a family. So that was exhilarating to me. So I think that makes it all worth it.
Alyssa Chavez [00:11:05]:
Yeah. Now, actually, that's a perfect segue, because you were talking about just that hope and seeing things improve and the pain starting to improve and all of that. Now, you have also, since we've been together for quite some time. We've been together even before this whole journey started. So you've certainly seen me through everything from first experiencing symptoms to diagnosis to surgery to where I am today. But a lot of that journey has been, at least these last few years or so, have been me really exploring my own personal health. Right. And going through the process that I now take my clients through.
Alyssa Chavez [00:11:43]:
Right. The nutrition and the gut health and balancing hormones and all the different things. I know you don't even really know the ins and outs of everything I've been doing, so don't worry, I won't ask you that.
Jose Chavez [00:11:56]:
But I seem to change.
Alyssa Chavez [00:11:57]:
Yeah, that's more what I wanted to ask.
Jose Chavez [00:12:00]:
That's definitely something.
Alyssa Chavez [00:12:02]:
What has that been like? Or what changes have you seen in me? What has that been like for you? Kind of watching that transformation take place in front of your eyes? What can you share about that?
Jose Chavez [00:12:15]:
Well, yeah, because you're absolutely right. I don't know the ins and out of everything that you're doing, but the very first thing that pops into my head is your menstrual cycle from being pretty much at the end of every month, you're like, okay, well, here we go. And being pretty much bedridden from the pain and you taking your health into your hands and making all these changes. I probably know a little more than I should know about menstrual cycles of my wife. But being that we've been through this together, I can tell when it's that time and not like in, oh, my God, she's grumpy in the stereotypical way. It's, oh, my God, she's in pain. And to see her no longer necessarily be in pain is just that. I'll take that all day long where she can manage it, she can still function, she can still do the everyday activities that I would assume that most women can do, I guess, or I don't know if that's even a thing.
Jose Chavez [00:13:30]:
Yeah, I don't know if that's a horrible assumption, let alone, of course, all the other stuff, all the healthy eating and just the energy levels, and I've fallen victim to eating healthy to some degree. And so I do notice a huge change in myself, too, because she does 99.99% of the cooking.
Alyssa Chavez [00:13:56]:
It's 100, let's be real.
Jose Chavez [00:13:58]:
But I do the dishes.
Alyssa Chavez [00:14:00]:
He does do the dishes.
Jose Chavez [00:14:01]:
I do the dishes.
Alyssa Chavez [00:14:01]:
I'm thankful for that.
Jose Chavez [00:14:03]:
So I feel like I still come out ahead, but I try to contribute in my own way so inadvertently, through her being healthier. I've become healthier myself, and I can feel a difference in my energy and just my overall health. I don't know if that answered anything, to be honest.
Alyssa Chavez [00:14:22]:
Yeah, no, I like it. Yeah. Because I remember back when I was really in the thick of, I think even before I was even diagnosed, but just was in the thick of having that intense period pain. I mean, Jose saw me through days where, and I'm sure many of you listening can relate to this, where I physically could not stand up straight, right? Like, I was literally crawling up the stairs of our house because I couldn't stand and walk and pick up my legs. And all the things that seem like such simple, just day to day life, things just weren't going to happen during that time because there was such an intense pain happening. So, yeah, I know I felt quite a transformation in that. Like, it's been so freeing these last few years to be able to actually feel pretty okay during my periods, just to not be in that intense pain and be able to just walk around my house and do simple tasks and cook a healthy meal. Just that is so life changing.
Alyssa Chavez [00:15:24]:
And I think it's been pretty cool to go through that transformation together. And I'm glad that you've had some positive things coming out of me. Forcing vegetables into you, no, but going.
Jose Chavez [00:15:37]:
Back to you, obviously, we're talking about the physical things, right, about not being. To go upstairs and being able to cook. But I can only imagine knowing that in a month from now, you're going to be in that pain all over again. And how once again, to go back to it, to the mental health aspect of it, and to dread. Okay, it's only two weeks away. It's only a week away. It's only a few days away. And then being through that pain.
Jose Chavez [00:16:08]:
And so, psychologically, I've seen not only your health get better, but the psychological aspect, and I can't overemphasize that where your optimism, your energy, but not physical, it's the glean in your eyes that dread that was there is no longer there. And no one could blame anyone who's going through this to feel that dread and that it's okay to feel that way. You're perfectly within your right. And so if you can do a little something to just help yourself a little bit, why wouldn't you? Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Alyssa Chavez [00:16:48]:
Nice. Cool. Love it. Now, of course, when you're going into a relationship, and certainly in our relationship, you never expect to go into it and have one or the other have major health struggles along the way. Right. You hear in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. But going into that, you certainly don't picture all that that's actually going to entail. So is there anything that you wish that you would have known when you first began this journey that maybe it could help somebody else who's kind of right at the beginning?
Jose Chavez [00:17:27]:
Well, I don't even know if anybody could answer that because I think that if you do know, then you're already destined to some degree, be afraid. I don't know. That's a difficult question, I think, because, of course, you can be informed and you can be given certain information regarding endometriosis and all that. But I don't know. Not to sound cheesy, but no, I'm not even sure how to answer that.
Alyssa Chavez [00:18:10]:
That's okay. I think maybe we'll take this right into the next question that kind of relates, but might be easier to give an answer to, which is, just what advice would you give to somebody who is supporting someone struggling with endometriosis? Like, what advice would you give to somebody else who's in your position?
Jose Chavez [00:18:34]:
I think the number one advice is to if you could really, truly be patient with the individual that's going through something of this nature, and then that patience, if you're lucky, turns into admiration. Just listening here and talking to my wife, I get a little emotional because it does. It does go from patience to admiration to see this beautiful woman grow as not her health. And once again, I understand, I get it that you're in a lot of physical pain, but the mental growth, the mental understanding, the love that comes out of not for each other, but for life and for other people. And I see my wife, the first thing that when we were going through this is. And she realized that so many other people were going through something of this nature, and the fact that she wanted to be there for people the way we were there for each other. And how do you not admire that even more? And so I think that's what is pretty awesome. Okay, so answering the question, be patient, be patient, and then it's not made up.
Jose Chavez [00:20:06]:
It's not in their head, they're not exaggerating. Everything that they're stating is very much factual. And then try to be as informed as you can be. So therefore, it turns that patience into admiration when you have knowledge about what's happening. I think I answered the question.
Alyssa Chavez [00:20:29]:
Yeah.
Jose Chavez [00:20:30]:
Okay.
Alyssa Chavez [00:20:32]:
I think that was a wonderful answer. You can all see why I kind of like this guy, I think I'll keep him around a few more years. All right, well, I think that's a wonderful note to finish on, but is there anything else that you want to share about our journey together or about what it's been like for you to support a spouse who has endometriosis or, I don't know, anything?
Jose Chavez [00:21:00]:
Wait, what's the question?
Alyssa Chavez [00:21:06]:
This is Jose's first ever podcast interview, so we'll have a little patience for him as well. Is there anything else that you wanted to share about just being a spouse, a support system, a loved one to someone who has endometriosis?
Jose Chavez [00:21:26]:
Let's be there for each other, guys. You know what I mean? I think that's all we can ask for. And whether it's endometriosis or anything else in your health, when someone is suffering physically or mentally, I think the only thing I can say is just, let's just be there for each other. That's it.
Alyssa Chavez [00:21:45]:
Yeah. Agreed.
Jose Chavez [00:21:48]:
Simple, I guess, but not simple in concept, right?
Alyssa Chavez [00:21:52]:
Simple in concept, for sure. Well, thank you, my love, for taking the time to sit here in, I think I've talked about before the fact that I actually record in my closet since it has the best audio. So we are here crammed into our closet together, recording this episode.
Jose Chavez [00:22:09]:
If you guys could see this, you guys would laugh at us. We're literally, like, in our little walk in closet, kneeling down into a mic.
Alyssa Chavez [00:22:18]:
Hey, whatever it takes to get this information out and help whoever might be listening, whoever this might help along the way, and this might be a wonderful episode for you to share with loved ones who are supporting you through your endometriosis Journey. I know that's something that probably is lonely in and of itself, right? I know having endometriosis could feel kind of lonely and isolating, but I can imagine that being a loved one, trying to support that can feel very similarly.
Jose Chavez [00:22:47]:
And if I could just share one thing. Sorry about that immun. It just popped into my head, so I thought I'd throw it out there. That also, if you're suffering through endometriosis, you're not broken. You're not broken, guys. You know what I mean? My wife struggled with that, and many a times at night, or say she would be there contemplating and she would question herself as a woman and never, ever do that. You are not broken. You're amazing and you're brilliant for anyone who's going out there.
Jose Chavez [00:23:27]:
God bless you. And you guys are just killing it. And you know what I mean? Just continue. Just continue as of now, we still don't even have baby. But it's okay. A hope is still there. We still love each other, we still support each other, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with anyone. So that just popped into my head.
Jose Chavez [00:23:45]:
I thought I'd just share that. No, I love it.
Alyssa Chavez [00:23:49]:
Ditto what he said. I couldn't have said it better myself. Yeah. Well, I think that's the perfect note to end on right there. I hope this is helpful for everybody listening. And, yeah, I don't think I have anything to add to that. That was like a perfect little nugget to end on there, so.
Jose Chavez [00:24:10]:
Yes, and sorry that I was so nervous.
Alyssa Chavez [00:24:14]:
You did great.
Jose Chavez [00:24:15]:
Okay, thank you.
Alyssa Chavez [00:24:16]:
Great first podcast episode. We'll all give him a virtual round of applause here. If you loved hearing Jose, go ahead and shoot me a little DM on instagram at endobelly girl and let me know. I'll share those messages with him because I'm sure he'll be very happy to hear from someone other than his wife that he did a great job being on a podcast. Alright, everybody, much love. We will talk soon.