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Spandex & Wine
Spandex & Wine is a podcast for finding balance between being healthy & living a happy life. Hosted by Robin Hackney, a 23-year veteran in the fitness industry & wine consultant, this is a place to be our authentic selves as we have real conversations exploring wellness and all things wine! Subscribe now so you don’t miss an episode.
Spandex & Wine
How Vulnerability Leads to Freedom w/ Alenda Jacobson
What does it really take to heal from profound childhood trauma? Alenda Jacobson's story offers a raw, unflinching look at this journey as she shares her experience of sexual abuse from birth to age seven and the chaotic family environment that shaped her early life.
With remarkable openness, Alenda reveals how trauma taught her to constantly scan for danger, prioritize others' needs above her own, and develop an almost supernatural empathy as a survival mechanism. "I was very tuned in to everything going on around me because I was trying to predict next moves," she explains. "I couldn't feel safe if I couldn't feel other people's emotions." This hypervigilance came at a steep cost, disconnecting her from her own needs and creating patterns that followed her into adulthood.
The turning point in Alenda's healing journey came not during therapy, but after it ended. Walking away from a session feeling unsatisfied, something shifted—she realized there had to be more to healing than what she'd experienced. This awakening led her to embrace practices she'd previously dismissed and to question long-held beliefs. Most importantly, she learned that healing requires feeling: "You have to feel your feelings and they're not going to go away until you sit with them and stop being afraid of them."
What makes this conversation truly special is Alenda's profound wisdom about self-love. "Unfortunately, you're not going to find healing where you were hurt," she shares, "which means you have to do the hardest thing you've ever done—learn to be in love with yourself." Her journey reminds us that while others can support our healing, ultimately we must become our own healers and "the hero to our own story."
Have you experienced trauma that still affects your life? Listen to this episode for compassionate insights from someone who's walking the path of healing. Text me at 913-392-2877 or email info@spandexandwine.com to share your thoughts or connect with Alinda.
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Hello and welcome to the Spandex and Wine podcast. I'm your host, robin Hackney, and I'm so happy that you're here. This podcast is a place for conversations about balancing a healthy lifestyle and being happy more specifically, happy hour. Together we'll explore all things wellness and wine. I hope you learn a little, laugh a lot and, along the way, know you're not alone on this balanced wellness journey. Ready to jump in, pour something in your glass that makes you happy, because it's time for Spandex and Wine. Hey guys, it's Robin. Welcome back to the Spandex and Wine podcast.
Speaker 1:So you've heard me say it before and you're going to hear me say it again, that Spandex is very stretchy and I like to stretch the topics that I have on the podcast here. Hopefully you find them interesting and you can learn something from them. But today's topic I really haven't talked much about. So I think it's important in your overall well-being and wellness to learn to heal right. So you know, five different types of healing is what I was thinking about today. So physical, that's the easy part. Right, like restoring the body's health and strength throughout movement, you know, with nutrition, rest, maybe medical care. And then there's emotional healing. It's processing and releasing feelings. Processing and releasing feelings, building resilience and finding inner peace. Then there's mental, so shifting thought patterns, improving focus and nurturing a positive, healthy mindset. That's one that I've been focusing on just a little bit more like with our Tuesday affirmations. And the fourth one, spiritual, so connecting with your purpose and values or a higher power to feel grounded and guided. And then social, so healing relationships, strengthening connections and fostering a supportive community. Okay, so those are five core types of healing and I feel like today's guest kind of had to go through all of that. And she's going through all of it, still right, and she's improving in all of those areas. And she's improving in all of those areas.
Speaker 1:And I was so happy when my friend Alinda Jacobson said yes to being on the podcast that she wants to get her story out there more. She wants to help people heal, like she has been healing, and I had a lovely time with her. I hope you get something out of this episode. So I'll see you at the end for the outro. Enjoy Well. Hello Linda. Oh, my gosh, I don't think I've ever seen your hair curly before. Yes, I decided to feel pretty today. Yes, and it's Meadow's birthday. You're a doggy, it is. She's one years old today, so exciting. Look at her.
Speaker 2:I'm sure she won't hang up for the, for most of us. She has to feel important well she should.
Speaker 1:It's her special day, okay, so I need you to remind me um how you got your. I can't remember the story.
Speaker 2:My dad's name is Alan, spelled A-L-L-E-N, okay, and my mom's name is Debbie, and I think they kind of tried to merge them like Alan and Debbie. Okay, alenda, yes, so they made it up. I like it. It's beautiful, thank you, I like it. Now it up. I like it, it's beautiful, thank you, I like it now. Growing up, I hated it because I was constantly having to corrupt people and resell it and all that, but I've learned to appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, you probably couldn't find the key chain or the bike license plate with your name on it. It wasn't there.
Speaker 2:No, thank goodness for Etsy now, because you can order stuff for that.
Speaker 1:That's true, that is true. And there's so many different unusual names now that, yeah, you're right, there's so many ways you can go around that. Yeah, Okay. Well, you know on the podcast Spandex and Wine. Oh, you have your elephant mug, I love it. Spandex and wine. Oh, you have your elephant mug, I love it. I stretch the topics like spandex. So I always tell people that. But when I was thinking about various guests that I wanted to have coming up and after talking with you the other day, I thought you'd be a fabulous guest because you are one of the most positive people I know, but you have a story that holy moly. I don't think that most people would be as positive as you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I suppose that could be true.
Speaker 1:It definitely could be true. Yes, and we didn't talk about where we wanted to jump in. So I'm going to let you just kind of take off because, again, I think it's it's important for us to talk about all this. It's important for us to talk about putting in the work to heal yourself, and I know it's a process. But I'm going to let you start where you want to start, all right, Well, I am 47.
Speaker 2:My mom had me when she was 18 and then, less than two years later, she had a set of twins, uh, boy and girl. So I lived in a household when my dad was around too, but I lived in a kind of a crazy household, uh, you know, two kids having three babies and all that comes with that. So I'm trying to decide, like, where do I pick up? So mostly on one side of the family there's been a lot of dysfunction over the years.
Speaker 2:Over the years, a lot of sexual abuse a lot of emotional abuse, a lot of, yeah, just for generations. So I myself was exposed to sexual abuse from birth through like age seven, not like consistently that whole time. I didn't always live in the same city or state, um, as the people that were doing that, but yeah, for, uh, before it was revealed it was happening pretty much on a daily basis and so was found out and then life kind of quickly changed so there were people living with us that needed to leave and stuff like that, and I was the one that got asked if this was happening. So I kind of felt guilty, like I'm the one busting this all up. But here we go again.
Speaker 2:So, um, yeah, so there was a lot going on in my house. Um, my parents didn't know how how to treat each other Well. There was a lot of fighting. Know how to treat each other well, there was a lot of fighting. There was a lot of me trying to protect my siblings, even at a really young age, just from the things that were going on in the home.
Speaker 2:I grew up very empathetic and I kind of honed that skill in, I think, to feel safe and to try to. I was very tuned in to everything going on around me because I was trying to predict next moves. You know, I just couldn't feel safe if I could feel other people's emotions, and so if I could feel that somebody was mad or tense or anything, like you know, then I'm not safe. And so if I could feel that somebody was mad or tense or anything, then I'm not safe and so I'm constantly on the lookout for that my whole life. So that was kind of, I would say, my elementary school years, my middle school years. We moved around a lot too. Sorry if I'm jumping all over the place.
Speaker 2:I know you're fine, but my dad was in the military when they had me, so I was born in.
Speaker 2:North Carolina. Original family is from Iowa, so then we shortly we moved back to Iowa and then we moved, my dad's family moved out to Colorado, so we did a bunch of like moving back and forth for a little bit when we were younger, um, so I uh, by the time I started school, we were in Littleton, colorado, and, uh, I switched schools around a lot. You know, right before I started school, my uh, somebody knocked on our door and said do you want to come to church with us? And so we quickly became Baptists, if you can relate to that.
Speaker 2:So already a very dysfunctional home with no stability, no, just no safety, no feeling of safety and no feeling of, like, unconditional love. It was always what are you doing wrong? What are you doing? You know, trying to just, at least from my perspective. I was always trying to stop what was going on, so I really neglected myself. I learned to tune in to everybody else and not my own self. You know, I wanted everybody to be safe. I wanted the people that were fighting to be safe. I know that they were coming from places of hurt. I obviously wanted my siblings to be safe because I thought that I was so much bigger and better and protective. You know, I didn't think they would. You know, here's me, like 21 months older, trying to protect them from that stuff.
Speaker 1:And were they safe from that, or did they experience all of that as well?
Speaker 2:They, my, they've. My sister has experienced some of it. I mean, they they both experienced a lot of hardship. I would say that my brother was spared some um, but just the sexual abuse part, really, um. So yeah, then fast forward. So getting caught. Okay, let me go back.
Speaker 2:So I started at a Christian school. Then this is just to tell you like how much I've moved around and then in second grade my parents couldn't afford it anymore and so they sent me back to public school and so I went to one year of elementary school at the public school, one year of middle school at the public school, and then I went back to a Christian school that somebody was donating money to pay for us to go. So I did that from seventh through 10th grade and then went back to the public school for 11th grade and then finished my senior year on like a individual learning thing, because by then I was pregnant, so, um, so I have been kind of a loner a lot, which I think some people are surprised by that I've never really had a lot of friends. I my whole like sophomore year I sat by myself in the lunchroom and ate by myself.
Speaker 2:But I just, you know, I always felt like I didn't fit in and that I just didn't know what to do with that. Like how do I be normal around people that? You know, looking back, I'm sure they all have their stuff too. But I just felt so different Like my. We had cops at my house a lot, you know, just from my parents fighting, and you could hear people screaming like clear down the street, and so it wasn't like I was the only one that knew what was going on in my life. You know, people around the neighborhood knew and stuff too. So yeah too, so yeah. So I would say what happened is is after the sexual abuse. A couple years years later, we moved back to Iowa and I was more or less just reintegrated into being around those people so Okay.
Speaker 1:Wait a second, wait a second. So you had said before that when it was revealed it didn't happen as often, like it was daily basis, and then it was revealed, but then it continued to happen and your parents think about this.
Speaker 2:So once he started living, he lived with us for a while, Okay, and once that happened, once he was there, it was a daily thing. And then somehow my sister my sister was only like three but made a comment about French kissing or something like that, and my mom heard it. And so I came home from school and got sat down and asked and I was just like, yeah, this happened. So it never happened again after that. But he had to move away right away. But then, like two years later, we moved back to Iowa where all of our family is, and so we're just reintegrated. So, like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, here you go, just celebrate with all these people. So, and you know, growing up a Christian, I thought that's what I was supposed to do. You know, I thought you forgive and I do still believe that you do but I just I've had a lot of deconstructing, you know, over the last couple of years of my faith too, and I I don't know how you I'm kind of jumping all over the place.
Speaker 1:No, you're fine.
Speaker 2:Nope, nope, no Um yeah, I just really lost myself and then and then I went straight from that to not knowing what to do with myself.
Speaker 2:So, boom, linda doesn't really try hard to prevent getting pregnant at 18 and it happens, you know, yeah and um which is one of the best things that ever happened to me, because I was I was actually headed down a pretty dark path by that point um, my parents, marriage was actually falling apart at that point and not just being an awful marriage, and you know we were all in trouble for doing we were just rebelling, hardcore at that time. So, yeah, I went straight from that to being I mean, not even straight from like in the middle of all that to being a mom, and at that point I really decided to buckle down into my faith. You know I need my kids to go to heaven, so you know. So I'm back to being on the straight and narrow right there, you know like. And then, you know it didn't. I went to see her like two separate times ready to go, and I remember walking out from therapy thinking there has got to be more than this. There has got to be more. If this is as good as it gets, why am I here? So I started at that point.
Speaker 2:It was a really weird day that day, actually, because as soon as I walked out of therapy, we had a strange look on our face and something just shifted inside of me. I don't know what it was I don't know if it was the willingness to say I want more or what really all of a sudden just allowed myself to think about all of my beliefs and all of the things that have been done to me and all of the things that I've done to other people, and and and really just sit with it all and make try to make it make sense, you know, and and there was just so much of it that I couldn't make sense of, and I don't know. You know it's hard to say, because I was a Christian from age five to age 47. And I still am a follower of Jesus and his teachings. But if I can't reconcile why the church believes something, then I that's my responsibility to to somehow try to, and if I can't, then I really need to question what I'm believing. And so I. You know, it's just been a whole whirlwind of just digging through. Like.
Speaker 2:The funny thing is is the first session that ended in you know, my therapy, when they said I was done. I was, you know, like what do you mean? I'm done, I feel crazy, but I just so many things just opened up to me. After that, I mean, I just started to have like I felt like Jesus was actually talking to me more now that I'm questioning. I heard a very distinct voice in my ear one day while I'm watching TV and I told my husband about it and he's like well, and I just said I was just told that I am going to be healed so that I can help others heal, and I had no idea what that meant. Like I thought I was honestly on like the end of this thing, right, you know.
Speaker 2:I've talked about it all to my therapist. I've done all this. Well then, you know, some spiritual people started showing up in my news feeds after I'm doing different things and looking different stuff up and I'm just realizing like I'm having like a spiritual awakening or something there's all these other people that are doing the same thing, and the one thing that they were saying that was different than anything I had ever been told is that you have to feel, you have to feel it.
Speaker 2:You have to feel your feelings and they're not going to go away until you sit with them and you stop being afraid of them and you comfort the person who is experiencing them. You know, like your inner child, and I can tell you there were moments where I was in the fetal position on the floor, just sobbing my eyes out and scared still scared, of things that happened. You know that I wasn't even scared of in the moment because I couldn't allow myself to be so. Yeah, I mean the last couple of years has been a really hard, long process, but I feel more like me than ever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know I still have a ton of work to do, but I would say digging through all the junk that you're carrying is definitely worth it. It's the only way to get it off of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what do you think is like the first step? You know someone listening. They're like, oh my gosh, I need to do the work, but I don't know where to start.
Speaker 2:Honestly, one of the first, one of the very first things that I did, I happened upon this lady and she said I wake up every morning and go to the mirror and tell myself I love myself. And I couldn't even. I had to whisper it for like the first month. It was so bizarre to not to realize that I couldn't even say that to myself and I still have a reminder. I don't always do it now, but I still have a reminder that goes off on my phone every day to go to the mirror and tell myself I love myself. So that, just that is a huge, because you can't tell yourself you love yourself and then your body not try to reorganize so that it does you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:Now, it doesn't last very long if you go right back into self-sabotage, yeah, but I mean telling yourself I love you out loud is vulnerable, and that is what the biggest thing I think is learning to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Is how we need to get to that point once we're healed.
Speaker 2:But I would honestly say, even like meditation, I thought meditation was woo-woo.
Speaker 2:You know, I was taught it was woo-woo Right, but I mean just sitting in a chair with your eyes closed for five minutes and trying not to dwell on the thoughts that come through your mind and just be the observer, you know, and just let them pass. If you start and I didn't know how to quiet my mind at all, like I still am working on that, but I can get there now but I mean, the first several months you don't even feel like you're doing anything, like I don't know how to meditate. But then you know, the more you quiet your mind and the more that you just sit with yourself, the more things they come to the surface as you're ready to deal with them. Like I feel, like I was. I didn't actually watch your last, one of your last podcasts, but I read the notes about the lady, that one of the ones that said you have the spirit guides and all that. Like, I do believe a lot of that and I do believe that your spirit is going to bring up what you're ready to handle.
Speaker 2:You know it's not going to bring it all up to you at once, although sometimes I wish it would, just so that you could be done with it. But you know, at the same time I probably would have dropped dead trying to deal with all that at once. So yeah, there's kind of a nutshell of stuff.
Speaker 1:I'm sure I skipped over a weird rant, I don't know. Not reacting to your thoughts, not resisting your thoughts, just an observation and being able to. Oh, that's interesting, I can do this, I can do this. It's just like watching a train. If you see the train cars go by and you're trying to watch every single one go by, you're going to drive yourself crazy. You just have to focus there. There they go, they're there, they're going to be there all the time. So just detaching yourself from that.
Speaker 2:And learning to do that in the moment, to be present too. Like I had a vision come to me the other day of like because I feel like I'm not flowing, like I'm constantly. Even my therapist said you go back and reanalyze everything you do. And I'm like you are right, I do, because I want to know what's the safest course for you know.
Speaker 2:I want everything to be safe and blah, blah blah. And the other day I had kind of a vision and it was of me like a film rolling right Of my life and I'm trying to like get out of the story and look at everything and be like nope, nope, back up, we got to do that.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean Instead, of just staying in the moment and staying with the flow. I am constantly trying to dictate and, like the mad person you know over here, trying to make it just right and that's. I just automatically do it. I have a really hard time staying present, like I disassociate a lot.
Speaker 2:And it's not, I didn't even know that's what I was doing, but you know you. Just you go to another place in your head because vulnerability isn't safe. When somebody took advantage of vulnerability when you were very, very little, you know then that I would say is my hardest thing to come to terms with is that I'm safe and that it's okay to be vulnerable. That still scares the crap out of me, like being vulnerable and and that's one thing telling your story Like I 've never really had a problem telling my story, but telling it with my guard down and telling it so that you see me instead of I used to tell it more.
Speaker 2:I know you're probably going to reject me, so let me just tell you all the reasons why you should, because it was another way to control my world, you know Right, and so I very rarely tell people things out of vulnerability, it's more out of safety. But I have realized that the absolute key to living a good life is to live vulnerably. I mean, the only way that you're going to get your body to stop aching everywhere is if you stop trying to hold parts of you in that you can't hold anyway. You know what?
Speaker 2:I mean yeah, it's not like tenting my neck and my arms, it's not stopping anything from coming out, it's just hurting me. Yes, you know, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it is very interesting because we do carry our issues in our tissues. I mean, it's something that happens. You can see someone that has really had lots of hurt. Oftentimes you'll see them their shoulders forward like they're protecting their heart, or they have a really hard time with heart opening and you know, opening that up and it's it's interesting to observe in other people and I'm sure that you see it differently. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I'm kind of weird, but I can get clues into like how people I've spent my whole life, you know, watching people and when we go to like baseball games, football games, things that I don't really, they don't move fast enough for me to just stay totally engaged, Like I could probably tell you what's going on in people's lives around me and not specifics, but I could look at a person for a couple of minutes and really see that something is going on beneath the surface and I just I really can feel that from everybody.
Speaker 2:I can kind of feel where they're at with their energy. And so I, you know, when I was younger I did it to be safe, not even realizing I was doing it. But now, like, my biggest thing is just I want people to feel seen, I want you know, everywhere I go, I'm like over smiling at people, even if I've had a bad day. Everywhere I go, I'm over smiling at people, even if I've had a bad day. I just want people to know that you may be walking in the shadows, but people see you and they love you. I'm not even all the way in the light on the other side waiting to help you, but I'm still halfway in the shadows and I'm with you.
Speaker 2:I want people to know that I've experienced teen pregnancy, a lot of dysfunction at home, just so many things. And and yet I never felt like I was a part of that group. I'm sure people don't really. It wasn't like I thought I was just one of those troublesome kids that did all that stuff. I always felt like I was walking through it for something and I just, you know, sometimes I hated it when I was growing up, Like God. Why did you put me in this lie, you know? But the more that I heal, the more that I know everybody else just needs to be heard. They need to be heard, they need to be loved, they need to be listened to, they need to feel valued, and it doesn't matter if you agree with anything they say or not. My big thing I relate. So I have read the whole entire Bible and I've studied a lot about Jesus. When I was trying to come to terms with what I believe and I forgot where I was going with that, See, I do that, that's okay. What was I going to say?
Speaker 1:That's okay, I'm sure it'll come back. You had said that you feel led to help people. Yeah, and I'm wondering if you've figured out. What does that look like for you? Is it, is it health coaching, or I mean life coaching? Is it um, like support groups?
Speaker 2:I don't know. Okay, I don't know, I've got some, some. I mean, at one point, at one point I was really interested in, like I don't even know how to pronounce it right, but Reiki or Reiki or whatever. R-e-i-k-i, yes, reiki, uh-huh, yes, I was interested. Yes, reiki. I was interested because I have seen somebody that that was a cool experience, that was a really cool experience.
Speaker 2:I went and saw somebody and that was neat and I thought about that and you know, I realized that when I say I'm going to help other people heal, I realized that even if I do get to that point, it's not me helping them heal, it's me holding space for them to be able to figure out how to do it themselves.
Speaker 1:You know, we all.
Speaker 2:I think that's how we get to the next point of where we're going is we all have to heal. And I remember I was going with the Bible thing. Peter always stood out to me in the Bible. I don't know I must relate to him or something, but when he cut the ear off of the person that was coming to take Jesus to crucify him, and I just. Every time my ego speaks too loud, every time I get mad. I just hear put your sword down, put your sword down.
Speaker 2:Like we all have got to put our swords down, like everybody has a sword in this world and they're fighting their own battle all by themselves. And it's like do we, do any of us think we're going to win? Like that, you know, and I just I would love to see a world of people put their swords down and come to the end of themselves and just realize that we all, we all effed up, we all left up this big mess, but we're all godly people in here and the love is the only way to move forward. It's really the only way.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I don't know what that means, my goodness.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't know People. Always, you know, at work, they come to me for advice and I've always, like you guys, I'm the biggest, I've got the biggest mess there's anybody in this, you know, in here, and yet people always, you know, they gravitate towards me for advice or just for that. So I don't know. I don't have any formal training. I'm a medical biller, so I would love to be something. I just don't know what. I don't know if I'm supposed to write a book, if I'm, I don't feel probably that way, but um, or if I'm just supposed to have a podcast, if I'm supposed to do Reiki, I don't know what it is, but I feel I've been kind of putting off exactly deciding because I feel like I'm not healed enough yet. You know, you always feel like you have more work to do, but I think part of your healing comes from helping too, and so I would like to plug myself in somewhere other than just being the smiley person at the grocery store that sees you.
Speaker 2:I mean, I know that that's just work, and I know that if I'm called to be in the places that I've never seen, and it's just walking up and down grocery, I mean, if that's my calling, that's my calling, I'm fine with that. I just would like to know for sure, like what's next for me. But I don't yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I've heard it said before too, that you just have to be 10% ahead of the person that you're helping. So I mean, it's not like you have to have all this formal training or anything like that. You can help Just by someone listening to this. They may be like, oh my gosh, I need to connect with her and that could be your start Right. So, and I feel like all of that will reveal itself when it's ready, because you're so open to it. So I think that wonderful things are going to unfold for you. I can't wait to hear all of that. I did want to touch on your story of how you met your husband because, as I was thinking about that when we left your house, I thought, oh my gosh, I think I'm going to cry when I say this. I feel like he's been an angel in your life from the very beginning.
Speaker 2:He has, he has, and I'm starting to believe that in reincarnation and stuff like that, because I'm having memories of stuff that wasn't from his life.
Speaker 1:And he's there, he's there, he's there, he's mostly in all of it, and yeah, so tell your story just real quick, just in a nutshell, how, how you met him.
Speaker 2:Okay, so when we moved from Colorado back to Sioux city, Iowa, um, I was one month and had one month left of fourth grade, and then fifth grade was there and he was in both of my classes and I, like the first day I don't remember which year it was or whatever, but we both remember like standing in line, you know, you line up on the lines they have in the morning and looking at each other like right in the eyes, and for me it was. You know, have you ever had one of those moments where the world just stopped and for like a second you were just like, and that's how it felt for me. I don't know that it felt the same way for him, but he remembers, I mean it specifically. So he was my boyfriend in fifth grade and part of sixth grade and then, and then I switched schools back to the.
Speaker 2:Christian school and he was at the public school. So we had a little fling in like the summer between seventh and eighth grade. And then I actually got pregnant with my son my senior year of high school, with a guy that I only dated very briefly. And then a year after high school I had just moved out of my mom's house and into my very first apartment with Kyle, and there my sister calls me and she says guess who called for you? And I was like what? She's like Paul Jacobson, and he wants to know if you're married. And so then he ended up calling me later that night and we've been together ever since. But you know, looking back together ever since, but you know, looking back, I was. I felt so alone my whole life, like like alone, like I was just I felt like somebody dropped me off on the wrong freaking planet. Because you know what I mean. I knew I was supposed to be like this light. I don't know why, I knew that but I did.
Speaker 2:And then I feel like there's no room for light where I'm at right now you know what I mean, and I just feel like God brought Paul's presence into my life so young, and I'm actually glad that we did our own thing all the way through, because we didn't taint it in any way.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Yeah, so there wasn't any bad history or anything, and when we were just, you know, adults and young adults, we were 19, so, yeah, but you know, we, we just, I think we both just knew that there was something different in each other. And he's been amazing. I mean, he's not perfect, he's not perfect, but neither am I and protective, and yet gives me the space, no matter what I'm going through. I mean, a couple of years ago, what I was going through felt so big and so and I wasn't even sure, you know like, is he going to stay with me with all these things that are happening to me? And he's just a good guy. He is a good guy. He is and you were talking about holding space for other people.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's what he does for a good guy. He is a good guy he is, and you were talking about holding space for other people. I feel like that's what he does for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he does, and he really does it for a lot of people too. He is a big, bright light too. He just doesn't like attention on himself at all, which I don't really either, but I do have a big mouth. He learned to control his a lot sooner.
Speaker 1:Well, we covered a lot. Is there anything that you would want you know? Maybe it is someone that has been a victim of sexual abuse. Maybe it's someone that's just been abused. Maybe it's just someone that's in a dark place right now. Is there a piece of advice you would want to give them, or something you would want them to know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, unfortunately, you're not going to find healing where you were hurt, which means that you have to do the hardest thing that you've ever done, and that is to learn to be in love with yourself In love.
Speaker 2:I'm not talking about just be kind in love and I'm obviously in the process of doing that but to love yourself like you would want the person that abused you to love you. Like the person that talked bad. You know, you no matter even. You know, like no matter how loving you behave towards me right now, like I have to choose to feel it. I have to choose to accept it and feel that love, and I'm the only one that can do that. Do you know what I'm saying? So like I'm the only one that can do that. Do you know what I'm saying? So I'm the only one that can heal my wounds.
Speaker 2:It doesn't mean it's my fault, but it means I'm the only one that can go back and feel that space and love myself right there and get those feelings out. So I think the key to everything is to realize that you're you're the hero to your own story. You're the hero to your own story. That's good stuff, yeah, and that's not saying there isn't higher powers. I believe they're here, helping. I believe we are part of that. I don't think that we're on our own, but I still believe that we are the ones that have to do the work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh gosh. Well, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for sharing your story. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2:I hope it wasn't all over the place. Hopefully you can do some good editing.
Speaker 1:Nope, it's good the way it is. So thank you, you're welcome. Oh gosh, okay. So just a huge thank you to Alinda for sharing her story with us. I know it's not easy and I truly appreciate her taking the time and just opening up. She did say at the end of our call, after I had stopped recording, that you know there's more. There's more that she would like to share. She's just not there yet. She's not ready, but she will be. She's still in that healing process. So I'm just grateful that she is so willing to put herself out there and be vulnerable and giving all of us the permission to do that as well, and I know that she's going to do great things and she's going to help so many people. If you connected with this story, if you think it'll help someone else, please share the episode. Reach out to me if you'd like to get connected to Alinda and I can certainly make that connection. You have my email info at spandexandwinecom and you can text me on my text line at 913-392-2877. All right, you guys take care of each other. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1:If you're enjoying this podcast, be sure to follow Spandex and Wine so you don't miss an episode. To do this. Just go to the podcast and click subscribe or follow. Wherever you're listening, look for the plus sign or follow button. This is one of the best things that you can do for the podcast. If you'd also be willing to give a five-star review, that would be amazing and much appreciated. Lastly, please share an episode with a friend or five to keep the love going, and join the spandex and wine community in our private facebook group by searching spandex and wine. Feel free to reach out to me at any time by emailing info at spandex and winecom or text me at 913-392-2877. I appreciate you, thank you.
