Modified - The Journey to My New Normal with Gladys Clausen

Featured on the first episode of Season 2 is an incredible mom, friend and local community member, Gladys Clausen. Gladys vulnerably and courageously shares that after discovering she carried the BRCA gene (putting her at a higher risk for certain cancers), there was no right or wrong way to move forward. On the road to healing, she documented her journey in her first book, Modified - The Journey to My New Normal: A Memoir of Being BRCA Positive. Gladys bravely reminds us to be kind to ourselves, have grace in difficult moments, continue to follow our gut and to listen to our inner knowing.

Gladys is a proud New Hampshire resident and newly published author of her first non-fiction book, Modified, as well as a children’s author of her first children’s book, Will Mommy be OK? Gladys shares her life with her loving husband, Patrick, and their three wonderful children. Gladys is a passionate gardener, self-starter, and flamenco dancer, bringing energy and joy to everything she does. She remains a vibrant member of her community, using her story and her passions to uplift and inspire others. Gladys’ books can be found on Amazon https://a.co/d/2ySqNQa and to see all of Gladys’ work, visit https://dreamingcrowproductions.com. You can also follow her on Facebook and Instagram @dreamingcrowproductions

Gladys will be at the Gilford Public Library in Gilford, NH on April 15, 2025 at 5:30 PM to talk about her book, Modified: The Journey to My New Normal. For more info, contact Gladys or the Gilford Library at https://www.gilfordlibrary.org/.

References:

Amazon Book Link: https://a.co/d/2ySqNQa

Dreaming Crow Productions: https://dreamingcrowproductions.com/

Facebook: @dreamingcrowproductions

Instagram: @dreamingcrowproductions

Lani Voivod Sound Baths: https://lani-voivod-muse.square.site/

Live in Love Retreat (Tuftonboro, NH): https://katelemay.com/products/sandyisland

Want to Connect with True for You? I'd love to hear from you!

Email: trueforyoupodcast@gmail.com

Instagram: @trueforyoupodcast

Facebook: @trueforyoupodcast

Transcript

This is the True for You Podcast, a place where we show up for ourselves fully. I'm your host, Renee Cupples. Becoming a yoga teacher helped set me free from trying to always have everything figured out and surrender to what is again and again.

If you're looking for inspiration and direction in your life, look to yourself and what you love. I am here to serve as a mirror to remind you of how amazing you truly are. Let's begin.

 Welcome back to the True For You podcast. It's your host, Renee Cupples, and I am here with fellow Gilford resident, Gladys Clausen. Gladys lives in the same town as me, and her kids attend the same schools. And I remember meeting Gladys and being super drawn to her energy and my kids thought she was a celebrity because she was a professional flamenco dancer and they learned about flamenco dance at our local library.

So, thank you so much Gladys for joining me today and I'm going to read Gladys's bio because I'm interviewing her today for a book that she recently had published and she actually has two books recently published.  Gladys is a proud New Hampshire resident and is a newly published author of her first non- fiction book, Modified, as well as a children's author of her first children's book, Will Mommy Be OK?

Gladys shares her life with her loving husband, Patrick, and their three wonderful children.  Gladys is a passionate gardener, self starter, and flamenco dancer, bringing energy and joy to everything she does. She remains a vibrant member of her community, using her story and her passions to uplift and inspire others.

Gladys' books can be found on Amazon. I'll post those links in the show notes.  You can also follow her on Facebook. And Gladys will be at the Gilford Public Library on April 15th at 5. 30 p. m. to talk about her book, Modified: The Journey to My New Normal. So thanks for joining me, Gladys.

Thanks for having me, Renee. I'm so excited to be here.  

And I absolutely love the cover of your book.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but your daughter Monica helped you design the cover to the book. 

Yes. Yeah, it was definitely, you know, a process and I was very open to talking about the project with my kids, my husband, and I leaned on them a lot.

And I drew this little doodle and it was kind of the idea of the book cover that you see today. But I wasn't thrilled with it. The first image I used AI and it looked like Medusa and it had snake curls and I was like I don't want it to look like DNA. And so then my daughter Monica was like can I just see your phone and so she just did this super descriptive,  you know, description for AI and then this image popped up. And I was like, that's it.

That's what I wanted. And it was just, at first it was very colorful. And I was like, it's too much color. But then with the sunset sunrise in the background, it was just perfect. It was amazing. So yes, thank you, Monica. And she likes to get credit for that too.  

Exactly. So Gladys, can you share just a little bit more about your background and your story? 

Sure. 

So, I grew up in Massachusetts, in this tiny town 24 miles outside of Boston. And it was super simple and happy and safe and grew up around family and that was lovely. Went to Northeastern University for a couple of years, but I really didn't love the college experience.

I think it was too big of a school for me.  So I went right into the workforce. I met my husband and that was it, love at first sight. And, we eventually got married, had our children, and he and his family, rented cottages up here in Lake Winnipesaukee forever. And at one point his family were debating on selling it and it was kind of a crossroads for us.

But ultimately we decided let's take over the family business, help everybody out. And that's what brought me to Gilford. So, you know, I'm happy to be here. It was definitely an adjustment from Massachusetts, but this is definitely home for me. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else, just being surrounded by the mountains, the lakes.

It's just amazing. I feel very lucky to be here.  

Awesome. And can you give a little bit of background about what made you decide to want to write a book about your journey and what kind of led you up to the point going on your journey?  Did it all start with a routine mammogram? 

So no, so once I turned 40, we have all these things that we're supposed to do. And so, yeah, it was just a routine mammogram. I thought nothing of it, but  just, you know, went with the flow. And I actually, it was funny cause you look back and it's just random texts or things that I had, all these pictures that I was able to incorporate into my book.

But yeah, so it was just a routine mammogram. And then my second one, there was a little bit of a something that they were worried about. And so you just go with the flow, you do what your doctors tell you to do.  So I went for another mammogram, which led to a lumpectomy, which, and at that same time, two family members on my mother's side ended up developing cancer. One was colon, my uncle who had colon cancer. And then my aunt, had breast cancer and had a full mastectomy. And this was all happening as I was going through the motions of well, let's just double check your breast tissue and I had to fight for genetic testing.

But first they're like, well, you know, it could be nothing, have your mother get tested because if she has it, then it'll be more likely that you would have it.  But it wasn't easy to get that done because my mother had ovarian cancer, so that was another marker for me, but with enough , just kind of pushing my doctor, like, listen,  I just want to know, I just, it would be comforting to  just know, do I have it or do I not?  That's how I found out that I had the BRCA gene mutation, and it was very difficult.

It's not a common thing yet. I want to say yet. And you know, you go to your PCP and they're there to check you head to toe, but just on the outside and then you have a breast specialist or an oncologist. And that's just specific for those things. But I feel like with BRCA or B-R-C-A  and any kind of genetics, it's a whole different scope.

And  I feel like you find out that you have this genetic mutation that puts you at higher risk, but it's a numbers game. You have a chance, but you're not positive yet. So it's really pushed back on you as the patient.   Do you want to take the risk? Do you want to have more frequent screenings? Or do you just get the preventative surgeries? And it's really tricky to figure out because there's no right answer. There's no wrong answer. Some people do it, some people wait and it's just tricky. And that was the hardest part.  

I just wanted somebody to be like, Oh, don't worry about it. Just, you know, wait a couple of years and you'll be totally fine. And that doesn't exist, at least it didn't back when I did. There's definitely more of a community now. I think you can find Facebook groups, Reddit has a sub community, which I just found as I was trying to promote my book.

But at the time when I was going through all of this, it was scary and I was alone. I was alone and I was miserable and I just, I didn't know what to do. So once I got past all of my surgeries and in my book, I mentioned, I started going to sound baths and was starting to gain clarity.

I was starting to figure out how to gain peace and acceptance with everything that I've gone through. And one day I just woke up after a dream and it was just, I need to write a book and luckily I had my journal right next to me and I just popped out of bed at six in the morning, started writing, and then even the title came up at that point. And as you do these things in life, you go out on a limb, you're like, "Oh, I'm going to write a book." But that imposter syndrome is so real. And I actually was listening to your podcast. I was at the gym and I was stretching and you had Maria Suarez on and the phrase was "teach what you know". 

And that gave me the confidence to be like, you know what, I know this, I've gone through this, I'm going to share my story and help people, because I didn't have that. And that was pretty much it.

And I think that must have been such a huge part in your healing journey, too, because when you're in the thick of it and,  almost just trying to get through it a little bit and be on the other side, to be able to process it and walk through it again and see what you would share with someone, what you wish you had had, maybe, when you were going through it, a resource to help people that are going through the journey and how to advocate for themselves. And one thing that came up in reading your book was you mentioned that I hadn't heard this phrase before, but I know other people that have had abnormalities show up in mammograms and it's biopsy fatigue, when you're just getting testing and I had never heard that phrase before but  that's something that's important to point out that can come up for people.

Yeah. And I didn't really have a lot , I think I had all in all two or three biopsies, but that was enough, you know, cause it was kind of back to back and the waiting. And a lot of the biopsies were during the summer, so I couldn't go in the water and we live right on the lake and I love being in the water.

So, you know, there was kind of a lot of things that just were,  it was just a nuisance. And I knew that I had the opportunity to be ahead of-- if I found that a lumpectomy was such a nuisance, I could only imagine going through chemotherapy all the time and radiation. That is such a bigger monster to deal with than some small incisions and waiting, but yeah.

And I knew a lot of people around me, not even family members, that had dealt with biopsy fatigue and they all said as soon as they removed their breasts with the mastectomy, they felt so much relief which to me was like, oh like it's such a part of you, right? Your breasts, they're so what make you who you are and I couldn't wrap my head originally around not having them but then just knowing that I don't need them. You know, there's other options. It kind of made it easier.  But it was definitely a process. It was hard.  

And you also mentioned how important when it comes to advocating for yourself, it is to get a second opinion and not be afraid because you had some experiences with doctors where--  it's almost an energy thing where you aren't feeling heard and they're just not the right fit for you and you want to have a team that's going to support you and back you up and listen to you no matter what. And I think that's such an important thing to share, that you trusted your gut on that and went out and found the team that was the right team for you.

It's so hard and sometimes you feel like you're stuck, just because medical and insurance. It's not easy. It's not straightforward. And I just was naive in the beginning to think, well, this is who they're giving me.  This is it. This is the end all be all. But once I left that appointment for that first plastic surgeon, I was mortified.

I thought to myself, maybe I will take the risk because the pictures that he showed me were just awful. And I'm young and I want to feel great and be me at such a young age. And, even Patrick, my husband was like, I don't think so. So to have another voice, just to support,

I get it. I agree. He's not meant for us. Let's look around. And as I mentioned in my book, my husband did a lot of the leg work because the biopsy fatigue, just the everything fatigue,  you just get emotionally so shut down because daily you're trying to do your thing, keep the house afloat, but then in the back of your mind, you're going to sleep wondering like "What the heck am I going to do?"

So it's definitely hard, but I think trusting your gut and asking for help, and sharing it. It's hard to bring up personal topics about yourself, but we're all going through something. And  you can do it alone, but it's so much easier when you have support. 

Yeah, I really loved the part, you pointed out in the book and I think this can probably come up when a lot of people are going through something difficult is  to also check on your spouse, right? That they're also having... could be having a hard time, but they don't want to put that on you as the patient who's already dealing with everything and it's your body, but mental health wise, they could be having a tough time and also your kids, them seeing you struggle and  sometimes you want to share everything with your kids, but also make them not worry.

To them, you're their warrior, you're their mama bear. So to see you, they might be really nervous something's going to happen to you and to just be fully honest with them and have this to show them you can overcome it and you can advocate for yourself is a huge mirror for them too.  I just know they must be super proud of you.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah it was really important for me because I think there were also some emotional moments that in the beginning I was trying to be strong and hold it together and then that almost made it more scary because they'd be like why is mom crying in the corner or why is mom, what is going on but they hear everything. They know. They're so much wiser, these kids, they know what's going on, they can sense the emotions going on. So we decided right from the beginning, we're just going to tell them the truth. And, you know, we talk about all of the things, even still, like periods, like talk about periods with my 16, my almost 16 year old. The more you talk about it, the better it is.

And I also think showing them that I was tired and that I was weak also made it more real where it wasn't like, oh, mom's okay. It's no big deal. No, mom's going to sleep in today or mom's going to take a nap. And they respected that. And I think  definitely in the long run, it made me heal quicker, but there was definitely like, yes, this is hard.

Yes. You're doing hard things. But, wow, for you taking your space, I think  showing weakness is also, it has a lot of strength, you know what I mean? 

Yeah, and it teaches them compassion, to have compassion for people going through different, difficult things, and to have compassion, because it's obviously, especially with kids, all of us tend to be self focused. That's our human nature, but to be able to be compassionate and to give you that space and then that quality time that you have together is really meaningful. 

And they were so good though, looking back, they all stepped up, big time and I really appreciate that and even still my youngest, she's so in tune to me, which I love. It's so wonderful. I feel very loved. But sometimes, I'll just go for an extra long hug just because it's good juju, right?

And they're just , Mom, are you okay? And I'm totally fine. Studies show hugs are good. I'm taking a little extra long hug. So that's, which is sweet, you know, and I'm glad to have them have that awareness too.  It's okay to hug. You don't hug just because you're sad. You hug because it's good for you, you know.

Yeah,  yeah, it's so important. I could think that, you know, it could get really difficult and you could maybe push people away too when you're going through and try to carry all the burden yourself. But I think for your healing, it's really important to lean on people. I love that you even said hindsight after your surgeries, these are actually the meals that would probably help people best, going through some surgery. You're just keeping it real because people, I wouldn't know that, as somebody trying to help out a friend, you know, I would actually want to know what's going to help you recover the best. So, being, vulnerable in that way too, what would actually help me?

Thank you. Yeah, I know. I felt bad too because I was like thinking back of the roster. I'm like...  but it's true though! I mean, who doesn't love pasta? Pasta is such a comfort food, but mental note, it is not the best. Soup might be good.  

Oh, it's so good. I think of going through having kids, I'm like, give me the whole truth. Tell me the things that are actually going to happen after the fact, because, those are the things that I would have wanted to know to help me to not have to be freaked out that something was going wrong and stuff. So, yeah, it's vulnerable to even share so many silly, funny stories and anecdotes that you share in your whole journey, because that ridiculous stuff is what keeps it light and not everything is going to be so serious and so hard. Actually, some of it's can be pretty funny and you can have those moments where you take the time to really lean into that.

Yeah, and sometimes you just have to laugh. Cause almost at one point I'm like, seriously? Again? Is this really happening to me? And a little , why me? But,  yes. Cause this is life and I think if you can't laugh,  then I get it, but luckily my partner is amazing and  he could laugh at me and I can laugh with him. And I laugh at him too. So, I think you've got to find the humor. There's silver lining in everything.  It's hard to get stuck in things, but  through all of this, it was a healing process.  When I started writing the book,  I wasn't even done, you know?

And so I started  when I had the moment where I'm like, I need to write this book, I wasn't done with my journey. And I think that allowed me time to reflect back and then really feel the motions or emotions during when I was actually writing and then pause a bit and kind of refocus on just the things  and then really be able to focus on the end story and find humor. You know, it was definitely healing, but finding the humor in the moments  was very important.  

Yeah. And I like how you were honest about you wanted everything to get back to normal and you couldn't go at the same pace that you had been going at, like prior to going through all this stuff, because recovery takes time. And so you were leaning into sound healing and things that were really helping you feel like  you're doing something for yourself, but you were even saying like, you couldn't even walk as far or as fast and those things were really hard, to not be able to do the things that you wanted to be doing. But actually,  I think it's a huge way to honor like where you are to adjust, have that adjustment period and not think that you have to just go full throttle back into the way your life was before. 

And it never will be. And it's grace, patience, and purpose.  I had it written on my mirror. So every day, if I could just do a couple of bicep curls,  that's great, you know, and it's hard to learn to accept yourself as you change in life.

And there's growth that happens naturally or emotionally, but this was more like a physical thing. So I was a little bit angry in the beginning. I just was frustrated and angry cause it wasn't something that I asked for, but it was something that I chose. So, you know, it's kind of a  balance to accept those things, but, I have  accepted who I am now. A lot of the things that I thought I'd never overcome, I have overcome, I do feel more normal.  Than I feel like I used to feel. There's like certain quirks that will always feel funny because you know, I have expand or implants in my chest wall.

So I'll like never do a pushup or if I do some yoga, it's super awkward. And you're just reminded that you're not who you were, but also I'm still doing yoga and I'm still doing other things. So, you find like, well, that's, you know, you accept, "that was a pretty good workout, even though it wasn't like it used to be".

So those kinds of things, it's a constant reminder that you're not the same, but you are getting closer every time you do these things for yourself.  And I think, you know, so I think it's been almost about a year since my last surgery, which is huge.  And having the hormones,  I'm still trying to figure out the balance, but it's getting there.

So it's still baby steps, even though it's been a year.  But I think I've done pretty well, overall, about speaking and doing what I can and just having fun. I'm just trying to  go back to myself as much as I can  and give myself grace. I think grace is so  underrated. Just be patient, be kind to yourself. And even still, I find myself the last one to get up in the house and I don't feel bad about it because some days I sleep really well and some days I don't. It's still a little bit awkward with my new body.

So. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's a beautiful way to honor your new body. As a yoga teacher, I get really excited when people aren't doing what I say to do. Because it's actually not the best for everybody, right? It's not, if it physically hurts your body, or you're not supposed to do it, then you shouldn't do it.

And you don't want to push past that just because you could do it at some point, it doesn't mean it's necessarily right for you in this moment. I get really excited. Sometimes I say it out loud too, but I don't want to point people out if they don't want to be pointed out. But if somebody is just laying there doing nothing, I get  excited because to me, that's the point is to not, and then sometimes somebody is doing a headstand and I'm like, okay, that's,  that's amazing. You do you, because that's what you feel you need to be doing this moment.  But it's a whole different ballgame too when you've gone through surgery and you have the scar tissue and you have that recovery piece. Still, even when you think you should be over it, you're gonna constantly have to adapt over time.

And I can do a lot of the things but it's just it's uncomfortable and so then I'm like, well, I don't like it.  I could do it and I'm sure I'd be fine but I'm like meh  I'll skip that. 

Yeah not worth it. I think this, this whole journey for you is one way  that you have honored yourself and made a really difficult choice in order to hopefully live a longer life. And, what ways do you feel like honoring your truth has transformed your life?  

Good question.  Yeah, so just patience. Accepting and appreciating each milestone.  Just taking the time and just accepting, learning to accept what it is,  and just, just being kind,  kind to myself, because I've, I've put myself through a lot, you know, mentally and physically.

So just each day I try and do the best I can to support like a good and healthy lifestyle. Sometimes it's hard because there are always like vices out there.  But just kind of honoring that I've done a lot. Getting outdoors every day is so key to my mental and physical health.  The birds, the wind, the fresh air, the sun.

I don't think I'd be where I am without the mountains in my backyard.  Literally, I just go outside and just it allows me to think. And I think a lot of my hikes and stuff as I was writing and even continue to write. It just gives you such a freeing peace of mind. So, you know, just honoring where I am and accepting my new normal is just all I can do and all I can ask for.  I'm grateful for each day, really.  

And, at your book launch party, Gladys, I was signing your guest book and I wrote congratulations on publishing your first book, right, because I had a feeling  that there was more coming. And then at the party you announced that you also actually published a children's book and I was like,  (fist pump)! 

Yes, yes.

So, there's already a second book, and I just would love to hear from you, because I know you're going to Gilford Library next month to talk about Modified. And what made you want to write a children's book in addition to capturing your nonfiction journey through your book?

Yeah, so the same idea just I wanted support. And also I had some feedback from some people when I would tell them that I was going through a mastectomy and that I was writing a book. They said oh gosh, you know, it'd be so nice if you if there was a children's book out there. There's no children's book about it.

So, again, just you know on my walk, I had an idea. I just jotted it down and lo and behold You know, it's super simple. I actually have it. Would you like to see it? 

Yes.  I love that you mentioned too, that a lot of the pictures that appear in  Modified, which are real life pictures, you were able to have adapted in the children's book to be, to be part of it, which is really cool.

Yeah. So it's really fun. So some were like staged. I knew, okay, this is what I want my cover to look like. So this is the cover. It's Will Mommy Be OK?. So that's my myself and my daughter and just on our front yard. And I hired this woman from Italy to illustrate it and I just said this is the whole layout.

Here's the story. Here's  my iPhone pictures and she captured the moments like this one is actually  a picture that originally is me and the kids and holding cupcakes. And it was like, can you just put books in? And because of the story, you know, so the premise of the book is, Will Mommy be OK?

There's a lot of things that mommy can't do because she's healing from her mastectomy. But these are the things we can do. So, you know, we can still read together. And then another one, which was so cute, this is actually an old one of when we first moved to Gilford. It's Monica and Liam playing Legos on our front porch. And I just said like make her look a little bit older because she was super young in that. And so there's not  continuity in the ages of the pictures but  the message gets across and it's very sweet.  And I love that again my family is in this book and I dedicated this book to my children and their children  versus where Modified is just dedicated to my children. Just you never know, you know, hopefully the genetics don't get passed down to everybody in my family, but in case they do, there's a nice story to go along and help everybody.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I think it's really important for kids to have a resource and also sometimes like parents don't know what to say to their kids to help them and a book can be that way of kind of connecting over it. And maybe, you know, do you have any question, you know, like starting up a conversation with them and helping them understand.

Right.  And I made sure it wasn't too scary, not too much information because there's only so much little children can process. Yes, mommy has something it's a mastectomy.  She's going to need time to heal, but there's still, she's going to be fine. And it kind of brings the reader through the process of, you know, mom's at the hospital, mom's taking naps, we have to be gentle, but then eventually, mom's going to be fine.

So that's the message. And, you know, I think that's important to give kids and families hope. You know, yes, it's gonna be scary for yourself and for children, but, you know, you'll get through it, one day at a time for sure.  

Yeah. I think when you make it an opportunity for connection, it can help them, you know, just feel seen and feel heard. And, because when things change and dynamics change, that can be really difficult. So, yeah, I think it's, uh, it's awesome that you already wrote a second book.

It's really cool.  So for the final question, I usually ask how would you encourage someone to be their most authentic self?  

To listen to yourself, listen to that little voice inside of you.  Once you listen to it, I feel like you can breathe, right? And then once you breathe, you can listen more.

And the more you listen to yourself and follow through, you start to  believe in yourself, put things into action, and it's almost a sigh of relief, right? When you listen to that little voice inside and you honor it,  you can be like, okay, yes, this is what I want, or this is what I need.

So I would encourage people to just be true to themselves. Don't be afraid to do what's right for you. It may be different than other people, but you never know what you're capable of. And I think that when you give yourself the opportunity to be who you are meant to be, and however that gets you there. I mean, I think you can question yourself, but I do think journaling, writing, and just, knowing deep inside what you are meant to do and honoring that  it's such a release. I think it's such a release. I remember being at the Live in Love Retreat and being at the fire and I didn't know how much I was holding and I let it go and I listened to my inner voice and literally  shed things that were holding me back. And I just listened to my inner self and I walked off that boat, off of Sandy Island and I was a different person and I carried that and I still carry it with me.  Such a release because I listened to my inner self and I just said, you know what, go for it, say what you need to say,  burn it, get rid of it. So I would just say, listen to your inner self and honor it and you will feel great.  

Thank you so much, Gladys. Thank you for being a beautiful reminder of how to honor yourself and for sharing your story. It's beautifully brave and so important. I think that a lot of people, especially around medical stuff, there's a lot of fear and a lot of unknown, but the more that you can advocate for yourself and really push for what's healthy for you and important is incredible.

So thank you for sharing your story and thank you for, for joining me today. 

Thank you so much for having me and for your encouragement. I really appreciate your time. 

Yes. I'm going to share all of the links of how to get in touch with you, how to get your book. If anyone wants to borrow my book, you're welcome to borrow it.

It's a beautiful story and I'm so glad that you shared it.  But what's the best way if someone wanted to reach out and get in touch with you, what's the best way for them to connect? 

They can find me on Facebook or Instagram at Dreaming Crow Productions. Or you can email me at dreamingcrowprod@gmail.com.

Also, I have donated a copy of Modified to the Gilford Public Library so far. So if you wanted to borrow a copy, you can certainly do that.  Otherwise, you can find me on Amazon.  

Awesome. 

And again, Gladys will be at the Gilford Public Library on April 15th at 5:30, so definitely be there if you can to hear her story in person.

It's beautiful to gather in community and to be able to educate people on the BRCA gene that people might not necessarily know about. And advocate and spread the word as much as we can. So thanks again, Gladys. 

Thank you, Renee. Have a great day. 

You too. 

Bye! 

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