101. When Being Easygoing Gets You Taken Advantage Of | Coaching Call with Cordelia (Part 2)

Do you ever feel like being easygoing somehow turns into being overlooked, dismissed, or taken advantage of?

In this episode, I sit down with Cordelia for our second coaching session and we unpack a pattern so many people live inside of without realizing it. When you’re flexible, capable, and willing to help, those traits can quietly become the reason you end up carrying more than your share, questioning yourself, and feeling trapped or burned out. Together, we explore how these dynamics form, how your nervous system responds when boundaries aren’t honored, and what it actually looks like to start responding differently in real time. This is an honest, grounded conversation about confidence, boundaries, and learning to trust yourself again without becoming rigid or shut down.

You might want to listen if:
 • You’re often described as easygoing but feel like it costs you
 • You struggle to say no and then feel resentful or overwhelmed afterward
 • You notice anxiety, shutdown, or burnout building over time
 • You second-guess yourself and wonder if you’re the problem
 • You want to set boundaries without feeling guilty, harsh, or unsafe

Want more of Cordelia’s story? Check out her other coaching sessions below.

• Part 1: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2253591/episodes/18288326 
• Part 2: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2253591/episodes/18457312 
• Part 3: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2253591/episodes/18576189 
• Part 4: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2253591/episodes/18729603 
• Part 5: 

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Transcript

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Welcome And Intent For The Session

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest. I am your host and certified relationship coach, Jennifer Noble. It has been my passion for over a decade to help women like you heal. What's been holding you back from having the relationships you deserve? Are you struggling with a relationship where you can't seem to voice your emotions, needs, and boundaries without having it blow up in your face? Then you have found the right podcast, my friend. Get ready for practical tips, empowering truths, and honest conversations. Now, let's dive in. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Speak Honest. I'm Jen Noble, your go-to relationship coach, and on today we are diving back in with Cordelia for our second coaching session together. Well, first off, I want to say happy new year to everyone. I hope you all had a beautiful holiday season, lots of rest, lots of family, lots of time together. And I hope that you go into today's episode really understanding the stuff that we're going to be talking about. So if you haven't listened to the first session I did with Cordelia, totally fine. You don't need to pause this one and go listen to that at all. All of our sessions very much kind of hold their own weight. And you'll get plenty of context as we go

Patterns Behind Burnout And Feeling Trapped

SPEAKER_01 1:20

on. But what I want you to know heading into this one is that this conversation is not just about work. It's about patterns. It's about what happens when you are capable, flexible, easygoing, and well-intentioned, and how those exact traits can quietly turn into burnout, self-doubt, anxiety, and feeling trapped when boundaries aren't in place. In this session, Cordelia shares something I hear so much from women. She keeps ending up boxed in at work. Her role slowly morphs. Her voice gets dismissed, and her ideas, they get ignored. And over time, her nervous system starts to shut down. Depression creeps in. We are gonna talk about toxic work environments, people pleasing, and then proactive versus reactive boundaries and the real difference between big nose

Toxic Workplaces And Dismissed Voices

SPEAKER_01 2:40

and small nose. We walk through practical examples, like how something as simple as being asked to take on, you know, just one little extra task at work, as they say, can actually be the beginning of a larger pattern of being undervalued. We talk about how burnout isn't a personal failure. It's often a trapped response. It's just your body trying to survive a situation that keeps telling you you don't get to choose. Now you'll hear us connect this back to attachment, nervous system regulation, and why past experiences can make future opportunities feel dangerous, even when they aren't. And you'll hear what it actually looks like to rebuild confidence, set boundaries in real time, and start trusting yourself again, especially when fear and support exist at the same time. Now, if this sounds like something that you need in your life, or if you're dealing with a big work issue and your boss isn't treating you properly, or you're having what is considered a toxic work environment, then I want to invite you to come and join us inside the Speak Honest Academy. This is where we do this work together. This is where you get coaching with me and other women that are going through this. Boundaries, communication, nervous system regulation, attachment patterns, and real life scripts you can actually use, not just theory. And so if this conversation today with Cordelia resonates with you, you will feel right at home with us over there inside the Speak Honest Academy. If it's something you would like to join, you can scroll on down to the show notes right now and click on the link, or easily enough, just go to speakhonistacademy.com. You'll find which option works best for you, and I cannot wait to see you in there. And now, as you're listening today, I want you to keep a few things in mind. Where in your life do you feel boxed in right now, especially at the start of the new year? Where is it that you are dreading

Proactive Boundaries And Small No’s

SPEAKER_01 4:50

going back to after all of this time off? What have you been calling burnout that might actually be a trapped nervous system? And where are you overriding yourself instead of listening to what your body has been trying to tell you? All right, let's dive in. Hello, Cordelia. Welcome back. I am so excited to get started with you today. Let me know what it is that you would like to work on today during our session.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

I have taken some time off work to heal my nervous system and start to reevaluate what I'd like to do next in life. And a pattern I have been seeing is that I'll get into a job and things will go well for a while. And then somehow I get put into a little box. And I struggle with that because I don't know if it's just that I am easygoing and willing to help out where it's needed occasionally, or if people just kind of get wrapped up in their own head and their own lives, and they're just like, Yeah, you know what, whatever. Like just give it to her. It's difficult because I'm being ignored when I bring up things. Like there are these kinds of things that can make the workplace more efficient, or you know, I as part of our last conversation, this is where my role was gonna go, and it doesn't seem like it's gonna happen. And each time I just keep getting the dismissed in various ways.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yeah. So I hear you really saying that you want to start figuring out how you can move forward in a job when your past patterns have showed that as soon as you get a job, you're just gonna be boxed in again. You're gonna be required to do things you don't want to do, you're gonna have to work for an inefficient workplace, and the times that you do have concerns or the times you speak up, you're getting dismissed. Is that right? Correct. Yeah. Yes. And so tell me about the cost of that for you. So tell me about like how does that affect you in your job? What do you do later, essentially? Like when this happens, when you get boxed in, what happens?

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Hindsight, obviously, now that I'm starting to really see the pattern, and it's happened several times. I inadvertently fall into a depressive state, and I sleep a lot, or I get super anxious, and then there's times where everything bothers me, even something as simple as an email about the parking spot. It's a fifth data is like heightened more than it should be.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

This makes total

Vetting Employers Like Dating

SPEAKER_01 7:45

sense to me because the way you said boxed in, what I'm hearing is I'm trapped. Would that resonate? Yes. Yeah. And what's happening with a big trapped wound, a lot of times people feel this is burnout. Like burnout is essentially almost a big attachment wound around I am trapped, right? Like I have to do all of this stuff, or else either it doesn't get done, or I'm gonna lose my job, or people won't respect me, or insert other wounding here. And so it makes total sense that even an email comes up. I I don't know about you, but like I see this in people. It's like they physically fear opening up their email when they get there in the morning at work because they're afraid it's gonna be some other big thing or they've done something wrong or something is happening. Does that track? Correct. Yeah. Okay. All right. So we need to start setting strategies into place that when you go into your next new job, you're gonna be able to be a boundary boss, right? You are gonna be the queen of standing up for yourself, speaking up for yourself, setting boundaries and saying no over and over and over again. Because unfortunately, companies, they do just push too much on us. They do. Like that, the unfortunate truth is that's never gonna end. Like they will always be like, oh, go let Cordelia do it. She'll do it. And if we as humans allow that to happen, then we do get boxed in. And now I'm not saying that you allowed that to happen like it's your fault or anything like that, but those people-pleasing mechanisms in us, those fears inside of us, those attachment wounds that you had back then, right before you and I met, it makes total sense. But now we're gonna have new tools and you're gonna be rewiring your system moving forward. So when that happens, because it inevitably will, we'll be able to handle it in the moment. How does that sound?

SPEAKER_00 9:26

I love the idea of it. And I think just based on certain experiences, perhaps, to touch on random examples on how to handle, which could help perhaps deal with some of the boundaries. Like such as, oh, can you take on making sure that the gym has water? Well, how do I say no to that? I don't think that's a big no.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Okay, great. But that right-oh, great, can we stop down right here? Yeah. Okay. That's why I wanted to bring up an example. Yes, I love that one. Perfect example. Because what I heard you say was that's not a big no. I don't want us to set big no's. I want us to set little no's. Those are what remember when we've talked about this before? When we talk about the difference between proactive and reactive boundaries, yes. Proactive boundaries are all those tiny little no's that we need to set. When they say,

Regulating The Nervous System

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Hey, could you go refill the water in the bathroom? Or whatever, is that what it was?

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Like they wanted me to take on the responsibility of making sure that the big water bottles that there was always an inventory of bottles in the gym. So, like if one was empty, you know, make sure that I got somebody to bring one up.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Perfect. So, in that situation, you're gonna ask yourself, is this something that is in your scope of work? Like, is this what you were hired to do? No.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

What it was was just adding things. They were just trying to give me things to do because they did not follow through with the job that they had originally were creating. So it was just finding things to do.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Okay, so in this time, when they asked you to do the water bottles, or when they asked you to do the water bottles in the gym, did you feel like this is what you are being paid to do? Like, did you feel like here's my questions? Here's how we figure this out. We ask ourselves, do we have the bandwidth to do this? Is this what I'm getting paid for? And is this what I want to be doing? So if we ask ourselves those three questions. So, first off, did you have the time to do this? Did you have the bandwidth to do it? Like, because it sounded like you said they didn't have anything else for you to do. So could you do it? Yes, yes. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Physically, yes. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

But like, but also like time-wise, because again, I right not knowing your job, I don't know if this is literally your job. Is like, is it like an assistant job? Is it the person who keeps track of inventory? Do you usually do manual labor? Like, because not necessarily knowing what you do, right? It's it's tough to know, is this something you do?

SPEAKER_00 11:53

I mean, it's not it was never part of any person's job scope before. It was just uh, we need to build her job duties because obviously I wasn't being given the

Scripts For Saying No At Work

SPEAKER_00 12:05

original job duties that were planned. So they're just kind of adding things. Is it difficult? No, it's just walking to the gym and see what's going on with the water, and then I get warehouse to bring up a bottle.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Okay, so I'm still, even as we're talking, confused. Did you want to do it or not? Like, is this what you're paid to do?

SPEAKER_00 12:23

It wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. That's the problem. Okay, great. It was just being like that's where some of my issues of the box in this particular situation come in.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

So in this situation, what is stopping us from saying, oh hey, this isn't actually what I'm supposed to be doing? Can you guys find something else for me?

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Highly likely I would have been told that falls under other duties as required. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

So then in that case, you'd be like, okay, great, can I get a list of what other duties are? Right. Do you see what we're doing? We're asking more questions because if we say yes to anything that is they do, then we become known as the person at work that'll just do anything. So we have to start setting these small boundaries here. And then if we signed up for a job, so again, let's say you signed up to be a receptionist at a company, but then all of a sudden they want you to start lifting water bottles into the thing. You know, we could say, like, hey, you know, I was really hired in order to be behind the desk. This is what I'm best at. So if we can go ahead and find me some jobs here, that would be great. Like, this is how we start setting those boundaries. And if in the end you got hired for a job and they're like, well, we just don't have any hours for you here at the receptionist, then it's sounding to me like it's just not the right job for you.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Okay. So in that regard as well, let's not mistake leaving a job as, well, I just had anxiety and so I needed to leave the job and my mental health was messed up, and so this is going to happen again. It just sounds like your past job wasn't very good at what they did.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Correct. They were not very good at what they did. The job before, I remember it had nothing to do with me. It was more things that were out of my control, and it was letting down the customers and making my job more difficult. And when I would bring it up with said management, they just talked in circles because they didn't want to admit

Reframing Past Jobs And Self-Blame

SPEAKER_00 14:10

their wrongdoing. Right. And what that one was. And eventually I was like, I can't do this because it's making my job more difficult and frustrating, and then I'm letting down all the customers. The ripple effect was just not fair. And two choices either sit there and continue or move on and try something new. Yeah. So I did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

So it sounds like you're good. So tell me what's preventing us from because one of the things I know that we're working on is going and getting another job. So, in my idea, as we're sitting here talking, you're gonna be fine moving forward. You understood that they just didn't quite have their shit together, so to speak. Yes. And so moving forward, another job might not do that. So you talked about patterns. Did this happen at any job previous to this job? Talk me, take me back even further.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Okay. And so then at my last job when I lived in another area, it was really great for the most part. There was a colleague who liked to stir trouble. Always is. Always is. It was pretty brutal. Like she would actually flat out try to say things like I would was having a secret affair with our director, and she would make sexual comments, and it was really bad. And our director was just like his attitude, unfortunately, was you women. I was like, that's not fair. This isn't about you women, because when she was on Mat Leave and there was somebody else in that position, the atmosphere was completely different. So he had seen a difference, but when she came back from Mat Leave and all of the stuff had started again, he just didn't want to deal with it. And when I finally took it to the union, she retaliated and which obviously to be expected, but then they just they didn't want to deal with it.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

They're just like, oh, it's not our scope. Yeah, Anna, unfortunately,

Job Search Momentum And LinkedIn Strategy

SPEAKER_01 16:00

that one as well just sounds like you got dealt a bad hand again. Like if you go to HR, if you go or I don't know what it's like up there, right? But like if you you must have HR, like at these jobs.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

If you go to HR and there's HR and the union, yes. Yes, yeah. You did everything right. I did. And then they retaliated and tried to tell me that I because there was somebody else in the office who wasn't related to our job. They just happened to use the space. She went to HR and said that Cordelia's never at work and she takes like two-hour lunches. And I was able to prove that that was not true. I gave them sort of a summary of all my emails, screenshots of like all my days, and okay, great. It just seemed like they wanted to get rid of it all and just start from scratch. They didn't want to deal with it.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Yeah. So, and then what about before that? What about the job before that?

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Before that, I was a recruiter for a staffing agency. I had good hours, but I wasn't bringing in enough new business. However, it felt like on some level, and it wasn't just me, a colleague who had recommended me for the job, saw it too. That for some reason the manager just looked down on me, and we could never quite figure out why. Like she would get mad if I hadn't changed my shoes out of my runners right away. Or if I wasn't wearing a blazer, if I was wearing a cardigan instead. She was harping on me for all these little things, which, as I said, the colleague that recommended me for the job just did not understand where any of that was coming from.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Okay. So listening to the last three jobs, the pattern that I hear is unfortunately not anything to do with you, and everything to do with toxic work environments. So let's look at that objectively. I like that. I appreciate that. Yeah, legit. And you know, I'd be very honest with you and I would like to call you out if I was like, no, we have to stop it here. But no, I'm listening. And unfortunately, this is just the way some jobs are. But what I want to know is moving forward, almost like dating. How can we vet

Handling Rejection And Staying Empowered

SPEAKER_01 18:10

the jobs moving forward? So you can ask better questions. So you can be like, hey, what would you do in this situation if you had a boss handle this? What is your HR department like? How do you handle toxic work environments? What is the plan in place if there is any sexual harassment? These are the questions we need to be asking our employers. And so I want to encourage us that we can do this moving forward. You're gonna get so much more empowerment in yourself. And in turn, I think that's gonna help you understand that you can break out of any box that they put you in because you are not beholden to them at all. How does that land as I say that? Twofold.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Kind of makes me want to cry, but in the sense of like somebody else actually kind of seeing what I see. Because at the same time, generally people are gonna be like, Well, what's a common denominator?

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Yeah, the common denominator to me sounds like corporate, but go on.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Yeah, I just I and I've always thrived on being honest and direct. So, like when I was working at that one job with the director, and he was a part-time director, part-time something else in the field. So he wasn't in the office five days a week, which was fine. But when he was in the office, he knew everything that was going on. I could go in there for an hour or two hours, we'd sit and we go through everything that was going on. And so when he would be out and about and and talking to other members of the field, and he would hear things, he'd know beforehand because I told him and he appreciated that. But again, the toxic colleague was like, Why are you in there for two hours? What are you doing? And I looked at her one day and I said, The door is open. Why don't you come on in and join us?

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Yeah, yeah. But you're going through what I think honestly, so many people are going through that you don't even realize it, which is the amount of toxic work. Workplace environment that we all have to deal with. And we have been taught that, oh, just put up with it. Oh, just deal with it. Oh, just hide. Oh, just don't talk about it. Oh, just you're the sensitive one.

Action Plan, Academy Invite, And Closing

SPEAKER_01 20:10

And it's just that's complete horseshit. We shouldn't have to put up with this kind of stuff. And is there tips and tricks we could do moving forward if anything happens again? Yes. But I think moving forward, let's first get you in that job so we can see what problems we're going to have. And then let's adapt accordingly. So behind us in the past, there was just so much toxicity thrown at you that given where you were back then, because when you and I weren't even working together back then, all of that stuff, this is years ago, decades ago, given the situations, the attachment style you have, the family life you grew up with, everything that we know about, it makes sense that this would feel so heavy and hard. It does. And we don't even need to go back and fix any of these situations. Because honestly, the most of those people are just freaking dickheads. They just are. And I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

You actually triggered something. It's a good thing, though. Like off and on, I've like had issues in my career, whatever. And you're right, like the reception jobs and they try to tackle other things a long time ago, doesn't matter. But I would say the last like 15 years, so I guess like the last four jobs, there has been something. And it just kept building and building and building. That I know when I moved back to where I am now, you know, nine years ago, I was already feeling burnt out from the previous two jobs. Here we are, two more jobs, because obviously I didn't heal and I didn't understand burnout or nervous system. Two more happened, and now the mountain got bigger, which is where I am now working with you to break down that mountain and build up the confidence to speak better and be aware better.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

If we stick on with that analogy, you were hiking incredibly rough mountaintops before you even understood how to hike. You were thrown into mountains without any help, any packages, any bags, any walking sticks, and you were just told and gaslit and invalidated and dismissed to be told, well, you should just already know what to do. And that's just not fair. And so, what I don't want us to see happen is I what I don't want you to think is this. I don't want you to look forward and see those same mountains. Because here's why. We don't know at your next job if there's even going to be those mountaintops or not. So that's our first step is I want us to regulate our nervous system enough to understand that the path forward isn't necessarily gonna look like the path behind us. Now it might, and there might still be some. But the difference is gonna be, and this is how we teach our nervous system. This is how we help that big heaviness that lands in you, and we say to it, this time is going to be different because now I have a backpack and I have, you know, like a canteen of water, and I have hiking boots, and I have a hiking stick, and I have a sherpa. Let me be your sherpa. You have help now in order to get there. And I say this because I know that your body doesn't want to go apply for more jobs because it thinks if it does, it's gonna be stuck back in where it was. Is that resonating? Absolutely. Yeah. And so I need us to get to that space of applying for those jobs. So then in those moments when that big feeling comes up, all that is is again, it's just the nervous system remembering all the past times when those companies were terrible to you. And now you're gonna tell that, hey, this time we're quitting faster if it this happens. If one person even remotely tries to make a sexual innuendo towards me and my boss, uh-uh, I'm out. I'm done, or I'm going straight to HR, or I'm filing. That's the empowerment we're looking for. If a boss is talking to you and is like, hey, Cordelia, you know, we noticed that you've been clocking out at five o'clock and we really would like you to stay till six. And you're like, well, my hours say that I'm done at five. And they're like, yeah, well, here at this company, we have a team environment where we all stay till six. And you'd be like, Great, will you be adjusting my salary then to adjust for that? And they're like, what? No, that's not how we are here. And it's like, hmm, okay, well, my hours say till five, so that's what I'll be doing. And if they're like, well, that doesn't really work for us, you'd be like, Yeah, I really don't want to work for a company that makes their employees do more than they pay them to do. Thank you for telling me that. And then we're out. Because if you start a job and a month later you quit, so what? At least you started.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

That's what I want to teach your body right now. That you are in full control. As I say that, what's going on inside of your body?

SPEAKER_00 24:35

A little bit of heaviness in the chest, but it's not that brick or concrete wall that we always talk about. It's just a little bit of heaviness. Can we check in with that heaviness? Give it some attention. And I think it's just having mixed feelings between fear, but not just I hear you, but like I physically hear you. Like I feel supported. So when I say I hear you, that's why I wanted to clarify. It's not just uh, okay, yeah, you said it, good. Like I feel like I can my body hears you. It's like you've absorbed it.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Yeah, that's not a really great way to put it. Yeah. It was you, you were the way you were like using your hands. It looked like you were like absorbing. So you say there's this part of you that feels supported, and there's also this part of you that feels fear. Talk me through the fear.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

I guess because you know I'm pretty easygoing and I'm flexible, that gets taken advantage of sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

Perfect. Because of your flexibility and your easygoingness, your fears that it will be taken advantage of. So let's make sure that doesn't happen. Perfect. That is so incredibly clear that that's exactly what we can work on. Because you get to be flexible and easygoing at your pace. So if someone comes in and says, Hey, Cordelia, can you go and run this water bottle over there? You could be like, you know, we have, I could give you scripts for like in the moment, like later on when you have a job, right? There's little things like, oh, I can't right now. I'm really busy doing something. Can you go find someone else? Right? We have like ways of like redirecting, bypassing, kind of shifting, like things like that. And then if it becomes a constant problem, then that's when we go to the higher, you know, ups, usually is goes to our boss. If we have one-on-ones and we'd say, Hey, I've noticed that I've been asked to do stuff that isn't usually in my scope of work. Is this something that normally happens here? This is like, right, what we're doing is we're collecting information. You know how I talk a lot about how in relationships, when stuff is happening, we process it, we package it, and we put it up on a shelf for later. That's what we want to be doing each and every time moving forward. So somebody comes to you and does something you don't like, we're just going to process it. So, right, we go through the method, we go through the situation, the feelings, what attachment wound is going on, what do we need, what boundaries do we need to communicate? Do all of that that we do in the program, process it, package it, put it up on the shelf. And if it happens three times or more, or a boss comes to you and says, Hey, Cordelia, how are things going lately? You'd be like, Great, thank you for asking. Actually, there's this one situation that keeps happening that I'd like to touch on. And now you get to do it with secureness, with confidence, with communication, and you know that you're not stuck. Is that making sense? Yep. Perfect, perfect. All right. So tell me moving forward, what do we want to work on this week as we're wrapping up in terms of getting you to that place you want to go? I need to ample up my job search. Okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

How can we do that? Last week, I uh sort of had a network reconnect with an old colleague that I worked with, and he was treated poorly as well at this last company, and it always bothered me how he got treated. He is now in an amazing position, and I was just like, I admire you. Yeah, you took whatever job you could find afterwards, but you didn't stay stagnant, you kept yourself moving forward until you found something that really brought you joy. And I asked him, like, well, is it because of your contacts and the industry? Like, how did you end up here? He goes, LinkedIn. Just keep on following companies, talking to various people when you see job postings on LinkedIn, and that's the forum was for. It is for job hunting, it is for sharing awareness of companies. It can be a great tool. Great. I hadn't already done my resume, so that part is all good. Okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

Do you have a LinkedIn right now? Yes, I've had it for like 20 years. Oh, okay, perfect. Does it need to be updated or anything? Like, what's our next step then for LinkedIn?

SPEAKER_00 28:56

This is where I guess I'm a little sort of unsure, uncomfortable, but he gave some really great advice. He said, When you see a job you like, this part I'm aware of. Like, do you know anybody at that company? But if not, he said, Don't hesitate to reach out to somebody in that company and just say, I saw this posting. Like, what can you tell me about this company? That's great. That part I'm a little uncomfortable with.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

Okay, talk me through that. What makes you uncomfortable?

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Oh, it just feels like you're walking up to a stranger for like out of the blue.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

I mean, essentially it is, but tell me why that's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

You know what? I actually don't really know. It just feels weird.

SPEAKER_01 29:34

Okay, great. Then let's work through that. That feeling that it's weird. Let's start understanding it. Try it. Send out an email. Check in with your body. How do you feel? What are you making it mean? You know, what do you need right now for relief? Is there anything you need to be communicating to yourself or to anyone else? Probably not in that situation, but like, you know, that's the step. So we always do it. So let's look into it. You're right. The weirdness is, I mean, if I can take a, if I can take a wild guess, I'd say you don't want to be a burden. You don't want to be annoying. You don't want to like bother someone. But that's where we're gonna trust other people to let them make their own boundaries. Here's where this is coming. This is coming up for me for you. So I'm gonna share this. You are easygoing and flexible. So you allow other people to kind of come in and take up space in your life and you allow it a lot of times and you don't know how to say no, right? So you you struggle with your boundaries and you people please, and and this easygoingness is part of you. It's great, but at the same time, it's a hindrance, which means you think other people are the same way. You think you can't bother other people because they can't say no. But what we want to learn is how to say no for ourselves so we can trust that other people say no to us as well.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

I think it's more like yes being a burden. I think it's more like the rejection. Like if they don't respond or they don't give any insight.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

Oh, okay, perfect. So let's do one. And then if it happens, come in, we'll talk next week and be like, okay, Jen, I sent a letter, I've sent like five LinkedIn things to people, no one has responded. And I'd be like, okay, great. So the situation is I sent out cold calls to people, nobody responded. How do you feel? Embarrassed. Great. What are you making it mean? That I'm a loser, that I'm stupid, that I'm annoying, that I'll never get a job, that people hate me. Right, okay. Right, whatever it is. And then we figure it out from there. Okay. So I hear you're actually. Yeah. So let's do that. So your goal this week, your goal and intention is to amp up your job search.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Start getting out there on LinkedIn. You already have your resume done. Beautiful job. So proud of you. Your LinkedIn looks good. Make sure it's nice and updated and look at see if there's anything else you can be doing about it. Going in, liking people's posts, commenting, getting up in there. That's right. Get on up in that bitch, as people would say, right? Like, yes, like be annoying, girl. This is like the way to get a job. Hell yeah. People love that tenacity. Are you kidding me? And anyone that doesn't like that tenacity, isn't for you. Like, this is the best way to vet before you get a job. If you're going into a company and like, hey, can you tell me about this company? And they're like, oh, I don't really want to talk to you. Great, then they're not for you. This could be like dating. This is like we are like online dating, but for jobs right now, and I'm so excited for you.

SPEAKER_00 32:17

That's funny.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

And then after we get your job, we're gonna start you dating. Yeah. That'll be our next eight-week series. It'll be good.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Do you notice how it is like almost everything is like online dating now? Oh, yeah. Meeting friends, getting jobs, like everything is that go.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Yeah. Everything is online nowadays. You don't really find things organically like you used to. It's so, it's so true. So roll with the changes, roll with the tides, see what happens, and we'll get you there. I can't wait to hear how your LinkedIn is going next week. If you have any resistance or any pushback, write it down, we'll process through it, and bring it to any of the group coaching either today or next week at all before we talk again, okay?

SPEAKER_00 33:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Anything else before we wrap up today? No, this was perfect targing, though. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. All right, well, I'll talk to you next week, okay? Absolutely. Thank you so much. Thank you. Take care. As we wrap up today's episode, I want to leave you with this. Notice what it felt like in your body as you listened. Not what you thought, not what you analyzed, what you felt. Because the real shift in this session wasn't about fixing the past or replaying old jobs or old stories. It was about something much simpler and much more powerful. Learning how to trust yourself again in real time. Learning how to respond instead of freeze. Learning how to set small, grounded boundaries before your nervous system has to scream to get your attention. That's the work. And that's exactly what we practice inside the Speak Honest Academy. The Academy is where we take conversations like this and turn them into real life skills. Communication that doesn't come from panic. Boundaries that don't come from resentment, and confidence that isn't forced, but felt. Right now, all of our podcast listeners get a free month inside of the Speak Honest Academy. You can join with using the code SECURESTART. That's S-E-C-U-R-E-S-T-A-R-T. The link is in the show notes, or you can head to SpeakHonestacademy.com. Come and explore with us. Come and get coached. Come for the community. Come and see what it feels like to be safe, seen, and supported while you practice showing up more securely. What have you got to lose? If you're ready to stop overthinking every interaction, if you're ready to feel more steady in your body and clearer in your voice, and if you're ready to build security from the inside out, I'll be there. Use the code SECURESTART. Grab your free month, and I'll see you inside the Academy. Happy New Year, everyone. As we wrap up today's conversation, always remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. And it is an honor to be a part of your healing journey. If you want to dig deeper into the topics we covered today, be sure to head over to our show notes, where you can find all of the valuable information mentioned in today's episode right there. And please remember to rate, review, and subscribe if you enjoyed today's podcast. Your feedback means the world to us and helps others discover our podcast. Until next time, remember to speak up and speak honest.