113. You Know It’s Not About You… So Why Does It Still Hurt? | Coaching Call with Cordelia (Part 5)

Have you ever told yourself “I know this isn’t about me”… but still felt completely hurt, triggered, or thrown off by it anyway?

In this fifth coaching session with Cordelia, we get into what it actually looks like to be in the middle of healing when real life hits. When something happens that brings up old feelings, unmet needs, and that familiar frustration of “why is this still affecting me?” We talk about the tension between what you know logically and what your body feels emotionally. We explore how to stop judging your reactions, how to move out of shame spirals, and how to start getting curious about what your emotions are actually trying to tell you.

You might want to listen if:

• You keep telling yourself not to take things personally… but still feel hurt when something happens
• You feel frustrated that you “know better” but your emotions still take over
• You tend to judge or shame yourself for having emotional reactions
• You’re stuck in cycles where people hurt you and you’re not sure how to change it
• You want to understand what your emotions are actually trying to tell you instead of pushing them away

Want more of Cordelia’s story? Check out her previous coaching sessions below.

• Part 1: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2253591/episodes/18288326 
• Part 2: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2253591/episodes/18457312 
• Part 3: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2253591/episodes/18576189 
• Part 4: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2253591/episodes/18729603 

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DISCLAIMER:  Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from this information. 

Transcript

Why Cordelia’s Real-Time Work Matters

Speak Honest Academy Invitation

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest. I am your host and certified relationship coach, Jennifer Noble. It has been my passion for over a decade to help women like you heal. What's been holding you back from having the relationships you deserve? Are you struggling with a relationship where you can't seem to voice your emotions, needs, and boundaries without having it blow up in your face? Then you have found the right podcast, my friend. Get ready for practical tips, empowering truths, and honest conversations. Now, let's dive in. Hello, ladies, and welcome back to another episode of Speak Honest. I am Jen Noble, your go-to relationship coach and author of the best-selling book Dance of Attachment. And today we are diving into my fifth coaching session with Cordelia. Now, if you are interested in hearing her past sessions, be sure to jump back to the previous episodes just to see how far along she's come. It's really such a beautiful thing to witness. And I want to say this before we even get into all of this. I am so proud of her. Because what you're about to hear is not someone who has it all figured out. It's someone who is in it. She is doing the work in real time. She is noticing her patterns. She is feeling things as they come up, and she is choosing to stay in the conversation instead of shutting down or running away from it. And that matters more than getting it right. This week, something happened in her life that really brought up a lot for her. And it hit on things we've already been working through, not taking things personally, feeling like her needs are not being met, navigating exhaustion, and trying to stay grounded in herself. And even when you know something logically, even when you can say this isn't about me, and you know that in your mind, your body can still react like it is. So what we explore in this session is that exact space. The space between knowing and feeling, the space between logic and emotion. And you'll hear this theme come up throughout the session, learning how to stop accepting behavior that hurts you, not in a reactive way, not in a way where you shut down, but in a grounded, empowering, self-led, secure way. Now, if you're listening to this and you're recognizing yourself in our conversation, if you've ever thought, I understand my patterns, but I still react the same way. This is exactly the work we do inside the Speak Honest Academy. Inside the Academy, we go beyond just awareness. We work on regulation and emotional safety and on actually changing how you respond in real moments like this. You get access to live group coaching calls where you can bring your real life situation and then be supported through it. You also get access to me as your coach. Just like what I'm doing here with Cordelia, you get this one-on-one support so you can finally shift out of the patterns holding you back. Now, if this interests you, you can join us at speakhonestacademy.com or click on the link in the show notes. And as you listen to this conversation, I want you to pay attention to these few things. Notice where you relate to Cordelia. Notice where you feel that pull between what you know and what you feel. And notice what your own emotions might be trying to tell you instead of something you need to push away. Now, let's dive in.

A Hard Week And Feeling Derailed

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Um I've had kind of a weird week. You want to tell me about it? I'm talking a little bit last week about being mindful. We've talked about like exhaustion in all aspects of life. Uh you know, not taking certain things personal. And then ironically, a situation happened on the weekend that literally tugged all those aspects about making it did feel personal. It did bring me down. It it did feel like all of those things that we've been talking about not that weren't really making my needs met. Um and it's been a bit of a process to work through all those emotions. So working through some of those, trying to move past them has pushed back some other things that I've been trying to work on. Cause I I am working on it, but not great yet, yet. And that will be my word about moving past things when I know they're not about me genuinely.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

But just because they're not about you, doesn't mean you're not gonna feel them. Because as easy as it is for us, right, to say don't take things personal. I mean, that's next to impossible. We can do the best that we can. We can heal a lot, but I've been at this work for five years, and just as I was talking to you earlier, right, I'm getting frustrated and upset because I'm talking to someone and they're not hearing me. And so I'm like, I'm getting annoyed and frustrated, aren't I? And you can see that in my as we were talking about earlier. And that's okay. The difference here is are we going to allow it to control our lives, right? And so that's what we want to talk about kind of today with everything you have going on. Also keeping in mind that you're still so fresh in this healing journey. So when something like this happens and our feelings get hurt, it is okay to take things personal because it is personal. It's our soul, it's our heart, it's our people. And also, what we want to do is we can take it personal in the moment, and then we're gonna start doing work to work through it. Because oftentimes in life, when we start trying to move towards something, like we're like, great, I've got, you know, I've got all my shit together. I you know, put all my gym clothes in my bag, um, I'm ready to start going to the gym every day. And then we walk outside and there's a flat tire.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Like, that's so funny you say that because that's actually not far wrong. My bike. Oh no, seriously. I have the dog in the basket, and we're ready to go out, and I'm gonna take him to a different dog park somewhere. I'm like, this way, he can run around when we get to the park, and then I can get extra exercise, and I'm like, why isn't my bike like that?

SPEAKER_01 6:46

I remember years ago, this is probably like eight years ago by now. I was trying to get back and being healthy, and I had gotten myself all together. I had dropped my son off to wherever it is he needed to be, and I was gonna go to the gym. And that day the gym had a power outage. And it's so interesting because who I am now and today, I would see that power outage and I would be like, okay, how can I pivot? How can I flow? Like, how can I move around this obstacle to get to still what I need? But me eight years ago saw that power outage and I was devastated. I remember I'd still, I think, uh, one of my Facebook posts somewhere was like, why is the world conspiring against me? I'm just trying to work out. It's like that devastation in my body hit deep and it hit hard. And that kind of like knowledge in me prevented me from going out and doing anything else. So instead, I think I ended up just going to like a coffee shop, getting a way too sugary drink, probably a big piece of cake to, you know, eat my sorrows. That's how we self-sabotage, right? That's how we hold ourselves back. What I want us to do is instead get us to a place of seeing, like, okay, right, our trajectory was here. We want to find you a job, we want to get you going. I think our goals for last week were to go over your journal prompts, those self-reflection questions that I sent. We wanted to start planting seeds. We wanted you to start getting more familiar with yourself. And then you had this big thing happen, and that derailed you. And that's okay, because life is always going to be derailing us at all times. So, how can we work with it? Right? We're going to work one day and there's a traffic jam. Do we sit there and get angry and upset and let our body fester? Or do we put on a good audiobook? Do we find a different way, a path? This is our empowerment. This is the change we get to see now. Where we get to start deciding how do we want to flow. So tell me how that's landing as I'm saying it.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

It's just the logic versus the motion. So, um, I do think in this particular situation, um just really what was different than any other time big things have happened in the past is I had someone to turn to, which was you. So I'm like, I really need a I really need to talk this out and talk it through, not just vent, which was good. And it's probably well it wasn't yesterday we talked, but it's probably like the emotions of all of that are flushing through my body because I can feel my body physically releasing things instead of festering, which I just said out loud for the first time.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

How's it landing when you say it?

SPEAKER_00 9:33

That I'm not sure whether to believe it or not.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

That's a good place to be in. I think that's a very honest place.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

And and I guess it's really helpful to talk some of the big big things through. And I guess it's okay that I have moments during the day where I'm annoyed, but I am starting to feel a little at least for today, and it's not sitting as hard. That's good. That could change. And that's okay if it does. You know what? I'm gonna be honest. Yeah, and but that's I've never thought of it that way before. It's always like, okay, you know what? Today I feel better. And then if I didn't feel good the next day or even remotely the same, I'd be hard on myself. That's why I that that it could change tomorrow because I just was starting to realign the pattern I've done. That's beautiful realization. But I didn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

No, keep talking to me about that pattern. So you're saying in the past you would almost start to get frustrated or upset with yourself if you weren't kind of moving towards not being annoyed. Is that right?

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Correct. Yeah, still still feeling the feeling. Um, you know, like I said, today I'm I think my body physically flushed out a few things. And it was sorry, it clicked weird. It's still flushing. You're hiccuping out all of your your rage and your frustration. No, I totally get that. Yeah, I just things are different today. I I just feel a little bit different, and I I like I look at little things or even something as simple as like I you know, it's something I had bought for an event that we went to, and I was like, gosh, that was so much fun. Like that being so excited for that event with some people triggered me to even buy outfits. But I'm like, but it's not somebody I was with for a lifetime. So the pain is a little bit different. It would just people come and go, and sometimes you get hurt, and you have to decide how that's gonna land with you in the future.

Logic Versus Emotion And The Body

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Let's talk about this because you said something I think is actually so powerful. And it's okay if we, you know, shift and we just talk kind of about your emotions this week. I think it's important, even when we have goals and intentions in mind for what we're working on together to completely pivot, just like in life, and work on something else in a coaching session. You mentioned logic versus emotion. What I heard in that moment was conscious versus subconscious, right? We talk about this a lot in the program, right? We have our subconscious body responsible for 95% of everything that it is that we do. It's the reason why if I throw this pen at you, you duck. It's your it's your wiring, it's your neurons firing and wiring together. Your subconscious has been built and built and built and built. So when you say logic versus emotion, I just want to reframe that slightly to our emotions are both conscious and subconscious. But yes, absolutely, that somatic response that you're feeling, which is that emotion, I think that's what you're saying, that is your subconscious. And we can never and will never be able to control that. But what we can do is listen to it. And I think this is the key that if we could, as like a human species, or at least as women, or at least as anyone listening to this right now, if you figure this part out in your life, you could literally change the entire trajectory of your life. Let's listen to our feelings, to that somatic feeling instead of judging it. Like truly. What I mean is truly, so you had something happen and you've been feeling off about it, and you feel what, annoyed, sad? You can tell me.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Yeah. Yes, annoyed, um, sad, frustrated, disappointed.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Do you ever like I don't know what you're going through, but when I have lost friends sometimes, like I will just have moments where I just start crying. If you've done that, like you don't have to share if you have or not, but like if any big, big things have happened.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

I think in this situation, I'm still in the stage of a mix, a bit of anger, a bit of frustration and confusion. And with the anger and confusion tied together.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Beautiful. So let's listen to that anger and to that confusion. Let's honor it. Let's really hear it and ask it what is it trying to tell you? So instead of seeing anger as something of like, I should be over this by now. It's not that big of a deal. I shouldn't be taking this personal, right? That's what I kind of want us to be mindful of. Even in the program, I hear a lot of the ladies talk about this. Like, oh, I want to stop taking things so personal. It's like, well, for what reason? Is it because you don't want to feel? Because that is never gonna change. We are always going to feel.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Yeah. And unfortunately, I agree with you on that one. And and I don't like telling people they're not allowed to feel things. Yes. Yeah. And like I had a friend a few months ago that literally looked at me in the face and said, You should be over this by now. Let this go. Stop thinking about this. Stop. You're the only one in the world that is still holding on to something like this. Nobody else in the world. And I was like, hmm, that's super interesting. If that was true, then nobody would be talking about stuff in counseling. Like yeah, I would not have a job. That's like not a right. In my frank worked yesterday, look, okay, there are some things that my parents did that screwed me up a little bit. I realize it now. And I looked at my daughter and I said, I probably screwed you up a little bit. But you're young enough now because her daughter's in her 20. I suggest you go to counseling and figure it out now rather than like in your 50s. Maybe you can help change things. And I thought that was so beautiful. Mm-hmm. Different being aware that you're nobody's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

No, no, nobody is perfect at all. Like that's that's the best part about us as humans. So if we can like take this anger and this confusion or whatever other feelings it is that we're having, what we want to do is instead of judging it, we want to understand it. We want to ask it questions. We want to get curious. So we want to say, okay, why am I angry? Like, why, why am I angry? Not in a why are you angry? You can feel the difference between asking, why are you still angry? and oh, sweetheart, why are you like, what's going on? Why are you angry?

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Literally, I and I don't know if it's just because I've been working with you for a while now, or the tone of voice, but the compassion in why are you angry literally felt like, you know, when you see somebody who's sad or something, you're like, are you okay? Like what happened? Like that's how I heard you say, Why are you angry?

Compassionate Curiosity Stops Shame Spirals

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Oh, good, good. Because that's that compassionate part, you know, is so, so incredibly important. And I, you know, just as a side note, I get a lot of my self-compassion work through Kristen Neff, Dr. Kristen Neff, if anyone's familiar. She's like the self-compassion guru. She's like done all of the studies, done all the research. She's amazing. And it truly has shifted something so much of having that self-compassion. So, for example, um, if we are upset by something. So let's say we eat, let's say we're trying to eat healthy. I'm gonna like kind of come off like the friendship emotion stuff, right? But let's say we're trying to eat healthy and we eat a cupcake. Okay. And what typically, like, what do you feel? Like, I feel, oh, I'm so angry at myself. I like, I hate myself. I oh, you mean like the bag of chips that I ate on the weekend to console myself? Yeah, exactly that. Like, what the fuck was I thinking? I know better. What are you doing? Like, why do you even need this? Why are we still doing this? Like, why would you do this to yourself? You know you don't need it. Do you hear that? That's a lot of judgment, isn't it? It's a lot of shame. But even in that judgment and shame and that anger towards eating that cupcake, both in the eating of the cupcake, getting curious, well, why did I want it? But both also in the anger. Why am I angry at myself? Because what happens is if we don't stop it with curiosity, if we don't cut it off where it is with compassionate curiosity, then we will just hit a shame spiral that will never end. So we want to cut it off with compassionate curiosity and say, Well, why are you so angry at yourself? Well, I'm angry because I should know better. Well, okay, but like it's okay to mess up. It's okay to eat a cupcake.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

So look at it, cut it off with a curious, compassionate way versus a judgment being a shame spiral.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

Otherwise, we get stuck in a shame spiral. I like that, I like that. Oh beautiful. That's just a way to for my brain to kind of Yeah, resonating with you.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Yeah. I like that actually.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

So if you're angry about this for the next like five months, I don't care. In fact, I'll share a like personal story. I just went out, I don't know, it was like a couple weeks and weekends ago, I went to a friend's event for her birthday. And there was an old, like, best friend of mine. And she hasn't talked to me in years. It was the weirdest ending of a friendship, it was very much like a ghosting. And I have literally like sat in rooms with actual exes before, and I'm never as uncomfortable as I am when I'm in a room with her. Do you know what I mean? Like she just I don't exist to her. And it's wild because we shared things that I've never shared with anybody before. Like we were best, we were sisters, basically. To walk into that room and basically just be ignored, to be like I'm nobody to her was wild to me. So wild to the point where I got home and I still had to vent to my husband about it. And I was like, what the F is going on here? So I had the feelings, I had the emotions. Here's the difference. Those feelings and emotions did not dictate my actions in that moment. I did not try harder to win her over. I did not feel uncomfortable. I stayed, I had a great time, and I gave her love and compassion. Whatever it is that she has to go through in order to do what it is, well, she's missing out on something good because I'm a good friend, right? Like she must be going through something. That's terrible. I get home, I'm still frustrated, I'm sad. I cry, I miss her. And so then I'm asking myself, do I want to make this work? So now do you see what's happening? I'm getting curious. I'm not getting mad at myself, right? We want to get curious, not furious. I'm not getting furious with myself for being sad about a friendship that's been over for like five years at all. Instead, I'm like, why is this making you so sad now, hon? What's going on? Like, you haven't talked to her in so long. It's because I remembered the times and I miss that friendship with her, and I miss having a friend like that. Bam. What did I just say? I miss having a friend like that. I don't have one like that right now. Yeah. So what did that just teach me?

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Well, you learned why you were I don't know if you learned of the right word, but you were able to process why major sad because a like literally that particular person, and also what that person represented in your life, which is what you missed.

unknown 20:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

What they represented.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

And then, and you can hear it in my voice. I said, I miss having a friend like that. So, what did that tell me about my future? What should I be working towards?

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Bringing people into your life or attracting people into your life that offer those qualities. Yes, right there.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

I just realized, okay, I want a friend like that again. I want a sister. And if I want a sister, I gotta figure out how to do this. Now I could sit there and be sad I don't have one. Or I can go out there and use my power and use my abilities and use my strengths, see the friends that I have now today, and see how can I start communicating, getting my needs met, where can I find this? Where can I find a woman in my life who is like my sister? That's how we take our big somatic feelings and we get curious with them, and then we use those feelings and that curiosity to show us what is important to us. So if we're angry at someone. For the way that they treated us. What does that tell us? What does that teach us?

SPEAKER_00 22:06

If we're angry at somebody showing up what we don't want. Mm-hmm. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Yeah. You don't want someone who's gonna treat you like that. You don't want a friend that's gonna talk to you that way. A friend that's gonna hold on to all of these issues that you guys have and wait till you're out at an event one night and just lay them all out on the back.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

And it's like my friend said the other day when she called me cool. She's like, look, you piss me off half the time. But I still love you. And I probably piss you off half the time. I'm like, that's fine. Like, that is fine. That's normal.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

Absolutely. It actually truly is, and it's healthy, right? We talk about rupture and repair often in the program in terms of that we actually need this stuff. But it's how somebody ruptures and how they build repair. Like if this friend reaches out to you at some point in time and says, Hey, I'm really sorry, I was really drunk. Like I'm really, you know, we have the potential at that point in time to decide if we want to say, okay, I'm good, thank you. But if she never does, then why are we gonna be the ones trying to win her back? We don't need to. Let her go. Let her be who she needs to be, and she'll figure herself out. And that anger you're feeling, honor it. Of course you're angry. Someone mistreated you. There is a part of that is inside of you right now. So think of this. If if you're out and about and somebody hurt your dog, how would you feel? I'd be very angry. Very angry.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Oh yeah.

Boundaries And Ending Bad Treatment

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Rightfully so. Right? So there's a part of you, that protector part of you, that is very angry on your behalf that somebody treated you that way. Like this part is like, this is my best friend. This is my person. She is she is the love of my life, and you hurt her, fuck off. Right? Like that protective side of you is brilliant. She's stunning, she's lovely. We love her, we need her. And we want to use that information, that knowledge moving forward to say, okay, that's just not the kind of friend I want anymore. And that's how we take our emotion and instead of judging it or trying to get rid of it or shaming it or saying, I don't want to take things so personal anymore, and say, you know what? Maybe it's okay for it to be a little bit personal because it teaches me what I want moving forward. Because one thing, and if if nothing else, there is a common denominator theme that is happening in our coaching right now, which is we need to stop allowing people to treat you like shit. Like, I think that's like the lesson right now. At work, at home, with friends. We're not gonna accept this anymore, are we?

SPEAKER_00 24:48

No. And I go through phases, but there's certain people who um I think I kinda I kind of let them push past that boundary very easily, i.e. like family. Like I could be so angry, and then little by little like okay, fine, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Let's keep an eye on that moving forward. Let's take a look at who are the people that we're allowing to inch past that boundary inside of us. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and even in like our friendships at work, anything, because I want your body to learn the power it has. And here's why. Going back to our original goal, if you can start learning, if your body starts to feel safe, right? If that protector part of you sees like, I'm not the only one holding down the fork, there's other parts of her that are also going to help, you're going to be more likely to be okay going and getting that job. That anxiety that comes with that, you're gonna be like, wait a second, I know how to stand up for myself now. I know how to speak up for myself.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

I know how to leave when something is toxic. And I I'm getting better personally. And I think with work, why I never left earlier in general. For a few things like that fear starting over, trying to start over, that insecurity. But if there's one thing I've learned over the past year of everything that especially the last like five years have sort of unraveled to, um even when I knew it wasn't personal, it still has been touched on, it still hurt. But there's that part of you that's just like, maybe it'll get better. If you speak up next time, next time this happens, let me try this. I'll try to get ahead of it. And try to get ahead of it, and nothing different.

SPEAKER_01 26:45

Yeah, and that's the thing, yeah, and that's the lesson. And and you know me, oftentimes I want to give people like at least three times before they you know, before there's non-negotiables you're being crossed, and um we're very compassionate and understanding. But what happened, you know, between you and all of your people uh that was it was probably a non-negotiable, and maybe it wasn't. Maybe you could still give them a shot. But you're not giving them a shot in this hopes that they're gonna change or in this hopes that you have to be better in order to win them. You're just going to kind of allow them to be, and then you're gonna see, okay, let's see what this is like. And so moving forward, that's kind of what we wanna be we want to be looking at. We want to just kind of be looking at everyone in this kind of curious way, this loving, compassionate way of just seeing, like, oh, okay, they must have a lot going on. And you know, we've talked about that. She probably did have a lot going on. That doesn't mean it's okay to treat you that way.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Right.

Self-Reflection Homework And Job Search

SPEAKER_01 27:34

And that's okay. And that part is good. So as we're wrapping up today, I know one of our goals from last week was to go over the self-reflection questions. Um, so did we get a chance to go over the self-reflection questions? Did you do them last week? Not at all. Perfect. I love the honesty because nobody ever does. It's great.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

I was gonna switch a ball. I bet you I went to turn on the printer and then my PhD inspired me. And I yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

No, I love that. Plus, you had a lot going on, it's no problem. I think this part is so important because as much as why give you homework or things to do, everything is just with you know, fluidity. It's we're just gonna figure things out as we go. So you had a big week. Let's just try again this week. We have some self-reflection questions. I want you for your homework this week to open them up again, to look at them again and just to go over one, right? There was, I think some of them, I'm looking at them right now. There was like um, when did you feel most energized or alive? What are the top three values you'd never want to compromise on? If money and time weren't an issue, how would you spend your days? These are just fun self-reflection questions for you to start getting to know who you are and what you want. And answer all of them, answer some of them. If you hate a question, you're like, this is too difficult, then don't do it. But if one question prompts something in your brain to start getting you into a thought process of, like, oh, wait a second. This is what I'm thinking. Because here's a fun one. It says, um, what brings you genuine joy or excitement, even in the small moments? So something like that, you just start thinking, you're like, oh, I just, I really like it when I see someone smile on the street. Or, like for me, I just really love hearing like a child's laughter. Like that's something that brings me such a genuine joy. It's like my whole body is this big somatic response of joy. So that's a really great question to explore. And then one of them as well was what have you always been curious to learn more about? So I like that one because it ventures into our curiosity chat today. You have all of the lists, you have the whole thing right there, right? I sent them all to you. So you can do it right on the Google Doc or you can put them in your own journal. Just think about them in your head. But the idea is just to start to get to know yourself so you can see, okay, this is this is who I am. And then next week, let's really start looking at where are we in getting you a job and what can we do? Because it's starting to get to that time, you know, and it's okay. I like a good crunch time. Crunch time's good. What can we do to keep you safe, right? What can we do that you need for your time and energy and money, and and what are our priorities? And how can we get you that? How does that sound? That's that's good. Okay. Great. Any last minute thoughts or questions as we wrap up?

SPEAKER_00 30:37

Your first question on in the document is amusing only in the sense of we've talked about this as a whole with in our group. About what activities make you lose track of time. I would say the last 10 years, I guess, is when my ADHD really started to become noticeable, and I was only diagnosed officially about a year ago. So this is like that's a huge thing for me to learn right now.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

And and even that in the ADHD and the losing track of time, we're just gonna love it and honor it and own it because there's not much we can do about it. I forget things all the time. You know, and I for the longest time I shamed myself, I hurt myself, I got angry at myself. And again, that anger is okay. That anger is like, okay, why am I so angry at myself? Well, I'm angry at myself because this is really important to me and I don't want to forget important dates. Okay, great. So what can I do? Okay, let me try to set a calendar, let me try to set a note. Okay, well, I've tried all that, it hasn't worked. Great, what else can I do? You see how my mind is constantly in like a growth mindset?

SPEAKER_00 31:49

Yes.

Healing Takeaways And Final Invitation

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SPEAKER_01 31:50

It's not ever stopping at like, well, I can never. It's like, well, there's gotta be something. Or I just don't put like, I just don't do that anymore. But the worst thing we could do is just sit in like our self-disgust and our shame and just shame spiral out of control. Because then we'll get nowhere. So yeah. All right. Well, I want you to work on those self-reflection questions this week. Keep doing the goals from the previous weeks, keep looking, do LinkedIn, keep looking for jobs, keep applying, and we're gonna see where we're at. And then I want to see where you are next week with your goals and intentions towards your job search. Okay. Okay, all right. Is this a good place for us to finish up today? Perfect. All right. Well, in that case, I hope you have a beautiful day, and I will speak with you next week. Take care. Wow, what a beautiful session today. And I just want to take a moment again to acknowledge Cordelia and all of the hard work that she is putting in because what you heard today, this is what real healing actually looks like. Even when we think we should know the answers, we're still going to be in it and we're still going to feel it. And that's why these coaching calls are so important to me to show to all of you. So you can hear that you're not alone. Because healing doesn't look like having all the answers. It doesn't look like never getting triggered again, and it definitely doesn't look like always responding perfectly. What healing looks like is showing up, asking questions, and observing and catching yourself in the moment and saying, okay, something is coming up here. Healing looks like feeling frustrated and confused and even angry, and then choosing to stay with yourself instead of turning that energy into self-blame or self-judgment. And one of the biggest shifts you've probably heard in this session is that we're not trying to stop you from feeling those things. We're helping you understand what those feelings are trying to tell you. Because your emotions, they are not random. They are not dramatic or too much or oversensitive, and they are definitely not something that you need to fix or push away. Your emotions are your information. Your anger is showing you where someone crossed a line. Your sadness is showing you what matters to you. And your frustration, it's showing you where something is no longer working. And when you can start listening to those emotions instead of judging them and trying to push them away, that is when things begin to change. And if you're listening to this and you're thinking, this is exactly where I get stuck, then again, I just want to invite you to join us inside of the Speak Honest Academy, because this is where we work together to heal this. We take these real moments, the ones that feel messy and confusing and overwhelming and like you should already know better. And we slow them down. As your coach, I help you understand what's happening in your body, what your patterns are, and how to actually respond differently. So next time you don't blow up at that very important person to you, you get access to live group coaching calls where you can bring your situation straight to me and be supported through it in real time, just like Cordelia is doing here. You also get one-on-one coaching access with me if you need a little bit more time together, and you get first access to being on the podcast like this with me. So if you're someone who loves to heal while helping others at the same time like Cordelia does, then this is the perfect place for you. So if you're ready to stop just understanding your patterns and start actually healing them, you can join us at speakhonestacademy.com or scroll down to the show notes and click on the link right there. And as you go about your day today, I want you to take this in. The next time you feel triggered, please don't rush to fix it. Don't rush to shut it down or to push it away or to meditate yourself out of it. I just want you to pause, get curious, and ask yourself, what is this trying to tell me? Because that moment right there, that is where all of your power is. All right, ladies, I will speak with you all next week. Take care. As we wrap up today's conversation, always remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. And it is an honor to be a part of your healing journey. If you want to dig deeper into the topics we cover today, be sure to head over to our show notes, where you can find all of the valuable information mentioned in today's episode right there. And please remember to rate, review, and subscribe if you enjoyed today's podcast. Your feedback means the world to us and helps others discover our podcast. Until next time, remember to speak up and speak honest.