The Myth of Failure

Let's talk about failure.

If failure has in any way influenced what you believe about yourself, what you believe to be true in the world, and whether or not you attempt to do something, then this episode is for you.

I'll share with you the myth of failure...because I don't believe failure is a real thing.

Show resources:

FREE Mini Course - What do you want? Getting to the heart of your deepest desires

Human Design - Erin Claire Jones

https://humandesignblueprint.com/

https://www.instagram.com/erinclairejones?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MWduYzA3c241NzBiYQ==

Nervous System Healing

Sarah Tacy - https://sarahtacy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/sarahtacyt?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MTFjMXNuenZ3N2xiYg==

Elisabeth Kristof - https://brainbased-wellness.com/

https://www.instagram.com/brainbased.wellness?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MWc5bnhmZGY3bzZneQ==

Irene Lyon - https://irenelyon.com/

https://www.instagram.com/irenelyon?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=NzlyZTJqenBtY2Nm

Carrie Montgomery - https://www.instagram.com/realcarriemontgomery?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MWJnMTAzY3VvOWx5dA==

Transcript

0:01

Let's talk about failure. If failure has in any way influenced what you believe about yourself, what you believe to be true in the world, and whether or not you attempt to do something, then this episode is gonna be for you. I wanna talk about the myth of failure and why I don't actually think failure is even a thing. I believe that failure has been one of those words that we put into the human language that is designed to keep us small. And here's why I think this, my perspective is what if instead of failure? What if everything was an opportunity to learn? As human beings, challenge is a necessary part of our growth challenge is what has got us to exactly where we are today. Good, bad, ugly, however you wanna look at the world today. Challenge is what got us here, and one of the ways that we have continually evolved and transformed and created and solved problems was by bumping up against'em. So challenge is a necessary part of the human journey. It is a necessary part of our personal journey. It is a necessary part of our collective journey, but when we look at challenge and our inability to simply produce the result that we want on the first try. We have deemed that to be failure in many, many worlds. I learned this at a very young age, and in fact, the fear of failure was so significantly tied to my sense of self-worth that if I even thought I was going to fail, I wouldn't even try. And I think that this is one of those. Human language terms that's designed to control us because failure for so many people is deeply tied to what they're capable of and how they see themselves and whether they're good at something or not. And none of this could actually be true. What if simply trying to pursue something, a goal, um, a dream, or even just a result in something. And not doing it the first time was in fact not failure. If we removed the entire word of failure out of the human language, what we might find is that we simply didn't produce the result that we intended on the first try. What does that mean? That means there's an opportunity there to learn what works, what doesn't work, to evolve to critically think, to look at things from new perspectives, maybe to recruit. Or enroll others in the journey to help us. And that's what the human experience is really all about, isn't it? It's about not just living on the surface, but sometimes it's about more deeply reaching into what is inside of us, staying connected to what it is that we're doing and why we wanna do it, and finding a way to create it and. That also means that sometimes what we think we're gonna produce the result we think we're we really want isn't even what it is. That is part of our journey sometimes in reaching for that dream, that goal that we want to experience in our life is really guiding us towards growth or putting us on a path that is part of a journey of something. So much bigger. And when we look at this idea of failure from that perspective, it really shifts things. And it certainly has in my life. I am the type of person that I get a vision for something, I connect to it deeply and in my head, this is, this is what I'm here to create. This is what I'm here to do, this is what I'm here to experience. And I go all in. And I can tell you time and time and time and time and time again, I have experienced what I thought was failure. And when I look at where I am exactly in my life right now, what I can see is if I zoom out, if I go into this like eagle eye view of my life, all of these things that came alive inside of me that I wanted to create or experience in the world were simply guiding me to where I am right now. It's all part of the journey. And if I had have had the perspective that every time I thought I failed. That it didn't mean that I wasn't worthy. It didn't mean I wasn't capable when what in fact it meant was here's an opportunity for me to learn something. Here's an opportunity maybe for me to ask for help. Um, it could have completely transformed the way that I saw myself and the results that I've created in my life up until this moment. And so for me, this idea of failure is something that I'm continually reshaping and rewiring within me because it's really tricky at a really young age. I started to experience what I deemed or what others deemed as failure, and that became hardwired in my nervous system, hardwired in my beliefs and the story that I continually told myself throughout my life. And to this day, there are still some stories that are deeply tied to this idea of failure and whether or not I'm good enough, whether I'm not a worthy, whether I'm not, I'm capable. I still live at these patterns today. I am still bringing awareness to them constantly because they're so deeply embedded in the world that I grew up in and my early experiences, and even in my adult life. There is a lot of things that I did and I tried because that's just the nature of my personality. I am a risk taker. I am someone who's going to try things, and one of the things that has really helped me to see. Not just see this perspective, that failure is an opportunity to grow, but to actually embody it was when I started learning more about my human design. And what was really interesting for me is so much of my identity was wrapped up in the things that I failed at. In this idea of the fear of failure. When I looked at my human design, I learned that I'm actually supposed to be here to learn through trial and error. Oh my gosh, that was a game changer for me. I'm actually supposed to pursue these things that are inside of me and quote unquote fail so that I can learn a different way, a new way, a better way, so I can gain a new perspective so that I can become more resilient, whatever. I am meant to experience in that moment isn't about whether or not I produced the outcome that I desired, that moment and whatever the outcome may be is offering me so much more, and that feels so much more expansive. So much more alive. And in doing that, one of the other aspects that I have learned about myself is I am then here to share, here's all the ways that I effed up everyone. Here's what I tried and didn't work for me, and here's what might be a better way. Or Here's what did work for me, or Here's what I learned from that. Here's how that redirected me. And in doing so, I think that that's one of the ways that I'm able to offer. Uh, perspective to people. It's one of the ways that I am able to help people see the truth of who they are. What a gift. What a gift. And I operated the majority of my lifetime. From this place of so afraid of failure and believing that all these things that I viewed at my life as a failure actually meant something about whether or not I was capable of the things that I wanted to do, whether or not I mattered as a human. And so if you are somebody in the world who has tried something and didn't produce that outcome that you desired, whether it was maybe you're trying to integrate a healthier routine, um, I know a ton of people who are, who are really trying hard and reliving the same patterns around their bodies. I worked in the health and fitness industry for a really long time, and it has been a part of my life for almost 40 years, has been deeply committed to health and wellness and. I see people who try and they feel like they have failed at reaching their goal. I see people recreating the same patterns over and over again, and there's a few reasons for this. On a non-conscious level, the belief has already been planted that seed that they're not capable as already been planted and. Our brain actually wants to produce, um, results that are in alignment with our beliefs because it, it, it makes us feel safe. It validates our existence. And so this actually makes a lot of sense. The other component to it is our nervous system. Our nervous system is hardwired to our beliefs and to these earlier experiences, and when we start to step into a space of growth or trying something new or doing something different. Mm. Our nervous system is like non-consciously guiding us back to the old path almost from the moment that we start, if we're not unwinding those old patterns and those old beliefs from our system and recreating something new. So there's a lot of reasons that this happens, and I know a ton of people who are even afraid to look at what it is they want in life. Because if you see what you really desire in life and you feel so confined, that you're not gonna be able to ever experience it, that's a really scary place for the human, identity to be in. When we realize that we want something more or something different for our lives and we don't feel capable of producing it, that's deeply tied to failure. Imagine if we taught our children this, and I say, imagine, but I was a child one time and this is what I was taught. And if we don't explore this idea and how it shows up in the million ways that it shows up in our culture, in our language, in our beliefs. Then we're gonna keep teaching future generations that failure is a thing, that failure is something to be afraid of. That failure is deeply tied to your sense of self-worth. And I am here to challenge that because as somebody who, truly believes that each and every human being that comes here is intended to live a life that lights them up. We are here to thrive. We are here to shine. We are here to be authentic. I truly believe that, and so unpacking this notion of failure, this myth of failure is really important because it's one of the big things that stops people. It's one of the things that shapes our beliefs about ourselves and what we think is possible, and in order for humanity to move in a different direction, and I think more immediately. For every person listening to this, in order for each of us to step into our light, to step into our truth, to pursue our dreams, to realize that we're worthy of them, to realize that we are not the stories that were created from whether or not we produced an outcome in our past, that is one of the most important things that we can allow ourselves to receive, except. Embody and learn a new way forward. And if you do wanna learn a new way forward, I have a few resources for you. I mentioned human design. I am a big fan of Erin Claire Jones and her perspective on human design and what I have learned from her to date. I think it has allowed me to see myself more clearly, and especially because I am a trial and error human being. I am meant to quote unquote, experience failure. That's part of my journey. And it, and in fact. Letting it define me by limiting me rather than allowing me to expand has been a significant shift for me. So getting to know the truth of who you are, whatever modality that is, whether it's through like deep coaching, having someone help you explore that for yourself, and I say help you explore that for yourself because I don't believe anyone outside of you can tell you who you are. And what you came here to do. I think that that's an internal journey, but it does require some guidance. So, um, having a really great coach, having even just a trusted friend who will be real with you and honest with you, and hold space for you without trying to put their beliefs about who you are onto you. Um, that's also a really important step. The nervous system, the work around our nervous system is huge because as you start to bring awareness into these patterns that you've recreated, and specifically we're, today, we're talking about how failure has influenced what you believe to be true, what you believe about yourself, what you believe you're capable of, and therefore what you're willing to try. We can't ignore the nervous system at all in that period. The nervous system is. The part of you that is responsible for change, your, your, your heart and your brain may have that initial glimmer of what it is that you want, but doing the nervous system work to unwind old patterns and recreate new possibility in your body. Is gonna be the most significant course of action that you can have and some of my favorite people around the nervous system. I love Sarah Tacy. I've had her on the podcast. She's incredible. Um, I love Elizabeth Christophe and her work with brain-based wellness and, neuro somatic intelligence. Those are some amazing resource. Irene Lyon is also a fantastic resource., Kerry Montgomery's. Fantastic. So I will put links to everyone that I mentioned into the show notes so that you can explore that deeper. The other thing to consider is getting clear about what it is that you want. And I do offer a free mini course on my website called What Do You Want? Getting to the Heart of Your Deepest Desires, understanding What You Want. And then letting the fears around why it can't happen come up is actually a beautiful first step. It's a really beautiful first step, so I'll put the link to that mini course in the show notes as well. I appreciate you. Thank you for being here and spending your time with me today, and I look forward to connecting with you again soon.