#24 Gentle Nudge: Be Your Best Self

In this episode of the 'Be the Sun, Not the Salt' podcast, co-hosts Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine delve into Chapter 5, 'Be Your Best Self,' from Harry's book. They discuss the power and simplicity of showing up in our own uniquely heliotropic ways, to authentically bring our best to any situation. We don’t have to pretend to be anybody else; we just have to bring out our best traits more often. By sharing personal stories and empirical insights, they emphasize the importance of self-awareness and continuous personal growth - sometimes what we others think are our most heliotropic traits can surprise us! Listeners are encouraged to ask for feedback at work and at home to recognize and amplify their best traits for a more fulfilling and positive life!

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Links & Resources

Be the Sun, Not the Salt - book

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

​[00:00:00] 

Harry Cohen: So welcome to the, be the sun, not the salt podcast. I'm Dr. Harry Cohen, author of be the sun, not the salt. And I'm joined with my cohost, Connie Fontaine, chief super spreader. Connie, take it away. 

Connie Fontaine: Of all things, be the sun. We love that. And I think this mini series has been something that's inspired other people, hopefully, but definitely us. I think every day is become a practice of thinking about the chapters and the things that we can do to be a little bit better each day. And this one, chapter five, be your best self is the crux of everything we talk about. So let's talk about the origin of this. I mean, being your best self is this. is the story, right?

Harry Cohen: is, and it's based on the empirical nature of positive psychology, which is the focus on what does it look like when people are doing great? Let's study that. [00:01:00] So the idea, as simple and profound as it is, you don't have to be anybody but yourself when you're being your best self. More. It's freeing because you don't have to do anything different than you already do.

Just do more of that. 

Connie Fontaine: Yeah, you're not “heliotropic” or “not heliotropic.” Everybody has. Well, most everybody has that in them. I mean, in us, we're all heliotropic people, but some days were better than others. And I think being our best self and doing more of that is what's what's the important topic of today.

Harry Cohen: is the, it is the topic of today. And it's also to remember, Oh, what does it mean to be the sun and not the salt? It means to do what I already do when I'm doing good, being good, being compassionate and grateful and kind and vulnerable and dependable. And all these virtues that we love about other people [00:02:00] in ourselves. It means. When we are being that way, that's what it means. We don't have to be anybody else. I asked a friend, um, in thinking about this chapter, could you describe me when I'm at my best? And she said, paused, she gave me two beautiful, explicit, specific things that I do, which I can do more of. One, she said, when you ask someone a question, You deeply listen for their answer.

And I know that because you'll ask a follow up question. I thought that I can do more of it's true. And then the other thing she said is I support people's mission, whomever they're, whomever they are. Uh, yeah, I can do that. This isn't ego and flattery. This is, Oh, good. Thank you for the reminder of. Who am at my best.

I can do that some more. So people [00:03:00] can just look at themselves and go, yeah, I do that. Great. do that some 

Connie Fontaine: And I think for me, one of the ways I evolved asking this question is, um, how, when, when you're feeling really great around me, why, what am I doing differently in those moments? And that's, I'll tell you, from a family perspective, that's really a great way to start a conversation because you'll find it's may, it might be different.

I found it was different than I thought because I do think of myself is very supportive and very much the cheerleader. And I don't think that's what my family necessarily sees is the best quality. They see the quality is being introspective and listening and asking good questions to your point because it shows you care. It shows you're listening. You're truly engaged to what the other person is feeling, not what you're feeling

Harry Cohen: And so all you need to do, Connie, is be that wonderful Connie that you are more. It's not like you need to be anybody else. You can be that attentive listener. More than you [00:04:00] already are. It's not like you've reached the attainment of perfect listening. You can be an even better listener. I love how simple this is.

Connie Fontaine: go ahead. Yeah, I was gonna say leadership. I'd say a leader, and I've done this before, who asks their team what they do that makes them feel strongest, best supported. All those kinds of questions is first of all, the first way to open up a real dialogue and to show that you care. But second of all, to really make sure that you're giving what people need. And I asked that question, be surprised what you get back.

Harry Cohen: I just this morning, a colleague said he ran, he started his executive team meeting with please speak to someone on our team who you have seen in 2024 demonstrate great leadership. Now think about that question. so so they have to look around the table and pick out [00:05:00] people who have demonstrated great leadership qualities.

And then he shared with me what several people said about several people. And you could imagine the feeling I wasn't there, but you could imagine the great feeling in the room because it's not just a feeling. The people obviously felt good, but they're also reminded, Oh, I should do that some more. Yeah, you're already doing it. Do it some more.

Connie Fontaine: Mhm. And it'sdoing your thing. your 

Harry Cohen: thing. 

Connie Fontaine: more because you just, you don't want to try and just emulate her. And I think we talked about this with another chapter. It's not about being the same smiley, bubbly kind of person that that other person is that, you know, people seem to gravitate to. We're going to gravitate to you being your best self, whatever your version is that you're putting out. And that's why it's important to know what that is.

Harry Cohen: And if you know what it is, you can constantly lean on doing it, not just being aware of it like, Oh, okay, I got it. I got it. [00:06:00] I love 

Connie Fontaine: that's why this, you always say the, do more of that, whatever that is.

Harry Cohen: just so we're clear, the power of do more of that is look, got it, do it.

Connie Fontaine: So on this call, Ashley, our producer continues to give us uplifting feedback and coach us into when we're our best selves. That means a lot to me, Harry, when you continue to bring to the world, everything that we We've learned and continue to remind me this is about me, uh, and not the other world and not the rest of the world.

And how do I can be my best self? That means a lot to me. So thank you both for that. And I think that we can leave our listeners with some of that. How about you, Harry? Anything else want to add?

Harry Cohen: Oh, I'm I'm more humbled and honored that, that we get to do this. And I so wish that people can take this chapter, this idea. [00:07:00] That all I got to do is do more of what I already do at my best. That's it. Uh huh. 

That's it. How cool is that? 

Connie Fontaine: Well, and as you say, it's not people. I'm humbled that you can continue to do that too. And that this book doesn't just bring the world, the little nudgy reminders. It brings it for you and for me and our whole circle of, of influence too. So I guess we'll leave it at that. You're humbly shaking your head.

I think it means a lot to all of us. So do more of that, everybody today. Thanks for listening. If you want to share this, we'd love to influence even more people to be their best selves and to do more of that. Thank you for listening.