#26 Gentle Nudge: Light Someone Up

In today’s episode, Dr. Harry Cohen and co-host Connie Fontaine explore Chapter 6, 'Light Someone Up,' from the 'Be the Sun, Not the Salt' book. They delve into the concept of heliotropic people, discussing the science behind heliotropism and the characteristics that make someone a positive energizer. They emphasize the importance of being intentionally uplifting, kind, and compassionate in everyday interactions. By sharing tips and personal stories, they encourage listeners to consciously make others feel good, amplify their positive traits, and set a positive tone in various settings, from the workplace to family life.

Please be sure to share and subscribe if you found this useful on your journey to heliotropic living!

Links & Resources

Be the Sun, Not the Salt - book

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

Harry Cohen: Welcome to the be the sun, not the salt podcast. I'm Dr. Harry Cohen, author of be the sun, not the salt. I'm joined by my cohost Connie Fontaine, and we're going to get into the chapters. to talk about how to be the sun and not the salt. 

Connie Fontaine: these many episodes are really designed for a couple of things, but mainly for us to revisit each chapter day by day and make sure that we're soaking in these concepts and living our best life every day. I think chapter six is an interesting one, lights someone up because. There are people who say lights went up.

That's bad. No, not that way. We're talking about light somebody up in a really good way. The kind of people that when you walk into a room and you're the kind of person that people lean towards and feel good about. So I think the most important part is starting with this one. Harry is heliotropic people, the whole science behind heliotropism and and what heliotropic people's characteristics are

Harry Cohen: [00:01:00] And these characteristics have been researched, identified, articulated and discussed at length by Dr. Kim Cameron from the university of Michigan business school. What we did is we distilled the essence of these qualities and said, of them represent what it means to be the sun, which 

Connie Fontaine: right. 

Harry Cohen: a positive energizer being around and with these people, including us make. The person feel good, feel better, feel, wow, I love being around him or her. And it's not an accident. It's not mysterious. It's not woo woo energy. It is when someone, any of us, Kind and uplifting, compassionate, grateful, curious. We want the best for the person we're talking to. You can feel it when you're talking to someone and they genuinely are listening to you and want the [00:02:00] best for you. That is what it means to be heliotropic. To light someone up is to be deliberate in knowing that we all have that power make somebody feel lifted, however we do.

Connie Fontaine: And I mean, some of those characteristics you mentioned, I mean, it's kind of like a duh. But when we put a name to it and the science behind it that says no, this is real. I mean, and we feel it. I mean, I think when I first heard you talk on this topic and you use the metaphor and I remember you sat down next to me and I'm like, God, this should be on T shirts all over the world.

And because what it did is it made me feel like, Oh, Oh, that's why I really loved working with so and so, um, they just felt good to be around and just that presence. And I think to your point, you can have it and most of us do. Uh, but you gotta intentionally make sure that you amplify it when you can. Mm

Harry Cohen: that gotta intentionally [00:03:00] make sure to amplify it is the point. So what does that mean? That means in any given moment, you, we, I can affect someone making them feel, Oh, Good, or bad. 

Connie Fontaine: Don't want to do that.

Harry Cohen: given that we can do that in the tiniest way, do the first. 

Connie Fontaine: hmm. Mm 

Harry Cohen: what does that

mean? Well, look at someone, say good morning, as an example. If you know that you want to like someone, you want to make somebody feel good, what do you want to do to do that? There's a million 

Connie Fontaine: hmm. 

Harry Cohen: you already do.

To make them feel good. Thank you. That was delicious. I thought you did a great 

Connie Fontaine: Well, and the why we summed it up in a quote in the end of this chapter, Dr. Albert Albert Schweitzer example isn't the main thing in influencing others. It's the only thing.[00:04:00] 

Harry Cohen: And oh my God. And thinking about that, I heard another quote similar, which is you might be the only Bible a person reads today. In other words, how, how I am, how you are, how we are influences other people, not what we say necessarily or how all that we think it's. do we behave in the world and how does that affect other people? And knowing that we do, let's do it deliberately.

Connie Fontaine: Well, and I think you've you've seen this too. You told me about somebody who suggested that. When we, when we engage with people and we truly listen, they can feel it. And I think you said something about looking at someone so intently, you can at least see their eye color. Then, you know, you've really seen them and made them feel seen.

Harry Cohen: And this is a very simple tip, but if you want to make good eye contact, an eye, choose an eye to 

Connie Fontaine: That's true. 

Harry Cohen: allows you to have better

eye contact. But just if you remember, if I [00:05:00] remember that I can light someone up in any given circumstance, no matter what, Depending on how I behave, do that.

It's not a bridge too far. It's not something Um, I can't do it's something I can do

Connie Fontaine: I want to echo that little tip because someone I knew, Um, shared this with me too about the eye contact. They were somebody who felt uncomfortable with eye contact. And I don't know if shy is the right word, a little introverted, but there was somebody that made them feel especially intimidated and someone gave them that same tip.

So I just want to echo it. If you, if that is one thing for you that you're trying to work on and make better eye contact, one eye, just look at that one eye. It seems to be just something easier for those that, that are challenged by that. So good tip. Good tip.

Harry Cohen: a good tip.

Also practice letting someone up in the tiniest ways that you already do and say, Ooh, I did a pretty good job. Ooh, that didn't work. Ooh, whatever you do. And, and, and watch how easy it is for you to do it. And then you can just walk through life personally or professionally with that [00:06:00] intention.

I'm going to go into this Thanksgiving dinner. I'm going to go into this meeting, no matter what. Whoever's in front of me, I'm going to say or do something that's going to make them feel a little bit better not 

Connie Fontaine: Right, 

Harry Cohen: that's a lovely tie you have on Mr. Cleaver, like that fake Eddie Haskell from Leave it to Beaver Days. Don't be flattery and, and obnoxious in our puffery.

Connie Fontaine: I do think that sometimes I have to fake a smile though. But the good news is once you fake it, it shows up for real for for most of us. You know where I'm feeling that energy where I'm kind of in the mode of something that's really bother me and somebody comes in the room. I don't want them to feel that.

Nor do I want them to be worried about my worries. So I think when I put a smile on my face, first of all, your face automatically starts smiling. So it's no longer fake on you. Bring that energy to that person that just came in the room

Harry Cohen: so [00:07:00] that idea, I would love for people to experiment with themselves. So some people react to, I'm not going to fake a smile. Okay, fine. But your point, the point you're making is you can make your face. More smiley to the extent that you can, and it does affect you and others. So don't lay a trip on yourself.

I have to fake 

Connie Fontaine: That's true. And it never really is fake fake, right? You're just like to your point, you're making my face. I don't want my, you don't own your face anymore. If you're showing it to somebody else, you're gonna, you're gonna give them something and you get to decide what you want to give them, I think, is the point.

You know, as a parent, I think a working mom. Many, many years ago, um, I would come home and the whole drive home was trying to decompress from the day and then walking in the door always was important to me to have a smile. What do I bring it home? Even though I didn't feel it yet inside. And the minute I brought something else else [00:08:00] out like a smile, the rest of the world kind of the whole house turned around because of that.

Harry Cohen: I mean, I so appreciate you saying that we can do the same. as the owner of my restaurant, I know that when I walk in people, especially the employees are going to look at me a certain way. I have a responsibility. To be uplifting

to the people I encounter deliberately and not, well, how do you, how do you address, you know, that needs to be corrected?

Well, frankly, not, not in that setting, not in that context. And 

Connie Fontaine: Right. 

Harry Cohen: appropriate channels is the answer to that 

Connie Fontaine: That's the why we say you don't, you don't own your face or your face is no longer yours anymore. What, however you want to put it, because you do, you have a responsibility, whether you're a leader walking into a conference room and you're busy on the phone, take a minute to look up and smile, tell everyone you'll be right with them.

I mean, you're, you're setting the tone the minute you walk in the room. That's the point. Whether you're as a [00:09:00] parent, as a leader, as an owner of a restaurant. I

Harry Cohen: Everything. I love this challenge to, I light somebody up today? Let's see if I can, you know, in a conversation. In a zoom, in a chance encounter or with, you know, difficult conversation

Connie Fontaine: agree. So let's everybody light somebody up. I hope listeners got something really special out of this. These little mini episodes, like I said, are not just healing, but they're this support mechanism for us to work at being our best self every day. Hopefully this brought has brought a challenge for you today.

If you liked it, if you feel like there's somebody who would enjoy it, please share this. podcast and get an alert every time we drop a new episode. Thanks for listening.