#36 Gentle Nudge: Make Your Words Count

Ever caught yourself rambling through a story or dropping verbal grenades that backfire? Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine—your Be the Sun, Not the Salt super-smart duo—are back with Chapter 15: “Make Your Words Count.”

Spoiler alert: Less really is more when it comes to communication! Harry spills the tea on why cutting extra or inflammatory words turbocharges your clarity, while Connie shares examples of unhelpful self-talk she’s totally never said to herself. 😉 With some tiny tweaks, we get a big impact, so trim the fluff, ditch the drama, and remember that practice makes precision.

Perfect for anyone who’s ever thought: “Why did I even say that?!” Your words matter—make ’em shine! 🌟

(Mini-episode, mega-wisdom—grab it on your next coffee run!)

Links & Resources

Be the Sun, Not the Salt - book

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

Harry Cohen: [00:00:00] Welcome to be the sun, not the salt. I'm Dr. Harry Cohn. I'm joined by my cohost, Connie Fontaine, Chief super spreader. And kind.

Connie Fontaine: And we're loving these mini episodes. Hopefully you are too, not just because they're short and sweet, but because they're a daily reflection for ourselves and hopefully they can become the same for you. So yeah, chapter 15 is make your words count. There's so many ways to dive into this one.

I think, you know, what's your point is one of the things like making sure that you get to the point quickly, not just for yourself, but for others.

Harry Cohen: And this is the famous Mark Twain quote, which is if I had more time, I'd have written a shorter letter point being. When we are really thoughtful about what we are saying and we say it succinctly, clearly, with [00:01:00] just the right amount of words, it's more powerful. That takes effort. That takes thought. And I'm going to stop talking.

Connie Fontaine: I was gonna say, how do you know, like, there are people that you see that continue to make their point using different words at, you know, being self reflective on that. How do you get to that point?

Harry Cohen: So my experience as a public speaker, as a person who speaks for a is continually practice stopping. Talking, make your point, use an example, and then be done. And that is a practice and I'm still working at it. I gave a talk on, on Monday of this week and I used just a few, too many sentences and I was watching it because I had recorded it and I can do a better job.

Connie Fontaine: I think when you said practicing ending there, there literally is a way to end that sentence with a period and exclamation part and stop, [00:02:00] close your mouth. And it does work. And it actually gets people's attention. It also gives them permission to speak. It gives them permission to nod their head and you'll know right away whether they want you to keep going for sure.

Harry Cohen: You just did it.

Connie Fontaine: I was just going to say, Oh, don't stop talking yet.

Harry Cohen: No, no, that's what we got to do to answer your question. Practice saying less. And then when people say, could you say more, could you give me an example? Great. And then you're there. But the real practice is make your point, say what needs to be said and be done. Bite your tongue when you're finished.

Connie Fontaine: Yep, very much about the previous chapter, don't be a complexifier. We talked about it there, about keeping it simple. What about this, I think this idea, and I don't know if this is the right chapter to talk about it, it feels like it, but the words you choose are very important. The things you say out loud are very important because you start to register them in your brain over and over again.

Mm 

Harry Cohen: It is really true and sometimes we have to learn the hard way, which [00:03:00] words are inappropriate. I mean, really don't use that word. It's a trigger word. It has multiple meanings. It's offensive for people. We have to, oftentimes have to make the mistake of using inappropriate or wrong or confusing obtuse words that then we have to realize, nah, not, not so helpful.

So I like the practice of continually trying to figure out how to be more clear forever.

Connie Fontaine: Right. We were talking about that this morning. Inflammatory language. Language that, you know, is meant to categorize a person, an idea, a belief. You know, someone is a, you know, a liberal or a conservative. Depending on who you're having a conversation with, that alone can be inflammatory. Depending on how you use it.

Harry Cohen: So I often say when I talk about this, don't be a dick. Now some people find that offensive and I have learned it's a great, why didn't you just call the book that? That's a great title for the book. And other people say, [00:04:00] well, that was a little offensive. So I don't know, we'll figure out whether, um, I should say that or not.

Connie Fontaine: Well, and I think, and again, this is when we talked a little bit about, I think we were offline when we were talking about this, where, you know, the, the chatter, the inner chatter, telling myself that I'm a certain thing, word, you know, bad at names.

I probably talked about that one of the many episodes, but, you know, making your words count also means don't say things that don't need to be said. Don't, don't say things that are, are too affirming and something you didn't intend to affirm.

Harry Cohen: It's really a great practice. It's a marvelous thing to work on, which is don't add the next sentence to whatever you think you just said.

See if you can say one less sentence to make your point.

Connie Fontaine: You said in this, in this one line, I like to say, I suggest that you give people what they need without overwhelming them. That's that point,

Harry Cohen: Yeah, some people 

Connie Fontaine: to say, but don't continue to add facts if you're [00:05:00] already getting an acknowledgement that you've said enough. Right. 

Harry Cohen: is when someone asks for a glass of water, don't hose them down. Your point. And that's an art.

Connie Fontaine: Yeah, and there's things people don't want to talk about, or things that people just don't find interesting or relevant, and if it's not, then why, why bother? Making those words count, it's never going to count if somebody doesn't care about what you're talking about.

Harry Cohen: Love it. And to the point, if someone's not caring about what you're talking about, you'll notice it. If you're listening to them by watching them,

when they're looking at their watch or looking at their phone or looking away, chances are you're boring.

Connie Fontaine: Yep. Looking somebody right in the eye and having that conversation and watching that body language to your point makes all the difference in the world. They'll feel listened to, acknowledged, and you'll know when it's time to stop.

Harry Cohen: In the spirit of making our words count, we're going to stop talking.

Connie Fontaine: I think so. Please pass this along. I hope you enjoyed this conversation and we hope you [00:06:00] follow the podcast and get alerts every time we drop something new. Thanks for listening.