#43 Gentle Nudge: Smile and Move On

Ever found yourself knee-deep in an argument about chocolate vs. vanilla—or something way more personal, like politics or identity? 🍦🗳️ In this episode of Be the Sun, Not the Salt, Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine shine a light on Chapter 22: “Smile and Move On.”

Here’s the real talk:

• 😁 Smile first, react later: Whether it’s a silly debate about ice cream or a deeply held belief, arguing rarely changes minds—especially when emotions or identities are involved. Instead, genuine conversation (not combat) is what leads to real understanding.
• 🧠 Pick your battles: Not every disagreement needs a winner. Sometimes, it’s just about sharing perspectives and moving forward without drama.
• 💬 Curiosity over combat: Connie shares how pausing, smiling, and asking a sincere question turned a tense political moment into a real, respectful conversation—no eye-rolling required!
• 🌈 Wrap it up with kindness: Ending with appreciation keeps relationships strong, even when you see the world differently.

Harry reminds us that most heated debates—whether about football or politics—are more about entertainment or venting than real solutions. The win? Choosing connection over being right, and letting go when the outcome won’t change.

Perfect for anyone who’s ever gotten sucked into a debate that went nowhere (so, all of us!). Tune in for laughs, real-life stories, and your weekly nudge to let go, smile, and move on. 🌞

(Mini-episode, major relief—perfect for your next deep breath!)

Links & Resources

Be the Sun, Not the Salt - book

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

Harry Cohen: Welcome to our gentle nudges series. I'm Harry Cohen. I'm the author of be the sun, not the salt. And today we're going to be talking about smile and move on chapter 22. And the example I use in the chapter is arguing about stupid stuff that doesn't matter. Barry Sanders was the greatest running back of all time. And a friend reminded me yesterday, Connie, about the purpose of sports talk radio, which is, it's to develop controversy and argument and, and entertainment. And if you forget that, you'll get caught up in it and argue about stuff that doesn't matter. It's really interesting and helpful for me to remind myself, Oh my God, I just got lost in a stupid argument

Connie Fontaine: Yeah. Well, whether it doesn't [00:01:00] matter or it's not going to change somebody's mind, that's the other one is, you know, we've all lived through that late. Why are we, why are we talking and arguing about things that we know are, at least for that person, very personal, very decisive. They are, they're not moving.

Why, why, why argue? 

Harry Cohen: right. And smile and move on from me is so helpful because I can literally smile to myself. I don't need to say anything and I know, Oh my God, this is like arguing, which is better chocolate or vanilla. This is. You know, this is a pointless road to go down. It's freeing for me. And oftentimes I've, I only see it after I get caught up in the stupid.

And when I say caught up in the stupid, I'll catch myself arguing about something that, wait a minute, a, it doesn't matter. B, I don't really know. I'm just voicing my opinion. I'm not an expert [00:02:00] in the field. So. It's very, very helpful to not engage. 

Connie Fontaine: Agreed. When I think literally the smile and move on for me, uh, you know, this happened to me last night. Somebody asked me a question and I knew it was a pointed question. It wasn't really, um, meant to be inquisitive in the moment, um, or at 

Harry Cohen: was a statement. It was a statement. Uh,

Connie Fontaine: it was, I'm going to rile you up.

Um, and I love this person to death.

Uh, and so if she's listening, she'll know exactly what it was. But what I did that tact for me is this. Take a breath, smile and say, Are you really curious about my point of view on this? Are you asking me because you want to know why I could possibly feel this way? Or are you just trying to tell me I'm wrong?

And that in that moment, because I stopped and smiled, I was able to get through that sentence without sounding harsh, without 

Harry Cohen: wait, what did she say? How did she respond? Nice.

Connie Fontaine: Um, she basically said, I'm surprised that you have some of [00:03:00] the political beliefs you do and yet you talk about kindness.

You know, I gave everybody at my book club last night, Brad Aronson's book. Um, Humankind, which is, you know, we're excited. Brad's, you know. Podcast is dropping today and for our listeners, if you haven't heard it, please, please tune in. But she said, you, you, you express kindness and you are so thoughtful and loving.

And yet I feel like you, you possibly could have voted for somebody who's not kind. And I said, well, That's not what the point is. That's not that. And so we got had a really healthy conversation because I didn't react and because I didn't roll my eyes and say, well, why are we starting this? But one, when we were done, I had to wrap it up with a bow and say, I'm really appreciate you.

Starting a dialogue about this and actually being curious about my point of view. And then it, it ended sweet. It ended and we were, we were all good with each other. And that was important to me because I don't want to challenge relationships just because of different points of view on vanilla or chocolate or Barry Sanders being the best, whatever, you [00:04:00] know how much I know about football.

And so it just tied, starting it nicely with a smile and ending it nicely enabled that whole conversation to be a different animal than it could have been. Right, 

Harry Cohen: it. And I remember that dear friend shared with me that political discourse and the news, the talking heads is sports talk radio, which is designed to create controversy. I think and I believe and I know and what I and you know, everybody talks about stuff for hours.

Decide what you're doing and say, well, it's entertainment for me.

I don't mind. I like this thing fine That's great. Long as you can smile and move on and have a good

day and don't pick a fight with

Connie Fontaine: right. And remember, it's your point of view. It's not, nobody's right and wrong. Everyone's got their own point of view. And I think that's the, that's actually is from a human being standpoint. That's what I find the most interesting is having conversations about people's points of view and how they got there.

And that enables me to [00:05:00] smile and move on.

Harry Cohen: and in other words my point of view isn't the right point of

Connie Fontaine: You are not right. It is your point of view. You're not wrong either. It's just your point of view.

Harry Cohen: No, no, I'm right

Connie Fontaine: That's right. Well, hopefully, hopefully this session will make you think about one of the times that maybe you could have handled that differently. Like I did, I've got plenty of situations. I could tell you about where I didn't handle it and smile and move on as fast as I did this time.

So think about that. Let us encourage those kinds of thoughts for each other.

Harry Cohen: Please take the opportunity to think about when you can smile and move on, maybe even a little differently. We do this every day.

Connie Fontaine: We talk about it with each other. How do we make those situations healthy 

Harry Cohen: 

I'd like to add, if you have a story of how you were able to

smile and move on when previously you weren't able, that would be

cool too. You know, those political discourses that you can have with your family and you could say, you know. I'm way better now.period. I think it'd be really cool,

Connie Fontaine: Yeah, I used to and now I is how we frame it up a lot. Please share that [00:06:00] with us. Comments. let us know because this, this whole point of this series is for us to learn from you, you to share with us and I think we can all help each other. So please like, share, comment and pass this along. Thanks for listening.