#48 Gentle Nudge: Fill in the Potholes

Ever wondered what it means to make a difference—even when no one’s watching? 🌟 In this episode of Be the Sun, Not the Salt, Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine guide you through Chapter 26: Fill in the Potholes—a thought-provoking conversation about small acts, big impact, and the quiet magic of doing good.

Why tune in?

• Discover how tiny, anonymous gestures can ripple out and change your world—and maybe even someone else’s.
• Get inspired to spot everyday opportunities to help, uplift, or simply smooth the path for others (and yourself).
• Hear real-life stories about what happens when people choose kindness over irritation, and action over apathy.
• Learn why sometimes the most powerful good deeds are the ones nobody notices—except you.

This episode is perfect for anyone searching for inspiration on kindness, positive mindset, emotional intelligence, and personal growth. Whether you’re looking for practical ways to boost your well-being, or just want to feel a little more connected to the world around you, “Fill in the Potholes” offers gentle nudges and real wisdom for living a sunnier, more meaningful life.

Ready to make a difference—and maybe even create a little good karma? Hit play and join the conversation.

(Mini-episode, maximum heart—perfect for your next walk, coffee break, or quiet moment of reflection!)

Looking for more?

• Share this episode with a friend who could use a little inspiration.
• Subscribe for your weekly dose of positive mindset, kindness, and personal growth!
• Explore more episodes  - shortform and longer interviews with heliotropic exemplars - on emotional intelligence, self-improvement, and making a difference.

Reference Links from This Episode

Brad Aronson’s episode on creating big change through small acts

Be the Sun, Not the Salt book

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

 [00:00:00] 

Harry Cohen: Hi, welcome. My name is Dr. Harry Cohn. I'm the author of be the sun, not the salt. And I'm joined by my cohost, Connie Fontaine, chief super spreader, all things be the sun, not the salt. Connie, what's our topic today? I

Connie Fontaine: we are at chapter 26, which is fill in the potholes, which is a fun title of this chapter. And I know you got it. Um, it was inspired by a parable that you read that you really enjoyed.

Harry Cohen: mean, this is decades ago, I read this parable and the parable is the story of a man who walks down a dimly lit street and falls into a puddle. Uh, uh, a pothole and gets bruised and he's very irritated and pissed and thinks, damn, why the hell doesn't somebody fix that? Time passes and he never goes down that dim lit street again and he never even thinks about it.

And then way later in life, as much more time passes, he thinks about the fact, you [00:01:00] know what? I'm going to go back and fix the pothole on the street. I never walked down. The metaphor is, imagine if we could have the presence of mind to fix things when we don't have to. To address problems that no one asked us to fix, but you know what, it would be good if someone did.

I'm reminded of my friend, Bobby, who, who, uh, years ago there was an elderly woman who was housebound after surgery and he said to himself, you know, somebody should really take her some food. And you realize, wait, I'm that somebody. And, and, uh, you know, it doesn't have to, no one requested it, but it's the kind of thing that man, as later in life, we are more aware of what we can do to help others when we don't even have to.

Connie Fontaine: It's about making a difference in people's lives and, you know, I think we had that beautiful podcast with our guest Brad Aronson and Brad talked a lot about making a difference for [00:02:00] people going through different challenges and you don't have to ask, you know, and I think as a matter of fact, his, his caution was.

Don't, don't ask, what can I do for you? It's go do something. Just do something to change somebody's life. And I think this fix the pothole idea can be as, you know, very specific as helping a person or it could be very subtle. Like we talk about the grocery cart analogy, you know, you go into the parking lot.

Yes. First, take your own grocery cart and put it where it's supposed to go. But secondly, it's okay to take the other one. Nobody will notice. It's okay. But you'll know you've, you've made a difference.

Harry Cohen: and that tiny grocery cart example is the kit and the caboodle. If we had the mindset of, I'm going to go do that. Nobody needs to know about it, but if we do the, the world is a little bit better. And if we have that mindset, if I have that mindset, I know my life is better. When I do good for others that nobody knows about, you know, the highest form of giving [00:03:00] is anonymous giving.

Somebody asked me once, well, why should I support your charity? It's not the city I live in. And I said, well, you don't have to, but I, I support charities in other cities and, and, and I love doing it other countries. And one of the reasons I enjoy doing good for others is it makes me feel good, but it's when I don't even have to, and nobody knows about it, that I feel even the best.

Connie Fontaine: Well, and it, what it does also, if you've, if you're going to be irritated by something. So a friend of mine told me that inspired by that chat, this chapter, she picked up somebody else's dog poop on her walk with her dog. Cause her first reaction every time is, Oh my gosh, I know who that was. And, uh, you know, how can people be so, well, how about, first of all, maybe they didn't have a bag with them.

Maybe this was just like, they're coming back. But second of all, why be here? Just pick it up. And she started doing that and she realized that first of all, she felt like she was doing something for the other neighbors. And second of all, [00:04:00] she felt less irritated on her walk because she was less likely to be, you know, picking out who it could have possibly been the culprit.

Harry Cohen: So that example, I've never thought about it, but it's, it might be a bridge too far for me. What I have done. Just saying what I have done is taken a litter bag with me when I go for a walk in the woods and I will pick up litter that I didn't leave if I happen to have my bag with me, but I'm, I'm not going to commit to the dog poop one. I'm just saying that's me. Other 

Connie Fontaine: Somebody else could step in it though. You'd be doing 

Harry Cohen: it's not good. I'm just not committing to it.

Connie Fontaine: a friend of mine does that on the beach too. Every time she goes for a beach walk. And I think, you know, that's a good reminder too, in the woods, because there is, there is always something. I like that. That's a good tip. Now, do you think staying anonymous, um, makes it more gratifying?

Harry Cohen: I don't know. I know that I get ego buzz from being acknowledged for being a good person. If I see, if people see me doing a good deed, if I tell somebody I do a good [00:05:00] deed, I know I get some buzz for that.

So, I know it's not the highest form of giving, but I'll give when I'm asked. I'll give and take credit, but I also do love giving.

To give anonymously, and I have a quiet me, a quiet sense of, I did some good today, and it's right out of this chapter.

Connie Fontaine: Yeah, so I think you're right. I think that's, we would get an additional buzz if people, because we've talked about that. When you, when you make somebody feel good and others around you feel it, there's this, you know, culmination of, you know, good, positive vibes, which is great. But yeah, I think, I think doing it on your own, who knows, maybe the good karma, whereas maybe somebody else will pick up some dog poop.

I don't step in now. Maybe. 

Harry Cohen: is really about creating good karma, so for, for those that want a simple message, this is the good karma chapter. Mm

Connie Fontaine: Do good. That's right. So fill in a pothole today, whatever that pothole may be. Um, [00:06:00] hopefully this inspired you and you can inspire others by sharing this content and hopefully you're following us on our, on our entire podcast series. Thank you for listening today.