#51 Gentle Nudge: Be An Olympic Listener

Ever wish people really heard you—or that you could be the kind of listener everyone trusts? In this episode of “Be the Sun, Not the Salt,” Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine continue their Gentle Nudge series with Chapter 29: “Be an Olympic Listener”—your invitation to level up from “just hearing” to truly connecting.

Why tune in?

•  Listening is an everyday superpower: Discover why being an “Olympic listener” isn’t just for therapists or leaders—it’s for anyone who wants stronger relationships, better communication, and more meaningful moments.
• More than ears: Learn how to “listen with your eyes” by picking up on body language, tone, and what’s not being said.
• Curiosity is key: Get practical tips for asking clarifying questions, double-checking what you heard, and showing genuine curiosity—so people feel seen, heard, and understood.
• Practice makes progress: Harry and Connie share real-life stories (and a few laughs) about how even the best listeners are always learning, and why it’s worth the effort to keep improving.

This episode is perfect for anyone searching for advice on active listening, communication skills, emotional intelligence, and building trust. Whether you’re looking to be a better partner, friend, leader, or just want to connect more deeply with the people around you, “Be an Olympic Listener” is your gentle nudge to show up, tune in, and make every conversation count.

Ready to go for listening gold? Hit play and join us for heartfelt stories, practical wisdom, and your weekly reminder that the best relationships start with being truly heard.

(Mini-episode, maximum connection—perfect for your next chat, coffee break, or moment of reflection!)

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

 [00:00:00] Welcome. My name is Dr. Harry Cohen. I'm the author of Be the Sun, Not the Salt. And this is our Gentle Nudge series, talking about each chapter. I'm joined by my co host. Connie Fontaine, Chief Superspreader.

Connie Fontaine: Yes, it's hard to believe we've worked our way through the book and each each chapter each reflection has been Not just fun, but it's been gratifying to remind ourselves of the principles each day. So 29 is, is an important one. It's being an Olympic listener and one that I know that we've, had big clients that have focused on that chapter, but this is an everyday exercise for all of us.

Harry Cohen: Who on this earth couldn't become a better listener, let alone an Olympic listener. One guy said, he said, well, I'm, I'm, I'm moving from junior varsity to varsity as a listener, but I got a long way to go, but I love the metaphor. The metaphor metaphor is that, man, oh man, [00:01:00] imagine we could become that good as a listener.

And, um, one of our podcast guests, Dr. Adish described listening and she's a physician as an act of devotion. Oh, I love that expression. We all, myself mostly, could be a better listener, let alone an Olympic listener, where the people that we interact with feel so listened to that just being around us makes them feel great.

Connie Fontaine: Right. And being an Olympic listener isn't just hearing what's said. It's about what's not said. What's meant. I, there's, I mean, this is, this is to be really good at, at this. You're, you're asking questions. You're not just sitting, docile, listening.

Harry Cohen: my God, and you know, when I was doing therapy as my work, most often what I would [00:02:00] really be doing is deeply listening, trying to understand what people are trying to say. And that requires an enormous amount of focus and attention and effort and skill and practice. And there are some very practical things that That everybody can and should do to improve their listening.

You know, we, we put them in the book as tiny little listening tips, put away your cell phone, look someone in the eye. I mean, these are really, really simple. You know, we cannot do two things at once when people say I'm multitasking. No, you're not. That's why we get distracted. So to really improve our listening, um, Think about it every time that you're in a conversation with someone and you want to learn what they're saying.

Think about what you could do to improve your listening. Like [00:03:00] looking at them. Like asking questions. Like not looking elsewhere.

Connie Fontaine: Right. I think you said ask questions. It's with some genuine curiosity, because I think if, if to understand what somebody's saying, often we need to ask for clarification. And so that does a couple things. First, the people, the person knows you're listening. Second, you actually are listening better.

Harry Cohen: And I often ask for an example. to make sure I understand what someone is 

saying. Give me another example. Give me one. Okay. Got it. I understand it. 

And, And, sometimes becoming an Olympic listener, which is lifelong pursuit does require you getting it wrong sometimes.

And I like the aspiration. I like the goal of becoming amazing in my listening skills.

I know I'm pretty good. Man, oh man, I can get better. [00:04:00] Well,

Connie Fontaine: when you said, um, when you were doing therapy, um, the people's bodies, body language, I'm sure told you a lot as well. And I, and I say that, but of course, in everyday life, uh, body language tells us a lot.

Harry Cohen: this is one of those phenomenons of human nature, which is if you really want to become a great listener, listen with your eyes. You should also listen with your, your stomach, your intuition. Something doesn't feel right. That's listening to what you're feeling while you're listening to someone. Listening with your eyes means looking at them for what their body language, and it also obviously involves tone.

You said that, but you didn't sound like you meant it. There was a whole lot in what you said. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about that? So, I [00:05:00] love the challenge of becoming better at this. Art and science, and both are operative in the art and science of listening.

Connie Fontaine: So with your, with your ears, with your eyes, and then with your mouth, listening by asking questions and clarifying. And I love the idea of asking for examples. Don't assume that you know, and even if you think you know, ask that question. Gives you also more time to process what's happening missteps.

Harry Cohen: And if you really want to double check triple check quadruple check so let me hear is this is this what you're saying let me just see if I got this right so let me tell you what I heard let me tell you what I think you're saying this is what I think I'm getting is this is that correct am I missing something you can always ask and we can always You know, the people will say something, some version of yeah, that's, that's mostly it, which means there's more Or 

yep, that's it.

Exactly. Oh, good. [00:06:00] Or yeah, I guess, I guess so. Well, that ain't it. So go for the triple check.

Connie Fontaine: I love that. That's perfect. All right. Good. So I think being an Olympic listener, remember this isn't just about hearing. This is about hearing, seeing, and asking questions. Hopefully you learned something today. I know I'm being reminded again, um, of being a better listener. So please invite others to share with this content, have a little chat about it, and enjoy it.

And, uh, for listening.