#57 How Do I... Light Someone Up?

Ever wonder how to really light someone up—not just with a passing compliment, but in a way that sticks? In this “How Do I…” episode of Be the Sun, Not the Salt, Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine roll up their sleeves to share practical ways to intentionally uplift the people around you.

Here’s what you’ll hear:

• The magic of specifics: Why “great job” isn’t enough, and how pointing out exactly what impressed you makes praise more meaningful—and memorable.
• Keeping it real (and brief): How authentic, concise acknowledgments land better than over-the-top accolades or generic kudos.
• Praise that pays it forward: Candid stories about how a single, heartfelt comment can ripple out, inspiring more kindness and connection.
• Avoiding the “ick” factor: Tips on making sure your recognition feels genuine (not like you’re sucking up or handing out empty flattery).
• Everyday opportunities: From work meetings to a busy coffee shop, how small, one-on-one moments can have an outsized impact—and why you should give credit even when “everyone already knows.”
• The power of being deliberate: Why looking people in the eye, using their name, and focusing fully on them turns ordinary encounters into something special—and how to let the moment be about them, not you.
• Simple takeaways: If you’re already doing this, do it a little more. If you’re not, all it takes is a genuine moment and a specific observation to start.

Harry and Connie share their own “just did it” moments and invite listeners to try it out in your own lives—and then let us know how it went! Whether you want to make your workplace brighter, boost a friend’s day, or simply spread more good, this episode is your nudge to start now.

(Second in the “How Do I…” series—perfect for anyone ready to practice the art of lifting others up with intention, authenticity, and a little bit of heliotropic magic.)

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

 [00:00:00] 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Welcome to the Be the Sun, not the Salt podcast. My name is Dr. Harry Cohen and I'm joined by my chief super spreader, Connie Fontaine. And this is a series How, how, how, well, how do we Do I practice being the sun and not the salt. This topic is how do we deliberately. Light other people up when that is our focus.

We know we wanna do it. We know we wanna be positive energizers. So how do we do that? Connie?

Connie Fontaine: Right. This series for us is a way to start revisiting some of the topics that people ask us about. Things that we know, but we don't always do. And so we just had our first one talking about how do we start our day out, right? This one is how do I start other people's day out? So let's, let's get right into that one.

I think there's ways that we can do it Well, there's ways we can do it, not so well. So let's talk about both.

Dr. Harry Cohen: So one of the things that I do very deliberately is when I praise [00:01:00] someone for. Something that they do that I am impressed with or who they are. I give a specific example. It's so easy and so obvious, and you don't talk in generalities. You talk with an example to say, this is what I mean by that. When I go to the restaurant and I.

See either a server or a hostess do something wonderful. I say, I really appreciate how you did that. I love that you picked up that glass from that other table, even though I know it wasn't your table. That's the kind of small stuff that really makes a difference. I know we weren't open until five and I saw you come out and seat these people at a quarter to five and get 'em some water.

It's just not small. It's big period.

Connie Fontaine: It's big to everybody and I think we have a tendency to do that. As parents, young children, we spend the time, but we often, I've heard people hesitate at work because they don't want people to think they're either sucking up to them. They don't want to think they're strange for being too sweet or so. The answer is everybody [00:02:00] loves to hear when they're doing something. Well, and to your point, especially if it's very specific, um, I had an example this week. Someone did a presentation, someone that works with us. Kay. She did a great presentation and when I shared with her how great I thought she did.

Million people were telling her great job. I mean, in the chat, everyone's going crazy. What she did really well was a couple things. One, in her delivery, she was listening to other people's questions in the chat, but more importantly, she left everybody with something specific that they could do that was rebel, relevant to anybody. That lit her up more than anything because she knew what she did well, and I, it lit me up because I loved, you know, watching her do something really fantastic and, and giving her credit for that.

Dr. Harry Cohen: Same, same, same. I was, I hosted a, uh, a fundraiser for a politician earlier this week and I went up to that politician and said, here's why your stump speech was great. Now I've given him feedback before I. With specificity. I said, you didn't just give the platitudes. You had a very specific concrete example of [00:03:00] how you did it.

It was great. And then I had another example of the more specific you were with, the story you told was great. So I'm just reiterating this when we, I praise people. Do it not for their ego or not to just make them feel good. 'cause they will, but it's the, this is why you were great so that they can know and do more of it.

It's a yeah. Oh I can do that. Um, so it's a really easy and good way to remember how we can be heliotropic and light people up.

Connie Fontaine: You know, we, with some of our guests, we've heard different stories like that. Like I love Mindy Holman. We, in that episode, she talked about something that happened to her a long time ago, but she still, it still reflects back on it so positively. She was in an airport wearing a beautiful red coat. She didn't think anything of it, and someone gave her a beautiful compliment about how she looked.

And in that coat, she felt great. She still feels great when she talks about, but more importantly, she uses that as something, as a reason to [00:04:00] compliment other people. She learned from that Trinea Ganzar, she lit somebody up at a, you know, in a store. She realized somebody was having a tough day. So I think back to our episodes and, and we hear that not just the, they felt good, but how they made other people feel good too.

Dr. Harry Cohen: And it's this deliberate intention to make other people feel good. That is, is the most important. So the tiniest ways that we can point out when people are doing something or being great in some form or fashion, I. Tell 'em and do it briefly. Don't go on and on and on. Give them one or two examples and then we're done.

They'll know that you're not doing it to buff their ego. They'll know that you mean it, and they'll feel great, and you'll feel great, and anybody witnessing it will feel great too. Keep it.

Connie Fontaine: Have you ever, have you ever seen people do that? And it comes across really inauthentically though, you know, because I think that's the caution is do it when it's right. Do it in a way that works for you and that other person. I think listen, know who that person is, or at least what you know [00:05:00] about them.

Make sure that feels really good instead of just platitudes to

Dr. Harry Cohen: And that that point is, you know, like how do you do this? Well, you're authentic. Any techniques to be authentic? Yeah, be authentic. If something isn't real, then don't say it. For you, if your motive is clear and clean, you just want them to know they did a great job. Tell them. When somebody tells me, usually it's about their boss.

That their boss was great. I say, did you tell him or her?

Connie Fontaine: Great.

Dr. Harry Cohen: oh, no, no, no. I, I don't

Connie Fontaine: up.

Dr. Harry Cohen: wanna suck up. I don't want 'em to think that I'm sucking up.

Connie Fontaine: Right.

Dr. Harry Cohen: always remind them, dude, they gotta know you're not sucking up. Keep it brief. Tell 'em that you, they did a good job with explicit specificity and everybody wins.

It's a good practice for all of us to constantly look for ways to do that more effectively.

Connie Fontaine: That's right. I mean, if you're looking somebody in the eye, you are using specificity. You're focused on them and not on who's, who's [00:06:00] behind them, who's around. Just that'll feel authentic and that'll feel really good to both of you.

Dr. Harry Cohen: And don't talk about yourself.

Connie Fontaine: And And don't say Yeah. Just like I do. Yeah. I do that really well too. Yeah. That wouldn't work very well.

Dr. Harry Cohen: So keep it, keep it short, keep it simple. Keep it real, but be deliberate. You know, when you listen to this, you go, I already do that. Great. Do it some more. And if you're reminded from this to go, you know, I'm gonna go tell that person, um, something that I've been thinking about that they do that's real. Um, great.

That, just do it in that simplest way and, you know, drop us a line, let us know, you know, I did that from listening to you. Great. Keep it simple.

Connie Fontaine: We'd love, we'd love to hear this. Some of these are gonna be big ones, some are small. Um, and if you be inspired today, I think I'm already in my head going, okay, wait. Who am I gonna meet with today? Where am I gonna go? How am I gonna make an impact in the world today?

Dr. Harry Cohen: I, in fact, we have a meeting right after this and I didn't respond to the email. That was the, here's the summary of what we're gonna be talking about. 'cause I don't like to do that in an email. I [00:07:00] like to say it. In person and I will, I am gonna tell her she did a fabulous job in the summary that she presented, and I know how to do that, and I'll be brief and explicit and she'll feel great.

Connie Fontaine: That's right. So let us know how you are inspired today. I would love to hear something back. Let's hear. Let's learn together. Let's keep practicing this together. And if you ever wanna reach out, podcast at Be the Sun, not the salt dot com's, an easy way to catch us or reach out on social media, but we'd love to hear from you.

Thanks for listening.