#64 How Do I... Show Up Well When I'm Going Through a Difficult Time?

Ever wonder how to bring your best self to work or home… even when life is just not going your way? In this heartfelt “How Do I…” episode of Be the Sun, Not the Salt, Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine dig into the messy, honest art of showing up well when you’re going through a difficult time.

Here’s what you’ll hear:

• Why naming what you’re going through (even if it feels uncomfortable) can strengthen trust, connection, and ease in relationships
• The power of authentic vulnerability: letting others in without making excuses, and finding support you didn’t know you needed
• Simple ways to communicate your struggles at work, with family, or in your community, and why a follow-up apology or explanation can make a lasting impact
• How self-awareness and courage build a bridge for others to share their own tough moments, creating a little more heliotropic energy all around

If you’ve ever tried to “just keep it together” and felt more isolated, this episode is your open invitation to lighten the load—and maybe help someone else feel seen too.

Want more? Listen to past episodes with guests who’ve been through the tough stuff:

• Jill Martin shares her journey through major medical challenges and how she found hope, light, and community along the way.
• Dr. Rana Awdish opens up about her own health crisis as a physician, the healing power of authentic connection, and what it means to truly show up for others in dark times.

This “How Do I…” episode is perfect for anyone navigating emotional or physical hardship, wanting more connection, or just ready to be real. Tune in for honest stories, helpful tips, and reminders that we’re all in this together… especially when times are tough.

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Welcome to our Be the Sun, not the Salt podcast. My name is Dr. Harry Cohen and I'm joined by my co-host and chief super spreader, Connie Fontaine. And this is another in a series of how, how, how, how do I practice being heliotropic in the face of difficult circumstances. And this topic is how do I maintain my positive energy when I am going through a difficult time, whether that's physically, emotionally, or in any other wayly.

So Connie,

Connie Fontaine: Any other weirdly. Yeah, I think you think about the number of times you have to show

Dr. Harry Cohen: mm-hmm.

Connie Fontaine: it's minor. You've just rushed home from the store and you need to show up in the right way, or you come home from work and you wanna make sure you show up for your family in the right way. But other times, I think of the day to [00:01:00] day where, where we're showing up for each other in, in the work that we do. I think the best thing we do is say, Hey, I'm, I'm having a tough day today. Just want you to know I just got here and I'm not, I don't feel as prepared yet, and the other person getting a chance to acknowledge that, Hey, are you okay? You wanna keep going or should we start, start over. You wanna do it tomorrow?

I

Dr. Harry Cohen: And that that's really important to acknowledge your own difficulty and share it authentically and vulnerably. With the other. It's very hard for people sometimes to say, I am having a difficult time. I am going through something quite difficult or hard or distracting or painful or whatever. I mean, on a continuum, there's everything under the sun from horrible tragedy.

To mild difficulty, to discomfort, to just rushing and not being in a good frame of mind. So on that continuum, I love it [00:02:00] when people say, listen, let me, let me just tell you what I'm going through. I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna need a little bit of time, or whatever. You know what I mean? I, I, I, I'm not capable of being my a hundred percent right now.

Connie Fontaine: that's who I am. You

Dr. Harry Cohen: Yeah.

Connie Fontaine: wearing my heart on my sleeve, but a lot of people I've had just say. I'm not having a good day today. I just want you guys to know I'm working through it and I'm gonna be fine, but I

Dr. Harry Cohen: Yeah.

Connie Fontaine: grace and that's okay too.

Dr. Harry Cohen: Yeah.

Connie Fontaine: puts everybody at ease that there's not something else going on in the background, that this person isn't frustrated for another reason. and I think it just sets the tone for trust and caring, et cetera.

Dr. Harry Cohen: It also, I agree, it also models vulnerability, authenticity, self-awareness. Generosity in terms of giving the people or the person you're talking to, the truth of what's going on in your inner world. Well, thank you. I appreciate you giving me that. You know, most people contain it. You know, they're [00:03:00] going through a difficult time and they don't wanna share it for fear that they're going to be a burden.

They're not a burden. They allow people to feel connected to them. This is one of the most remarkable phenomenons of human nature. You are more connected to people when you are vulnerable, authentically vulnerable literally makes other people feel connected to you. So the extent that we can say, here's what's going on for me right now.

I don't wanna make this all about me.

Connie Fontaine: Right

Dr. Harry Cohen: And at the same time, I can't ignore. Whatever it is, this is a thing. I'm gonna get a phone call for someone who I need to take 'cause I, I can't stop thinking about what's going on for him. Her, she, he's in the hospital, or I've got a pain that won't go away. And I hate that.

I have to admit this, but this pain is distracting me. Well, thank you for telling me. You know what I mean? You're not weak for telling us that something is really, really difficult [00:04:00] for you. You're in fact strong and generous for telling us.

Connie Fontaine: You know, we started riffing off this. I was immediately putting myself in the workplace. But this makes me think about as a parent, or even as in a relationship, when you catch yourself not being your best self,

Dr. Harry Cohen: Hmm

Connie Fontaine: able to say, to be brave enough and say to your child. I'm sorry. You know, mommy just had a really tough thing happen to her a little while ago and it made me feel like not nice inside.

Dr. Harry Cohen: mm.

Connie Fontaine: that. I didn't mean to make it sound that way coming out. Um, and I think that that alone show, you know, you show your kid, first of all, you're modeling that behavior of, mommy's gonna be honest. Mommy has feelings too, but mommy doesn't get an excuse because of that.

Dr. Harry Cohen: Beautiful. Wouldn't it be cool or when it is, when we see leaders and organizations do the same thing, Hey, I just, you know, I just left a terrible meeting. Let me get my head in the right frame. I, you know, I, I snapped at you. And I wanna stop and apologize and say, listen, why I did that is, you know, there's something going on that made me irritated,[00:05:00] 

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Harry Cohen: that's no excuse.

Acknowledge what's going on for us is the real key, which is, um, being courageous enough to tell people, here's what I'm doing and I don't wanna make that the reason for my negativity. I want to tell you that this is what I'm carrying and let other people share the burden,

Connie Fontaine: Yeah. It's not an excuse, but it's a reason and it's

Dr. Harry Cohen: right?

Connie Fontaine: It's okay to have a reason. Yeah. I think of the number of times that you get through a situation and then you just, you move on, and I love what you just said. It's okay to go back after the fact and

Dr. Harry Cohen: Mm-hmm.

Connie Fontaine: Hey, you know what? Even if it was yesterday, yesterday, I. Yesterday I wasn't at my best, and I hope that it didn't make you feel badly bad, but this is what I'm going through and I really appreciate you being patient with me.

Dr. Harry Cohen: Yep.

Connie Fontaine: I would think so highly of somebody that took the time to come back and do that after the fact.

Dr. Harry Cohen: W you know, we all go through difficult times. I was telling a group of people [00:06:00] that I don't experience a lot of chronic pain. You know, acknowledging that we're having difficulty is where it's at.

We all go through difficulty and whether it's personal pain or um, emotional pain, it's really important to own it, share it, and move on. And try our very best to be an uplifting force, even while we're going through difficulty.

Connie Fontaine: Well, and when you do that in immediate, at least I've, my experiences and when I've done that in a meeting, it actually lightens the mood in a way that, I don't know if it's because of, you talk about vulnerability and trust, it's that everyone starts to have a common connection because we all have been through something similar or at least felt that way coming into a meeting.

And so I think people appreciate that honesty.

Dr. Harry Cohen: I was, we were on a zoom once and a and a colleague shared that he was going through a difficult time, and lo and behold, a whole bunch of people,

Connie Fontaine: Hmm.

Dr. Harry Cohen: reached out to him post-meeting and say, man, I really appreciate you sharing [00:07:00] that. And it get, it just reminded me the guts and courage to share it creates goodness all the way around.

So let's keep doing it.

Connie Fontaine: for any of you that are going through anything like on a daily basis, I, you know, I think about people that have chronic pain and I can't imagine what that's like, but please. If you're in my world, share it. I'd love to know that that's why the grimace is on your face or why you haven't been able to show up at a meeting on time. I think that makes a big difference for all of those around you. So Harry, I appreciate this. This was a great conversation and thank you for listening talk.