#73 How Do I... Create a Daily Gratitude Practice That Actually Sticks?

Is gratitude journaling just woo-woo nonsense or can you really rewire your brain by writing it all down? In this practical “How Do I…” episode of Be the Sun, Not the Salt, Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine get real about gratitude habits that actually work, even for skeptics and self-improvement dropouts.

Here’s what you’ll hear:

• Why you do not need to win a gratitude competition to benefit from the science
• Harry’s “three things and done” system, and the surprisingly powerful effect of keeping it simple
• Connie’s journey from eye-rolling cynic to accidental gratitude practitioner, and how it started with coffee and silence
• How eating chia seeds and reframing “have to” as “get to” can flip your day around more than you think
• The flexible, non-shaming approach, easy enough for even the least zen people
• Why speaking fluent gratitude out loud can improve moods, yours and everyone around you
• Insights from James Clear about making tiny habits easy, enjoyable, rewarding, and obvious
• The secret to creating a ritual you will actually repeat instead of ditching it after two days

If you want a gratitude practice you will really stick with, instead of another abandoned notebook, this episode gives you permission to keep it simple, make it your own, and go easy on yourself.

This mini “How Do I…” episode is perfect for anyone curious about neuroscience, tired of hearing about gratitude journals, or ready to enjoy the little things.

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Welcome. This is another in our series of How, how, how, and this one is incredibly important. This is, how do I do? We does one, establish a gratitude practice that sticks Connie.

Connie Fontaine: Well, and I think this is something, I don't know how many people think this, but for me, when you first started talking about gratitude journals and gratitude practices, I felt a little hoo-ha to me, something a little. Um, you know, very zen people think about this as something that's a very particular activity, and I didn't, I didn't get it to be honest with you, but we've been talking about this a lot lately and I do have a practice now.

You have one that's much more specific and

Dr. Harry Cohen: So, so this is not competitive, uh, gratitude practice. Uh, like, like who? Yeah. Like who wins on the better gratitude ra? Yeah. Yeah. Who, who's a better g? Who has a better gratitude practice? [00:01:00] The research on gratitude is unbelievably profound. Any kind of gratitude practice is effective. Let me repeat that. Any kind of regular gratitude practice is effective unbelievably so.

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Harry Cohen: gonna go into all the research on why and how it's so effective, but do something. It took me years. To figure out how I could do a regular gratitude practice that I could stick with and do. And what I do is every morning I write three things. I'm grateful for every single morning and I'm able to do it because it's easy.

It takes me about a minute. I often repeat 'cause I write the date and I repeat oftentimes 'cause I look at what I write, some of the similar things, but they don't have to be a big deal. It's just the regularity of it changes our brain and gets us to think about that, which we have, not that which we don't have.

And we were talking before this podcast and you were saying, well, your gratitude [00:02:00] practice is better. And I said, no, well, tell me what yours is and tell the listeners what your gratitude practice is.

Connie Fontaine: I don't have one, right? And I, I think that's what was interesting is I don't, because it felt like an assignment, something I

Dr. Harry Cohen: Mm-hmm.

Connie Fontaine: even though I knew it was good for me. Um, but in reality, what it, what I learned is for me to start my morning off. The right way is really important. We've talked about that with our children. When my kids were little, I would never want them to go out the door to school in an argument or disagreeing because I felt it set them up for failure. So you think I would've taught that myself? That for my own self. So what I've started doing and, and I.

Started doing it almost accidentally. but I started to appreciate my surroundings so much and realizing that if I took that cup of coffee and sat somewhere quiet, looking out the window, enjoying or appreciating what I have, that's my version of gratitude. And to start the morning out just saying, you know what?

I'm up. I'm awake. Things are good. I, I, that's, that's gratitude.[00:03:00] 

Dr. Harry Cohen: So

Connie Fontaine: you're right. I

Dr. Harry Cohen: you do and you do it regularly. So to to, to our listeners who are thinking, well, how do I start a gratitude break? Do it anything that is easy. You can do on a regular basis. Well, what do you mean by easy? Just what Connie said. Takes her cup of coffee and just thinks quietly about that which she is grateful for.

For me, I write three things down. How come only three? How come not more? Why don't you do it? At the end of the day, a lot of people say you should write it in a journal. Do what works. I'm telling you, it has worked for me. And Lord, I love that. I do it because it is so regular and I do think about it.

Throughout the day, and it really does help me, so make it easy. The most important thing about a gratitude practice

Connie Fontaine: Right.

Dr. Harry Cohen: it easy, make it regular, and make it yours. Nobody has to know that you're doing it. Just do it.

Connie Fontaine: Right. Well, and part of the gratitude practice is it can be that ritual starting off in the morning, but one of the things I've learned from our work [00:04:00] is that the way you talk about events of the day, well, oh, I gotta go do this, or This is happening to me. I mean for, we've talked about this, got to get to is part of it. Um, reframing other people's language when you're around them. All of that enables you to be more grateful in the moment. Um, but the gratitude practice, I know it's important to my day because if I don't do that, it changes or has the potential to change my day.

Dr. Harry Cohen: And use your words, just like you said, don't say I have to or say I get to. Words have enormous power. So remember when you hear other people lamenting or bitching or complaining. Think there, but for the grace of God, go, I, I don't speak like that. I don't think like that. Think and speak gratefully. We have a chapter in there.

Speak fluent gratitude. Say out loud, I really appreciate

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Harry Cohen: [00:05:00] or it, or you or whatever. So I appreciate the fact that we get to do this.

Connie Fontaine: we do get to do this, and will you share also the additional, because you added something to your gratitude practice in the morning. It's not just about the three things you're grateful for.

Dr. Harry Cohen: Well, I always write three things I'm grateful for. I read one chapter of Be The Sun and think about how I want, how I want to apply that for myself that day, and I send out a note to a bunch of friends and colleagues. I write three little goals, three little goals, you know, just three. Don't you have more things to do?

Yes, but if I can do those three, I did some good gratitude. Read a chapter three goals. That's a, that's easy for me to do this. I got from James clear atomic habits. Make it easy, make it enjoyable, make it rewarding, and make it obvious. This is really helpful for me and I hope it helps others.

Connie Fontaine: I love that. So find your gratitude in your morning, in your daytime, whenever you can find it. Thanks for [00:06:00] listening.