#76 How Do I... Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable?

Ever wish you could feel less awkward, nervous, or unsure when you step into something new? In this “How Do I…” episode of *Be the Sun, Not the Salt*, Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine talk about what it really takes to become more comfortable with being uncomfortable, so you can stretch, grow, and still feel like yourself along the way. 

Here’s what you’ll hear:  

• Why discomfort is often a sign of learning, not failure, and how experience slowly reshapes your confidence. 
• How gym reps, social “muscles,” and public speaking all reveal the same secret about growth and repetition.
• Simple ways to step into situations where you are not the expert in the room and still feel grounded.
• How feedback, preparation, and tiny practice moments can turn “I’m not ready” into “I can do this.”
• A nudge to stop overthinking, stop blaming the world, and start taking small actions that build competence.
• Encouragement to lean toward the thing that makes you squirm a little, instead of backing away from it every time.

If you are tired of feeling stuck on the sidelines because something feels scary or unfamiliar, this episode offers straightforward, compassionate reminders to help you walk into discomfort with a bit more courage and a lot more intention.

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

Dr Harry Cohen: Welcome to the next one in our series. How, how, how, how do I Practice Being the Sun and not the Salt? And this topic is how do I practice being comfortable being uncomfortable? Connie?

Connie Fontaine: Yes, I would say that this gets easier with age, but I don't want you to wait till you get older to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. And I say the reason it comes with age, it's really experience. It's with realizing that things can work out and I think that lifelong learning mindset is gonna put you in the space of you're not always gonna be the expert in the room.

And that's okay.

Dr Harry Cohen: Yeah.

Connie Fontaine: and be having the confidence to put yourself in those situations is really important.

Dr Harry Cohen: What I love about being comfortable with being uncomfortable is understanding why our discomfort teaches us something and the more [00:01:00] that we can embrace circumstances, situations, and people that are difficult for us, there's so much learning in it. There's so much stretch and growth. I was saying to you guys this morning that.

Going to the gym is putting yourself in a position of discomfort, but that's the point of it. You get stronger from pushing against the resistance of the weight, which is empirically proven to be good for us throughout our whole lives. It's so, it's not about, oh man, I was really uncomfortable.

It's great. What did you learn from it? You know, how do we be an Olympic listener? You work at it, including listening and then missing stuff and go, man, I gotta be a better listener. I gotta pay more attention. The discomfort of realizing that you weren't such a great listener. Love that.

Connie Fontaine: Well, I think everything we talk about is we say, takes practice and I think one of the things you hear coming outta COVID is that people are having a tough time with those social muscles, like putting themselves [00:02:00] back out there in social situations that are in person, you know, not a Zoom call, you know, not a dating app, but actual community events and other things that put you in the in right in front of other people. And so I think that's one of those examples. It takes practice again.

Dr Harry Cohen: Yeah.

Connie Fontaine: out there, put yourself in front of people, you're not gonna feel confident because you haven't been practicing it. You're gonna get, and you like to say this, confidence comes from competence. And so if you haven't been practicing something and you're not feeling competent at it, of course you're gonna feel a little less confident.

Yeah.

Dr Harry Cohen: And the only way around that is to do it. This is a bias for action. You get more confident from your competence. And competence is a function of repetition.

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm.

Dr Harry Cohen: into the gym, again, I'm using the metaphor, allows you to know what the hell to do with the weights. Okay.

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm.

Dr Harry Cohen: And, you know, pre presenting in front of a group of people is always difficult for most, if not all people.

The more you do it, the [00:03:00] better you get. And I've been doing it my whole life and I'm still trying to do a better job of presenting, making stuff clearer to more people. And I know I feel incompetent when I do it poorly, but I just gotta keep doing it and I'm not done.

Connie Fontaine: Well in preparing for it, asking for feedback. I mean, those are all things I think, you know, we've talked about similar situations on the podcast, but if, if I'm not feeling confident in my job, if I'm not feeling like I'm doing a great job, I think the first step for me was always identifying what's making you feel that way.

Is it just a funny look you feel like somebody gave you, or is it something you feel like you should have known or done better? And I think one of the most efficient ways is to go ask somebody,

Dr Harry Cohen: Yeah.

Connie Fontaine: I'm feeling uncomfortable or less confident because of X, Y, and Z. What do you think? Get the feedback from the right people and instead of just feeling not confident.

Dr Harry Cohen: Yep. And the more we work at this, the [00:04:00] easier it gets. But it never gets completely easy. There's never a point where like, oh yeah, it's effortless for me, like running down a hill. No, it always takes some effort to do it really, really well. And that is a paradox because it, it seems like, well, I can't believe you have to work at it.

Well, yeah, I do. I'm presenting this afternoon. I've prepared what I wanna say, but I know that I could do a better job and I haven't even given it yet. So I know that it will be good, and my goal is to make it great. And to your point, Connie, I will ask afterwards. What was good, what could be done better?

So I will learn for next time. One thing I know for sure, and this is apropos of what we're doing, being brief is better than being long-winded. So I'm, I'm mindful of being, um, brief in these episodes so that people can take it [00:05:00] in, digest it, metabolize it, and use it.

Connie Fontaine: And I think that like the example that you were just raising for today, you are the expert in the room. So as a speaker, that's one of the things, um, is, or any way you're presenting, whether it's in a meeting or if you're the expert and you're confident in that, in that competence, that's step one. But the other thing is still to practice.

It's to think ahead. So yes, you're gonna be the expert, but yeah, you probably need to spend a little bit of time so that you're confident you're gonna be your best today. And I think that's one of the things we have a tendency, or I have a tendency sometimes to worry about not being ready instead of taking the steps and the actions to get rid of that worry,

Dr Harry Cohen: Yep.

Connie Fontaine: stop worrying about it.

Take

Dr Harry Cohen: Yep. And be prepared.

Connie Fontaine: Right. That's, and be prepared. So obviously when we're done, you're gonna, you're gonna need to go get yourself prepared for today's, presentation.

Dr Harry Cohen: Yes, I.

Connie Fontaine: there anything else? So I think that there's a lot of people lacking confidence in the world today. We, we blame a lot of it on COVID.

[00:06:00] We blame it on, you know, the economy, politics, we blame it on so many things. We talked a little bit this morning about action, and I think that's where I think you wanna take this too, is to make sure we, there's always some action you can take when you're not feeling confident.

Dr Harry Cohen: Period, and whatever that action is, it'll, it'll boost your competence and therefore your confidence. So stop talking about stuff. Or or complaining about all those things that you listed and do something

Connie Fontaine: Right. And if you don't know what that thing is, ask somebody, Google it, get an AI tool involved. Gimme anything. Just don't sit paralyzed, I think is the point. So

Dr Harry Cohen: exactly.

Connie Fontaine: worried and you're not feeling confident, there is something you can do about it. And I think that's what we would, would give ourselves that advice to today with we already helped Terry get through his day.

And 

Dr Harry Cohen: if you're uncomfortable about something you're thinking about doing, ooh, can't wait for you to lean into doing it and get

Connie Fontaine: right.

Dr Harry Cohen: comfortable being uncomfortable.

Connie Fontaine: That's right. So everybody today be [00:07:00] comfortable with being uncomfortable, but also take some action. Thanks for listening.