#79 It's So Easy to Do, It's Easy NOT to Do

What if the biggest difference you make today comes from something so small and simple that you usually skip it? In this Gentle Nudge episode, It’s so easy to do, it’s easy NOT to do, Dr. Harry Cohen and Connie Fontaine explore how tiny choices - kind or salty - shape your day, your relationships, and your impact far more than you think. 

Here’s what you’ll hear:

• The “chapter 31” idea Harry wishes he had squeezed into Be the Sun, Not the Salt and why the book still keeps growing in relevance years later. 
• The paradox that being kind, thoughtful, and present is genuinely easy, and so is being snarky, short, or dismissive. 
• How quick jokes, subtle digs, or “just being funny” can quietly wear on people, especially when they pile up. 
• Real stories of catching salty habits in marriage, meetings, and casual conversations, and what it feels like to simply not say the thing. 
• Gentle prompts to notice recent moments when you missed a chance to be a little sunnier or to clean something up with a simple, “I’m sorry, I do know your name.” 
• A 1% approach to both sides: being a bit kinder and a bit less salty, in ways so small they are actually sustainable. 
• How this all connects to James Clear’s habit idea that for anything to stick, it has to be easy, and how to make “tiny sun moments” the easiest option in your day. 

If you’re looking for a light but meaningful reset, this episode offers a warm reminder that knowing is not doing, and that the smallest moves can turn you into more of a positive energizer and less of a “negatoid.” 

To explore the book, or for more episodes, information, tips and tools to live a more heliotropic life, visit us at bethesunnotthesalt.com and find us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Welcome to our Be the Sun, not the Salt podcast. I'm joined by my co-host and Chief Super spreader, Connie Fontaine. And today's little gentle nudge is the chapter that I didn't write, and if I wrote another book, this would be chapter 31.

Connie Fontaine: That's right. The, the whole conversation started with, you know, we often get the, the plea from somebody. We love this book so much. Why you gotta write another one? Why wouldn't you write another one? And the reality is, this little book, you know, our publicist called it an evergreen book, meaning. It never gets old and it's, it's proven in book sales.

We're selling more books this year than we sold last year, which were more books than we sold the year before. So seven years in this little book just keeps on touching people. And so, no, we don't need another book. But what with the conversation was, Harry, what, what [00:01:00] would we do if we, would we write another chapter?

What should we do? 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Well, here's the one chapter that I. Really appreciate and think about a lot, and it dawned on me when a colleague shared this and I've been saying it ever since. This stuff, this material is both easy to do and easy not to do. 

Connie Fontaine: Right? 

Dr. Harry Cohen: In fact, that's the paradox. It's so easy, it's easy to forget. It's easy to not do 

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: sides, on the be the sun side.

It's so easy. To kind and thoughtful and considerate and aware, 

Connie Fontaine: Right. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: and it's easy to be salty. It's easy to say the snarky, nasty thing, 

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: unnecessary, hurtful. Slightly mean sarcastic comment. It's easy to do both, and [00:02:00] therefore the huge insight, which I continually repeat to myself and anytime I'm talking about it is damn, if I can remember that, I can remember to button it, you know?

Connie Fontaine: a lot of it's the small stuff for for sure, for me, you know, you, we, we get so used to doing those kind things, being overt in the grocery store, whatever, with the cashier. And yet when you get your mind on something else, it's easy to forget that little thing that you usually do. And that's why the practice is so important and the little snarky stuff is so easy to do, just to get your point of view and just to make sure everybody knows you're just a little irritated. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Yeah. Yeah.

Connie Fontaine: But, but it's, it wears on people, especially if it's lots of little things. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: And that, that huge point that it's all about the little things on both ends, on both the tiny kindnesses, the tiny gestures, the kind, the kindly, you know, pat on the shoulder or the unkind facial expression, tone of voice gesture or [00:03:00] outright. Nasty thing. So just yesterday I made a comment to a group of people about another team, a football team from a rival school and, and it was just slightly obnoxious.

Now it created a little chuckle, but I was proud of myself for not commenting on that same team's victory, you know, not saying obnoxious thing the last time. And we got a lot of conversation going. But I have a habit of saying those snarky things now and then, and they're not good. Period.

Connie Fontaine: I mean, it's, it's, you know, so many years you think of it as it's, it's just being funny. You're just, you're just poking somebody. You're trying to start a conversation, get everybody, you know, the meeting started and, um, it's just as easy for someone to look over and make fun of some guy's tie or someone's shoes, and you never know where that person's at or how other people feel. I mean, you're definitely not making everybody feel uplifted in that moment.

Dr. Harry Cohen: I know that I, I don't wanna speak about anybody else 'cause [00:04:00] I see it in other people way more easily than I see it in myself. But, but when I see myself do the salty behavior, the, the, uh, slightly obnoxious but playful, slightly nasty comment that's kind of funny. Uh. I now know Harry, not necessary, and I refrain from it.

The greatest thing that I have seen in my own marriage, 45 years married, the amount of things I do not say anymore that I used to say without even. 

Connie Fontaine: It's, 

Dr. Harry Cohen: I would just say it 'cause I was thinking it and it was truthful. It was, it was on the continuum of, dude, what do you need to say that for? Not helpful to that.

That was kind of mean. Now that continuum, I just don't, it just very rarely comes outta my mouth because of this material. Don't.

Connie Fontaine: You know, I thought you were gonna say the opposite. I thought you were gonna say, I thought you were going down the path of, you know, there's so many nice things I would say to Jan, like just kinda like compliments and other things that just, [00:05:00] you forget that you still should do that with people you spend time with. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: I do that all. 

Connie Fontaine: I do. I forget. I shouldn't 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Thank you. 

Connie Fontaine: forget 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Thank you. And, and that's all we're talking about this, uh, which is, I do say more kind sweet things. Not just to Jan, but to other people. Deliberately, intentionally. I know, I know what it means to be the sun, to be a positive energizer. 

Connie Fontaine: Right. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: I know what it means. Do the stuff I already do with great deliberate intention.

I can say nice job with specificity and mean it. 

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: I can tell somebody that I love them and appreciate them in my life and mean it. Now knowing isn't doing so. It's the practice of this that I continually love. So it's easy to do this. Just keep doing it. It's easy to forget, so keep doing it and don't beat yourself up.

Connie Fontaine: So here's a, here's a good exercise. So listeners who frequently listen [00:06:00] to our podcast are often drawn to the material 'cause they're, uh, trying to be, be the best version of themselves, just like we always are. And they're probably thinking right now. I wonder when I missed out on, so maybe when we reflect real quick on that, when was the, can you think back on a time, within the last 24 hours even, that maybe you had an opportunity to do some, something nice, something little, and you walked away and you wished, oh, I wish I would've. And, and maybe on the conversely side, 'cause I'll tell you, I was with some people last night. I quickly turned to somebody, I laughed. I said their name turned away. And I realized, oh my God. I just called them the wrong name. But conversation was going, it wasn't the right time. And I thought to myself, I gotta go over and just say, just so you know, I do know your name and I'm really sorry.

And, uh, you hope that wasn't uncomfortable. And I didn't. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

Connie Fontaine: up this morning thinking about it. What? Why? Because it matters to me, those small kind of gestures. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: yeah. 

Connie Fontaine: that opportunity last night. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: And that's it in a nutshell, which is 1% on either side. Well, which is better being more kind or less salty. Yes. Like, 

Connie Fontaine: Yes. [00:07:00] 

Dr. Harry Cohen: like they're both great. Do whatever works for you more in the tiniest ways on both sides, 

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: it's easy. This is one of James Clear's Rules of habits. Habits if they're going to be sticky, need to be easy.

Okay? And therefore, this fits right into the beautiful good habit. Process of, make it easy to say thank you. Make it easy. Say good morning to people when you come into work. I'm going for a cup of coffee. Can I get you one? Well, thank you. No, I'm good. I mean, you know, there,

Connie Fontaine: of a, an opportunity you missed in the last day or so? 

Dr. Harry Cohen: let me think, let me think. Um, um, uh, 

Connie Fontaine: along with my game. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: um, a, a missed opportunity. I'm thinking of the people I, 

Connie Fontaine: gave us a little snarky one so that you 

Dr. Harry Cohen: yeah. 

Connie Fontaine: for the wind on that one. But, um, 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Yeah. Um.

Connie Fontaine: I, I silence treat, I silence treatment a little bit. So that's my other, I did it just because it was like you did to me, so I'm doing [00:08:00] it to you. Well child. Child. But anyway, I did it, so I know I did that.

But again, I, these are to your point though, these are fewer and farther between. I work very, this is so conscious and it's not a working hard at it. Like, ugh, woe is me, you know, another weight to lift. No, it's fun because it feels good. And so, Yeah. my, my snarky moments, even though they're little usually, and my good moments that I miss are fewer And fewer between because of what we do.

Dr. Harry Cohen: Yeah. And so I, to your last point, I really hope people watch this and go, this isn't a heavy lift. This is really easy to do. Great. Just do it. Put it in your purse, put it in your pocket, put it in your glove compartment. Keep it with you. Think about it. And then apply it. That's the main message for this knowing isn't doing 

Connie Fontaine: Mm-hmm. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: good stuff or less of the bad stuff that we already do, and watch how you can become more of a [00:09:00] positive energizer and less of a negatoid.

Connie Fontaine: And that is the whole point of this podcast. It's the whole point of us all getting together and listening to each other. And so I hope people listening start to think, okay, wait. What is my version of, you know, Connie's blunder or you know, Harry's opportunity and what can I do differently today? So I think that's the whole point of this one.

Do you think we're this one, we've closed this one out. 

Dr. Harry Cohen: I hope so. I hope people get the way we get. Oh my God, this is so great. And it never ends. It doesn't like, okay, I got it. It just never ends. That's the good news. 

Connie Fontaine: Yep. The good news is it is 

Dr. Harry Cohen: Mm-hmm.

Connie Fontaine: and, and yet everyone just let's take the takeaway for today is, but it's also easy to not do. So let's all go forth and make it a really good day and a great week, and, do more good. Thanks for listening.