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The Rejuvenating Health Podcast
Join Women's Health Nurse Practitioner, Lindsey VanSchoyck for a weekly dose of Precision Medicine as she addresses the hot-button topics specific to Women's Health, Fitness and Nutrition, interviews expert guests and hosts round table discussions with the team of dedicated functional health care specialists.
The Rejuvenating Health Podcast
E151 | Stop Self-Sabotage In Its Tracks
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Self-sabotage can look like a weekend spiral, skipping workouts because you “don’t have an hour,” or disappearing the moment things get uncomfortable. But what if none of that means you’re lazy or lacking willpower? We dig into the real reason so many women feel stuck in their health goals even when they know exactly what to do and genuinely want the results.
We talk about self-sabotage as a protective strategy: your brain is scanning for reward and threat, and when stress is high or the outcome feels uncertain, “avoid threat” takes the wheel. That’s when familiar choices win, even if they don’t support weight loss, hormone balance, better sleep, less inflammation, or steady energy. We also get honest about the emotional cost of change: fear of failing again, fear of not maintaining progress, and even fear that feeling better will shift your relationships or identity.
From the clinical and mindset sides, we break down why all-or-nothing thinking and rigid restriction tend to rebound, especially for high-achieving women who use control as a coping strategy. Then we share tools you can use immediately: how to name the exact sentence running in your head, spot the pattern without judgment, identify what threat you’re avoiding, and choose a next-best action that matches your capacity. Expect practical support too: blood sugar basics with protein and fiber, hydration, sleep, and simple stress downshifts like a 10-minute walk.
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Disclaimer And Welcome Back
SPEAKER_00Any views, thoughts, and opinions expressed on the Rejuvenating Health podcast are solely those of the speakers and are intended as such. Please consult your trusted healthcare practitioner for medical advice. Let's go, girls.
SPEAKER_01Hey ladies, welcome back to the Rejuvenating Health Podcast. I am Lain, the resident mindset coach, joined by Lindsay, our women's health nurse practitioner. And today we are talking about a pattern that hits almost every woman at some point in their health journey. And I also feel like it is really rampant right now. And uh that is self-sabotage. I feel like it's about to be self-sabotage season as we're getting into warmer weather and longer days and a lot of social engagements that are available to everybody. And I don't want this to be something where, you know, people look at it and they're like, oh, this means something bad about me. Like self-sabotage doesn't mean that you're lazy or weak or that you don't want your results bad enough. That's the shame story talking. So we're gonna address that too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I love this topic because I can give anyone the best laid plan out there that involves the best nutrition for their body, the best movement for their body, the best sleep and supplements and hormones. And they can just really struggle to follow through. And it's not because they're like incapable of following through with it. It's not this crazy hard thing that's impossible. I would never ask someone to do something that I wouldn't do myself or that I didn't think they could do. But it's maybe just that their nervous system isn't aligned with the change, their thought process isn't aligned, like they're not mentally prepared, they haven't set up a life that allows that change. And so I think it is something that's super important to talk about because we self-sabotage a lot.
What Self-Sabotage Really Looks Like
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I think sometimes people will think that they have buy-in just when they subscribe to something, right? So it's like, oh, I bought the program, I signed up for that thing, I'm in that group. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you're fully bought in. And when we discount that, it's not doing us any favor. So today, what I want to do is we'll cover like what self-sabotage really is, why it makes sense biologically, and then how it shows up specifically in women's health journeys, and then what you can do when you catch it without getting that spiral going. Because that's what you're doing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we've talked about that before. Like the women that do really well in our program are the ones that are like fully submissive, right? Like they're bought into it, they're gonna do whatever we say, they're at their wits' end, and they're just like immersing themselves in it and taking everything that we say and utilizing it. The ones that don't do well are the ones that like have their toe in and are questioning every single thing we tell them or questioning if it's gonna work, like that that aren't bought in, right? So and that's not necessarily self-sabotage. I think first you kind of have to define what self-sabotage is, and it it's any behavior, thought, or emotional pattern that interferes with your goals and well-being. So I guess that is self-sabotage when you say it as that definition, right? Um, it can look like, you know, starting strong and then disappearing. How many times do we hear from our coaches like, uh, my client is ghosting me? Crickets. I haven't heard from them, right? That's a that's like a pretty major self-sabotaging, right? It could also just be like the avoidance, but it could also be something as simple as, you know, one off meal turning into a weekend of whatever. How many people do we know that hit it hard Monday through Friday and Saturday and Sunday, they're like or the wheels are coming off, right? Yeah. It it could be that I don't have 60 minutes to do a workout, so I'm not gonna do anything, right? It if it does fall into that all or nothing all or nothing mindset causes a lot of self-sabotage, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It could be waiting for motivation, which motivation's never gonna get you anywhere, and then kind of resenting yourself because you can't find it. Well, duh, right? It could be getting super overwhelmed and doing nothing at all. And we talked about this like a tiny step forward, like progress is progress, forward is forward. It doesn't matter how big it is that you're doing, it's just do something, right?
The Brain’s Safety System Explained
Stress Biology And The Drive-Thru Choice
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And the most common sentence that I hear is you know, I don't get it. I don't understand. I want this, I know that I want it and I know what to do, but why can't I just do it? Right. And that's something that's been coming up a lot in coaching sessions. And that question is usually loaded with a lot of shame. So I want to reframe it because your brain isn't trying to ruin your progress. We have this, we have this relationship where we're this narrative of like, oh, like my brain, I'm it's me versus my brain or my body, right? Like it's out to get me. But that's not the case. It's actually trying to protect you from discomfort. And so it's just using protection strategies that end up backfiring it, like creates this self-fulfilling cycle. So the core truth is that your brain is seeking safety, right? Your brain is always scanning for two things. How do I get a reward? And how do I avoid threat? And how do I avoid the threat or the pain is always gonna be the strongest one that correlates to change behavior. Yeah. So self-sabotage happens when avoid threat starts driving the car, right? Your brain goes, Oh, this is hard. This is uncomfortable, this feels uncertain because I don't have evidence that it's gonna work yet. Let's just not. Let's just go back to the old shit, right? And sometimes let's not is gonna look like quitting or not continuing to do what you promised yourself you were gonna do. But a lot of times it looks like more subtle things. So it's showing up as like procrastinating, rationalizing behavior that's not aligned with your goals, delaying them, pushing it off that, you know, I'll wait till Monday scenario, staying in old routines because they're familiar, like I said. So it's leaning back to the level of certainty that you have, even if the certainty is around something that you've already identified doesn't work for you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and there's like biology to all this. As with everything that we talk about, there is science and biology to why this is happening, right? And that chronic stress word that we talk about so frequently, right? Your body is always gonna prioritize coping like in the here and now rather than long-term planning, right? So when you're depleted, the most supportive choice suddenly feels like the hardest choice, right? Like if you're chronically stressed, the easy decision to eat chicken and vegetables for dinner becomes like so overwhelming and becomes so hard to do. It's like, let's just go through the drive-thru. Like that's so much easier.
SPEAKER_01One's familiar.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01All right, it's highly predictable. I know what I'm gonna expect, I know the dopamine I'm gonna get from it, I know how long it's gonna take, right? All of the things, it's extremely familiar. And that doesn't mean that it's worth beating yourself up over because again, layering shame on top of it isn't gonna do you any favors. You're a human being, right? But we also have to recognize where a pattern interruption would be beneficial.
The Hidden Costs Of Feeling Better
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So the I want this, but I don't want what it comes with problem, right? So a big reason why women get stuck is this internal conflict. We want the outcome, but we don't want what it requires, right? It's not because we're not willing to do it, but there's an emotional cost to it, right? Like I want to feel better, I want to not be bloated, I want to lose the 10 pounds, but when I ask you to cut out the wine, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And we have to recognize that for any outcome that we desire, there's always a cost associated. There's always an action and a reaction, right? So if you want a result like more energy, weight loss, less inflammation, better sleep, being able to feel comfortable in your skin, right? Or in your body, that one's a huge one for most women. But then the brain attaches threat to that process because it says things like, well, what if I fail? Or what happens when I get there and I can't maintain it? Or what if uh what if I change and then something shifts in the dynamics of like my family or my relationship, right? Are they gonna see me differently? What if I try and it doesn't work again because I've already told myself that nothing else works? So your brain is gonna choose a familiar kind of discomfort over anything that's a new discomfort. So, like we said, even if it didn't work before because it was familiar, that's gonna be the default. Right.
SPEAKER_00You um you want a certain degree, okay. Well, that's gonna cost you money and it's gonna cost your time, right? But for some reason it's a lot harder for us to wrap our minds around it when it comes to health, I feel like, right? And it it it's crazy to me because it happens in these wildly successful women, right? Like we see women all the time that are just thriving in their careers and being a mom and caregiving, but it's like when it comes to their health, it's this just like different battle, right? It and it often hits with their identity and work, worth and safety. Like it's often tied to I don't feel like I'm worth this, right? Like because it's a goal tied to just you, essentially, right? Right, right. Right.
SPEAKER_01I was gonna say because all those other areas, people are relying on them for these things, right? So they're able to have that external validation of, oh, this the driver is outside of me, it's someone else.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but you also like have to take a step back and look like your health journey does affect everyone else, right? If I eat like trash, then my family's gonna eat like trash, right? Like if I don't feel good and I don't have energy, then I'm not gonna be able to show up for my family. Yeah. If I'm irritated and angry, like your health affects your family and it affects generations of your family, right? Like you have the ability to say the cycle.
Common Roots: Worth And Control
SPEAKER_01Even looking long-term down the road, right? Like how many of us in our generation are looking at potentially really struggling with caring for aging parents if we're not already, right? And we're literally manifesting our own future debt right now, or health debt right now, if we're not taking care of ourselves. We're seeing how hard it is, we're seeing a snapshot of what that could look like. And the only way to prevent that or to ensure a different outcome is to put in the time and the effort now. And that is something that's controllable, right? But we that again, it requires that planning. It requires something that's unfamiliar, it requires something that's uncertain. So I want to name a few common roots that I see in sessions because once you once you can identify the root, then you can stop personalizing the symptom, right? So it's not an inherent, you know, defective personality trait. So often there's uncertainty about self-worth or identity. So if you don't really believe you can become the version of you who's consistent, then consistency feels like pretending or imposter syndrome comes up. And pretending can feel really exhausting because in a lot of other spaces of our life, we're already wearing masks because we're people pleasing or we're not holding boundaries up. And so to add one more thing to that plate sucks. Right. Another one is beliefs that you inherited from other people. So things like taking care of yourself is selfish. How many people have been told that by a mother or a grandmother before, right? Nothing works for my body, or if I'm not perfect, then I'm failing, or anything around what failure means about you. I have to earn rest is a huge one. I've been gifted that, right? Many of us have been. Uh, the fear of the unknown. So the familiar feels safer even when it's painful. A lot of women would rather stay stuck than risk disappointment, because disappointment is something that's a big deterrent. And then the last one is control is coping strategy. This one is really big, especially for our high-achieving ladies. If you've lived through chaos, control feels like safety. And so health changes feel threatening because they involve uncertainty and adaptability. Like we mentioned, these women are crushing it everywhere else, but there's so much nuance and there's so many variables when it comes to your health journey that a lot of that feels really unpredictable and really difficult to navigate. And they want the the sure thing. They want the the ladder, right? Of like, oh, I know if I get to this point, then this is next and then this will work, and then this is next, right? But it doesn't really work like that with health.
SPEAKER_00No, and that is something huge you see from the clinical side, right? Like that control strategy is extreme and it has extreme swings, right? Like restrict, restrict, restrict, huge rebound, right? Like rebound cravings, rebound habits, rebound lifestyles, right? I'm gonna go from sitting on the couch to running five miles every day. Okay, well, you're gonna get hurt and inflamed and you're gonna feel like trash, right? I have I'm gonna start this plan, but I have to be perfect on it. Well, then you get burnt out, right? And it's not that you don't it's not that you don't care, but like you're you're just trying to be in control. You're just trying to be that type A, I'm gonna give it all I got thing, and you're setting yourself up for failure. And that's why diets don't work, right? Because they are a lot restriction. And I'm not saying like there are some times where we tell you that you have to cut out things, but that it's because of your health, not necessarily because of like some crash diet we're putting on you, right?
SPEAKER_01And it's because we're not only focused on the caloric restriction, we're focused on eliminating as many variables as possible to focus on one specific metric of your health, like insulin resistance, for example.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. And I mean, though this all or nothing mindset that everyone has is the fastest way to spiral and do the self-sabotaging behavior, right? It's so common, right? Like I'm either healthy or I'm unhealthy. I'm either on or I'm off. This is either good or it's bad, right? It there's no in-between. There's no like health is not black and white. There's a ton of gray mixed into it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and all or nothing thinking is really dangerous because it makes little minor deviations to your plan feel like that total failure scenario. So when you eat something that wasn't perfect, your brain is gonna go, well, I already messed up, so fuck it. Right? I'll just eat whatever I want. It's the days of wash or the whatever moment turns into a spiral, and then Monday becomes like the next coping mechanism that you're dealing with.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and that's why like that restriction backfires. It's why diets backfire, right? The the more rigid the rules, the more likely the rebound, right? Like your pro your body doesn't like chronic deprivation physically or psychology. Again, I'm gonna reiterate this. Sometimes I'll tell people to take out wine and dairy and gluten, but that is not being restrictive. That's taking out stuff that your body doesn't like, right? I'm not telling you to go eat keto or carnivore or never eat ice cream again in your whole entire life. Like, that's not what we're saying. We're not telling you to never drink a glass of wine again either. But we are saying like you need to develop a healthy relationship around that. And maybe until your body's fire alarms stop going off, you might need to take it out a little bit, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's it's can it be a season, right? Where you are giving your body the best fighting chance to be able to perform for you the way that you want it to.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And a lot of it is, you know, we get tied up in the all or nothing has a lot to do with productivity. But imagine if we had that same mindset, and I I know some people do with work, but it's far less frequent with work, right? But imagine if you did that at work where it was like, oh, I'm gonna show up, and then today's either an all day where I'm just on it, I'm answering emails and I'm doing all the things and I'm meeting all my metrics, or you just go in and you miss one thing, and let's say you didn't respond to an email in time, or you got some bad feedback from somebody or a coworker, and you were like, Well, the day's a wash, I'm clocking out.
SPEAKER_00Done.
SPEAKER_01You wouldn't get where you want to go, right?
SPEAKER_00No, you get fired. Yeah, I don't think you'd have a job.
Compassion Plus Accountability In Real Life
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So it's like we're we get into this phase of where essentially, if I can't guarantee success, then I'm not willing to risk anything and I don't want to try. And we have to shift into a state away from that shame that is not about making excuses, but allowing ourselves to have some compassion combined with our accountability. So normalizing and accepting without letting yourself off the hook, essentially, right? And that's the type of compassion that we're talking about. So compassion sounds like this makes sense. My brain is protecting me. I'm understanding, I'm rationalizing what's happening, I'm panning out a little bit instead of staying stuck in that spiral. Accountability sounds like, and I still choose the next best action for me based on what I want, right? And both are required. That's very important.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and your next best action has to match that capacity, right? Like if you're depleted, the answer isn't like going and hitting a two-hour gym session, right? It's not hitting more intensity. It maybe it's doing like uh something small, right? It's getting eight hours of sleep, it's hitting your 30 grams of protein at your meals, it's drinking your water, it's maybe going on a walk or, you know, stretch stress regulation. It doesn't have to be this extreme, extreme thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like can you meet yourself where you are that day?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
A Simple Framework To Break The Loop
SPEAKER_01So let's talk about some practical tools of what to do when you catch the self-sabotage. So let's say we've created some awareness. We are rationalizing in our head what's happening, we're meeting ourselves with compassion and accountability. And then the simplest framework that we can use is to get really specific about the exact thought. And this is where it really helps to write things down, but not, oh, I'm self-sabotaging, because that's what we tell ourselves. And is that helping anyone, right? In the history of telling yourself you're self-sabotaging, has it ever stopped you from self-sabotaging? No. All right. So not I'm self-sabotaging, but what is the actual sentence in your head? Examples could be something like, if I can't do it perfectly, it doesn't count, or oh, I already messed up, or I'll start over tomorrow, or this is not working for me, right? Like write specifically down what it is that you're telling yourself or what you what it is that you're hearing, and then identify when it shows up. Because we're trying to identify a pattern. So is it often after work? Is it during your nighttime routine? Is it only on the weekends? Is it during social events? Does it come up in conflict, right? That's a big one. Is it happening when you're exhausted? Most likely. What's can what's contributing to the exhaustion, right? You're looking for the pattern, but you're not judging the pattern. It's not, well, I don't know how to show up in conflict or I can't go out with friends without slipping, right? It's just, we're just identifying it. We're just seeing if we can look at it. And then ask why it exists. So what is the threat that your brain is trying to avoid? Is it failure? Is it rejection? Is it discomfort? Is it change? Is it feeling out of control? I'm sure a lot of these are resonating with a lot of people right now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. And then you just pair that with the physical thing that you need to do, right? Like you can't out-mindset your way out of this, right? So, you know, eat your protein and fiber to stabilize your blood sugar, take a 10-minute walk to downregulate your stress, hydrate. I mean, if you would just drink some water before you ate something, you probably wouldn't feel hungry, right? Um, go to bed earlier. That lack of sleep really messes with your hunger hormones and it really drives those impulses, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. And then the mental component, these questions, right, to use like when your brain is being really dramatic. So this is where you're gonna have to negotiate a little bit with yourself of what's the evidence for this thought, right? Do I have evidence that supports this line of thinking? What's the evidence that I have against it? What is a more accurate statement if I was being really honest in this reflection? What does that mean for my next choice? Because it's not taking away a future opportunity. And what will I do today that's small enough that I can actually do it again, meeting yourself in your current capacity?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and to be clear, like no one sits here and thinks this way, right? Like the first step is just recognizing that you're self-sabotaging yourself, right? Like if you're like, what do I do from here? I'm like, stop and realize when you're self-sabotaging, right? And then you can start making action plans and doing stuff from there. Um, but most of the time you're self-sabotaging, you don't even know it. So step one is just being aware of it, and then step two is like taking action against it, right? So if you're stuck in this self-sabotage, it doesn't mean you're doomed. It literally is so common, but you have to work to reverse it and you have to teach your body to do something different and your mind to do something different.
Intentional Practice And Final Takeaways
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it it requires intentional practice. And that's what I tell so many clients when they do mindset work with us, right? Because they want, they want to be able to say, okay, well, I learned how to do this thing and now it's just gonna change, but that's not how it works. That's not how our brain works. Just like learning a language, right? If I were to expect to be able to be dropped into another country where I don't quite know the language, and then I'm meant to respond to somebody that's trying to interact with me, I could either shame myself and say, Oh, I should have done better in learning this language before I got here. But is that going to help me in that interaction? No. Right, I have to be able to have the language available to me in that moment to be able to respond instead of just react. And so when I can take my time and reflect on what is happening, when I can use the tools at my disposal, like Google Translate, for example, or your mindset worksheet, or looking at right, just writing this stuff down and being able to evaluate it, right? When I can use that to my advantage, then I get to pan out of the spiral. Then I can take a look at that reflection point. And the goal is over time to close that variance, right? Like, how can I start to make this be the go-to of this is now my line of thinking with intentional practice. You have to practice looking at it that way in order to eventually start thinking that way. And so something to consider to hold on to is that you at the end of the day, your brain is protecting you, right? Like you are building that safety through small, consistent choices. But your only job after a slip or after recognizing that self-sabotage is in place is not to be perfect. It's to look at what's happening, to identify the spiral, and then choose something that's small and actionable that will help get you out of it instead of staying stuck in it and ruminating over it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So this was good. Well, I feel like most people do this.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yeah. Everybody does it at some point. We've all done it for sure. Yeah. So if this was helpful, please, please rate and review. We really appreciate it. If you know somebody that struggles with this outside of yourself, because everybody does at some point, please share this episode. It can be really helpful and really beneficial. And if you have any questions about anything that we talked about today, or if you need a deeper explanation about anything, please reach out to us. We'd love to hear from you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Next time, ladies.
SPEAKER_01See you next time.