E155 | The Real Reason Your Healthy Habits Stop Working

You can be lifting, walking, hitting your protein, drinking water, taking supplements, and still feel stuck. When your life doesn’t feel safe, your body stops playing the “progress” game and shifts into survival mode and that changes everything from cravings and sleep to hormones, digestion, inflammation, and weight loss resistance. We talk about the hard truth most plans ignore: you can’t outhabit a toxic environment. 

We define “toxic” in a grounded, useful way: chronic unpredictability, emotional threat, ongoing conflict, walking on eggshells, lack of agency, and the constant mental math of people-pleasing and hypervigilance. Then we connect the dots between nervous system dysregulation and real symptoms many women normalize for years, including persistent fatigue, nighttime cravings, insomnia or early waking, bloating and IBS shifts, cycle changes, low libido, elevated inflammatory markers, higher resting heart rate, and lower HRV. If you’ve been telling yourself it’s a willpower problem, this conversation offers a more compassionate and more accurate framework. 

We also get practical. Since most people can’t quit a job, leave a relationship, or overhaul family dynamics overnight, we share a realistic two-layer approach: reduce exposure where you can and build regulation capacity no matter what. You’ll hear simple boundary scripts that protect your body, quick breath tools to downshift before reactive choices, and micro recovery blocks you can schedule into a high-stress season. If your symptoms are a message, we’ll help you ask the question that matters most: what are they asking you to stop tolerating? 

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Transcript

Medical Disclaimer And Welcome

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Any views, thoughts, and opinions expressed on the Rejuvenating Health podcast are solely those of the speakers and are intended as such. Please consult your trusted healthcare practitioner for medical advice. Let's go, girls.

Why Progress Stalls In Stress

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Hey ladies, welcome back to the Rejuvenating Health podcast. I'm your mindset coach Lakin, and as always, I'm joined by our lovely women's health nurse practitioner, Lindsay. And today we are talking about something that can derail your progress, even if everything seems to be going fine. But it's not something that gets mentioned very often, or I think it kind of falls off people's radar because it's not necessarily like the protein or the walking or the lifting or the sleeping, right? It's like you're doing all those things, you're taking all the supplements, you're drinking all the water, but your body is still like, no, we're not gonna do anything right now. The idea is, and what I want to touch on today, is that you can't outhabit a toxic environment. So if your life or your environment doesn't feel safe, your body is not gonna be able to respond accordingly with the inputs that you're putting in and it's not gonna promote healing.

What Toxic Really Means

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Yeah, and I mean we've we've touched on this in different ways in the past by talking about like cortisol and stuff like that, but it's literally something that I see every day in our patients struggle with every day. And I'm sure if you're listening, you struggle with this a lot. Most of the time, you're doing all the right things, you're like lifting weights and you're moving and you're eating the protein, but your nervous system is just like shot. You're living in this external chronic stress. And it's not even just like stress that you put upon yourself, like because you're type A. It's like you have relationship tension, you have family drama, you work overload. It's not a good work environment, you're caregiving for someone, you're just in like constant conflict, you have financial issues, you're just not emotionally safe. And so today we're gonna kind of connect the dots between environment, nervous system safety, inflammation, hormones, metabolism, and how this all goes together and how you can kind of see maybe why you're not making progress and maybe shed some light on how you can make progress. Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Yeah, I think the reason that a lot of like well, people in general don't want to look at this is because uh a lot of these things feel like they're very much outside of our control.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So before we go, like let's go a little bit deeper and let's define toxic without overusing the word. And I think toxic is a little bit of a dramatic word when we're not it. So let's kind of define it in a grounded way. So your husband is not toxic if he annoys you. Like that is not what we're saying, right? We're talking about environments that consistently create unpredictability, emotional threat, chronic tension, lack of agency, ongoing conflict, walking on eggshells, hyper responsibility. Yes, this could be your husband. You could have a toxic husband, like you could, right? It could be your relationship with your significant other, it could be someone else in your family completely, it could be in the workplace, like you could be in a very toxic workplace environment. It could even be like internalized obligations that you have on yourself that you can't turn off.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Yeah, that story that like I have to do everything, right? And on the mindset side, like toxic is often translating to your nervous system is just running math. Like we're crunching numbers all day. Like, you know, oh, what is this person's mood, or how do I prevent conflict or a consequence that I'm trying to avoid? Or, you know, what do I say so that I don't get that negative backlash or you know, an explosion? How do I keep everyone okay? How do I keep the peace, right? That's that people-pleasing accommodation, or that hyper-vigilance, right? It's not just mental, it's very much physiological.

How Threat Changes Hormones

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Yeah, yeah. And we've talked about this before, but it's because at its core, your body prioritizes survival over change always. So here's kind of the biology in plain language. When your body perceives a threat, it could be emotional, it could be social, it could be a relationship, it could be financial, literally anything. It could be a bear attacking you if you're in the woods to something as small as, I don't know, I got my tax bill last week, and I feel like that was a threat, right? Yeah, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

And we're all very stressed right now as business owners.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

It shifts you into a stress response, right? That impacts your cortisol rhythm, your blood sugar stability, your digestion and gut motility, your thyroid signaling, your sex hormones, like we've talked about it before, your period is a vital sign. So it can affect ovulation, progesterone, estrogen, testosterone, it can affect your immune system. It can cause some inflammatory signaling, it's gonna affect your sleep. Like how many times does something happen and you just can't shut up, shut up your mind that night? And just like your sleep and recovery are getting affected. And when this is happening, your body's not thinking, hmm, how could I lose weight? Like that is not its goal. It's thinking, yo, I just need to help you survive right now.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Yeah. So for the women that are like, you know, why can't I get consistent or why are my cravings still so high? Or why do I keep stalling or procrastinating on this process? Or why does it feel like I know all the things to do, but I can't just make myself do it? Like, sometimes the answer is not another macro adjustment, right? Sometimes it's your body just doesn't trust your life circumstances. And so we need to pan out and take a look at that from a big picture perspective.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Yeah, exactly. And when safety is missing, your progress gets really expensive. Um healing requires resources. So if you're constantly in management mode, like constantly trying to manage your stress and these perceived threats, then your body's gonna keep allocating its resources towards stress adaptation instead of repairing the things that need to be repaired.

Real Life Unsafe Environment Signs

SPEAKER_02 5:41

Yeah, it's like if you were to, you know, have a surgery. I think some people sometimes people, you know, understand this better in a physical sense. But if you were to have a surgery and post-op, your body's not like, oh, you know what? She really wants to have less inflammation and she wants to, you know, look cuter and be able to, she wants to be able to run and move and all these things, right? It that none of that matters because you have to heal the trauma to the body first. So the immediate response that the body is taking care of, all the resources are allocated toward healing the post-op trauma, right? Or if you have an injury, it's healing the injury before you can progress and do any of the things that you actually want to do or that you desire. So I want to talk about what unsafe looks like in real life. So I want to give some examples, and a lot of this is based on you know conversations that we have in the mindset lab, right? Of when we look at relationship stress in our romantic partnerships, we're talking about feeling the need to constantly defend yourself, or if you feel unseen or criticized, if you are carrying the majority of the emotional load in that relationship, if you can't relax because conflict is always a possibility, right? That feeling of having to walk on eggshells, those are signs that you have a dynamic of stress that's plaguing you in your relationship. Another one is family. So if you revert into like a good girl role in certain circumstances with your family because we're reaching into old patterns of people pleasing or always accommodating or not wanting to say no, if you, you know, like we mentioned earlier, always wanting to keep the peace. If your boundaries are not respected, or if you have a fear around voicing boundaries because you're worried about a consequence associated with that. If you leave gatherings, this one's a big one, and I hear this a lot. If you leave family gatherings feeling extremely dysregulated or just really emotionally drained, that's a sign, right? Like we have to pay attention to what your body is telling us. So we may have some big stressors when it comes to family dynamics, work stress. This one's also a huge one, and also one that people feel like they can't do anything about, right? But if you feel like you are always on, like you're always on the verge of waiting for the next ding notification that's coming through that has to do with work, or if you don't have any recovery between meetings and you're just going from one thing to the next to the next, or if you're feeling really trapped in your role or undervalued or underappreciated, but you don't want to say anything to anyone about it, or if your worth is only tied to your production or output when it comes to your job, then those are signs that those are stressors that need to be addressed at work. And these are all really important. And a lot of this is stuff that we want to sweep under the rug or that we want to make excuses for that we don't view as things that could be changed because it does require effort and it requires change because nothing changes if nothing changes.

Symptoms That Mimic Willpower Problems

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Yeah, exactly. And so from like a symptom side, this can look like persistent fatigue, even though you're doing all the right things, right? It can look like cravings at night. I feel like I might be having this right now. My craving provider like crazy, and it's because work is really stressful. Some insomnia or early waking, bloating or changes in your IBS type symptoms, some cycle changes like your cycle might get shorter or longer, you might have worse PMS, you might have some low libido, you might have some elevated inflammatory markers. So your CRP might stay elevated, your platelet to lymphocyte ratio might be elevated. All those things are kind of signaling that something is going on, right? Your weight loss could plateau or you could not lose weight at all, right? Your HRV and resting heart rate can increase if you track that. And so all of these things are it's the body doing what it's supposed to do. Your body under stress is supposed to stay alert, it's supposed to be hyper-vigilant, it's supposed to be ready to attack, and it's showing up in all of these things.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Yeah, I think it's so funny too when we go through this list of symptoms. Like for most women, they will just like live with almost all of this except the weight loss resistance to a point, right? It's like, I'll deal with being chronically tired all the time and not having any energy. I'll deal with having intense cravings, I'll deal with not being able to sleep at night or having, you know, waking up in the middle of the night a million times, or I'll deal with being bloated every time I eat or not having, you know, not having healthy digestion or, you know, good gut markers. Like they'll deal with all of this stuff and just live like that and just be like, well, this is it just is what it is. But when it comes to weight loss, at some point they'll be like, I can't do this anymore, right? This is enough. And usually by that time, all of those other things are are already the subtle signals that were in place that we, you know, over overrode essentially. So they all are important. And I think the trap is like when women treat symptoms like it's a willpower problem, right? Like they assume it's it's a discipline issue. So they get stricter and then they restrict even harder because they they think they just need to push more. And that's where it creates this spiral because a toxic environment already creates nervous system strain. We already have stress on the system. And then when you pile on the rigidity of caloric restriction or like chronic dieting or punishment style workouts, right? Of like, oh, I'm gonna like, you know, make my body do these really hard things and the way I'm looking at it is a form of punishment because I don't enjoy it, or I can't have any stress relief from it. If I'm holding on for dear life to perfectionism or this image that I want to portray for other people, or if I'm shitting on myself all the time and criticizing myself every time I look in the mirror, well, now you've added internal stress on top of this external stress that's coming from your environment.

Boundaries Before Better Health Plans

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Yeah, exactly. And that's why we see and and hear constantly, I'm doing everything right and I'm getting worse patterned, right? And it's not always your plan that needs adjusted. Your plan can be super great. It's it's the load that needs adjusted.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

Yeah. And when we're trying to have a shift around this, it can be that your health plan can't be stronger than your boundaries. And if your environment keeps pulling you back into survival mode, your habits will always feel like a fight, right? We've talked about this before of like, you know, finding that sweet spot between your comfort zone and where the next boundary is, and you have to take it at your pace and meet yourself where you are. That's part of the reason why we have that intense focus when it comes to the way that we coach our clients, is because you can't continue to push through with habits that you believe work because someone else is doing them, and it's crossing your threshold of where you are trying to maintain the survival mode.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Yeah. And so then it's like, what do you do about this? Because most of you can't just go quit your job tomorrow. Most of you aren't just gonna be like, well, my husband's toxic, so bye. I'm gonna divorce you right this second, or my mother is toxic, like I'm gonna cut her out of my life. Like, okay, I get it. Like, that's not really realistic for a lot of people, right? Like, you can't just quit your job, leave your relationships, move away from your family, restructure your caregiving overnight. So you gotta have like a realistic approach to this that that is attainable, right? So let's think about this in two layers. You need to reduce exposure where possible, and then you need to increase capacity and regulation no matter what.

Micro Recovery And Breath Downshifts

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Yeah, the no matter what, that's important, right? Of like making it non-negotiable because sometimes toxic environment is not a quick exit. I would actually say most of the time it's not a quick exit, right? It's it is a gradual reclaiming of power. I had a really good conversation with a client about this yesterday of looking at, okay, if we were to identify kind of two buckets, right? One would be what do you feel when you show up for yourself, when you take time for you to downregulate? Right. And she she described the sense of peace. What do you feel when you get this external validation when you show up for other people and you're connecting this value with your output, which is what you're weighing a lot of your value on, right? Like this is the more valuable bucket. And that one we identified as contribution. The issue is that we have to be able to maintain balance between these two sides. And if we can pour into the peace bucket, or if we can make sure that that part stays full, this reclaiming of power, this self-care focus, that will always be able to pour into the contribution bucket or the place where we give to other people. But the the same does not work in reverse. And so we have to be able to practice a safety first protocol, especially when we have these markers that are red flags that are telling us that our body is under this chronic stress. So the first thing to do is like identify the stress source, right? Ask yourself, you know, where do I feel my body tighten the most in my life? There are going to be signs. Everybody has them. I've talked about these before. If your jaw is clenching, if your gut feels rigid, if your shoulders are in your ears, if you notice that you're clenching your fists, right? Like if your temperature rises, that's a big one for a lot of women. Like if you get flushed or hot in the chest and neck or face, there is times that that is happening that you can notice patterns. Not what annoys me, but what makes your system brace, right? When are we bracing for that impact? So who do you feel you have to manage? Where do you find that you lose your voice the most? This one's a big one. Like, where do you have fear around speaking up, or where do you mask yourself in an effort to feel more safe, right? Where do you feel trapped? That is your signal. So the goal would be once you identify the stress source and you can recognize the pattern, awareness is always the first step. Then can we create one boundary that protects your body? So one boundary that gives your nervous system proof of safety. Something like, you know, I'm not available for that conversation right now. If you're really not, or if you really don't want to have it, that doesn't feel safe. Like I'll respond tomorrow. Or we can go to the event for this amount of time, but then we're leaving because I have to go to sleep by this time, or I need to be able to, I need to have a down-regulating ritual before I go to sleep, right? Or I need to be able to wind down. I'm not taking on that extra project at work. I feel like a lot of times in businesses, especially in corporate jobs, we are voluntold that we're gonna have this extra responsibility. It's gonna look so great as you know, as a part of the facade of who you are or what your value is at work. You can say no, like I don't have the capacity to take that on right now. And it doesn't have to mean anything about you as far as your contribution to the company. Another one is like, I need alone time after work before I engage. Alone time period is a really big one that most women do not take for themselves. And especially when you are in transition phases, like if you're going from work mode to mom mode in the evening, for example, there is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to create a down-regulating practice so that you can show up and be more present and you're not going immediately from one stimulus to the next, right? So it's it's prioritizing the thought of I'm protecting my health right now and I will be available after XYZ, whatever it is. Not can I, not would it be okay, not would it bother you if no, there's not a debate. We're not over-explaining this is what it is. Exactly. And then after we create the boundary, then we need regulation before the decision making. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

Yeah. So, like if you're in stress mode, your brain is always gonna make reactive choices. You're gonna grab snack food, you're going to scroll on your phone, you're gonna reach for your glass of wine, you're gonna skip meals, you're gonna skip your workouts, right? So you kind of need to do a short downshift first, right? Inhale for four, exhale for eight. Repeat this six times before you go grab the potato chips or the cookie laying on the counter, right? And then ask, like, what's the next stabilizing choice, right? What's the next stabilizing thing that you can do? Do you need to eat some protein? Do you need to go drink a glass of water? Put your water in your wine glass. I don't care. Do you need to go outside and get some sunshine and go on a walk? Do you literally just need to go to bed?

SPEAKER_02 17:32

I was gonna say if you take yourself to bed.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Yeah, right. And there's also these like micro recovery blocks that you can do that are non-negotiable. So if you're in a high stress season, you need built-in recovery, like legitimately built-in recovery, not just a I'm gonna just try and relax because I you're never gonna relax. You're never gonna just fit it in and try to relax. Schedule, like literally schedule in a 10-minute walk after lunch. Literally put it in your calendar. I don't know, a reminder on your phone to do five-minute breath resets between meetings. Go sit in your car and listen to some music or drive around for 15 minutes to decompress before walking inside your house, right? Put your phone away before bedtime, like an hour before bed, put it away. Eat some protein at breakfast so you're not craving carbs all day. And like these are not wellness trends. These are things that are never gonna go away. Like, yeah, it's not the next hype. This is literally their nervous system interventions.

When Healing Requires A Bigger Change

SPEAKER_02 18:30

Yeah. Now, let's say we've done all that, right? We're putting these practices into place. The other side of this coin that is a hard reality of the situation is that, you know, sometimes healing does require a life change. And sometimes your body is asking for a bigger boundary. So, you know, not something that can be fixed with something minor or just an intentional practice. But if your environment is chronically unsafe, whether that's emotionally, psychologically, relationally, the reality of the situation is that your body will keep waving the red flag of the symptoms, even if you're doing these practices, right? Because we can only control our side of the street. So if there is an input that's causing you to feel this way, regardless of what these intentional practices it are, then that's where a change may be required.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Yeah. I mean, I sometimes it's not fun to have these conversations with clients. You can't out-supplement your adrenal stress. Like sometimes it is a situation that you're gonna have to change. And it doesn't mean that you're doomed like at all. It just means that your body is intelligent and it's reporting your stress and your conditions like very accurately.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Yeah. And that, you know, those decisions are not to be taken lightly. And it's not something that we're saying, like, oh, you just have to do this. It is to create the awareness of can I reflect on what's happening? Can I reflect and lean into what my body is trying to tell me? And if I were being really, really honest with myself, is this sustainable long term? Do I want the next 10 years to look like whatever this current situation is or however long this has been going on for, right? Whether that is in relationship or in family or at work or whatever, whatever the environment is. And so I do think it's worth taking a look at because at the end of the day, it's your life and you only have one life to live. And what do you want it to look like? You know, and not to say it's ever going to be perfect or that, you know, you'll be able to solve all of your problems with one shift, but it does beg the question of what am I allowing that's preventing me from thriving or being able to live a life that I want. Yeah, exactly. And so at the end of the day, you can do everything right, but if your life doesn't feel safe and you have this, you know, this chronic survival mode essentially, your body is not going to respond the way that you want to. So it's it's a biological requirement.

One Boundary One Recovery One Share

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Yeah, yeah. So kind of like moving forward, you can if you feel like this resonates with you, then I want you to choose one of these actions to do, right? So name the main stressor that's happening, whether it's relationships, finances, work, whatever, and then set one boundary that protects your body. Add in one micro recovery piece daily.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

Yeah. And so those are like the the little things that we can do to control our side of the street. And then I think a good reflection would be you know, if my symptoms are a message, then what are they asking you to stop tolerating? And that can really help inform whether a boundary needs to be put in place or if a change needs to be made.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Yeah, exactly. So if this resonated with you, put these into practice.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

Ask yourself I know this resonates with another woman, so make sure you share it.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

Yeah, exactly. Give us a five star review. Share with us what you're struggling with and what changes that you need to make, and we would be happy to kind of give you some guidance and direction on how to make some changes so you're not doing all this hard work and kind of self sabotaging almost.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Yes, we would love to hear from you. Thank you so much, and we'll see you ladies next time.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Bye.