Ep. 252 - Bringing Up Issues Without Starting A Fight

Bringing up something that’s bothering you doesn’t have to turn into a fight.
Most couples assume arguments are inevitable after you get married — but the truth is, arguing is actually a choice. It's conflict that is inevitable.

In this episode, I break down a real example from her own marriage: a stressful morning routine, growing frustration, and how I stopped myself from slipping into an old cycle of reactive communication that would have led straight to an argument. You’ll hear the exact process I used to reflect, process what was really going on underneath the frustration, and bring it to my husband in a way that actually strengthened our partnership (and saved us from arguing).

Inside this episode, you’ll learn:

- The common mistake most women make when they bring up issues (and why it backfires)

- What happens in your partner’s brain when you bring something up reactively

- How tone, timing, and nervous system regulation determine whether you get connection or defensiveness

- The self-coaching questions I used to get clarity before engaging

- Why urgency is usually a trauma response, not a relationship necessity

- How to choose an approach that preserves partnership instead of triggering survival mode

- A real-time play-by-play of how Michelle navigated a morning routine conflict with emotional maturity

If you’re tired of feeling unheard, if conversations escalate quickly, or if you keep looping in the same cycle of “I try to bring things up but he gets defensive,” this episode is your roadmap to a better way.

Most couples don’t struggle because they have problems. They struggle because of how they talk about them. Let’s change that.

For starters, grab my Conflict to Connection Guide.

If you'd like to take it a step further, book a clarity call with me so we can talk about how marriage coaching can help you!

Thanks for listening!

Connect and send a message letting me know what you took away from this episode: @michellepurtacoaching and follow me on threads @michellepurtacoaching!

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Additional Resources:

• Ready to put a stop to the arguments in your marriage?  Watch this free masterclass - The #1 Conversation Married Couples Need To Have (But Aren't)
• Want to handle conflict with more confidence? Download this free workbook!
• Wanna make communication feel easy and stop feeling like roommates so you can bring back the romance and excitement into your marriage? Learn more about how coaching here!