Understanding WHY You Give Up Will Help You Get Back On Track

Understanding why you are inconsistent, why you start and stop, and why in the moment you just eat the cookie is EVERYTHING.

If you can understand what is going on in that magic moment, you can be prepared for it, and fix it.

This is what needs to happen if you want to lose weight for good this time.

Enjoy this one my friend.

Interested in working with me? Find my website here: https://courtneygraycoaching.com/workwithme

Transcript

Unknown: 0:06

Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently, feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food, a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach, Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you. I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the podcast. Episode 61 understanding why you give up will help you get back on track. It is a lovely Saturday afternoon, and I have been spending the day doing some cleaning, doing some working out. I'm reading a book I'm loving right now. I should tell you the name of it. It is called into the magic shop by James Dotty. It is or Dodie. I don't know exactly how he pronounces it. It's a great book, if you're at all interested in like, meditation, manifestation, but you've maybe tried and you're like, it's hard, and I don't know, it is a great book. It, it really teaches you the power of meditation, manifestation, both of those. But it really is a story. It teaches it in story format. And it's, it is just a great book. My husband read it, gave it to me. He loved it. I'm loving it. I'm almost done, and I'm gonna give it to my kids. And so I it's highly, highly recommend, and I've been spending a lot of time creating a portal for all of my videos for my program. So the women that are starting in my program this week will be getting a login, and they will have access to all the videos that teach the curriculum for my program and all of my private coffee chats that I send just to my clients, and replays of our coaching calls and everything is in one beautiful place for them. I'm really, really excited about it, and so I've been spending a lot of time creating that portal, and now I'm here talking with you. Now, what I'm going to talk about on this podcast is why you give up in the moment? It's this whole idea, you know how so many times we start stops. It's like we give up and then we get disgusted or frustrated, and then we start again, or we'll have two days and we were on OFF, ON OFF. All that understanding why you give up in that moment is so powerful, like that moment when you have a plan, and then you just change your mind, and you eat the thing, you throw your plan out the window, you drink the thing, whatever it is, understand what is happening in that exact magic moment is going to change you forever, when you start to have the awareness of what is really the problem right around January 12 is when people start giving up on their healthy eating goals, their healthy eating New Year's resolutions, their workout goals, all of that, according to the Googles. It's right around January 12. So how are you doing? How are you doing, sister, I know some of you might be starting to lose your like beginning of the year fire. So let's talk about it. So whether you have already given up or if you're feeling a little bit shaky with the new habits you're trying to create, this podcast is for you. So often when I'm coaching women in my program, if they have had a moment where they fell off track. Often they are disappointed in themselves, of course, right? You know, they're in a especially because they're in my program designed to teach them how to be more consistent. So when they aren't consistent, they tell themselves a story that doesn't feel good, even though, in the very beginning, I tell them, you are going to mess this up. And by you messing up is how we are going to learn. They hear that, they go, sounds great, and then when they mess up, they get so down on themselves. Sometimes the story they tell themselves. Usually it sounds something like I was frustrated with myself. I knew I would do this. I'm wasting time. I'm wasting money. I wasn't even thinking. I don't even know why I went off track. You know, I thought it would be fun eating a little this a little that. I thought it wouldn't matter. So this story makes them feel horrible, and then usually one of two things happen. Okay? So one, they're having a hard time getting back on track. Right, because of the disappointment in themselves, because of the negative feelings, right? They're either disappointed or frustrated or hopeless or one of those feelings is why they're having a hard time getting back on track. If we think about the coaching model I've taught you, the thought model, we have a thought like, oh, I can't believe I did this again. That makes us feel disappointed. If you're disappointed, it's going to lead you to not wanting to take aligned action. The disappointment is going to want you to sit on the couch. The disappointment is going to make you feel like giving up. It feels horrible. So they're having a hard time getting back on track. They feel like they've failed. They feel like they are a failure, and this is who they are, and they can't figure this out. They're telling themselves they can't figure this out. Like, and then they a lot of times, will get even to like, why even try? And sometimes, this moment of getting off track being frustrated, why even try? That might just be a day or two, but it's enough time to get off track, enough to not lose the weight you want to lose. And think about that. I was in that cycle for years. I would do, well, do, well, do, well, go off track, not figure out why. That's what I'm going to teach you here today, but not figure out why. Then I would be down on myself for a day or two, then I get back on track, but then in that day or two that I was down on myself, I wasn't working out, I wasn't eating well, and this lack of consistency was why I wasn't able to lose the weight. So it's not that I needed to be perfect. I just needed to be more consistent, and I needed to figure out why I would go off track so I could get back on track faster, and that's why we're here today. So the second thing happens when sometimes one of my clients gets off track is that they are like, You know what, I'm back on track. I had a bad weekend, but you know what, I'm back on track? That was then this is, now I've got this. And what's usually going on here is it feels so much better to be telling yourself you're back on track. It feels horrible and embarrassing to not show up for your goals, whether that's in front of people, in front of your coach, even to yourself, right? If you're not showing up for your goals or your your life and being the woman you really want to be. It doesn't feel good. So oftentimes we will quickly, kind of like, brush it under the rug, like, ooh, bad weekend. But you know what? We're fine here. We want to regroup and move forward. And I used to do this too. I see this a lot with people that are have a tendency to be very positive people, and even more, people that are very type A, usually they're like, Okay, brush the hands off. That was not good. But we're regrouping. We're positive. It's no problem. But there's a, if you can kind of hear it in my voice, there's this, almost this, let's not even look at that. That wasn't me. I don't want to even admit to it really. Let's just focus on the positive and let's focus on the future. And so I used to do this too. I would go rogue on a weekend, we would have friends come up, and then I would go rogue, and then Monday morning, I'd be like, let's just not even worry about this. Let's move forward. Okay, I'm not gonna eat any flour and sugar. We're all gonna be fine. And then I would do that again and again and again. And while I was doing this, I was learning nothing. So here is what is missing from both of these scenarios, figuring out what really happened. You must figure out why you gave up in the moment. And I mean, like the actual moment. So Professor berglman from Stanford School of Business had this thing. He said that I heard this on a podcast. I'm like, Oh my God, that's brilliant. It's better to fail and know why you failed than to succeed and not know. So true. It's better to fail and know why you failed than to succeed and not in order to truly win, you have to know what went wrong. So think of a moment you have given up recently, and all of us can think of even me, even someone who feels like they are winning in the space of working out, health, eating all of that. I always want to let you know I am a imperfect human being that's doing a great job, but not doing it perfectly, right? I want to, I want to inspire you, but also let you know that none of this has to be perfect. We can all think about a moment recently that we gave up on our plan. Maybe you didn't go to the gym or go for that walk you had planned. Maybe you ate more than you had planned on eating. Maybe you drank more than you had planned. Or maybe you didn't food prep when you had told yourself you were going to food prep. A lot of my clients are really trying to become the women that food prep and Food Prepping is not fun. You know, one of my clients like, why don't you like Food Prepping? She goes, I just feel like it's an hour and a half. It's. Just an hour, usually an hour, half two hours, it's just a long time. I'm like, I hear you and I but is it worth it? And she's like, Oh, and she gave me a list of reasons why it's worth it. I'm like, that's what you got to go back to. So, yeah, I have a lot of clients that they want to food prep. So when they don't why, we need to figure out why. Now first recognize I keep saying everything I just said, you kept hearing me say, like you had planned. Did you work out like you had planned? Did you eat well like you had planned? Did you only have one cocktail like you had planned? Next week's podcast, I am going to be talking about the importance of having a good plan. It's not a very sexy podcast, but it's going to be a good one. You have to have a specific plan if you are going to be able to determine if you follow through or not. So stay tuned for that podcast. Think about this specific moment that you have given up recently and ask yourself, why. And I would pause the podcast and really don't just, don't just listen and consume. I would pause this podcast and think of a specific moment and then come back. Do it. Girl, do it. There are usually one of two reasons you give up. It is either a thought or a negative emotion. There actually are three, because a lot of times it's a combination of the both. So one of two reasons you give up, or often a combination of the both, because really, thoughts, a lot of times lead us to negative emotions. So first, let's talk about thoughts. So a thought is leading you to give up, it is probably not some earth shattering thought. Be looking for a thought that seems like an excuse your brain gives you. So it's something like, when you think about this time you gave up recently, there was a moment right before you changed your mind gave up, where you had a thought, like, it doesn't matter. It's just one cookie. It's too cold outside. I'm not feeling that great. I want to have fun. You know, I didn't sleep well last night. I need more rest there. There are too many people at the gym right now. I I had that thought this morning, I was getting ready to go to the gym, and I looked at my husband, I go, Oh, God, there's going to be a lot of people there. And I could have stayed home, or I could have gone for a run, or I could have stayed home and done the peloton, but I really wanted to go do a leg workout at the gym with really heavy weights, and I just thought, you know what? What is the worst case scenario is that there are tons of people at the gym, and I have to wait longer for a machine. It's totally not a problem. But my brain gave me that excuse. There are going to be tons of people at the gym right now, and I had that moment, and I'm all, ah, there it is. I'm taking a little break to let you know, if you are loving the podcast, you have to grab my free course lose weight for the last time the mindset and strategy you've been missing. This free course is available right now. It is for women who are tired of dieting only to gain the weight back. It is for women who want to lose weight permanently and feel like themselves again. I spent years wanting to lose weight every morning. I would promise to eat better that day, and then by four o'clock, I would completely change my mind. I would think I don't care. It wasn't worth it. I should just love myself. I'm getting older. This is normal that my body is changing, and it shouldn't matter, but it did matter, and it did matter to me. I lost weight permanently by learning how to feel in control around food, eat better consistently and follow through. And this course will help you do the same. So the link to get immediate access to this free course is in the show notes. It's also on my website at Courtney Gray coaching.com, you are going to love it. Now, back to the show. That's what I want for you. I want you to have that moment where you go, Ah, there you are. There's that excuse trying to get me to conserve my energy and to go off plan. You might be telling yourself we have no food in the house. You might be saying, you know, we need to. We should be celebrating. It's her birthday. I don't want to hurt her feelings. So your, if it's a thought that is your why, why you have given up, do you know what that thought is? And it is not some amazing thought, like, what is the point Life is too short? It's not some big things like that, usually, usually it's a very subtle little this whole thing is no big deal. You should think about you should think about your primitive brain like a very stuck up high schooler. Oh my god. It doesn't even matter, like that kind of vibe of excuse now. So notice how whatever your thought is, it's probably not a big deal. The reason we give up our plans are not usually earth shattering. It's not like my husband just walked in and he said he lost his job. And so then I was like, oh my god, he needs me right now, and we didn't go to the gym. Or like, oh my god, your son just broke your leg, his leg, and so. Like, Oh my gosh, I don't have time to make dinner. Let's just you order in and I'm gonna take him to the hospital, right? Those are, like, extreme situations. Usually, when we give up, most of the time, we're not dealing with an extreme situation in our life. It's a very no big deal. It's just a cookie kind of situation. They're all just little excuses, and that little excuse results in you changing your mind and giving up in the moment. These little excuses don't grab your attention. They are subtle and slight, and they stay under the radar. Your primitive brain is very sneaky, but your job, if you want to become a woman who this all gets easier. Your job is to increase your awareness and notice that these thoughts, little excuses, are the reason you give up. And then there are negative emotions, which sometimes we have the negative emotion because of a thought, but when we're experiencing a negative emotion. This can be the reason we give up in the moment, right? And when we think of negative emotions, and the reason we eat always. A classic example is you think of a woman in a movie or a TV show walking in, like and putting and usually, for some reason, I don't know why, for some reason, she's in like a suit. She looks like a high powered attorney, and she walks in and she goes, Oh my God, it has been a day. I need a glass of wine like, almost like she has stress, she has anxiety, right? But there are so many other negative emotions that are probably more realistic of why we are giving up our plants. What about the other emotions for me, my biggest I want a cracker. Emotion is boredom. Biggest, I want a cracker. Emotion especially now that my kids I'm an empty nester. Now my kids are not around, constantly telling me they need me. I'm a little bit more bored. Now part of me loves it, just between you and I. I love it. But there is nothing like a cracker that solves for boredom. There is nothing like a cracker to solve for confusion, right? Nothing makes confusion better than a cracker. So of course, the reason you give up is usually a combination of the both. It's It's thoughts and feelings negative emotions. But it's so important to know what are your trigger emotions? What are the emotions that on a random day, that's no big deal. On a random Tuesday in the middle of the year, you're going off plan. Why does any of this matter? It matters first of all, because when you know better, you can do better. Our brain is very habitual. Just like we brush our teeth, usually with the same hand and we start with the same tooth. When we floss, we usually start upper bottom, like I go lower back, bottom like we have habits. We have habits. In the morning, when we make our coffee, what we do, what we do first, what we do second, our brain is the same way. We have a lot of the same ways of thinking. A lot of the excuses that we give ourselves are very habitual. I have some clients that will tell me, oh, their excuse is something that my brain has never offered me, and I'm the same way my excuse of you deserve a treat I don't have. All my clients don't have that excuse, but our brains are very habitual, and when you start to uncover the excuses that your brain offers you, then when your brain offers you that excuse, you'll be like, Oh my god, there it is again. Of course, my brain is offering me that excuse. My brain does not want me to lose weight. My brain thinks I'm fine right now. This is your primitive brain. Your prefrontal cortex wants you to be the amazing women you know you are, but when you know it's coming, then when it comes, you are ready for it. When I know that I am going to be alone in my house for an extended period of time, and I don't really have plans, and I'm not planning on working, and I think, Oh, I'm gonna read, and maybe I will, you know, fold some laundry. My brain goes heads up. Courtney. You're gonna be bored. You know what to expect. And then I'm ready. And so then when I'm feeling this kind of yucky, I'm kind of bored, and then boredom leads to I should really have more hobbies. Oh, you know what? We should just make cookies. I'm not surprised by any of it. There are people all around the world right now giving up, and maybe they're just giving up for a few days. Maybe they're just gonna give up for a week, and then get back on track. I don't want that for you. I want you to have a moment where maybe you have a moment of weakness and you give up, and then right away you go, Oh my god, oh my god. Why did I do that? And very quickly get back on track. What I want for you is. For you to become the woman that understands what's really going on with her, understands how to create all of the amazing results you want in your life, and it starts with understanding your brain, understanding your triggers, understanding your why, understanding the negative emotions that lead you to live a life that you don't really want to be leading. And when you understand why, and you can kind of diagnose it in the moment, all of a sudden, you have that thought again that your brain always gives you as an excuse. Let's say yours is You didn't sleep well, you need more rest. You'll go, oh my god, there it is again. And then you'll say, what if we this time didn't listen to that. How amazing would your life be if 90% of the time you didn't listen to the excuse your primitive brain was giving you? It would be transformative. So figure out your why, my friend, figure out why sometimes you give up, and then you'll be prepared to stay on track. Have a great Tuesday. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food, I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching.com to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes you.