3 Questions to Ask Yourself When Losing & Maintaining Weight

Asking yourself better questions will help you lose and maintain weight.

Is this possible?  Totally.  Very much YES.

In this podcast, you will learn three questions to ask yourself to help you lose weight forever.

You will also uncover some questions you ask yourself that are hurting your progress...questions you never even realized were there.  They are sneaky!

Interested in working with me? Find my website here: https://courtneygraycoaching.com/workwithme

Transcript

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Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently, feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food, a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach, Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you. I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the Podcast, episode 64 today, I'm talking about three questions to ask yourself when losing weight and maintaining that weight, which is what we want, right? We don't want to just lose we want to do it in a sustainable way, then we can maintain that weight loss. It's an exciting week here at Courtney Gray coaching, because I'm hosting a free training. So consider this your last call. Last call. Curtain is closing. There is going to be a free training. And before I tell you all about the free training, I've been in the DMS on Instagram with a few people, and they've been like, oh, you know, I work during the day, so I can't come. Girl, there will be a replay. Now the replay I send out is going to be available for a limited time, because studies show that if you just give someone a replay, they never listen. But if you give someone a replay and say you've got four days, they will make time for it. So most people will not actually be able to join me in person over zoom, and that's okay. I just want you to get the information. So if you work full time or during the day is just a hard time for you, then still sign up for the training and you'll get the replay, not a problem. A lot of people do come in person. I think coming in person is more fun if you have the opportunity, because then you can be answering questions and asking questions in the chat while I'm live teaching this training. But again, you don't have to be there live. This training is called Five surprising weight loss mistakes, and how to stop doing them so you can lose weight forever. I spent years making some of these mistakes, so some of these mistakes I very much resonate with, because I made them, and then some of these mistakes are after me, coaching so many women on weight loss, and time and time again, getting on a coaching call, and then come saying, I'm struggling, here's why. And I'm like, Oh, I see the mistake you're making over and over and over again with different clients, and when I help them uncover it, oh, enlighten them that they're making this mistake. Teach them how to stop making the mistake and how to do things differently, then they were able to lose weight permanently, because they stopped making that mistake forever. They didn't just say, Oh, I'm going to stop eating carbs for two weeks. They actually stopped making this weight loss mistake. And these weight loss mistakes. The reason I call them the training surprising is because I think that a lot of people, when they think of what do they need to do differently? They really get into the nitty gritty tangibles. Like for me, I thought, I just need to stop eating chocolate, because I love chocolate. And I remember, I went a whole year, years, years, years ago. I went a whole year without eating chocolate, thinking this was going to be the answer. Oh, the mistake, I thought in the moment. I thought, Oh, the mistake is I'm just eating too much chocolate. So if I can actually get myself to cut out all chocolate, I'll totally lose the weight, and I did not. So these mistakes will surprise you, and I'm really excited for this free live training. You can sign up everywhere. If you follow me on Instagram, there's a link in my bio to sign up. If you go to my website, Courtney Gray coaching.com there is a link on my home page. If you are on my email list, I've sent you a few links. There is a link in the show notes of this podcast. Just scroll down and there will be a link there for you to join me. So it is going to be a good time. And let me say one other thing too, before I dive into this podcast, is, is I've done a lot of trainings and workshops and Master master classes, all of those things. And most of the time, I really try to gear the title of the master class or training or workshop. I really try to make it sound empowering. This one doesn't sound as empowering. It's a little bit of an experiment for me, five surprising weight loss mistakes. It really right away, kind of sheds light on the fact that you are probably making a mistake. So please don't think that this training is going to make you at all feel called out or judged or shamed. Not at all. Nothing about my work, nothing about my program, feels yucky. It all feels empowering. I really believe that Lou. Losing weight and getting into a body that you feel like you and you feel good about and in control is such an empowering process. It is a life changing process. So even though I'm kind of going into the Okay, we're making some mistakes, please know that this is going to be a very empowering training, and I'm really excited for it. Let's go into the podcast. Whether you're aware of it or not, you are constantly talking to yourself constantly, and we do that in the form of thoughts, right? Like we're constantly telling ourselves stories about our life, about ourselves, about what is possible for us, what is available, what is hard. We are constantly talking to ourselves. So think about how it presents for you free. For me, I think of it as a story. I feel like I'm walking around all day just like you are, but I feel like I'm constantly telling myself a story in the best way I've identified to really get you to recognize this in yourself is think about what story you tell yourself about your level of energy. How many times do we say I'm exhausted, I'm tired. I should have slept more last night. I really need to go to bed earlier tonight. I really need to and it's like, think, just in terms of our energy and our sleep and how how awake we feel, I'm gonna need more coffee. I shouldn't be drinking this more coffee, but I'm so tired that is a story that is going on and on and on in your brain. For most people, the stories around are tiredness or awakeness, sleeping habits. All of that is non stop, and it's very habitual. So the first step in all of this and everything and everything I teach you here on the podcast and in my programs is the first step is awareness, becoming aware of the truth of what I'm saying and the truth of what you know in your heart. You're constantly telling yourself a story. This story is on repeat. What I want you to know is this story can be changed. Oftentimes, the things we tell ourselves were given to us when we were kids. We have all these stories. We have all these thoughts about our lives, what's possible for us, who we are, our self concept, and most of it was truly given to us when we were kids, until we become an aware adult who decides to go, huh? Is this story helping me or hurting me? And do I want to change it? And so this podcast is going to be really helpful for you, if you're resonating with this so far, asking yourself questions, making bold statements in your mind, judging everything. It's all very habitual. We say the same things to ourselves on repeat. We think the same things on repeat. And as I've taught you over and over on this podcast, our thoughts matter because they create our lives. If you are new to the podcast, welcome. I'm so happy to have you, and I want you to know that this is a theme you will hear weaved through every episode. Our thoughts affect our lives. Our thoughts create our lives. And the beautiful thing is, our thoughts can be changed. Here's a thought I have heard time and time again, and maybe it's a thought you have also said to yourself, I have tried everything. It seems very factual. It seems very simple. Here's the problem with that thought. Remember, our thoughts create our lives. Our thoughts create our results, our realities. So when you have that thought, it produces a feeling in your body. And so think about it. When you think I've tried everything, what is the feeling that comes up for you? I think most people, when they think I've tried everything, they feel hopeless. I've heard this so many times from clients and women on consultations. They feel either hopeless or discouraged when they think that thought. Now, oftentimes they think that thought is a fact, and maybe you think that thoughts a fact as well, but it's not a fact. When I think of a fact, I think of, can this be proven in a court of law? And of course, that if we, if we look at it from that lens, then of course, we know this is not at all a fact. It is a thought. Because, have you tried everything? No, that's insane. And I'm sure you're agreeing with me right now, right? So this is a thought. I've tried everything. It makes you feel hopeless. Here's the kicker, when we feel a certain way, it affects what we do or don't do. It affects our behavior, like in the moment. So right now, it is 952 if I was feeling hopeless, I for sure as hell wouldn't be recording this podcast. I'd probably be eating or in bed or talking complaining to one of my friends. When we feel a negative emotion like hopeless, it affects what we do on a day to day basis. So when women come to me and say they've tried everything and they feel hopeless or discouraged or some other negative flavor of emotion. And usually they give up. They certainly don't keep trying. They certainly are not looking to try something new. They justify what they've done. If you think about someone saying, I've tried everything, it's almost like you can imagine them throwing their hands up, like, I've tried everything, and this is hopeless, right? And they justify we human beings want to be right. So when we think something like I've tried everything, we will actually look throughout our life and find evidence that it is true. We are always finding evidence to believe what we believe is true, and so we justify it. We start going over in our heads all the things we've tried and how they haven't worked, and you're doing a great job, but it's you know, the process is problem. Then oftentimes, when we are feeling a negative emotion, we want to make ourselves feel better, and so we eat or drink, especially in 2025 when food is everywhere, so we eat or drink, we possibly stop working out. I don't know about you, but when I'm not eating really well, I usually don't work out as well. It's almost like they go hand in hand for me, and so for a lot of people, they will stop, kind of their workout, stop their walks. They kind of get the what's the point? Like they think, what's the point if I'm not eating well, I'm not going to go to the gym. To go to the gym. What's the point? Another thing people do when they have the thought I've tried everything and they feel hopeless, is they want to find people to agree with them. They want the sisterhood to agree with their thought. Remember, we want to be right, and we want everyone to agree with us. And the women who love you are going to agree. Not too many people are going to challenge you. So you're going to say, Oh my God, I've tried everything. And they're going to go, I know you're amazing. You have tried. You know what? You look beautiful. It doesn't matter all that. So what is the result from all of that? The result that was created originally from the thought I've tried everything, is you continue to gain weight. So not only are you not losing weight anymore, but now you're continuing to gain because you're not continuing to try. You're eating to make yourself feel better. You're possibly slowing down your workouts. You've given up. You continue gaining weight, and really, you spend the rest of your life being unhappy in your body. That shows us how important your thoughts are, and to become aware, if you have a thought like, I've tried everything, it's not helping you, here's a better thought. And this actually was a client of mine that I worked with, and she had came to me with a thought, I've tried everything, and I coached her, and we figured out a new thought for her to start telling herself, a new story for her to start telling herself, and she chose a flavor of a thought of I think there are some things I have not tried, and we found the truth in that together. I think there are some things I have not tried, and she especially had not tried mindset. Tried changing what she's thinking changing the way she's viewing her body changing what's possible for her all mindset. So when she actually thought that I think there are some things I have not tried, it's possible, there are some things I have not tried, she felt hopeful. And when she was hopeful, she was willing to be coached. She joined my program. She tried another thing. Because, right, she's not thinking, I've tried everything. She's like, maybe there's something I haven't tried. She joined my program. She was willing to be coached by me. She was willing to show up and say I did pretty good last week, but there was a few days that I did not do good. And she was willing to be vulnerable with herself and with me and get help. She practiced my three step process. One of my favorite processes of all, the processes I teach in my program is a three step process to feel in control around food, but it needs to be practice. And when you join my program, we practice it for 12 weeks, where you get good at this process. She started doing yoga. She had been wanting to do yoga for years, but she was telling herself a story about how she didn't know if she was, you know, limber enough to do yoga, people in the class would be more advanced from her. All these things that we've told ourselves, all of us have told ourselves flavors of these kind of limiting beliefs, right? Our primitive brain loves to say, yeah, you shouldn't do that. But she did it anyways. She lost 20 pounds, and she says her life has changed so exciting, and she's thrilled. So, so exciting. And this is just one of my many clients. The story is so similar. I can't even tell you. The story is so similar. This could apply. I could think of five clients right now at the top of my head, just in the last two months, that have had this similar story of transformation, and it's all because they're willing to think differently, and one of the ways you can think differently is by asking yourself better questions. Let me give you a personal example. Before I dive in, I'm going to give you some questions to ask yourself. Let me give you a personal example of of the transformation that happens when you ask yourself better questions. Yeah, people ask me all the time, like, how do you come up with new podcasts each week? And I'll tell you, it's not always easy. My primitive brain likes to tell me that I've said everything already. My primitive brain likes to tell me, oh, you know, I know you just came up with that idea, but that won't be helpful. They've already heard that, because, remember, human beings have a tendency to be negative. There's a thing called negativity bias, and basically, what it is is we as human beings are wired to think and see and argue for the negative as opposed to the positive. I think this is a way we have survived over over the years. It's a way we have adapted. It has been protective and it has kept us alive. But we need to acknowledge that when given a bunch of options, we are going to defer to the negative. Even those of us like myself, I think I'm a very positive person. My brain has been wired to the negative. It's my job to really try to rewire it to the positive. A lot of weeks, when I go to record the podcast, my primitive brain is like, you got nothing. You got nothing. In fact, I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day who said this to me, Oh, my God. How do you come up with such a great podcast every week? And I said, Oh, thank you. And I said, I have a folder in my phone of ideas. I'll be out on a walk with myself or with a girlfriend, or I'll be at the grocery store, or maybe I'll be listening to someone else's podcast, and I will come up with an idea like, Oh, I really should talk about that. Or I get a lot of ideas from coaching my clients. Someone will come to a call and say, This is what I'm struggling with. And I'll think, Oh, my God, this is the third time I've heard this this week. I need to talk about this on the podcast, and so I have a list of a like 100 things in my phone, and my brain still tells me that you don't know what to say to the people. It's okay. I know it's coming, and I will ask myself some better questions. So here are some of the questions I ask myself whenever this comes up for me. Whenever my brain tells me, you've already said everything, you should just give up, right? I ask myself these questions, what are my people going through right now? And when I say, what are my people? Sometimes I say my think my clients, because I just am constantly thinking, how can I help my clients? What can I do better? How can I say things differently, but I also talk about my people. You're my people. You and I maybe haven't worked together yet, but you're my people. So I think about you, and I think, what are you going through right now? Like right now you're listening to podcasts. Maybe it's a Monday afternoon, maybe it's a Sunday morning. What are you thinking right now? What are you struggling with right now? What is a challenge? How can I help you? How can I say everything I've said differently? How can I support you? What do I need to say to compel you to think that working with me would be amazing, because I know it would be, here's a great question I asked myself, What do I know so deeply that you need to know. So can you feel the energy? As I'm saying, asking myself these questions. It's like, Let's fucking go, energy. And so when I ever get to where I'm like, I don't know what to say to these people, I start going. I need to ask myself some better questions. I need to get into, let's fucking go, energy. And here's what I know, when you ask yourself a great question, you will get a better answer. And the opposite is true as well. You you're always going to get an answer. Remember that you're always going to get an answer when you ask yourself a question, our primitive brain is going to present questions to us. It's also going to present statements, but you need to be aware of how they are affecting your life. So here are some questions and statements that you need to start being aware of. These are probably, probably my most common that come up in my coaching program, that women will come and say, Hey, this is, this is what I'm thinking. Why do I always do that? Yeah. I mean, you're if you ask yourself that question, you will get a shitty answer. It's never going to be a well, maybe it came from childhood, and maybe it's just my opportunity to really change what I want to think. That's not what we're going to do. We're going to say, Why do I always do that? And we're going to be like, because I'm just undisciplined. That's what we're going to say. The answer is going to be horrible. Here's another question. Why can't I stick with it? The answer is going to be horrible. I don't know what to eat. That's not a question, but it's a horrible thing to say to ourselves, I don't know what to eat, or what should I eat. I don't know what to eat. We're never getting anywhere good from that. I don't know what to do, right? That makes us feel confused. Nothing good happens from confusion. I'm different. This won't work for me. This is a tough one. This is a bit of a call out if you have this thought, I'm different, I have different circumstances. This won't work for me. This thought is causing you pain. It is not. Helping you create a body and health and a life that serves you. And you might have some different circumstances. There might be some truths mixed in there, but the thought does not serve you. This isn't working. This isn't worth it. This isn't gonna work out. What should I eat? Should I do this? Or should I do that? All of those are very negative, focused questions and thoughts, and when you answer those, it's not going to be good. It's going to lead you down a road of just giving up, giving in, feeling discouraged. So here are some questions. I'm going to give you three. Here are some powerful questions that will shake things up, because what I want for you is, I want for you to be able to ask yourself a question and get to where I can get when I'm sometimes feeling like I don't know what to say on this podcast I want you to get to, let's fucking go energy. Here's the first and these are very simple. You're not gonna blow your mind like you might be waiting with bated breath. I'm glad they're powerful, but they're not gonna blow your mind. Well, maybe they will, but they're very simple. The first one is, but what can I do? But what can I do? And I want you to say it like that to yourself, but what can I do? I like starting off this question with a but because it acknowledges that before we ask ourselves this question, our primitive brain is going to probably be throwing out a bunch of I don't know what to eat. I'm not good at this. It's not going to be fun if I restrict myself. I I'm too tired. But what can I do? A brilliant question to ask yourself, we are so focused again, negativity, biased on what we can't do, on what won't work, on how we don't have enough time that we need to shift over to what is possible for us. It's a really empowering question, and it has you take ownership of your life. It has you take ownership of your thoughts for sure, and your focus this question you want to ask yourself this question in response to things that happen during your day that your brain thinks is a problem right now, I have an injury. I have, like, a shoulder injury, and I called to get physical therapy, which, gosh, physical therapy is magic. I love it. So I called to get physical therapy. And they're like, Okay, we'll see you in a month and a half. And I'm like, a month and a half well, but then I said, Okay, that's it's the reality they can't see me. That's a fact. They can't see me for a month and a half. But what can I do? And so then I go into I'm gonna get a massage. I have a masseuse in town that she has actually helped me just as much as physical therapists have in terms of helping myself when I have an injury, I can ask my husband for his guidance. My husband was a basketball coach for many, many years, and he experienced extreme injuries on his team with many people. He also is an athlete, so he's always getting injured. And so I said, What would you do if you were me? And so he told me, here's some things I would do in the meantime. This is a great question to ask yourself, but what can I do when you have time constraints, when your brain goes you don't have enough time, but what can I do? Such a great question to ask yourself so often we tell ourselves we don't have enough time, but yet we have a lot of time on Instagram. We have a lot of time watching bridgerton. No shame. I love me some bridgerton. I'm bridgerton. You're probably like, why is she talking about bridgerton? Because I'm binging the whole series over again. I don't know if I told you this, but I went with my mom and my sister to this, like, candlelight String Quartet event, and it was a bridgerton. It was like the songs from bridgerton. It was amazing. It was amazing. And I loved the show so much. And I loved this event, going to this event, hearing them play the songs in this candle lit theater, I was so just moved by it. It was so beautiful that I'm like, I'm watching the series again. So I'm watching that's why I keep talking about bridgerton. Okay, so like, if we've got time to watch bridgerton. If we have time to scroll on our phones, what else could we be doing? And I'm not saying you shouldn't be watching bridgerton, I'm not saying you shouldn't ever be on Instagram, but let's get radically honest. But what can we do? Your brain's gonna tell you you have no time. But what can you do? I mean, if you've got seven kids and you're an ER doctor and you are also taking care of a parent, and you're, you know, every weekend you're volunteering. I mean that that might be some legit, like, I would be like, Okay, let's, let's find some time that's going to be legit. But most of us aren't living that life. Okay, but what can I do in terms of you're not in your routine? This has been coming up a lot in my program with women saying, when I am at home in my routine, I'm doing great. Help me do better when I'm not in my routine, so when I'm at a friend's house, or when I'm not feeling well, or when I have a sick kid, or when my husband had surgery, or when I'm traveling, asking yourself. But what can I do is going to save you in those moments, and then another time to ask yourself is when your brain presents obstacles, which we know it always is when your brain presents obstacles as it will ask yourself, I hear you primitive brain, but what can I do? What can I do right now, instead of just shutting myself down? The best thing about this question is it makes your answer. Will Make You Feel a more positive feeling. It will make you solve for a negative emotion. It will get you into feeling hopeful, powerful, confident, excited, resourceful. Ask yourself this question every time your primitive brain gives you drama, which gives you drama all the time. The second question is this true. I'm taking a little break to let you know, if you are loving the podcast, you have to grab my free course lose weight for the last time, the mindset and strategy you've been missing this free course is available right now. It is for women who are tired of dieting only to gain the weight back. It is for women who want to lose weight permanently and feel like themselves again. I spent years wanting to lose weight every morning. I would promise to eat better that day, and then by four o'clock, I would completely change my mind. I would think I don't care. It wasn't worth it. I should just love myself. I'm getting older. This is normal that my body's changing, and it shouldn't matter, but it did matter, and it did matter to me. I lost weight permanently by learning how to feel in control around food, eat better consistently and follow through. And this course will help you do the same. So the link to get immediate access to this free course is in the show notes. It's also on my website at Courtney Gray coaching.com you are going to love it. Now, back to the show, and there's a there's a second part to this question, is this true? And then you can also say, Is this helpful? And so let's start with the is this true? Most of our thoughts that we are thinking, most of our 6000 thoughts a day that we are thinking are not facts. But when we think them, we really think they are facts. The problem is, when you're thinking that something is a fact, you definitely feel more out of control. What I want for you to do is to ask yourself, is this true? So in my program, I have been coaching a lot this week on hunger first, let me actually stop. Let me stop and paint a picture of what it looks like to be in my program, because enrollment is open right now. From my March group, we're starting the first week of March, I had a client a few weeks ago talking about how she was so glad she joined the program. We just ended one one of my groups just ended, and she was telling me how grateful she was and how powerful it was for her, and she is going to be on the podcast, actually, in a few weeks. I'm really excited about that, but she one of the things she said to me, she goes, You know, I want to tell you, is I really didn't know what to expect when I joined your program and I said, Oh, tell me, because I'm always looking to get better at teaching you what it's like to work with a coach. I know a lot of people. They have never been in a weight loss program, so she's like, Yeah, I wanted to tell you I really didn't know what to expect. It's been amazing, but I didn't when I signed up, I had listened to the podcast. I thought you were awesome. I really resonated with a lot of the things you were saying. I was starting to, you know, actually do some of the things you talked about on the podcast, and I was getting some results. So I thought, shit, if I'm gonna get some results from the podcast, imagine the results I could get in your program. And so anyway, so she said I really didn't know what to expect. So that might be helpful for you to really teach people what it's like to be in your group, like paint the picture. So let me paint the picture really quick for you. This week, I coached about three separate times into three separate groups about hunger. So we start a coaching call me and all the women in my group, I teach a little bit about a concept we're working on. Maybe it's how to not be a people pleaser. Maybe it's how to do the three step process to feel in control in the moment around food. Maybe it's my process for planning out your protocol so you know what to eat. Maybe if I have someone that I know is going on vacation, I will teach them how to vacation better, how to travel better. I have all these processes that I teach every week, but we spend majority of our time coaching. And what that means is, I say, hey, Sylvia, how is it going? Tell me, how did you do this week? You had a plan. How did you do? And then she'll say, you know, I did pretty good. I did pretty good these days, but I will say, something came up. And she goes, I just feel sometimes like I'm hungry, and and then I don't know if I'm like, I don't know if I should eat or if I should stop eating, because I know hunger is not an emergency, but I don't know. And so we will talk about hunger. And one of the things that is interesting about hunger, and I should do a whole podcast on hunger, is a lot of times when we. We are trying to lose weight, and we are eating a little bit less than we've been eating, we do feel more hungry, but sometimes also what can happen is your primitive brain is telling you you need more food. You haven't eaten enough. You're going to be hungry later on tonight, and so it's it can be really tricky to uncover, to figure out if you're actually hungry, or if your brain is just telling you that you're hungry, because you usually eat more. Every time I would say to my client, I would say, okay, Sylvia. And I said, Were you hungry? And oftentimes the first answer is, oh, I don't know. I coach her on how to uncover if she was actually physically hungry, and if that's a problem, or if her brain was just telling her lies, just telling her, Oh, you're gonna You need to eat more food, because we're doing things differently. Three different times this week, I coached clients on hunger, and I taught them that hunger is not an emergency, and I taught them that, like the human being, can go two to three weeks without without any food and survive. Not that we're going to go out two to three weeks without food and survive, but when you are trying to change up what you're eating, sometimes you have a little bit more hunger, and sometimes your primitive brain tells you you're hungry, even if you're not, and that is uncomfortable. And figuring out is this discomfort, discomfort of physical hunger, or is this discomfort of my brain and feeling nervous that I'm not full? It is a powerful exercise, so I'll have to do a podcast on hunger. But so that is what it is like to be in my program. Sylvia got coached. She felt like she was so much more than able to go throughout the next week and figure out what's going on with her hunger, what's going on with her primitive brain, so she could change the way she eats forever. And the cool thing is, the power of group coaching is the other women on the call also got to hear Sylvia got coached. And they also said, hey, you know what? I want to talk about that too, because I had the same thing happen to me this week. Or thank you for sharing that, because I don't think I realize that is happening to me as well. So the beauty of group coaching is, not only do you get coached, but you learn so much by someone else struggling with something that you are also struggling with. So that is what my program looks like. There's also a bonus episode that I recorded at the end of November that talked about my coaching program, that I started it in January. But you still will hear all the details of what it's like to work with me in my coaching program, and just know that enrollment is open again and we are starting in March. That bonus episode might be really helpful if you're like, oh, I want to hear more about what it's like to work with her. That one was really great. So then that was, I think November. At the end of November is when I launched that bonus podcast. Let me give you some other examples of thoughts you might have that you can ask yourself, is this true? So here are some of the common thoughts I've heard. This is what happens in our 50s, very common. You can add 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, whatever your age is, so often it's this kind of this is just what I have to endure now. This is my age, and so this is what I have to endure in terms of my weight and health. And you can ask yourself, is this true? And the answer is no, it's a thought, because we can find other people at every age that are killing it in life, that feel like they look amazing. They feel amazing that they're going to the gym, they're running marathons, they're climbing mountains. So this is not true, and that thought keeps so many people stuck the kind of, the other flavor of that thought is, I'm in menopause, and it's just this kind of, what, what do I do? And, you know, it's so cool, actually, we're in a time in history where we are finally really talking about menopause, and we're talking about aging and how women are different than men. And there's finally, for the first time in history, research being done on women in menopause, but, and that's all amazing, but there's also a lot of people that are just like, this is just my life now I'm in menopause. I think I saw the other day. It was one. It was a celebrity, and I don't know who it was, but she was going on and on and on about how horrible menopause was, and my overarching thought was just, it's not helpful. Some of what she was saying might be true there. You know, you can find facts and research to support most things, but what she was saying just wasn't helpful. Okay, some other thoughts that you might say, is this true to is I already eat really well? Okay, this one is big. Most of my clients, who I love and adore and who are losing weight and feeling in control, and all the things they would have told you this, they don't think they eat perfectly. They're intelligent. Amazing women, but a lot of times we have this thought I eat really well, and that thought sometimes can be problematic, because if we think we eat really well, it's kind of a flavor of the other thought of I've done all the things, or I'm doing everything. It puts us in this space of like we're already doing enough. We shouldn't have to do more like it just puts us in kind of a victimy place. Do you eat really well? That is probably partly true. Is this true? It is probably partly true. This is where we get into the next part of this question to ask yourself, Is this helpful? I mean, first of all, do you eat really well compared to what? Compared to who, compared to someone who lives in a blue zone, or compared to someone who eats Chick fil A and McDonald's three meals a day? Yes, compared to someone who is constantly eating fast food, you probably eat great. Compared to someone who eats like grows their own food and doesn't, you know, no sprays, only eats organic all, I mean, compared to what? Right. So is it a helpful thought? Not really, because when you think I already eat really well, it takes you out of, Hmm, maybe I could do better. Maybe there's still hope for me. Maybe I could eat even better. Maybe this could get easier. Maybe there's some things in my diet I need to question. Here's one thought that came directly from one of my clients mouths. I love her. She said, I'm done. I can't think about one more thing. And women, how many times have you thought that I feel like this is a pretty common thought at the end of a long day. Imagine at the end of a long day, and you have this, I am done. I can't think or I can't make another decision. I can't think about one more thing. You can ask yourself, is this true? Of course, it's not true. You're an amazing woman, could you do one more thing if all of a sudden, if there was a fire, could you get your family out? Yes, if all of a sudden someone came in and said, Hey, listen, I'm really struggling. I need your help. Could you support them? Yes, there is no way you are done and that you can't think about one more thing, but that's a primitive brain thought that makes us feel exhausted, and then we end up turning to food. And so I'll tell you what I told her. And then we laughed our asses off. She said, I thought to myself, because I said, what happened in that moment, right? She goes, I just didn't eat. Well, what happened in that moment? She goes, I said to myself, I'm done. I just can't do one more thing. And I said, That's absurd. That's absurd, that you can't do one more thing. And she just started laughing so hard, and I said so in the moment, you need to start seeing the absurdity of some of these thoughts. You can see the absurdity of some of these thoughts by asking yourself, Is this true? And of course, it's not true. Is it helpful? Of course, it's not helpful. Here's another one that is a heavy hitter. It comes all the time. Even with my clients, it's hard to lose weight because I travel a lot. Is that you are you one of the amazing women that gets to travel a lot? And are you telling yourself it's hard to lose weight because you travel a lot? Is it true? Let me answer that for you. It is not true. Is it hurting you? Hell yes, that is a that is a thought that is hurting you. Is it helpful? Absolutely not. Do I teach my clients? Do I have processes to teach my clients how to travel better and either lose weight it is possible or maintain the weight you've lost? Totally possible for most of my clients who travel occasionally, they want to go on their travels and just maintain the weight loss they have made. Because oftentimes they if they're going to Europe, they want to eat some bread, they want to drink a little bit more. They want to enjoy food more than they normally do in their life. And so we teach them, I have a process to teach them how to actually maintain their weight. So is it true that it's hard to lose weight because you travel? Maybe you have a lot of evidence to show that it's true, but you just need to learn how to travel better. Totally possible for you ask yourself, is this true? And if you come up with an answer yes, then ask yourself, Is this helpful? Because even sometimes, if it is true, it's not helping you, thinking it is not helping you. And then, of course, you can always go back to, you know, but what can I do these questions all kind of you can mix them, and you can even do them in different orders. So I'm going to give you the third question. What would make this easier? And this is just a really supportive question that is going to make you feel empowered. One of the best ways to make things easier is to take decisions away. And how we do that is we just plan we lay out our clothes at night, we plan our food out, whether we actually go to the store and actually food prep or. If you just plan your plan, even just saying, after dinner tonight, I have a crazy ass day, and after dinner, I'm gonna go by the store and grab this for dinner. That is a plan that will help you, because it's gonna take away a decisions of, oh my god, I'm exhausted. I can't do one more thing, and what am I gonna eat? Another way you can make this easier is don't buy the food that triggers you. Ask your partner not to ask you if you want ice cream like have a conversation. I can't tell you how many women I have coached them on talking to their family about doing things a little bit differently in support of their own health goals. And for some reason, it's a little bit harder for us women, because I've coached men and women, it's a little bit harder for us women to have a conversation with our partners or our children, to say, Hey, listen, I'm really trying to eat this certain way, and I know that you have good intentions, but if you could not ask me if I want that, that would really be helpful, because it's so I'm sitting here, and it is so hard to work this three step process as it is, and I haven't had one client that hasn't had love come back to them when they've asked that question. Your family loves you and they'll support you, but sometimes we need to say, Hey, can you not ask me if I want ice cream? Hey, can you not hand me Snickers? Can you not hand me a Snickers? Right now, also, you could choose the restaurant. What would make this easier? Maybe you need to say, oh, there's a bunch of us that want to go to dinner. I'm going to throw out the restaurant I want to go to. Let's go, ladies, let's let's not just say, What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? Hey, this is where I want to go. Because, you know, going there is going to be a little bit easier for you. Fantastic. That might feel kind of scary to do. What if you did it and then prove to yourself you could do something scary in support of your dreams. Super Bowl is happening in a few days, and we are hosting. I'm so excited, and so when I ask myself these questions about Super Bowl, I want to tell you what comes up for me. I don't drink alcohol, but when I ask myself a question, but what can I do? I can make myself some festive mocktails. What does that specifically mean at the grocery store? On my list to buy is mint, is lemon, is blackberries. And I also there was something else I was going to buy. Was it pomegranate seeds? Possibly. So I have a list of what I'm going to buy in order to make some really fun mocktails for myself. And I I'm sure some of my girlfriends might have one as well. Great. So I'm going to be able to say who wants this and make everyone mocktails. And I also am going to be able to say I also have vodka, which will be I could add to any of these mocktails. I can throw some vodka in if any of my girlfriends want some vodka mixed in there, beautiful. That's what I can do. I can make a bunch of dishes so I have control over the food that will be available. One of the benefits of hosting is you have more control over the food. So I've already created a menu that supports me. I have my husband and one of my good friends that's going to be there that they don't eat dairy. So I'm making nachos. I'm going to make them a special plate that doesn't support me, but it supports them. We get into but what can I do? I'm going to make a decision ahead of time of what I'm going to eat, and I can't wait to eat these nachos. That's going to be part of what I'm going to eat, but there's going to be other things. Maybe I don't eat. I'm going to make a plan ahead of time, so I feel like there's a plan. So then when my permanent brain goes, oh my god, Super Bowl is supposed to be fun. You should just be eating everything. I'm going to go, Oh, it's okay. We've got a plan. I'm going to make it healthy and festive. That's what I can do. Healthy and festive, we can have both. But what can I do? Great question. I can get excited about who is going to be there, because this is more important than anything. Notice. I haven't even talked about football. I really don't care about football. What I care about are the 10 people, or whoever, many people that are coming over. I care about my girlfriends, I care about their husbands, I care about their children. But you'll find, because we are really running conscious of our primitive brain, all we're thinking about is food, right? We you think of Super Bowl and you think football food. Isn't that what you think? That's what I think. But for me, I know it's not about football food. It's about the people coming over, and it's about spending time with them and connecting with them. What else can I do? I can work out in the morning. I usually work out Sunday mornings anyways, but Sunday is going to be an extremely busy day. I have a whole bunch of things I'm doing, so I'm going to work out in the morning. I'm also going to food prep on Saturday. So when you come up with a question, but what can I do? You come up with a whole bunch of supportive answers that empower you to do well, that empower you to live the life that you want to live. And then what I'm going to ask myself, Is this true? My brain's going to say that I don't have time to work out in the morning, and I'm going to say. Is this true? And I'm gonna go, No, it's not true. It's 5am I get up at 5am naturally, most days anyways, even maybe six. Can I do a 45 minute workout? Yes. So I'm gonna ask myself, when my primitive brain throws that out at me, I'm gonna say, is this true? My primitive brain is gonna say I should just eat whatever I want. You're not trying to lose weight. Courtney, what does it matter? It's one day you don't want anyone to think you're a weirdo. My brain's gonna say, all this, is that true? Hell no, it's not true. None of that is true. You won't have as much fun if you don't eat all the things. Is that true? No, not true. And then the question I'm gonna ask myself, what would make this easier again? It would be easier if I did all my shopping and food prep on Saturday. It would be easier if I worked out early. It would be easier if I asked my girlfriends to help contribute, which that's kind of our jam. Is what we do anyways. But it will also be easier if I remind myself what I want more than the food that day. What do I want more than having four cookies? I want to feel good. I want to look good. I want to support myself. I want to sleep well. What would make this easier is reminding myself what the point is of this day, what the point is of my life. The point of my life is not food. The point of my life is not who wins this game? I know the Eagles are playing. I don't even know who else is playing. The only reason I know the Eagles are playing is my part of my family loves the Eagles. My niece is going to be at the Eagles game, at the Super Bowl, reminding myself, what is the point? The point is connecting with the people that will be there. It's not about the food. And we ask ourselves better questions to get to really, this is going to sound corny, but to get to our truth, what we truly want for ourselves. I hope you will join me for my free training. If you love this podcast, you will love seeing me in action, live over zoom and have a great Tuesday. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food. I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching.com to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes you.