Is Confusion Keeping You From Losing Weight?

With SO much conflicting information out there, it is possible you are confused with how to lose weight sustainably.

I get it.  Just spend a few minutes on Social Media and you will be bombarded with weight loss advice that directly goes against each other.

In this podcast I am going to help you determine if confusion is keeping you stuck, and how to get out of it.

I am also going to talk about what REALLY MATTERS when it comes to losing weight forever.

Enjoy!~Courtney

Interested in working with me? Find my website here: https://courtneygraycoaching.com/workwithme

Transcript

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Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently, feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food, a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach, Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you. I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the podcast. Episode 69 is confusion keeping you from losing weight. I'm excited to dive into confusion because I know that there are many of you that are going to be like, maybe, or maybe you're thinking, I don't think so. But then by the end, you might realize that confusion might be keeping you stuck, even at times. So I'm excited to dive into the podcast. First of all, let me just say it's almost spring break, and my baby, meaning my 19 year old, is coming home from college, which means I will have all of my babies here in town. And I'm really, really excited about it. He is a college athlete, so when, when all the students come home from college, he doesn't come home quite as much. And so he's going to be here for like, two weeks. And I know I'm not going to see him as much as his friends will, but I'm really, really excited to snuggle him. I told him. I said, I know that you're going to be coming and going, but whenever I see you, I just want to hug and just hug for a few seconds and just smell him as gross as that sounds. Maybe, if you're a mom, you totally know what I mean. I'm just so excited to have him back, and I know that I'll be able to have all of my boys over here together a few times while he's here. So I'm really, really, really looking forward to it. Let's dive into confusion. Confusion is a sneaky bitch, because here's why, it doesn't feel that bad when we think of all the negative emotions, especially when we think of like frustration and sadness and anger, when you think of confusion, you're like, I'll take a little confusion that sounds delightful, so it doesn't feel that bad. And I think for a lot of people, they don't even recognize they're in confusion. I know a lot of times my clients will come to me and I'll say, it seems like you're in confusion. And here's why this matters. We got to get you out of it. And they're often enlightened. And so it almost seems like when we're confused, I'm gonna, I'm gonna really describe it. So so if you're sitting there thinking, I don't know if I'm confused, that maybe, maybe you'll see this in yourself. We'll get confused from time to time, but I want you to be able to identify it in you. Confusion almost seems like we're really caring for ourselves. It almost shows up like we're trying to research what's best for us. We're trying to just wait until we're clear. I have so many women over my over my career so far in terms of coaching, that have said to me, you know, I just I once I'm clear. Once I'm once I know, I'll, I'll move forward. In fact, at one point I was even considering becoming, calling myself a clarity coach, because so many women, especially, I see this in midlife, as they start to have their kids move out, or they start to reach an age where maybe they're getting ready to retire, they're in this, I don't quite know, and they don't consider it a bad place to be. The problem is some people get in that place and they never get out of it, and they don't even recognize that they're in it, and they're just like, Yeah, you know, I'm gonna do a little more more research, I'm gonna take a class, I'm gonna think on it, I'm gonna, you know, it's we get into consumption. Confusion keeps us in consumption. And when I say consumption, what I mean is it's doing your homework, researching. And I want to remind you that any time we're researching or doing our homework, first of all, the main the main problem with this is we really are looking outside of ourselves. Most of the time, when someone says they're thinking and researching, they're not turning inward. They're not meditating and journaling and connecting with themselves to figure out what they want. They're looking for other people. They're taking master classes, they're signing up for programs, they're getting books, they're listening to podcasts, and none of these things are inherently bad at all. But how long are we staying there? And when we're there too long sometimes we have to admit to ourself, we're staying in confusion, right? What it really tells us is that we don't have the answer inside of us. And here's why this is a problem, confusion keeps you from making a decision when you could eventually fail. If you knew what to do, you would start moving forward and taking action in that direction. And what if it doesn't work, you might fail, and then what would that mean? So confusion keeps us stuck not making a decision which is safe. Think about our primitive brain. Our primitive brain loves confusion because it keeps us right where we are and when it comes to weight loss and health and getting in your best shape ever, confusion is so common, and here's why, I think, because we are intelligent, educated, amazing women, and we know in our hearts that diets don't work for the long term. They we know we've tried them and they don't fix the problem, and so we literally don't know what to do. That's kind of what we tell ourselves. We literally don't know what to do, except that, remember, you're here listening you're here listening to the podcast. You're resonating with the podcast. So you do know, you do know there's a part of you that says you're confused, but there's also a part of you that does know, I believe that part of you that does know, the part of you that resonates with this podcast, the even if you're like, this girl might be on to something. I was talking to one of my clients the other day. She goes the first time I heard your podcast, I was like, I don't know, I don't know what this girl's talking about, but I'm gonna give her a listen. I we're laughing, right? So there's a part of you that's confused, but then there's a part of you that does know, the part of you that is resonating with my message. So I'm going to make a bold statement to give you some clarity, and I want you to see and I want you to feel in your body, if you resonate with this statement, it's not about salmon or chicken, it's not about spin class or running. It's not about using weights or body weight. It's about feeling in control enough that in the evenings you can stop eating when you said you were going to stop eating. It's about feeling in control on weekends so you don't sabotage your results that you've been doing well all week, right? You've been trying to eat better all week, and having the control over the weekend to not sabotage. So it doesn't matter whether you're intermittent fasting, focused on protein coming from meat sources focused on protein coming from vegetable sources, whether you do whatever workout you do, it doesn't matter whether you're low carb, a low fat, it all of those things don't matter as much as you feeling in control to not eat the crap When you promised you wouldn't eat the crap. I promise you, this is the biggest problem I see when women come to me, you getting into your best shape ever. Will be reliant on you being in control of your eating, whatever type of way you want to eat, whatever type of way you want to work out. I have clients doing drastically different things in order to lose weight permanently. I have some clients that are vegan. I have some clients that are meat based. I have some clients that don't do fruit, some that do a lot of fruit, some that do a lot of vegetables, some that don't do vegetables, some run, some swim, some do yoga, some don't work out at all. There is they. I have the gamut of all of the different clients, but you know what they're all doing? The one thing that is consistent with all my clients, they are learning how to feel and control around food, so they don't grab pretzels at 10pm so they don't tell themselves, oh my god, I it's two hours to lunch. I'm starving. I'm just going to eat a bagel. It doesn't matter what program or lifestyle you're living, as long as you feel in control to stick to that plan, and as you navigate today through the rest of your life, you are probably going to change what you're doing. There have been times where I've been working out really hard. There have been times where I wasn't working out hard. There have been times where I've been more cardio, times that have been more strength based. There have been more times where I don't eat as much meat, and then I do eat more meat a whole bunch of different times. But I'll tell you what's made the biggest difference for me is being able to shut my mouth down, not in terms of talking that could never happen. Shut my mouth down in terms of eating after dinner, go into a weekend with a bunch of friends visiting, and still stick to my plan of eating good, even though I'm not eating perfect. The skill to be able to. Have a bad day and not go rogue. The skill to go rogue because I'm having a bad day, but get back on track faster. So I want to take a moment, because I just talked about the primitive brain a little bit. I have a lot of new listeners. If you are new, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. You are going to hear me talking a lot about the primitive brain. And so I want to talk for a moment about why it matters and what it is. And you've probably heard in college, you probably heard about the primitive brain. But how does it relate to what we're talking about here? How it relates to what we're talking about here is our primitive brain is wired for us to be in pleasure, out of pain, conserving energy. And if we think about 2025 and the amount of food that is at our fingertips, through Uber Eats, through grocery stores, through preservatives that make things last a very long time, through what we have allowed to be in our home, through what is served to us, especially here in America, all of that, It makes the pleasure that our primitive brain is trying to keep us in so easy. Turning to food is by far the biggest problem for us as human beings. Our primitive brain wants to keep us out of pain. And when you and I think about pain originally, we probably think of like a sprained ankle. But no, our primitive brain thinks pain is any negative emotion, and confusion is one of them. Confusion doesn't seem so painful again. We'll take it. If someone said, Would you rather feel confused today or sad? I'll take confusion anytime over most other emotions. But confusion keeps us safe, because if you're confused, you're not deciding to go all in on something for you, and that keeps you safe, because if you go all in on something, there might be frustration, there might be failure, and all these other negative emotions. Again, your primitive brain wants you to feel good, but what I know, and what I want you to know, is you getting into the best shape of your life. Health, wise, feeling wise, body wise. This then, which will extend to your whole life, is going to be determined on you being willing to feel some negative emotion on the way there. And you're going to have to be willing to feel some negative emotion, because at six o'clock tonight, when you've told yourself that you're gonna have one little piece of chocolate and cut yourself off. You are going to feel negative emotion. Your primitive brain is gonna say You did so good all day you deserve chocolate, and that is going to feel like shit. But can you become the woman that allows that shit and then put your head on your pillow and go, Oh my god, I did it. Oh my god, I can't believe I did it. And so I want to give you a recap of what I'm all about here at modern body, modern life, a general recap of like, what I teach and what I believe, so you can know what to expect and how I'm different from other podcasts. Because you're not going to get on this podcast. This is what you should be eating. You're not going to get that because, again, all my clients are eating different things, and that's not what it's about. I'm not about telling you exactly what to eat. I know that you know what to eat. And if you don't know, if you're like, No Courtney, I don't know, Google it, it's all there for you. The information is all there when we tell ourselves we don't have to be confused. This is what we think we are so smart. This is what we think we need to do and go all in. I believe we all deserve to feel good in our bodies, not only physically, but mentally and when we look in the mirror. I work mostly with women that are in midlife and beyond. I have some younger clients, and I love the young ladies, but mostly the women that come to me are like midlife and beyond the second half of life. I am almost 48 and I want to give you a thought that I've had for a long time, and I want you to start adopting this thought, because it will change your life. I'm just getting started, and I'm going to be telling myself this until my last breath. I'm going to be like, You know what? I'm just getting this is my goal. I'm going to be in that moment where I realize, Oh my gosh, it's the end of my life, if I'm so lucky to live this long. And I'm going to say I'm just getting started, because it's going to be the dying process. Is going to be a new process for me, and I'm just getting started experiencing that process. How amazing will that be? I have this beautiful image of myself in my last moments with my three boys around me, and I'm looking at them and I'm saying, how fun was that. And if you're new to me, I cry a lot on this podcast. If you're not new to me, you're like, Here she goes. Okay, we have so much information available to us when it comes to eating and health, but yet we're more confused than ever if you spend even just a little time on Instagram and Facebook, especially if you follow me. On Instagram, if you follow me, mine is more of like a weight loss body account, and so because you follow me, you are probably getting a lot of other weight loss accounts served to. To you, the algorithm is going to say, Oh, you like modern body, modern life. Well, then you're also going to like all these other things. So what that means is, if you spend time on there, you are going to being given information about eating more protein, not eating oatmeal. Don't eat the veggies. Just eat fruit. Fruit is basically sugar, so don't eat sugar, don't eat don't eat fruit. You should not be running if you are over 50, if you're in menopause, you should not be doing HIIT workouts. If you're in menopause, you shouldn't be intermittent fasting. No, intermittent fasting is what our body needs to clean out ourselves. You should be intermittent fasting. You should be intermittent fasting for 15 hours. No, you should be doing a 24 hour intermittent fast. Or it's, I guess it's not an intermittent fast. You should be doing a 20 hour fast once a week. You should be walking. Walking is not good enough. You need to walk with a weighted vest. You need to get at least 10k steps a day. Or you're a loser, right? You need to be doing low impact. No, you need to be doing high impact. You need to be doing jumping exercises. Jumping is not good for your joints. I mean, Holy shit balls. The information is all coming at you, and it all contradicts themselves. It all contradicts remember, in the 80s. We were supposed to be eating bagels and pasta. We were supposed to be eating low fat, everything low fat, not real butter, not anything high fat, all low fat, diet soda, right? So instead of sitting in the confusion of what to do, we need to tap into our own intelligence and our own brilliance and make a decision that is best for us, go all in and see how it feels. I've talked on this podcast before about how my husband, at one point a few years ago, was like, You know what? I really I want to go no meat. I want to go low cholesterol. He was really trying to get his cholesterol better. And I'm like, I'll do it with you. I love vegetables. I was trying to bring in more vegetables to our household anyways, and he lost weight and I gained and I was like, huh, good to know that doesn't work for my body type. And then I was talking to one of my girlfriends who is a naturopathic doctor, and I told her about this that happened, and she goes, What's your blood type? And I told her my blood type. And honestly, I think my blood type is AB, but I don't even remember. I think it's AB. I need to look. And she goes, Oh yeah, that makes sense. She goes, You need me. So it's like everyone is different. So what you need to do is tap into your brilliance and intelligence and make a decision that you think is best for you, and be willing to go all in and see how it feels. But I'll tell you here is what is missing from all of that information you see online, all that information that people are telling you, understanding how to feel and control around food in a modern society where food is at our fingertips and is the main source of pleasure, whether you intermittent fast or do a hit workout or go meat based, plant based, I'll tell you what's really important, having the ability to not eat three handfuls of pretzels at 8pm having the ability to spend A girl's weekend and not eat your face off, having the ability to go on a girls weekend eat a little more fun than you normally do, and be able to come back Monday morning, not shame yourself, and go back to your healthy eating. Even just 100 years ago, we did not have access to the food like we do today. The food was not created to be so addictive, so needing, like the ability to control ourselves to the degree that we do, is a pretty new concept. It's no wonder people are struggling. I even look at my childhood and the way my family ate and the amount and the availability of food, it's so different than today. So I want you to ask yourself, are you getting stuck in confusion? And hit pause on the podcast if you can, and really just take a minute and ask yourself that, and maybe you're not in confusion all the time. And when I say, are you in confusion, it doesn't mean you're walking around like an idiot. I know you're not an idiot, but are there times when you are slipping into confusion to avoid making a decision and going all in. And sometimes, maybe this happens after dinner, or maybe this happens in the middle of your workday, when you're like, I don't know. I mean, am I hungry, or am I not hungry? I deal with this a lot with my clients. They sometimes are like, I don't know if I'm hungry or if it's my primitive brain, and I'm like, Oh, fabulous. This is your homework for this week. Let's practice figuring that out. So do you think there's some confusion there? I have had clients who have all the information. I have had some clients, many clients, actually, who have a food plan from a registered dietitian and are. Still confused. I cannot tell you how many times I have had women say to me if someone would just tell me exactly what to eat, and I so often say, But wait a minute. Is that true? If you say that to yourself, is that true? I promise you, that's not what you need. If that were true, dietitians would all be multiple millionaires and I would be out of a job. If that were true, there wouldn't be so many people struggling. If that were true, we would all just hire a dietitian or a nutritionist and be done with this drama. But even if someone said, Oh, Angela, here is exactly what you need for your blood type, for your age, based on your hormones, all the things, here's what you need. Oh, thank God. The reality is, even if you have that, still you have to be able to only have one glass of wine. When you told yourself you were only going to want to have one glass of wine, you still need to be able to go to that high school reunion weekend and eat the way you said you were going to eat and still have fun. You still need to learn how to have fun in your life and eat better. So it is not about getting the information. It is not about knowing what to eat. You know what to eat. It's about feeling in control around food. And this is so normal. If you are feeling like, yes, Courtney, you're right. I am in confusion. It's so normal, but noticing it and recognizing it, that it is a primitive, primal brain block is really important. Part of the confusion is that we don't want to be radically honest, that we don't have control. Again. If we admit that there is a lack in our control, then we're like, I have to do something about this. I have to learn a new skill. If we admit that it's pretty simple, that we have to decide what to eat and how we're going to move our body, then we actually have to do it. And sometimes what happens is then we have to admit that it's our fault if we don't. And sometimes we are tired of having things be our fault because we shame ourselves too much as it is, especially as women, we are really tired of shaming ourselves. So if we're honest and say, Yes, I do have all the information. If I'm not where I want to be, then it's on me. And sometimes that can be shame. But here's what I want to tell you, you don't have all the information. You do need to learn to feel in control. And again, this is a new concept. We didn't need this 50 years ago because food wasn't as much of a problem as it was for most people. Part of the confusion is because we're in a rush. Part of the confusion is, I know women have heard me say that when you do this, when you lose weight in a sustainable way, when you lose weight without dieting, it doesn't go as fast. It doesn't go as fast. And I know that all the programs out there are like, lose weight in 20 days, lose weight in 30 days. You're gonna feel so great. And there's a party that knows it's not that easy, or else you would have done it. Else everyone would be doing it. And so part of you is like, I'm in a I want this done. I'm tired. And if we stay confused, it keeps us looking for the fast answer. Part of the confusion is because we're in a rush. Another part is that we don't really believe we can reach our goals without dieting. This is very common with the women that hire me, that join my programs. They hire me even though they're like, I'm not sure this is going to work. And I'm like, Yep, I actually just had this conversation with the client last night. I go, I get it. I go, but you don't have to be sure. I know it will work for you. Just lean on me for now. We don't really believe we can reach our goals without dieting. We don't really trust ourselves to learn how to eat better, because we don't have any evidence that we've been able to do it. But I promise you, it's a skill that needs to be learned and practiced overeating, which to me, means eating more than your body needs, and then that you can't lose weight. It's not an information problem. It's an emotional problem. Many people if, if they feel like they eat pretty good, they don't consider themselves overeating. But I know for me, I wanted to lose 12 pounds for years, 12 to 15 pounds, and I kept saying to myself, I wasn't overeating, but I was overeating because I was eating more than my body needed to be at my optimal weight, to be at my health, healthiest self. And it wasn't an information problem. It was an emotional problem. It was learning a new skill. Problem is the confusion of, I don't know what to eat. Keeping you from losing weight. Is the confusion of, I don't know exactly what workout program I should be doing, keeping you from getting stronger. I've had clients even say to me, you know, I really I want to get stronger, but I don't know if I should. Start with weights or start with body weight. And I said, What do you think? Let's make a decision right now in the next minute, and then they'll say, Oh, I mean, maybe body weight, great. Start doing it tomorrow. And it's like, what's happening? Let's make a decision and move forward. The Indecision is keeping us from getting what we want. The indecision, the confusion, is keeping us from our desires. I want to challenge you to call BS on yourself if you are resonating with this, I want you to start with what you know you probably shouldn't be eating. Do you feel like you have control over your eating? Our primitive brain loves confusion, because then we don't have to move forward. But I want to tell you, there is no perfect way to eat. There is no perfect plan. You have so many options. So here's what I think is really going on. You know, diets don't work. They work for the short term, but they don't work for the long term. And you know, living for the rest of your life on a diet is absurd. You know, you can't do it. We've all tried. So there is a level of what to do, but it is clear, learn how to eat better, move more forever, find a happy medium between dieting and totally going off the rails, and learn how to stick to it. And then the question becomes, how do I eat better? Forever you gain the skill of feeling in control around food, and this is going to look different for you than it might for other people. And that's okay. It's that's the beautiful thing. Everyone has a different life. Everyone has different circumstances. I hear a lot of women saying, I want to, you know, I want to start working out more, but I can't, because of time. There are women across the world making time. There are women that are busier than you. There are women that have less money than you. There are women that have diseases that maybe you don't have, that are figuring it out it is possible for you when you get out of confusion. I had a really great coaching call last night, and we talked on the coaching call about learning how to mess up and get back on track faster. This is one of those skills that will help you eat better forever. On this call, I was teaching my clients that none of this has to be perfect, that I know in the past, whenever they've lost weight, they've gone on a diet, and they had to be perfect. But I was teaching them in my program, none of this has to be perfect. And I told them, in the end, even when they're finished working with me, when they have learned the skill of feeling in control of their eating, they will still have heartbreak and turn to food sometimes, but in my program, I will help them become the women that get back on track faster. And it was so interesting. One of the women said she was like, I'm so glad to hear this, because I know I can't be perfect anymore. I just know it's not real for me. I know life's gonna get tough, but when I fall off the wagon in the past, I go off hard, and I go off for at least I think she said she goes off for at least a week. And this is so common, we do well, we do well? Do we do well? Until we don't, and then, like all hell breaks loose, but for the rest of your life, you're going to have heartbreak, you're going to have extreme stress, you're going to have extreme sadness, and you're going to have a moment where you turn to food to feel better. It's okay. You're going to be human for the rest of your life, even. And this is what I was telling them, even when you work with me, and you start feeling in control around food, and you lose all the weight you want to lose, and you feel like, oh my god, I'm a different person. Time is going to go by and you are going to turn to food to help you feel better, but you are going to be able to get right back on track, and that is what is going to keep you at your goal weight and keep you not shaming yourself, and keep you living as a different woman. So I hope this podcast about confusion was helpful. I think confusion is so common, so don't shame yourself if you're in confusion. I just want you to understand yourself better, and if you feel like I need to learn this skill, then reach out and right now, you know, schedule a consultation. You and I can jump on a call over zoom and have a little coffee chat, have a little talk about how I can help you feel in control around food, lose weight forever, feel stronger, feel amazing in your body, and this will expand to every area of your life. So I'm here for you. There are so many ways to contact me and schedule consultation. You can message me on Instagram. There is a link in the show notes that leads you to my website, and there's my calendar. You can pick a time that works best for you. I can't wait to meet you. Have a great Tuesday. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food. I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching.com to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes you.