The Moment You Decide to Eat it or NOT. Becoming the Woman Who Makes Future Based Decisions

The moment you decide to eat the food, or NOT eat the food, you are saying YES to something.....you are saying yes to yourself in the moment (and staying the same....or unfortunately gaining more weight)....

Or you are saying YES to your future self.  To getting in your best shape and health ever.

This podcast can help.  And it is just the beginning, click below to learn more about how to work with me.

Interested in working with me? Find my website here: https://courtneygraycoaching.com/workwithme

Transcript

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Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently, feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food, a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach, Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you. I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the podcast. Episode 72 we are going to be talking about the moment you decide to eat it or to not becoming the woman who makes a future based decision. You've probably heard me. If you've listened to the podcast many times before you've heard me talking a lot about your future self and your present self, and how most people walking around the planet are living for their present self. And what I want you to do, what I help the women in my program do, is really start living for their future self, and then this beautiful thing happens when the selves kind of merge together as you start feeling more in control and losing weight and getting stronger, and actually start up leveling your awareness. It's almost kind of like it's kind of conceptual, but it's almost kind of like you're living in this moment of, oh my god. I spent so long wanting to be at a certain place, and now I'm at that place, and it's like my future self and present self has merged, and now it's just a beautiful life. And so that's what I want to talk about today. Can you become hyper aware in the moment to be so clear what is going on for you when you are living for your present self or future self. So think about when you're in that moment and you want that thing in front of you. What do you want more? And this is what I want you to think about the next time, all of a sudden, it's 4pm and you're like, getting ready to just dive into some crackers, or dive into some pretzels, or you go to the restaurant and you've told yourself you're gonna have something, and then all of a sudden you're holding the menu, and the waiter comes up, and you're like, it's happening. It's happening again. And you all of a sudden go from future self, wanting to lose weight, wanting to be stronger, wanting to feel in control, to then just going, oh my god, forget it, and just giving in present self. I want you to increase your awareness as you walk throughout your life. I want you to see it much more clearly to me achieving any goal, the step number one is really increasing your awareness of what is going on with you as you move throughout your day again, most people, so many people, are just really doing what they have to do in the moment because they've agreed to do things. You know, especially us women. We agree to do all these things for other people in the moment, but then all the other things we're doing when it comes to for ourselves are really for our present day self. Think of what you're eating. Think about how you're moving. Think about the excuses you're making you're not making. Think about what you are doing. Are you moving forward for what you want in your future, or is every decision you're making throughout the day for your present self? And the way I like to think of that is, is when we are eating things that we really know we shouldn't be eating, that's present self. When we decide to skip the workout or the walk or the treadmill or the peloton or the push ups, that's present self because we would just rather not do it when we stay up really late at night. I have a lot of clients that this is a big problem. One of the things they say is, I really want to start going to bed earlier, because I know if I go to bed earlier, I can wake up a little earlier and start my day. And when you start your day out on the right foot, meaning when you start your day out really being intentional, you know it changes your whole day. So I have many clients that they're like, I really have a hard time getting myself to go to bed on time, and that creates a cycle of really not living for your future self. It creates a cycle of in the moment. What I want for you is, I want for you to really take a moment the next time you're in front of that food. This is going to help you create awareness in every area of your life when you're in front. Of that food. If you are deciding to say yes, I'm just going to eat this food knowing that it does not support my future goals. I want you to be very aware of that decision, and I want you to be aware of what you're saying yes to, because every decision you're saying yes to something, what are you saying yes to in that moment and when you decide you know what, forget it. I'm gonna just start tomorrow. I'm just gonna eat this thing. You are saying yes to staying the same, or you're saying yes to actually going even farther down the road of where you don't want to be. Right? Maybe gaining weight is continuing to not be healthy, continuing to not have good blood work and continuing to be inflamed, continuing to not be strong in that moment, even if you're not ready to make a change in that moment, if you can be eating the cookie going I am saying yes to staying the same. What you're saying yes to is not becoming the woman that can feel in control, not becoming the woman that can do things differently. And I know it sounds kind of shameful. I don't mean it as a shameful thing, but even the awareness of I'm doing it again, I am deciding to eat it. I am not becoming the woman I wanted to become. That is a powerful awareness. And then you can just ask yourself, why? Why do I feel like I can't live for my future? And really ask yourself, why? What is it and not in this is what we normally do. We're just like, why? What's wrong with us? We always do this. No, why in that moment does it feel so hard? Because what's happening in that moment is your primitive brain is running the show. Your primitive brain is giving you some sort of excuse. You're also getting I want to just really paint a picture of what's happening. So your primitive brain is giving you that excuse. You are also getting dopamine from doing what is the most safe, what is the most pleasurable in the moment? It's getting you out of any possible negative emotion, whether you're already experiencing a negative emotion, or whether you are going to feel a negative emotion by not eating the food. And so you are getting safety and pleasure and getting out of any negative emotion by eating that food in the moment. You're also getting the delicious taste. You're also getting the habit, like the continuing to do what you've always done, and that is, your brain loves that. Your brain's like, yes, let's just keep doing what we've done, because we know you've you've been surviving. Maybe you haven't been thriving, but you've been surviving, but all of that is at the expense of what you truly desire, but So ask yourself, why? What is it in this moment? Is it because I just want it and I'm telling myself I deserve it? Is that it? Is it because I feel like a weirdo, if I'm the only one that says no to this? Is it because I feel like I don't want to sit here and be sad, and if I, if I put the food down, I'm sad what is going on with you, and once you find out what is really going on with you, that's your homework. That's what needs to be solved. Most of the time, we can just kind of categorize this as emotional eating, but it's so much more complicated than emotional eating. Oftentimes, what happens is when we start to actually become more aware in the moment, we immediately go to shame. And so that's why we don't want to become aware, because we don't like feeling shame. And shame might be like an under, like a very low level emotion you might not be aware of. It's not like, you're like, I'm feeling shame. I need to stop thinking about this. It's all subconscious. But what happens is, is we don't want to think. We don't want to slow down enough to think about what we're doing, because then we tell ourselves, you're an idiot, you're doing it again. Oh my god, you always do this. See, you just can't be the person you want to be. So we don't want to think at all. What I'm asking you to do this is what I asked the women on my program to do is to really slow down and just be aware, get curious and figure out what is really going on with yourself. Then and only then do you have the ability to actually solve for that thing. So maybe for you, it's people pleasing. People pleasing is huge. People pleasing is a survival instinct. It is a survival instinct to make sure everyone at the table, when we are at a restaurant, to make everyone at the table have good thoughts about us. Of course, we can't control that, but we think we can. And sometimes we think, in order to make everyone have good thoughts, we need to be eating what they're eating. And so all of a sudden, if we become very aware I'm not going to eat the breadsticks. And then you say, Why? Why am I really struggling to stick with not eating the breadsticks. It's been three minutes. Everyone's eating one. I'm sitting here not I'm drinking my water. I'm starting to have a hot flash. All of a sudden, you start going, what is really going on? Then you will, all of a sudden, be. Able to open up. I'm worried they think that I'm better than them. Fascinating, fascinating. And only then can you say, Is it possible that that's not true? Because it is possible that's not true. Is it possible that that is true? Right? Maybe you have a friend that looks and goes, What are you doing? Why aren't you eating the breadsticks? And then you can ask yourself, do I want my future desires bad enough that I can sit here and just handle the feelings that are coming up? Can I say, oh, you know, today I just don't want breadsticks. I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to just, you know, trying to I'm not that hungry. I'm just not gonna eat the breadsticks, whatever you want to say in that moment. And can you sit there and allow the feelings that come up, question them, poke holes in them, decide. Does it even matter? Does it matter if someone has a difference of opinion about your choices? Does it matter if they think that you think you're better. Can it be okay? Can you want what you want so badly that you can sit there and be maybe feeling that guilt, and it sounds horrible. I know some of you are listening going, Well, that sounds horrible. Yeah. I mean, it sounds horrible in the moment, but I'll tell you what starts to happen. You start getting better and better and better at doing this. You realize that if people really love you, they don't care what you're eating in the first place. And then you start going, Wow, I'm do. I've done it again. I went to a restaurant and I stuck to my plan. I'm kind of amazing. Your confidence rises. Then you start losing weight. Then you start falling off the wagon and having a breadstick and going, Oh, I had a breadstick. But you know what? I understand what happened, and next time I'm going to do better. And then you get better and better and better. All of a sudden, you're 20 pounds down, and you're like, Oh my God, this feels so much better than any breadstick could ever feel, realizing that for years, you were stuck living in the moment because you wanted something, because that thing was a habit, because you were worried maybe that what other people thought, because you were people pleasing, because you felt guilt and you were unwilling to feel it and dive into it and figure out why and do, ultimately, what you wanted to do. If you're sitting here thinking that sounds hard in the moment, it is hard. It is hard. I know that every weight loss program out there tells you it's easy. Just do this. It's easy. It's hard. If it was easy, then everyone would be doing it, but I want to remind you you're already doing hard. It is hard living in a body that you look in the mirror and you're not happy. It is hard going to bed every night and laying your head on the pillow and going, oh my god, I did it again. Why can't I just stick to the plan? It's hard, feeling out of control. And so you can do what's hard and keep trending in the direction of not liking the way you look, not liking the way you feel, not being proud of yourself, feeling out of control. You can do that hard, or you can do the hard of sitting there in the moment and going, Okay, girl, the donut is in front of me. I'm in the break room. They brought donuts. It's Friday. My favorite glazed one is right there. It's there. And I want it. I feel it in my chest. I want it so bad. Let's just get curious and let's figure out why I want it so bad. Is it just the taste? Is it because it's my habit? Is it because I know I'm getting a dopamine is it because I feel like I deserve it? What is it? Is it because people are saying, Hey, I got you a donut. I thought that's your favorite, and now you feel guilty that you're changing the game on these people. What is it? And can you do that hard work knowing that then as you move in the direction of your future desires. This amazing thing happens, and I feel like this is where I'm at in my life. It's almost like you have this, this vision of the future that you want, right? You're eating from your future self, right? From your you want to be a certain weight, you want to feel good, you want to be healthy, you want to feel in control and empowered, and then all the sudden, when you merge with that self, you look in the mirror and you're like, oh my god, we're doing it. And then you actually feel stronger, you sleep better, you are proud of yourself. And then you're living in your future self. I know this is kind of like a high concept, but it's almost like you're connecting your now and your future self. It's like they begin to merge and then you're now. What you're doing is you're making decisions in the moment, not because you want to get to a future self, but because you're already there and you're just so. Porting yourself. And to me, when I think of that is when I think of that happening, I think of self concept. You've heard me talk a lot about self concept, you become the woman who this is just what she does. She moves in a body that's different. She eats in a way that's different, not perfect. Sometimes we want an onion ring. I had some onion rings this this weekend. They were delicious. A fat stack. I had like, four of them, those fat onion rings with the beer batter. Oh, my god, so good. When you can merge what you want for yourself now and when you want for yourself in the future into the same person, you can have some onion rings and enjoy the shit out of them in the moment, knowing that it's not gonna affect you at all, because knowing that tomorrow, you're right back to the way you eat, it's not gonna affect you. It's you're not it. You're not falling off the wagon and tumbling down and landing in the river, face down right? None of this has to be perfect, but you can sit there and really enjoy some food, have that party in your mouth, and get right back on track to eating the way that you eat on purpose most of the time. So my hope for you your homework. This week, I'm giving you homework. It's true, Your homework is to in the moment when you find yourself eating the thing that you kind of know that is not helping you get towards your goals, start going fascinating. Why am I doing this? And acknowledge I really want to lose 10 pounds, but yet I'm eating this thing. I know this is not helping me from a place of pure curiosity, what the hell am I doing? And I'm not even saying, don't stop eating it. I'm just saying, as you eat it, just give yourself a moment and go. What is really going on with me? Am I trying to get out of a negative emotion? Is it because this tastes so delicious. That's one thing that's interesting, is you will find sometimes you are in such a habit of just eating whatever your primitive brain tells you to eat in that moment, that when it really comes down to it, you're like, This isn't even that good. Like the other night when I was eating those onion rings, I'm like, these are delicious. There might be cocaine sprinkled on top of them. That's how delicious I'm like, these are delicious, but so often it's very interesting. My clients, when they work with me, towards the end of the 12 weeks, they work with me, when they do mess up, I'm saying saying that with quotation marks when they do mess up, because that's just part of the deal. Of course, we all mess up. We're not we're all ran. We're all imperfect humans. It's part of the process. They'll say, You know what, Courtney, this is so funny. They'll say, You know what is so interesting, Courtney, and I'll say, tell me, girlfriend, tell me. And they'll say, I didn't even like the way it tasted. I'm like, Isn't that fascinating? I mean, talk about emotional eating, when we're eating something and we slow down and we go, this isn't even that good. Why am I doing it? Answer that question from Curiosity, not from shame, not because you never follow through, not because you must not want it enough. Just find out what it is, and it's going to be, I'll give you a bunch of things, it's probably going to be, it's going to be because it's just what you do, and you don't know any different, that could be your automatic go to but it's probably because you have an excuse, like, I've had a hard day. There's some kind of negative emotion you're trying to get out of by eating the thing, right? You're seeking pleasure and you're turning to food. But here's another one, and I've talked about this before. It's a little bit. How do I say it's a little it's sneaky. I don't know how to say it right now, but it's sneaky. Sometimes you might be like, No, dude, I'm happy. I'm happy. So I'm not trying to get out of a negative emotion, okay? But let's think about you two minutes ago not eating that thing, then what negative emotion comes up? So you're not trying to get out of negative emotion. What negative emotion are you avoiding? And for a lot of my clients, they say sadness or frustration or anger, because they feel like if they don't eat the thing, the night's not as fun if they don't eat the thing, what is the point of the gathering? If you take away the food, the party, the dinner, the girls night, the family situation is not as fun. But again, you're already not having fun in your body. You're already not having fun when you take a picture, you're already not having fun when you put your jeans on, you're certainly not going to be having fun in a month when you go to put that bathing suit on. So remember, you're always saying yes to something. Are you going to say yes to in a month or two feeling better in your bikini? Or are you going to say yes to the bagel this. Awareness is everything, and it really does affect every area of our life. All of a sudden, your kid does something, and you're annoyed, and you can say to yourself, Why am I annoyed? What is it? Do I have this unrealistic expectation of them? Do I feel like I am annoyed at myself? Am I annoyed at them? Am I annoyed at what they did? Like, what is really going on? I'm telling you, when you do this work and you really become, like, radically honest and radically aware, it really can be life changing, because you can start to really understand yourself at a deeper level. So this is my homework for you. I hope when you are taking a bite of that thing, or maybe if you are getting strong enough to in the moment when you're sitting there and you're just thinking about it, you can actually say, what is really going on? Why is this so hard? Am I already doing hard things? Ask yourself all the questions that came up from this podcast. Have a great tuesday if you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food, I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching.com to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes you.