Reteaching Yourself How to Eat

The way you eat every day is very likely the way you were taught to eat growing up.  And it might not be helping you live in they body you want to live in.

Always finish your plate.  

What sounds good to you?  

If food is offered, you have to eat it or you are rude.....

All of these types of eating behaviors are very common, and you get to decide if they way you were taught to eat is helping or hurting you.

Enjoy!

Interested in working with me? Find my website here: https://courtneygraycoaching.com/workwithme

Transcript

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Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently, feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food, a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach, Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you. I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the podcast. 74 re teaching yourself how to eat. First of all, the weather is starting to get Sunny. I love this time of year because it makes me so excited for summer. It cannot be 90 degrees fast enough for me. I want to be in my pool. So I love that the weather is starting to slowly get warmer and warmer and warmer. Okay, what I am talking about today is re teaching yourself how to eat when it comes to you, changing you and how you do things and losing weight permanently and becoming the woman that can maintain it, the first step is always being aware of what isn't working. And so often, the way we eat as grown ass women is all based on how we were taught to eat as kids. And we don't even think about this. It's so interesting, right? Like the foundation of the person you are today was built when you were little. You were taught how to ride a bike. You were taught how to drive. You were taught about relationships and whether they're good or bad, and how to be in them and and whether they're safe or explosive, like your whole idea of relationships. We were taught of when we were young. We were taught when we were young how to spend money, whether money was something that was scarce or money was easy that that concept was taught to us by our parents or our guardians. We were taught how to do school, whether school was important, whether you're supposed to get straight A's, whether you should try hard, do your homework, not do your homework, whether you should respect teachers or authorities don't matter. I mean, all of that was taught to us when we were growing up sports, whether you wanted to play sports, whether you had to commit to a team and stick with stick with it, or whether you could start a team and then stop. And it didn't really matter. Our whole view of sports, whether you were supposed to practice just with your team or practice extra when you were home, all of those ideas were taught to us by someone. We were taught how to celebrate events, how to nurture ourselves when we were going through pain or distress. We were taught how to handle our emotions, or probably most of us were not taught how to handle our emotions. We most of us were probably taught to eat when we have any negative emotions. So what I want you to consider is how you were taught to eat. Whoever raised you taught you all these things, but they also taught you how to eat, what kind of food, what times a day is appropriate, how much food is appropriate, how little food is appropriate, how to eat food, fast, slow, standing up at a table in front of the TV. What times a day, what food means, whether food is like medicine or food is our band aids to put over emotions, or whether food is it doesn't matter. Or you know what food means, how important food is, whether you cook food or not. We were taught when we were young, whether you're supposed to cook or you're supposed to order in or you're supposed to grow it in your garden, whether you should buy organic or that maybe that doesn't matter. Should you have dessert every night? Were you raised that you should have dessert after every meal? All of these things, and I could go on and on and on, were taught to us growing up, just like everything else, our habits around what we put in our mouth were given to us as kids, and like so many other things, we can think back to what we were taught and decide if it serves us. This is this first level of awareness is always really important. It's interesting we think about as a society. There's this thing that's often joke joked around in movies and television shows about therapy, about how when you can. See this many times, this narrative of a therapist will say, Well, how were you raised? Or what did your parents say, or what happened when you're in your childhood? And then usually the person's like, Oh my God, please don't make me talk about my childhood. But man, the way we are today, so much of the way we move throughout the world, so much of the way we think and our beliefs, our deep seated beliefs, were given to us when we were kids, and it's now a beautiful thing. It's our job to be able to look at all of those thoughts and beliefs and question all of it. Question is this serving me? Answer A lot of those questions. What were you taught as a kid about food. How were you taught the way to eat so often when I'm working with a client, I will say, hey, when you that, that's an interesting way to think about things. Where did you learn that? Well, that's how we were raised. And I'll tell you, when this gets a little sticky, is for many of you, you possibly had a wonderful childhood and either had a great relationship with your parents or still have a great relationship with your parents. It doesn't necessarily mean that the way you were taught how to eat is serving you now, just because your parents are amazing doesn't mean you like what you learned about how to eat. And the beautiful thing is, now that you're an adult, you can change your thoughts on how you want to eat, even if you had the best childhood, wonderful parents, it doesn't mean the way you were eat is serving you now. So here are common ways of eating that with my clients, we uncover are really not serving them. And the cool thing is, is when they really realize, oh, this is how I was raised, then it really again, opens you up to be able to go, oh, no, shame that it's always been that way. But from Curiosity, can we figure out maybe why you were raised that way, like why your parents taught you that way? It's probably because that's how they were taught. And do you want to keep going with this way of eating, with this way of thinking, feeling and eating? And so here are some of the most common ways with my clients, I have heard they were taught to eat. And so see if you resonate with any of these. Were you taught to finish your plate? I was actually taught this by some wonderful parents, and I was taught this always growing up. It's kind of what you did. You finish your plate. Finish your plate. And also, what is very common is finish your plate or you don't get dessert. Interesting messaging, right? Finish your plate. It doesn't matter what your level of fullness is. It doesn't matter how you feel about what you're eating. You need to finish your plate, and you will be rewarded. I mean, can you see the crazy that has on your brain? How about this one? This is a big one. We don't throw away food. This is a tough one for a lot of my clients. And this also goes back to finishing your plate. It's like, not only do you have to finish your plate, but then we don't throw away food. So if you have extra cake, it's like, it's the perfect excuse for your primitive brain to go. You gotta finish it. We don't throw it away. I had a client once who it was months after a holiday. I can't remember what it was. Maybe it was Easter and it was months after, maybe a month after Easter, and she was like, Oh, I'm really struggling with the Easter candy that's left in my house. And she didn't even have any kids or anything in the house. But I said, What? And I actually was confused. I was like, because I am a thrower aware, a thrower aware. And so I said to her, Okay, wait a minute. Who is the candy for? She was always just for me and and I said, but you don't want to eat it. She goes, No, it really is kind of torturing me. And I said, Why are we not throwing the candy away? And it literally kind of stumped her. It was like she didn't even know. And I said, oh, and I said, you were probably raised in a house where you didn't throw away any food, even if it was candy, because it's still good, right? It's still good. And she was, yeah, we didn't do that. And I go, Well, permission granted to throw the candy away if it's calling to you and you don't want to eat it, you know, it's not serving your future self. You know, it's not going to get you where you are going. You know, it's really not healthy, and you really probably don't even like it that much. Then throw it away. And she was like, it had never occurred to me, is what she said, it was amazing. And so she threw it all away. And she's like, gosh, it just, it's literally, I have, it's not in my wiring to do that. So that was a really beautiful moment. So I encourage you, if you have that experience growing up where you don't throw things away, throw it away. I have so many clients too. This is a separate thing. I have so many clients who have all this food in their pantry, either from their kids that are still in home, or maybe from their grown kids, that when their kids come over, they bring chips and and licorice and all this kind of stuff, but then their kids leave because their kids don't live with them anymore, and this stuff just sits in the in their. Pantry, and they don't eat it all day until nine o'clock, and then they find themselves eating like, 10 Red Vines. And they're like, What am I doing? I don't even want to eat this. And when I say, throw it away. And they're like, what? And it's amazing, throw it away. And they're like, Yeah, but they're actually coming in two weeks. And I go then buy new Red Vines in two weeks. It is worth the investment of the 599 or however much the Red Vines is, it's worth the investment for you to have 10 days of peace, right? And when I say that, they're all, you're so right, I'm like, because, because, do you have the 599 is it a pro? Are you financially? And they're all, yes, it's no problem. We have all these primitive brain excuses. So it's like, Hey, throw the food away. Okay, were you taught to always decide what sounds good to you? This is another heavy hitter. It's that idea. I think of it as opening the fridge and going, what sounds good, and really what we're saying there is what will be a party in my mouth. And hey, hey, sometimes we want the party in our on our mouth, and it's no problem, but more often than not, we need to stop all the parties in our mouth. And when you're opening up the fridge or opening up the pantry and saying what sounds like it tastes good, oftentimes you're running from your primitive brain. You're seeking pleasure in the moment, and oftentimes that doesn't align with your future goals. How often do you open the pantry and say, Okay, what is going to get me to my goal? That doesn't hardly ever happen, right? But what if you became the woman that that happened more often than not? What if it was just one meal a day you thought, what is really going to serve my goal and get me towards my permanent weight loss, towards feeling better, sleeping better, all those things. Now this one wasn't said, but this one was alluded to, and I am guilty of this one with my own children, and so it wasn't said, but it's dessert solves all problems. And so I did this with my kids, and I have no regrets, because I think we've all kind of done this before, but I remember this one time I think I've talked about it on the podcast where my kids, the my twins, both ran for like, student body Council, like when they were in fifth grade and they ran against each other. I'm sorry. It's just so preposterous. They ran against each other and against one of their best friends, who was the most popular kid in the class, poor babies. Poor babies, when they both lost and they were almost in tears, they were in fifth grade, but they were still yo young boys. And I was like, You know what we need to do? We need to go get ice cream, right now, right? And so then we went to ice cream, and then we came home and they got they were processed some emotion with me, you know, but it was that whole, this is going to solve dessert is going to solve all the problems, not the end of the world. But do you still kind of think that in your own life, you know, if something bad happens, it's like, it makes me think of like you can think of many times in movies, a woman walks in the door and she's in a business suit, and she's like, exhausted, and she goes, I had a day. I need a glass of wine. We think that about alcohol, but we also think about that about dessert. It's like, almost like, Oh, my God, I'm I need something because, you know, I have a problem and it needs to be solved with food. I think that that's a narrative society holds. Were you taught that it's rude to say no to food when it's offered? This can be cultural. This can be just maybe, by your parents growing up, that you learned that if someone offers you food, it's rude to say no to it, you're gonna offend them, that by you saying no to the food, you are affecting someone else's feelings, and so you can't say no. And what about alcohol is bad? Were you taught alcohol is bad? Were you taught alcohol makes everything better? What are your thoughts, and did you learn them from when you were growing up? And are they serving you? Here's one, if it's homemade, it's healthy. Is it I have my are you if you can imagine me sitting here recording the podcast, I have my finger up to the side of the mouth. Is it healthy just because it's homemade? And here's another one, is it healthy just because it's organic or it's natural? Does that mean it's healthy? Does it doesn't mean it's healthy. Just because it's got some omegas. That's one that people, a lot of times, have learned from their childhood, and they're still thinking and possibly is not serving them. And here's the kicker, for a lot of people, food is love. A lot of us learned growing up that food is love. And for many I think that like food is like the sixth love language. You've heard of The Five Love Languages. For many people growing up, food was the sixth love language. And is that serving you? Do you kind of still feel that way, and if you have children, do. You raise them with any of these, and likely, if you were taught by your own upbringing these, you probably emulated that for your own children. So that's another way you can kind of diagnose where your thoughts are. And again, not from a place of shame or frustration or guilt or regret, but from a place of we're a grown ass woman now. Now do we want to reteach ourself? So the first step is always becoming aware of what isn't working, and then deciding if you want to reteach yourself, if it's not working for you, if you have a thought that is not serving you, let's change the thought. How do you want to think differently about the way you were raised in terms of your eating, in terms of what food means, in terms of the connection between food and love. Have a great Tuesday. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food, I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching comm to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes. You.