Eating well.......Eating well.......Eating well........FUCK IT

This is so common.  Eating well......eating well.....eating well.....and then getting the "fuck it's".

I am diving into why this happens, and how you can prepare yourself for when it comes in the future.

We are talking about emotional Eating, weight loss, Identifying your triggers, willpower, and more, enjoy!

Courtney

Interested in working with me? Find my website here: https://courtneygraycoaching.com/workwithme

Transcript

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Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently, feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food, a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach, Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you. I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the podcast. Episode 76 eating, well, eating, well, eating well and fuck it. That's what we're talking about here today. How many of us have been there before? I think it's pretty common. So we're gonna dive in. It is going to be a rainy weekend here in Chico, California. Oh, can you hear the dread in my voice? But what is making me really happy is it's gonna be 85 next week. I love me the hot weather. And then I even see, like, in over a week, I see a 91 oh yeah, let's go. I'm very, very excited about it. So let's dive into the podcast. Have you noticed this in your life? Have you noticed I feel like most of us have done this, where we do this. I mean, I was trying to figure out what to name this podcast, but I was like, I want people to know what they're going to get from the podcast. I want to be very clear when someone sees the title, I want them to either resonate or not resonate. And I thought it really is what we're talking about, is when you eat well, eat well, eat well, and then you get the fuck it's and what I have seen many times, after coaching so many women, what is extremely common, especially in the beginning of when they're working with me and they're working on really changing their habits and changing the way they think, and changing their eating and all the things is that we use a lot of willpower, so we're going to talk about willpower in a minute. But what happens is we kind of can corral ourself into eating well for a time being like so let's the best. The best way to describe this is either thinking about a weekend or a vacation. Weekends are tough for people. Sometimes vacations are too let's just focus on talking about a weekend as an example. Maybe weekends are tough for you, and so you're really trying to eat better on the weekends, and so maybe you're like, doing well, you made a plan for yourself. You're listening to the podcast, you're you're loving if you're one of my clients, you're like, in the portal, watching the video. So you're like, trying to flood your life with all this work, and you're really trying to do well, and you have your plan, and you're ready to go, and you're talking to yourself, you're pumping yourself up. I love it. And so let's say you do well, like Saturday afternoon, you do well. Let's say you even get yourself you do Saturday you go out Saturday night. Not only do you eat well, but you even have fun, which is also very important for many, many people, they feel like if they eat well, quote, unquote, whatever well is for them that it's not quite as fun. So let's say you go out Saturday night and you actually have a good time. Maybe you're one of my clients, and you're really following along with the idea of being in the moment and having it not necessarily be about the food, which is a beautiful thing. And so then Sunday afternoon, you're do you do well again? And you're like, oh my god, I'm so proud of myself. And then all the sudden, something happens. It's like a switch turns over Sunday night, and you, all of a sudden, are like, You know what? Fuck it. And not fuck it like, Fuck everything, but in that moment, you have what I call the fuck it's and so it sounds like this. It's almost kind of like the story changes from, I can do this, I can do this. I'm doing it. All of a sudden, the story changes to, this is my last chance, like, for the weekend, or maybe this is my last chance for the food, whatever that food is, or I did so well. I'm so proud of myself. I deserve this, especially if you're coming back to life that's going to be healthy eating. I remember this happened to me one time on a camping trip. This was a long time ago, before I really was deep into this work, before I changed my habits, before I changed my self concept, before I really was in control. And we went on like a four day camping trip, and I ate good the way I had wanted to the whole time, until all of a sudden, it was literally the last day. And I think we were actually packing up. It was legit the last day. And. The camping trip. And I literally, all of a sudden, I said, Fuck it. And there was, like, I think there were from our s'mores situation. There were literally, like two candy bars left, and I threw one away, and before I threw the other one, I opened it, and I took half of it, and I just shoved it in my mouth. So common, so common. It's almost kind of like for me in that moment. It was fuck it, but it was also, this is my last chance, because here's the thing I did well the whole camping trip, and I knew when I went home I was gonna continue doing well, right? I wasn't going home to a pantry filled with chocolate bars and and graham crackers. I knew there was none of that at home, so there really was, this is my last chance I've done so well fuck it. And I ate half of that chocolate bar, and then really, five minutes later, I was like, What in the hell is going on? Why do I always do that? And I've told my clients many times before that, I liken it to like when you watch the nature channel and you watch Shark Week, right? My dad and I used to watch Shark Week sometimes, and when you see the the Great White come up out of the water to grab a seal, and its eyes roll back, and they it only shows the whites of their eyes. I'm sure it's some protective thing, but it's almost like there's this. It probably isn't happening with the shark, but I always thought of it as like an unconsciousness and that's what happened to me. I threw one of the chocolate bars away, I opened the other and I really just went completely unconscious, and I ate it as fast as I could. And I really believe that the reason why a lot of times we eat very fast when we are getting the fuck it's is because we don't want to coach ourselves. We don't want, first of all, anyone to see what we're doing. And we don't want our prefrontal cortex, the real us, to step in and say, What are you doing? Girl, what do you do? We don't want that. We want to just seek as much pleasure in the moment as possible. So let me be clear, this common trigger, this is a trigger to eat well, eat well, eat well, and then get the fuck it, especially if you're coming to the end of, like a long weekend or even a short weekend, or a vacation or a road trip. This, it's probably a phenomenon. I don't know what makes something a phenomenon, but I really think it is. This is such a common trigger for so many people, it does not fully go away. This is not a bad thing. I don't want you to get discouraged, but I still have this. And this is me always being radically honest with you. This is me going against the grain, and from what a lot of other coaches and a lot of programs act like you are gonna hit a place in your life where you never want a chocolate bar again if you like chocolate bar, so you never want a piece of bread if you like bread, and that's never going to happen, but you can get so much more peace around it, so much more comfort, comfortable and So much more confident. The difference between me now and then that girl that was camping years ago, is I manage it? Well, first of all, let me back up. The biggest difference is I know it's coming when I'm coming into the last day of a fun filled weekend. I know it's coming when I am on vacation. And I'm coming into the last day of vacation, I know it's coming. When I am on a long road trip, it is coming, and so I manage it. So like, for you, like, it's possible you haven't realized this is a thing. So I'm so glad you're here. The first thing is realizing, Oh, my God I'm resonating with what Courtney is saying that totally happens to me? Beautiful. Now really dive into your mind. Does this happen every weekend? Does it happen when you're doing certain things with your weekend? Does it happen around certain people? Does it happen if you restrict too much? A lot of my clients they really are so used to going on diets, it's the only time they've seen real weight loss in the past. And so sometimes they get a little too restrictive, and I have to remind them, there's no reason we have to be totally restrictive, because oftentimes, if we are really, really restrictive, it's like, eat, well, eat, well, eat, well, I should even say it's eat perfect. Eat perfect. Eat perfect. And then you get the fuck it's so what is really going on with you? Really dive into your resonating. But really dive into how this shows up for you in your life. So the difference for me now, the difference for my clients now, is they manage it. I stay on the path even when my brain is telling me to give in most of the time, and it usually is the last day. Let me give you an example. I was on a long road trip with my husband coming back from visiting our son, about five and a half hours away in college, and we were on the long road trip, and I said to myself, Courtney, you know, you it's just a little bit of a hey, heads up. We know what's coming. So that's step number one. A trigger is coming. Courtney, prepare yourself. All of a sudden, we're probably the last hour of the trip, and my husband's like, I have to use the restroom. And so the fastest. Place. We usually go to Starbucks, but we were, you know, we were COVID out, and so we stopped at McDonald's. I don't eat McDonald's. Like, I mean, probably the last time I ate McDonald's was, like, seven years ago. Even if I'm going to eat fast food, it wouldn't be McDonald's. But all of a sudden I came out and he had gotten some McDonald's, which is no problem for him. It's no problem, no judgment. He hardly ever. He's a very healthy guy. Hardly ever eats it, eats it. So I had no judgment of him. But he goes, Do you want to get something? And my brain did go, Hmm, I mean, when are you going to get McDonald's again? Because there's Permission granted. If your husband has already gotten McDonald's, there's permission granted there. So my brain did tell me you could. He wouldn't care. It wouldn't matter mine as well. But I knew it was coming, and so when it came, I was like, nope, but did I have a moment of that? Sure would taste good. A milkshake, a vanilla milkshake from McDonald's, sure would taste good. Six piece chicken nugget, sure, probably would taste good. I think I'm so far from it now that I don't know how much I would want it, but I'm sure I could have found some kind of delicious milkshake or something that I could have rationalized and that would have tasted good. So the difference now it's not that I don't want any of the food. The difference now is I know it's coming, and I decide, oh yeah, that would sound good, but it's a no if you're finding that you do this, if you're finding that you eat well, eat well, eat well, and then actually say, Fuck it to yourself, and actually eat whatever it is you're wanting, like me and the chocolate bar when I was camping, it's probable that there is work to be done. I believe we're in a never ending process of having the potential to elevate our life. I believe we're always learning. I think it's the reason why, why we're alive. But it's probable that there's more work to be done, the work to really change you, to understand your triggers, to understand your emotional eating, to change your self concept, to become the woman that can all of a sudden say oh, you know what. You deserve. It. You've had, you've eaten good all weekend, and to become the woman that goes, I hear you primitive brain, but we're going to stick to the plan. So let's talk for a moment about willpower, and really like the difference between willpower and becoming the woman who is just in control of her eating most of the time, because willpower can work to resist temptations, but after a while, it's just not sustainable. Research shows willpower is like a muscle that can be fatigued when you keep using it over and over. So for some of you, for you, you might be at the when you finally get to fuck it. It might be because you are holding so tightly to willpower. It's because maybe you don't know, maybe you have not been through the process of understanding your brain, of understanding your triggers, understanding your emotional eating, being able to really want something and sit with that desire and process it through, but yet choose you what you want more, but it's possible for you that you are using willpower, and willpower doesn't last. There is a thing called, you know, willpower fatigue. There is a thing called decision fatigue, and it after a while, it just gets hard when you're doing it over and over, when you're making decisions, making decisions, making decisions. You hit a wall when you're using willpower, willpower, willpower, your you hit a wall. So when there's willpower there, it tells us there's still conflict. There's still not a higher level of understanding of your brain, understanding of your emotions, understanding what's really going on with you, and you have not fully really changed you yet. You've really not stepped into the new self concept of being the person that is in control. So again, it doesn't mean that your brain's not going to try to tell you, fuck it. You deserve a treat. If you're one of my clients and you're hearing this and you're like, Oh, my brain still does tell me that my brain does too, but how you respond lets us know where your level of control is at. If you are having to use a lot of willpower, you are probably hitting a wall and getting the fuck it's and not able to control yourself. I want to make a distinction between using willpower and having the ability to feel in control, because this is very different than just wanting something. Just because you feel in control does not mean that you don't want something. You can want something feel the desire for it and remind yourself that you're committed to not having it and continue on eating the way you want to eat, eating the way that supports your life, but willing yourself to not eat a brownie at a party when you're there for three hours is quite different than thinking, Oh, that looks really good. But you know what, I'm really it's okay that I kind of want it, but what I really. Want to do is just sit here and allow the wanting of it, because what I really want is to sleep well and to feel well and to be proud of myself and to keep on with my goals. Very different. Very, very different. I had a client tell me last night, it was so wonderful. She's worked with me for a few months now, and she just hit a new low. She just hit a new low that she has not seen in a very long time, a new low in her weight. And she said, I'm surprised that this is now becoming so much less of a struggle, and I'm not dieting. She goes, I just if you would have told me this a few years ago, I would have been like, it's not possible. And she says, but this is getting easier and easier and easier to me, what this means is she's not having to use willpower anymore. She's changing her she's changed her habits, and it's becoming just who she is. That's why it's getting easier when you're start changing who you are by doing this work, understanding your emotions, feeling in control, allowing the desire without eating when you change you it does get easier. You don't have to sit there and hold, hold, hold with willpower any longer. I always want to speak to what I am talking about in an educated way, so I did a little bit of research on willpower, and I found this fascinating, and I'm going to tell you before I even read it. I disagree. Okay, I disagree so. Let me read this to you. If your life requires willpower, you haven't fully determined what you want, because once you make a decision, the internal debate is over. As Michael Jordan has said, once I made a decision, I never thought about it again. After you decide what you want, the decision is made. Thus all future decisions regarding that matter have also been made. No questions. So are you serious about this, or are you just talking? Are you still on the fence? Or have you decided, until you decide you will be required to use willpower and will continue making minimal progress if you are truly committed to something in your mind, it is as though you've already succeeded. All doubt and disbelief are gone. I disagree. It sounds amazing, and I love me some. Michael Jordan, I 100% disagree. I feel like I'm extremely disciplined. I make very powerful decisions in my life quite often, and I still have doubt. I still question it, I still worry that I'm gonna get the results I want I still fail and go off the beaten path and have to come back like reading this, for some reason, makes me so emotional. I know what it is. I'll tell you why it makes me emotional, because reading this, I think, makes people feel like there's something wrong with them. This is the kind of shit I used to read, and I would think, why can't I just decide maybe I don't want it bad enough? Which, what does that say to us? That's shame. It tells us that we don't want it bad enough, or we would be doing a good job. And it's just not true. It's not true, especially when it comes to food. When it comes to food, we're now talking about dopamine. We're talking about habits. We're talking about addictions. We're talking about pleasure. We're talking about being wired to live seeking pleasure in a world that has too much pleasure available. Kind of surprised me that I got so emotional. But I think this is the kind of stuff that people read and they tell themselves, there's something wrong with me, and it's not fair. If you're truly committed to something in your mind, it's still going to be hard sometimes. That's why you'll always hear me say 95% of the time I eat well, 95% of the time I make a plan of follow through, and then 5% of the time something is going wrong in my life, and I emotionally eat because I'm a fucking human being. But here's what I will tell you right now, if you do this work, you can get to a place where 95% of the time you are living, from a place of your truth, from a place of trusting yourself, from a place of becoming the woman who feels confident and in control. And then the 5% of the time you'll eat in a way that doesn't serve you, and you'll get right back on track. And you'll put your hand on your chest and you'll say, Oh, wow, that was really hard, and I'm a human being, and you'll talk to yourself the way you talk to someone or some animal or some someone you love. None of this is perfect. This read that I just read to you says, if you're. Really dedicated if you've decided you're going to be perfect, and that's not fucking true. Michael Jordan is an extraordinary human being that messes up. I'm going to disagree. If Michael Jordan were in front of me, I'd say, Michael Jordan, you're amazing, and you've done amazing things, but you don't get it right every time. And I disagree. Once you made a decision, you never thought about it again, I'm gonna disagree. So when it comes to the last day of your vacation or a long weekend, when you've done well, you've done well, you've done well, be ready to get the fuck it's be ready to have your brain go, you've done a really good job. You now deserve a treat. Be ready for your brain to say that's the last Cadbury egg, and then Easter is officially over. You might as well have it, because tomorrow they're not going to be available. First of all, anytime your brain says that's not going to be available with the amount of availability in our culture right now, you can always call bullshit on that thought Cadbury eggs are available in December, and if you were unaware of that, it's a thing called Amazon. So when it comes to the last day of your vacation or a long weekend, and your primitive brain starts telling you you deserve it, or you've done well, or this is your last chance, does this mean you've not made a decision. Does this mean you're not serious? Does this mean you just don't want it enough? No, it means you're human, and you have a part of your brain that's only job is to make you happy right now, that part of your brain does not care how you look in your swimsuit, and your job is to get good at understanding what's really going on, understanding your brain, your emotions, your triggers, and redirecting to what you truly want. And then this becomes the new you, and this takes practice. This is the process I teach my clients. Join me for a consult. If I can help you do this work. If you want to become the woman that lives differently, feels differently, you deserve it. Have a great Tuesday. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food, I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching.com to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes you.