Don't Let Your Partner Derail Your Goals

Do you ever stick to your plan until your partner decides THEY will indulge?  

Or do you eat what you had planned until they ask if you want them to make you a hot fudge sundae?

This is so common, you are not alone.

Today, I am talking about how to become the woman who sticks to her plan, no matter what your partner does, says, or suggests.

It is possible!  I will teach you how.

Interested in my Ready for Change Group Experience?  Click here: https://mailchi.mp/9d0ed9efd940/readyforchange

Click here for all the details of my July Coaching Experience....Ready for Change: https://mailchi.mp/courtneygraycoaching/julyreadyforchange

Transcript

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Music. Welcome to Modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently, feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food, a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach, Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you. I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the podcast. Episode 78 don't let your partner derail your goals. I might be laughing through this podcast. I don't know why I'm in a giggly mood. I've been working all day, and it's like six o'clock at the very end of a long but wonderful day, and I when I was choosing which podcast to do for you, I just started laughing, thinking about, like, the truth and what I'm going to talk about, and how it's funny, but yet, it's a powerful conversation, because this is so common. I can't tell you how many women I have walked through becoming the woman that can like, stick to her eating plan, even when her partner is eating in a way that is making them desire different foods, or whether their partner is literally coming over and like plopping food into their lap, and sometimes, sometimes they try to derail us. And I don't think it's ever out of ill will, or anything like that. But we're gonna talk about it. We're gonna dive in, and I might have the giggles. I apologize, but first of all, let me tell you, I have something that I'm going to talk about at the end of the podcast that I'm really, really excited about. I have a new program for the month of June that is going to be it's the first time I've ever created a program like this, and it is weight loss, but even more than just weight loss. So towards the end of the podcast, I'll kind of give you all the details on that program. And of course, there is a link in the show notes, if you want to see all the details and get the price and the dates and all that, I would love, love to have you join me. If you're loving the podcast, you will at least want to check it out and see if it's something you're interested in. So this is so common. You decide, you commit, you go all in, baby on wanting to lose weight, get healthier, get stronger, do the whole thing up level your life and your body, right? And you know what your partner is in too. See, I'm just laughing already. So often, when my clients make the decision to go all in on themselves in any way, their partners are thrilled for them, because so many of my clients have wonderful, supportive partners, but they're also like, you know what? I'm gonna do it too. I don't know why I'm laughing so much today, guys, it's so funny because he or she, I'll probably say he a lot in terms of husbands, but I know there's wives out there as well. They think it's a great idea, and they love you, and they want you to be healthy, and they know it'll make you happy. So they're all in but then they're like, You know what? I'm gonna do it too, which actually is an amazing idea. I mean, I love everything about it, except sometimes they're all in until they aren't. And oftentimes with my clients, what happens is my clients are all in because they're working with me, and they're meeting with me every week, and they have access to all my teaching videos, and they are journaling every day, and they're deep into this work, but their partners are just like in the background, kind of just winging it, and that's why I think they're all in until they aren't. And the problem is is you've hitched your wagon to the wrong horse. Okay, what I want for you is to hit your wagon to your own damn horse if your partner wants to follow along, beautiful. But I want to encourage you to think of it, not so much as a partnership, but as like two boats floating down the river together. One of you might want to pull off to the side and sunbathe for a few hours or a few a few days before you get back in the boat and start paddling in the right direction again. You just keep on going. Sister and if they decide to pull off and sunbathe or have a cock. Tail or play guitar. You let them be in every area of your life. I get it. You guys want to be on the same page all that, yes, but I want you to get good at trusting you, at making your own decisions, making your own plans. And if they decide to join you, that's great. You can let them join, but do not wait for them to stick to the plan. Do not wait for them to learn how to trust themselves. So then you can be inspired and say, well, then I'll do it too. It's almost kind of like there's this subconscious permission granted to do whatever they're doing. Permission granted to eat healthy tonight, and then Permission granted. Let's not worry about it, because it's Friday night. So here's the breakdown. What happens is sometimes we want their accountability. We want them to make it easier on us, to not eat the things. And let me tell you, it is easier. It is so much easier if you are with someone in a relationship, with someone who is eating healthier, 100% but if we are waiting for them to make good choices all the time, we are hitching our wagon to them being the horse. And what I want you to do is, I want you to get good at trusting yourself despite what they're doing. What I want for you is to not need them in this way. And first of all, let this can be a secret. You don't have to tell them we had this conversation. You can just literally become the woman that is strong and resolute and has made up her mind, and you can let them have their own thoughts about it. Because again, even when I do think they're derailing you in some way, I don't think they have ill will. I think what they're doing is kind of the same thing as you doing. It's like we both want, we want someone to say, let's go get ice cream, because that's what we really want. And if they say it, it's like Permission granted. And then at the same time, we want them to stay strong, because then it'll make it easier for us to stay strong. But if we are putting all our eggs in their basket, itching our wagon to their horse, we're giving up all our control. So I promise you, if I ate every time my husband ate, if I ate everything my husband ate, if I had dessert or alcohol, every time my husband did, I would be twice the size I am now, and I spent years basically asking for reassurance that it was okay to have dessert, even though I wanted to lose weight, and having dessert, that dessert threw me over my calorie limit for the day. So often I would just be sitting there going, Oh, in my mind, I want dessert. I want dessert. Oh, my God, life is too short. It's five o'clock like I started going crazy. And then I'd say to my husband, oh, I want to make cookies, but I shouldn't. And he'd go, Oh my God, you look amazing. Yeah, make cookies. I want cookies too. And then I'd be like, Oh, he's right. Life is too short. Cookies don't matter. I look fine. And then again, afterwards, I'd be like, Oh my god, what have I done? I wanted him to tell me that, and he did at a deeper, deeper level. I really didn't want him to say that. What I would have loved is him to say, Courtney, I know that. You know that. I think you look amazing, but you really want to lose weight. This is really important to you. You have this vision in your head, and you need to stay strong. What do you need from me? I mean, that would have been absolutely amazing, but that didn't my husband is is amazing, but that didn't happen. My husband's like, do whatever you want, right? So for a while, I would say, a few years, I was waiting for him to act in a way like a in a very like he's eating healthy way for me, just to tag along, until I realized one day, no no, I gotta. I gotta do this on my own if he wants to follow along and eat well, after me, great. I'm gonna make a really healthy dinner. If you want some, there's more than enough for you. But I'm not going to let you call the shots here, and that can be hard for some of you, especially if you're in a relationship where they kind of do call the shots in this way. Maybe they're the ones that make dinner. Maybe they're the ones that usually go grocery shopping. Maybe they're the ones that kind of have always decided on dinner, and you find yourself just kind of going along. This might be something you need to change. You might need to become a what. You might need to become a woman that starts saying, Hey, this is what I want to have. And that can be a pretty amazing experience to start actually voicing that, hey, this is what I want to do. If your partner supports you, amazing, but I want you to support you. I want you to support you. I don't want your partner's bad day turning to food influencing your day, and then you turning to food because they've granted permission through their actions. What I see so often is our partner is our main support system, beautiful, but then they're also the main person that asks you if you want a bowl of ice cream, or hey, do you want some Hershey's Kisses? Or maybe they'll even like, throw a baby. Snickers like in your lap. It's very, very interesting. It's almost like they know that it really does make you happy because you love all that junk food, but it really doesn't help. So I don't want you to wait for them to stop doing this, although you can certainly ask nicely. I want for you to become so damn powerful that it doesn't matter what they do in this way, like you've got your back. You decide what you will and you will not eat, and although you share a life together, it doesn't mean that you always have to eat the same food together. So here's a pretty important question you can ask yourself, do you think they know how important this is to you? Do you think they know how painful it is and how much time you spend ruminating about the body you're in? Do you think they know how painful it is to not be in the body that you want? Do you think they know how painful it is to be ruminating and constantly thinking about food and your body and losing weight, and shouldn't I? And shouldn't I? And life's too short, and I need to get my act together. Do you think they know, because they might not do they know that you're not really living the way you want to be living. They might not know, and that's the reason for, I think, a powerful conversation. Can you say, Hey, listen, I know that you think I look great, and I'm so grateful for that, because you make me feel beautiful, but I want to feel like I'm beautiful, and I want to feel healthier. I want to feel more empowered and in control. And so here's what you can do to support me, but if they fall back into old ways where they're kind of doing things to derail you, can you continue to be the woman to make the choice that's best for you? You can this is part of the process of you changing you. This really is a self concept shift, right? It takes you from going, Oh, I if he eats healthier, it makes it easier on me, which I get it, but it takes you from that space of, oh, my gosh. I hope he makes a good decision, because then it'll make it easier for me to make it a good decision, to a place where you say, this is what I'm eating. If you'd like to call follow suit, you're more than welcome, but this is what I am eating, and we do not have to share this part of our journey together. I do not need to always be influenced by what you are eating. I have worked with so many clients through this because so many clients are really influenced by what their partner eats and by what their partner allows in their own life. And I would encourage you to become a powerful woman that really goes at this alone. Well, not alone necessarily. Join my program that'll help, but alone in terms of you might be the only one in your home doing this and cannot be okay. And I think you'll find that when you start even just acknowledging, oh yes, my partner has I've allowed them to derail me in the past, but I no longer want to let that happen. Even the awareness of it happening can be like, Oh, that can be a trigger for me when my partner eats this way. So I just even the knowing of it can really help you get stronger in the moment. Okay, so I'm excited to talk a little bit about a new program I have created that I'm really excited about. I've never created a program like this before. So it is a one month coaching experience for the month of June. It is a group coaching experience, and enrollment is open right now. There's a link in the link on the website. There is a link in the show notes to get all the details about this program, this experience. It's going to be called ready for change, and it really is, for women who are ready for change, ready to see results, ready to become a woman who lives differently. I have coached hundreds of women now, and there is a process to creating real change that actually lasts, and it can be a powerful and transformation process. And really, within this process, it there are so many components. I'm just going to kind of give you some of what you're going to get in this program. You're going to get clear on what you truly desire for your body and for your life. And so for you, this might be weight loss. For you, this might be eating better or eating in a certain way. For you, it might be getting stronger or being more consistent with your workouts. Or maybe you're at an amazing point in your life where you're kind of entering into a new chapter. And there are some decisions to be made, and you want to think bigger about what is possible for your life. And you're like, Okay, well, I'm gonna make some changes. Maybe you're retiring, maybe you're changing jobs, maybe you maybe you have a diagnosis, and there are just, there's something new in your life, and you want to make changes. I will teach you how to get clear on. What you truly want, there will be strategy and support to help you make this change that you want to make. I'm going to teach you how to set a powerful 27 day goal, because when we start in the fourth there's going to be 27 more days in this program and actually achieve it. And I'm going to teach you my process to change your self concept and your habits. That's what makes change stick. Is by you changing you. You hear me say that all the time, you changing you. That really is your self concept, what you think about yourself, what you believe is possible for you. It can be changed. It's a beautiful thing. I'm going to teach you how to believe bigger for your life. So often we are trapped in the past, when we're thinking about what's possible for our future, but we want to actually think bigger for our future and start to take action from that clarity that we have for the future. In this group, I'm going to teach you how to move forward even when you have doubt and fear and insecurity and worry and all of that so many people are waiting for any of these negative emotions to go away before they take a step. And I promise you, girl, that's not gonna happen. So I'm gonna teach you how. I'm gonna teach you how to create a powerful morning routine that really supports this change you want to make. You will be amazed at how creating a more powerful morning routine sets your day up, and this is this is not a routine that I'm going to say. This is what you have to do. We are going to curate it to your own life, and it doesn't even take longer than 10 minutes. We're going to create a powerful morning routine. I'm going to teach you how to understand and use your brain to create the change that you want to make. I'm going to teach you how to achieve a goal without being perfect, how to be accountable to yourself and not your partner, and how to trust yourself, how to flood your life and practice new strategies that maybe you have heard about and that sound like a great idea, but we're gonna get you to actually do The work. I'm going to teach you how to fall and get back on track, because you don't have to do this perfect. And I'm going to teach you how to be intentional and focus on what you want. Let me talk for a minute about what you actually get, like the tangible. So this June coaching experience is is going to include four group coaching calls with me over zoom, so it does not matter where you live in the world. I love me some international ladies. Doesn't matter where you live. You can join us over zoom, you will receive a custom digital workbook that I created just for this program, and it will guide you through the month of June. It includes daily journal prompts as well as like weekly curriculum worksheets. So as I'm teaching, you can dive into your own brain and follow along. As I'm teaching, you will get one private coaching call with me, in addition to the four group coaching calls and that, we're going to do that early on in June to really get you clear on the change you want to make, and set a custom plan to get you there, because this is all customized to you. This is not a hey, this is how I want you to live for the month of June, and then in July, you go back to your old life. No, this is you taking a hard, beautiful, intricate look at your life and saying, what changes do I want to make that work with my life? Right? Each one of you will be different, so we're going to customize it to you. The program also includes access to my curriculum portal, where I create custom teaching videos specific to this group, and you'll receive a login, and you'll be able to log in anytime and watch the videos. And that's also where I will put the replays, because there will be replays of each call. If you can't make one of the group coaching calls, you can easily watch the replay. And then the last thing I'm really excited about is I am going to be creating a private vision boarding workshop. I'm so excited about it. I love a vision board, and I have always wanted to teach a vision boarding workshop, whether you do it just on Pinterest, or you actually create a real life vision board. I'm really, really excited vision boards. It makes me feel like something I did when I was in college, but, like, I just made one. I think it was last year with my sister, and it's in my office, and I look at it every day, and it's amazing. And I'll tell you, what's amazing is when you're looking at your vision board and you starting to go, Oh my God, I've done that. Oh my god, I've created that. It's absolutely amazing. I would love to have you join us. There is a link in the show notes to join. There is a link on my website to join. And it is going to be a powerful month of June that really is going to cultivate a new self concept in you. And when you up level yourself. Concept you up level what you believe is possible, and you have the courage and the confidence to create an even more amazing life for yourself. So if you are hearing this and you are thinking, Yes, it is time, and it's time that I actually do this in a permanent. Lasting, changing way, and join me for this ready for change coaching experience for the month of June. Let's go oh and have a great Tuesday. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food, I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching.com to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes you.