3 Sneaky Thoughts that are Keeping You Stuck

My intention is that you hear one or all three of these sneaky thoughts and you realize that they have been keeping you stuck!

Brilliant!  Once you become aware of them, you have the power to decide not to listen to these thoughts.

Last week, I helped multiple clients uncover these sneaky thoughts, and I showed them how they were staying stuck because of them.

These three are truly sneaky because they don't sound that bad.  They sound like the truth.

Let's dive into the absolute truth!

Click here for all the details of my July Coaching Experience....Ready for Change: https://mailchi.mp/courtneygraycoaching/julyreadyforchange

Transcript

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Foreign Welcome to Modern body, modern life. The podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach, Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you, I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the podcast. Episode 82 three sneaky thoughts that are keeping you stuck, stuck at a weight. You don't want to be stuck in, let's just, let's just go deeper. Stuck in a job you don't want to be in, stuck in a relationship. You don't want to be in, stuck in not taking your workouts to the next level, stuck in the same old habits and routines. So this is going to be one of those podcasts that applies to every area in your life. It's going to be a good one. They all are, aren't they? Aren't they? I love this podcast. Is so fun. So right now, my son is home from college, so I have all three of my boys, not all three at home, but all three here in the in my hometown, which is so fun, having all three of them, and my youngest is here at the house with us, and I feel like I'm always on injury watch with him. And when I say injury watch, I mean my own injury watch, because he likes to pick me up and throw me around like I'm some kind of rag doll, which, because he's very he's my wrestler, and he's very strong, and he likes to he likes to show off his strength by throwing his mom around the house. So I'm like, on injury. Watch every time. I'm all be careful with me. Be careful with me. And even my husband. My husband is like, be careful with her. Be careful with her. It's so fun. So this has been a really, really fun month. So we started the ready for change experience last week. I'm so excited to be working with these women. If you are in that group, shout out to you. I've been thinking about you all week. I've already met with each of the women. Last week was a lot of coaching, so I met with each of these women that are in the group, because they all got a private one on one call with me, and we made sure they are all totally clear on where they're headed and the change they want to make, and we created a goal that is going to help them create that change in their life, and they have journaling to do every day. It is a really powerful month for these women, and I'm just really, really excited to be leading them through such a powerful month that is going to change their body and their life. So it's really fun. I'm excited to be working with them. I'm also creating a free workshop that is going to be live me teaching over zoom at the end of June. It is called Stop evening snacking. I think it's on June 26 there is a link in the show notes. There's also a link on my website, Courtney Gray coaching.com, and so, yeah, I'm going to be talking about stop evening snacking. I always do different things with my free workshops, but I'm telling you with my clients, whether they're in my group or private clients, evening snacking is, uh, it is the bane of most people's existence. But the beautiful thing is, if you're like, oh yes, eating like the in the evenings, whether it's right before dinner or whether it's after dinner, or I have some clients that are saying they'll actually get out of bed and go eat. So for me, that all encapsulates evening snacking. For many, many people, the more hundreds and hundreds of people I work with, I'm realizing, for I want to say, like 90% of people, when we fix that, you can lose the weight you want to lose, and live in a more controlled, fabulous body life for so many people, breakfast is easy and lunch is easy, and maybe they snacking and snacking in between meals. It's easier. It's an easier cleanup. When someone says, Oh, I really snack in between breakfast and lunch, I'm like, Oh, this is going to be easy, right? To work with them, but when I can really fix helping people stop snacking in the evening and making a plan and sticking to it, it can change your life, I promise you. So this workshop is free, the links everywhere, and join me. I can't wait. It's going to be awesome. So I'm excited to deliver this podcast today, because there are three sneaky thoughts that are coming up a lot this last week with my clients, our thoughts create our lives. You've heard me say this so many times, the way we think about things, our beliefs, is what actually makes us feel a certain way. It's it determines what we do. It determines the action we take. It determines the behavior we do. It it determines what we don't do through. Out our day, and we know that the way we live our lives every single day stacks up to our weeks, our months, our years. And so these sneaky thoughts, really this last week, came up multiple times with clients. So I thought, Oh, I had another podcast planned, but I'm Oh no, no. We're talking about the three sticky thoughts that are really keeping people stuck. And these have all three of these thoughts have kept me stuck in the past. And there's one that kind of creeps in there, I'll tell you when I get into it. There's one that sometimes creeps in there for me still, but now I'm very aware, and I'm like, oh, there it is. When my clients are living their lives and they're going about their days, and they don't necessarily know that these are their thoughts. This is the power of coaching. This is a power of working with me. Is I help you figure out your excuses, your reasons, and these sneaky thoughts that you don't even necessarily know that are there, and we uncover them, and you see how they're keeping you stuck. You see that when you have one of these thoughts, it makes you feel kind of discouraged or apathetic, and then you don't live the way you want to live. And it's so fun when I can, I can uncover one of these thoughts for my clients, and they're like, Oh my God, you're totally right. I didn't even know Yes, and now they can be on the lookout for that thought. So the thing that's interesting about some of these sneaky thoughts is they're pretty habitual. If you resonate with one of these, you will find that that one probably comes to you often, and we can rewire our brain to stop putting so much trust in these thoughts. The thoughts are still going to be there. I didn't say stop the thoughts, but we can have the thoughts be there, and then you can go, oh, there it is. You don't listen to it. Even though it's there, you don't act from it. You don't believe it. And it really does kind of lessen the the the neural pathway in your brain, because you choose another thought to think instead, and then you choose that thought, you feel from that thought, and then you take action from that thought and create new results in your life. So the first thought I'm going to give you that has been so common for my clients this week is one that also sometimes my primitive brain gives to me. It doesn't matter. And here's a different flavor. It's not important. It seems so harmless. It doesn't seem like a mean way to talk to ourselves. It doesn't seem like a thought that we should think, ooh, that thought is not serving us. But I am telling you, it is a thought that is not serving you, especially if you have decided that it does matter. If you are listening to this podcast, you have decided that there are things about your body and life that you want to change, therefore they matter to you. But if you're like me, right around, talking about eating in the evenings, right around three or four o'clock, all of a sudden, your primitive brain is going to tell you that it really doesn't matter. Or maybe it's a flavor of it's not important. Or we'll do this first, or it's just one bite, or there's not a lot of calories, or it's just one point. So whatever the flavor of it doesn't matter. I want you to find that if you resonate with this, so the thought doesn't come up when you're deeply in line with what you truly desire. If you are in my ready for change program and you are doing your daily journaling in the morning, the thought doesn't present itself there because you are telling yourself there. This matters to me. I love being in this program. This is the work I'm loving. It feels so empowering. So you're not going to have it. It doesn't matter, because your daily journaling, what you're doing is you're telling yourself it does matter. It's going to come up later in the day when there's a longer distance between you and that journaling, and all of a sudden your neighbor comes over and says, Oh my gosh, I just made zucchini muffins, and you had decided not to have any kind of baked goods. Right now, all of a sudden you're going to be like, Oh, it doesn't matter. I don't want to hurt their feelings. Oh, it's just one time. It's zucchini season. All of the flavor of it's really not that important. It comes at 8pm when you feel a twinge of hunger, and you've been practicing feeling safety with hunger. I know that sounds kind of if you if you haven't worked with me before, you might not, you might be like, What is she talking about safety? But for many people who overeat, and I used to do this, I would stuff myself, especially at dinner, I would overeat. I would eat to where I was like, Oh, my God. Why did I eat that much? Right? Then all of a sudden, when I started eating more of a normal amount of food, an amount of food where I didn't feel stuffed. Then a few hours later, if I got a little twinge of hunger, it did not feel safe, it did not feel good. And then my brain started going, you better eat before you go to sleep. That's when your brain tells you it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that you said you weren't going to eat any granola because now you're hungry and now you want something different. It's going to come up when your friend gives you a hard time for not eating or drinking that thing. All of a sudden your brain is going to say, yeah, it doesn't matter. It's not this is no big deal. Here's another flavor of that. It doesn't matter. It isn't important. This is no big deal. It's going to come up when your partner is having a bowl of ice cream and you have decided not to have any dessert. All of a sudden, your primitive brain is going to be like, what does this matter? He's having it. She's having it. Why does it matter? It's going to happen. It's going to come up when everyone at work is eating the birthday cake, and your brain is going to try to convince you that this is a special occasion where, if you work at a place like I used to work at Hewlett Packard, or you work at a bank or whatever, we know that there are so many people and so many damn snacks brought into that building, the fact that we would believe a thought that any of that food is special is ridiculous, because there's constantly food coming in, so everyone at work is eating the birthday cake. Oh, it doesn't matter that I wasn't going to eat. Oh, it doesn't matter that I have a plan. Oh, it doesn't matter that I told myself I wasn't going to so really be on the lookout for that thought. Can you take a moment to first become aware of what you're thinking and then have a conversation with yourself. So the first step is going to be awareness. And for many people, especially when they start working with me, when they eat off of their plan, and I say, Why do you think you did? They literally like, I have no idea. I have no idea. I get it. I get it that thought we're talking about that thought in a minute, but I it's you have been running on autopilot. You have been running on all of a sudden, I have a thought, it doesn't matter, and I'm going to eat the thing, and I get that immediate dopamine hit. But can you take a moment to go? Huh? I was feeling so good today. Now, all of a sudden, I'm starting to negotiate with myself about eating the thing. And can you slow it down and say, What am I thinking? And that's when you'll uncover, oh, I'm thinking, this doesn't matter. And then can you say, is that true? Does it not matter in terms of the world going around? Of course, it doesn't matter. It's just a muffin. It's just a coffee just a delicious coffee drink. It's a coffee cake, whatever. Of course, it doesn't matter. But does it matter to you? And I'm giving you a moment, because I know there is a part of you that says, yeah, it does matter to me. That's why I'm listening to the fucking podcast. It does matter to me. That's why I keep coming back for more. It's why I keep going to her workshops. That's why I've signed up with to work with her. It clearly does matter. This is why, in my programs, I have my clients create a protocol. I have them decide in the morning, this is what I'm going to eat. Because in the morning they know it matters. They're deciding, they're declaring it matters. And then all of a sudden, at three o'clock, they decide that, oh no, I don't think it matters anymore. And you can go, Whoa, what is happening. And then you can really see what's going on. What's going on is your primitive brain just wants you to stay the same. It doesn't want you to feel desire without having without being able to eat. It doesn't want you to feel any negative emotion. It certainly doesn't want you to miss out. It certainly doesn't want you to sit there and be frustrated because you want the bagel your primitive brain does not want that. There is a part of you that it really does matter. It really does matter. One of the things we're doing in this ready for change group is I'm having them do some journaling in the workbook. And one of the questions I said is, what has held you back from making this change in the past, and that's where all these sneaky little thoughts come up. What has held us back in the past is we have these sneaky thoughts, and we believed them. We thought that they were us. But there is a part of you that it does matter, but you've been living from the part of you that think it doesn't matter. So number two, sneaky thought, I don't know. When we tell ourselves, I don't know. It keeps us stuck and not moving forward. It makes us not make a decision. It doesn't have us give a best guess. It certainly doesn't have us trust ourself, on our intuition, our own authority. It doesn't have us experiment. It doesn't have us say, You know what? Let's give this a go. It doesn't have a say. Let's take an educated guess. The one thing I hate the most about saying I don't know, and God knows, I've certainly said it before, but the one thing I hate the most is we are amazing women. We are so educated and intuitive and intelligent and compassionate and we're just amazing human beings. But we tell ourselves I don't know, and then we believe that we don't know. So if you're one of my clients, you will know, I always say, but if you did know, what would you think I said to one of my clients the other day, if I paid you a million dollars to take a guess, what would you say? And here's what you will find, oftentimes, when we take a guess at whatever we're trying to figure out that usually is the thing that usually is the thing we know so much more than we give ourselves credit. It for and again. Back to clarity. I talked a lot about clarity over the last few weeks. When you're not clear, when you say I don't know, then you don't have to take a step forward. You don't have to take a risk. You don't have to take action. When we proclaim that we don't know the answer, no one can fault us for not taking a step forward. I can't tell you how many of my clients have said to me, I really want to start moving more. I want to get back to the gym, or I want to do maybe do yoga, maybe start swimming. I don't know what, but, and it's the the reason that they're not moving forward because a lot of them have been telling themselves to do this for months, but the reason they're not actually doing anything is because they're like, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should go to the gym, I don't know if I should hire a personal trainer, I don't know if I should do yoga. I don't know if now is the right time. I don't know maybe if I should wait to the beginning of the month. I don't know if did they I don't. And so then they, then they can just say, I'm thinking about it. I'm figuring it out. You don't have to. No one's gonna say, you know, no, usually this is the power of a coach. As a coach is gonna say, Hey, you're making a lot of excuses to keep yourself safe. We need to make a decision and just do it. There is no right decision. Let's just go. Let's get it on your calendar. Let's go. Most friends aren't gonna say that, even most partners aren't gonna say that. It's too much. It's too in your face. But that's what needs to happen, is you need to say, let's, let's take a best guess about what sounds fun, and if you've been telling yourself that you're going to do yoga for years, clearly there is something about yoga that inspires you, that draws you in. And what would happen if you actually listen to that part of you that wanted it? Maybe you want to start horseback riding. Maybe you want to start walk a walking group. It doesn't matter if it has been calling to you. There is something about it that you want to do. So let's go. Take a guess. I want you to be on to yourself. If you're saying you don't know, go, oh, there it is. I'm saying I don't know. Number three, I don't have time. Oh, this is a big one. This is a big one. Here's what I want everyone to know, especially with this one, a lot of times we say we don't have time, like we are reporting the weather, like we're reporting the news, like it is fact it's 90 degrees and I don't have time. It's not a fact. Quite often saying I don't have time is keeping you stuck in any area of your life. Because, how is that not true? I said this to a client this morning. How is that not true? First of all, I always say, are you on social media? Do you have time to scroll Instagram? If you have time to scroll Instagram, and you can look on your phone, it will tell you exactly how much time you gave to every app, Instagram, Pinterest, Tiktok, whatever you're on. If you look under Reports in your phone, it will tell you how much screen time you're giving to either a specific app or over all. And if you, if you're like me, it's ours. And so to say we don't have time to do this or that is a lie. It's a lie we're telling ourselves. Now, is it hard to get off these things? Yes, is it something we want to be on? Yes, I love me some Instagram. I love scrolling for a little bit, but I don't love it at the expense of my goals. I don't love it as an excuse. So if you say I don't have time, I want you to say, Wait a minute. Is that true? Oftentimes, 99% of the time, it is not true. And so here's something that will help. And this is hard, but what would be better is if you said to yourself, I don't have time, and you caught yourself, Oh, there I go again. Telling myself I don't have time, tell yourself the truth, and the truth is, I'm not willing to give this time. And when you say that, it might sting, like that's radical ownership. Why am I not willing to give this time? Here's another one that might sting. Why am I deciding Instagram is more important than meditating? Why am I deciding this is more important than what I want to do? I think that we have been for many, many, many years in a society where we get a lot of kudos and sense of pride and sense of purpose by being very busy. And so saying we don't have time is just kind of like what we all do as a society. I mean, it's very rare that you meet someone and you say, Hey, what are you up to? And they're like, nothing. I really am not doing anything right? It's usually, we got this, we got this, we got this, we got this. And I'll tell you, if you are in the middle right now with your kids, and if you're like, I know you, you got like, a 17 year old and a 14 year old and a nine year old. If you're one of those, those women listening, those clients, you're in it. Sister, I. Hear You. You're in it. But here is the rub. Here's what I'm going to tell you, when all of a sudden, that last one leaves the house, your primitive brain is still going to tell you you're busy with other things. Well, the first thing it's going to do is your primitive brain is going to say, well, now it's time for you to really do what you want to do, because now you just need, oh, you need to come down from the fact that you're not doing all these things for other people, and usually what your primitive brain means in that moment is going out for drinks and sitting and watching TV and taking naps and all that. So your primitive brain is not going to say you've got time you go get that amazing body you've been wanting. No, usually it's you need to just take time for you, which doesn't mean pushing yourself too hard. So that's the that's unfortunately the rub. But then when you actually are like, Okay, I've taken my time. I've taken my time to lay and be sad about my children leaving, then all of a sudden we find ourselves going, God, I'm just more busy than I thought. God. And we fill our lives and our days with shit that is not as important as what we truly want for ourself, because the shit is easier to do. It is easier to say yes to your friend who's asking for a favor than to say, I'm sorry that time doesn't work for me, because you know you're going to yoga. It is easier to tell yourself that you don't have time to food prep because you're so busy with other things, even though it's a lie. So telling ourselves we don't have time. I can't tell you how many days it's crazy. I can't tell you how many times I've had clients that have come to me and said, Well, I've been wanting to work with you for a full year. I wish I would have worked with you a year ago when I told myself to because now I've been retired for a full year, and it's not like I'm doing what I said I was going to do. I have more time. There are no excuses. They will literally say this, well, I'm retired. And I almost start laughing, because I know what's coming. What's coming is they're going to go. I got no excuse, but I'm not making it happen. And I say, of course, we tell ourselves we don't have time, even when we do have time, because even when we think we actually legit don't have time when, when clients will come to me and say, I work a full time job. I volunteer. I've got three kids, I've got all these things. There is time for them to eat. Well, when you are standing in front of the cookie, it does not take more time to not eat the cookie than it does take to eat the cookie. It does not take more time to go to Chick fil A as it does to go to the grocery store and get a healthy salad. So saying I don't have time, it's a lie. It's a lie, and it's a lie that's hurting us. It's not hurting anything else. And here's what I want to just say to enclosure by you saying to yourself, I'm going to catch these three sneaky thoughts, and I'm not going to let them keep me stuck anymore. It is not going to negatively affect anything else in your life. When you actually start thinking more intentionally, becoming aware, allowing yourself to feel some negative emotion so you can get your body to where you want it to be, and then to to make your relationships better and to get clear on what you want for your life and live a bigger life, live a more exciting life, make more money, do all the things that you are capable of doing, it is only going to benefit everyone else. So to say that we don't have time, and to say that we don't know, and to say it doesn't matter, those are all lies in the step number one is becoming aware of when your primitive brain says them ago. Oh, that's interesting. There it is. Oh, fascinating. I've been believing that lie for a long time, and this is how it's negatively affecting my life. No more Satan, that's what you can say. No more Satan. Not doing it. I'm not believing it anymore. This is the work, my friend, this is the work you will find. It will change every area of your life when you become aware of these thoughts and you choose to not believe them. Have a great Tuesday. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food, I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching.com to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes you.