The Transformation Series Part 2- Living Better, Not Perfect

In today’s episode — part two of The Transformation Series — we’re diving into a powerful (and maybe unexpected) truth: real, lasting transformation doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from doing better — consistently, compassionately, and in a way that works with your real life.

I’ll show you how chasing perfection often sets us up for failure, and how choosing “better” instead leads to sustainable change. We’ll talk about the mental shifts, mindset tools, and lifestyle tweaks that can help you lose weight, feel more in control, and actually enjoy the life you’re building — even if it includes vacations, dessert, or skipping the 5 a.m. workouts.

If you’ve ever thought you had to go “all in” to see results… this episode is your permission slip to ditch perfection and create real, empowering change instead.

🎧 Plus, I’ll share what this has looked like for me, my clients, and how you can start redefining success — one “better” choice at a time.

Interested in speaking with me about how we can work together? Click here to head to my website: https://www.modernbodymodernlife.com/ and schedule a free consultation with me.

Transcript

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Foreign Welcome to Modern body, modern life. The podcast for women who want to lose weight permanently feel in control around food and learn how to stop obsessing about their body and food a modern way of thinking about your weight, your body and your life includes mindset. I'm body and life coach Courtney Gray, and each week I'm going to teach you the mindset tools that are necessary for changing the way you eat forever. We will uncover why you're eating when you said you were going to stop, what to do when you're really craving something, and how important it is to decide what you want to believe is possible for you, I believe we can get in the best shape of our lives at any age, a modern body, a modern life, all starts in your mind, and when you learn how to manage that, losing weight permanently becomes so much easier. Welcome to the podcast. Episode 89 living better, not perfect, the key to lasting change. Happy Saturday morning. This is kind of a little bonus episode. It is the second of three of a series that I'm doing, the transformation series, so I'm really excited. You're here with me on this Saturday morning, and I'm coming in hot. It is Friday night. I took some beautiful time off this week to be with my family. We just got back from picking our baby up from Cal Poly. We had a great we just if you are in California, in the middle of the state, and you get a chance to go to Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, it is. It has truly become one of my husband nice favorite places to go. We were big Santa Barbara people, and then when he got into Cal Poly, instead of doing all of our Santa Barbara trips, we've been going to Cal Poly. We're just having such a great time. It is a beautiful town that we are just really, really loving. So I did do some work while I was there, because enrollment is open for my foundational program, modern body, modern life. And as women are enrolling, I sent them their welcome video with some optional pre work. It's, of course, optional. We don't start till August. In this group, August 13 is the start date for some women. They're like, I'm gonna enroll, but I'm not even thinking about any of this till August, which is totally fine. But I have some women, if you're like me, I have some women that when I sign up for something I'm like, Jones in to, like, get started, or even just at least consume watch a little bit of content, I just get really excited. So for those women, I I made them a welcome video with some like, optional a very little bit of pre work to get started while they're waiting for the group to officially start. So this transformation series is in honor of open enrollment, and I am also hosting a free webinar this Monday, on the 28th it's only a few days away, but I'm really excited about this free webinar. I'm calling it the control shift in this webinar, I'm going to be teaching you live. I'm going to be in my office coming to you live over zoom, teaching you about how to finally get control over your body, your weight, your eating, the cravings you're working out, and your health and your mindset around all of it, which is the whole point. It is the it is the missing element for most people. And the reason I named this webinar the control shift is because so often women come to me and they tell me that they feel out of control, when, in fact, there is a part of them that is in control over all of this. And this is very much how I used to feel. I felt very out of control, especially with my eating. And they even will say I'm out of control, but they actually are in control. There is a part of them that is in control. It's just the wrong part of them, and so it is making the wrong decisions. So I will be teaching you how to shift the control to the authentic you, the you that wants to be healthy, the you that wants to lose weight, get in shape, feel strong, just be happier in this area of your life, so you can get whatever you want from your life. There is a link everywhere. You know how it is. It's on my website. It's in the link is in my bio. The link is on Instagram to sign up for this free webinar. And we're coming in hot. It's gonna be Monday morning, 10am Pacific Standard Time, and hell yes, there will be a replay, and you can't be there live. So definitely sign up because then you'll get the replay. So last week, last Tuesday, I said last week, but it was actually this week, Tuesday. I talked all about thinking big and the practice of it, and thinking into the future, you know, not going to our past, which is so common, and really believing something is possible, even if we don't know how we're going to achieve this big thing. And I don't know how much I talked about this on the podcast, but when I think about thinking big, when I started down this path of self help and self betterment and goal setting and believing big things are possible, and then I became a certified life coach, and I started another business. And I started having all these different new ideas. Think the concept of thinking big was the most powerful and most exciting concept. I think I learned of all the concepts. In fact, part of my education was to make a video, teaching a concept. And the first, you know, coaching concept I ever taught was thinking big, because it was just such a powerful, transformative concept for me to learn. So that's why it was the first thing I wanted to teach you in this transformation series. It is really important that we are able to practice thinking big. And every time you start thinking, something is possible, and then your primitive brain goes, Yeah, but how are we going to do it? And you don't have enough time, and it gives us all these thoughts you don't have enough have enough time, you've never done it before, we can actually go, Oh, that's right. Courtney said all those thoughts were going to come, but what? Let me just say, what if, but what if? And how would it feel? How exciting would it be? And really, if anything, it's kind of a fantasy. It's just kind of let yourself fantasize and get excited about something that is possible for you, because it has to be possible in our mind, for us to make it possible in our lives. But today, I want to talk about living better, not living perfect, and this is how we're going to get that big thing, right. I want you to not only think big, but I want you to get it. I want it to be tangible for you. So today I want to talk about living better, not living perfect. This might seem a little inconsistent with transformation, like when I think of the word transformation and thinking big, and then I say, you don't have to be perfect, you just need to do better. It almost kind of sounds like I'm contradicting myself. So I want to be real clear that you know the real transformation, the real change, comes from you not being perfect, but you just being better. Because when we strive for perfection, it is not sustainable one. And also, oftentimes, when we strive perfection, we keep kind of moving the the tone. Target and so but here so hear me out. Imagine the transformation that would happen in your life if you became the woman who consistently did better. This would be a transformation, because we've all gone on a diet or a cleanse where we ate perfect for a short period of time, whether it be a week, two weeks or three months, and in the moment, it worked. But overall, we didn't transform, because at the end, we ended up slowly starting to go back to the way we used to live and eat and move. Because none of our thinking has changed, nothing that we believed has changed. In fact, if anything, what we have done in that moment is what we have said to ourselves, is we have we have created more evidence that the only way to really get what we want is by living perfect. So it's not only not helpful, it's not only not transformative, it actually hurts you, because you are reconfirming to yourself the only way I'm going to get to where I want to be in my body or fit in my clothes or look the way I want to or do any of those things is by being perfect, and it's not sustainable. So that, in itself, is a harmful way to think. So one of the things I was thinking about when I was coming up with this podcast is i A few years ago, I really decided I wanted to get more upper body strength. I wanted to do it, yes, because I wanted to be stronger, and I also wanted my arms just to look stronger. I love the look of strong arms. And so I was telling one of my girlfriends, we were going for a walk. And I was telling my girlfriends, you know, one of my goals, I really want to build my upper body strength. And she goes, Oh my gosh, you should do this. Like certain it was like a kettle bell class. I can't even remember exactly what it was. Exactly what it was you should do this certain kettlebell class. I did it. My arms got ripped and everything. But in that moment, I thought, no, that's not what I want to do, because then what I'm signing up for is I'm signing up for, like, only getting arms by doing a certain class. I am dependent on a certain gym owner that decides to have a certain class, and by me going to that class, it's how I'm proving to myself I can get these arms I wanted to be able to get stronger and get the arms I wanted by doing it in my own way. And maybe that meant going to certain classes a few days a week, but then going to other classes and being able to work out at home and being able to work out with my son and being able to work out with my sister, and being able to work out when I'm traveling and doing it a lot of different ways that fit into my life. And so what does this have to do with perfection? Is if I have to take a certain class in order to get what I want, if I have to take away alcohol, sugar and all these things in order to get what I want. I don't want to live that way forever, so it's not worth it to me. I'm learning nothing. I want to be able to get the body I want to get the eating control. I want to get the workout routine I want. So when I go on a vacation. Vacation, I can maintain it. That's one of the things I hear all the time from women, is sometimes they'll say, oh, you know, this isn't a good time for me right now, because I'm going on, I have a few vacations planned. But to me, especially if you're the kind of woman that wants to travel a lot, which is amazing, that's me. I want to travel more and more and more the older I get. I'm like, oh, I want to create more time for travel, working out, moving my body, eating well is part of that life. If I'm waiting to only eat well at home, I'm not going to be able to be in the body I want. So what I want for you is to learn how to not have to have everything line up and be perfect for you to do this work. I want you to be able to do it just by being better and living that exciting, travel filled life that you want to live, busy life that you want to live, interrupted, life that you want to live and still get what you want from it. I was talking with a group of women the other day, and one of them shared that she had started this really intense program. She was like, halfway through where she was it was a specific food plan. It was like no drinking, no sugar, no flour, workouts two times a day or I think it was like a workout and then a walk or something like that, and no drinking. I don't know if I said no drinking, it was all. It was very, very restrictive. And I think I thought to myself, Oh, God, I remember those days like, right? And I think so many of us can relate to this. And you have probably done an iteration of this. I consider this a diet. She was calling it a program routine, but I consider this a diet. It's, it's the perfect way to lose weight really fast and to get your body in great shape really fast. It really I think of it as the ultimate restricted perfection. But if you and I didn't tell her this, because I was like, hey, good for you, great. She wasn't asking my opinion. I didn't give it. I was all on board for her. I'm very excited for her. But if you as the listener, as I share this story, if you are desiring a transformation where the change is lasting, then this is just not gonna work. I've never seen it work. Have you ever seen it work? Have you ever seen a friend go on one of these? Have you ever seen a friend? I feel bad that I'm even laughing. Have you ever seen someone that did px 90 or wouldn't know, what is it? Oh, 75 hard. Have you done a 75 hard for the rest of their life? They were just hard. No, I did whole 30. Did I do whole 30? And was I like just dial for the rest of my life? No, because at the end of these programs, the only thing people learn is what it takes to live an impossible existence in order to get what we want. It reinforces this perfectionistic, unrealistic way of living. And again, it creates evidence that the only way we can truly do this is by being perfect, by taking away all the alcohol, all the sugar, all the fun, all that for a short period of time. And this is really why I created my program, the my modern body, Modern Life program is what I want for you is to transform this part of your life by doing better consistently, forever. And so what is better look like? Because for each person it's different. That's a beautiful thing, and that's another thing that when you join a program that tells you this is what you need to eat, this is how you need to work out. These are all the things you need to do. You're not considering the life you want for yourself. You're not considering the differences in your life as opposed to other people. Maybe you have time constraints, maybe you have dietary constraints, maybe you have family members that rely on you more than other things. Maybe you do travel a lot. Maybe you have movement constraints. Maybe you have arthritis or diabetes or whatever it is, I want for you to be able to choose something that works for you. What is doing better look like for you. For most people, it is, and this is what I've seen with my clients. For most people, it's eating less because most of us are eating more food than we actually need, making consistent, better choices. That's a big one, moving more in a variety of different ways and allowing yourself to be uncomfortable in a different way. Because remember, if you are not where you want to be right now in any area of your life. But for the sake of this podcast, we think mostly body health, mindset, movement, strength, if you are not where you want to be, if you know you are capable of more, you are already living in discomfort. And so we just need to swap that discomfort. We need to swap that discomfort of you looking in the mirror and being frustrated with yourself, you going in the closet and being frustrated getting dressed and going out for different social events because you don't like the way you look. That's uncomfortable. I want you to swap it to being uncomfortable thinking I really want another cookie, but I promised myself I wouldn't, and that's uncomfortable too, but that is a place where you will rest your head on your pillow at night and be proud of your. Self, and then get healthier and healthier and healthier and build evidence you can actually have one cookie and still lose weight. For me, doing better was years ago when I started this journey. Was feeling in control of my eating in the evenings, learning to not listen to my primitive brain when it gave me all the excuses in the world, and it told me, like, what I desired really. What I truly desired didn't matter when I'm talking about what I truly desire. You know, it's to be healthy. I wanted to lose some weight. I wanted to feel in control. I didn't want to feel like a victim to cookies. That's what I truly desired. Part of my doing better has been the way I talk to myself after I have dessert. I've been at the weight I want to be at for years now, and I have really shifted my focus to strength and flexibility and overall health, but I have noticed part of my work has been when I would eat dessert on days that I would plan for dessert. There was this sneaky thought that I was like failing, or I was going off track, or I kind of am just like giving up for the night, even though it was planned for I would tell myself, I'm going to get back on track tomorrow. This was not good for me. I've taught you that our thoughts create our feelings. So when I thought to myself, I'm gonna eat this dessert, but I'm gonna get back on track tomorrow. Even though the dessert was planned for it was intentional, I felt guilty. And so then, from the guilt, I would promise I would do better tomorrow. I would regret eating it, even though it was intentional. And I've seen my clients do this as well, so I really started noticing it and going, Oh, they're doing this as well. And so I started working on being intentional with my thoughts around what I chose to eat. So when dessert was in the plan, I didn't tell myself anymore, I'm going to get back on track tomorrow, because dessert was my track. It was not a mistake, it was not a mess up, it was a choice I had decided on. And I did not want to feel guilty. I wanted to feel excited to be eating it. I wanted to feel powerful with the fact that I could eat dessert and still be the weight I wanted to be. It's like the, it's like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, where? But I was telling myself, oh, you know, it's really, it's, you know, it's kind of that whole idea. Many people have this, and I didn't realize I had this, is it? There's good food and bad food, quote, unquote. So I was kind of telling myself, even though you're at the weight you want to be at, like, you know, we this kind of isn't what you're supposed to be eating. You're, you know, you're a body and life coach, for God's sake. And I finally was like, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What is this all about? It's just so amazing how, even as we continue to do this work. Me, I'm constantly up leveling and continuing to do this work of of up leveling myself, concept up leveling the way I talk to myself, up leveling the way I what I focus on, up leveling my body in life. That you come up with these like observances like, oh, wow, I'm feeling guilty about something that's intentional for me, doing better is having dessert and being thrilled about it and not telling myself I did anything wrong. Last night, for dessert, I had this the most amazing. It was like a cookie brownie sundae, like in one of those skillets with, like the ice cream on top. And I went to dinner with my husband and my son, and they didn't have any of it. I ate the whole damn thing myself, and I delighted in all of it. Of course, I said they could have some, but they were stuffed and not having it. And I was like, You know what? This is absolutely delicious. And I sat there and I thought, Oh, this is better, Courtney, you're doing better. This is so good. You You are now at a place where you can have dessert and not tell yourself you shouldn't be having it beautiful. It's like my latest up leveling. So much more fun, so much more fun. No guilt, no regret, no feeling like I have to get back on track. Dessert can be on track, my friend, you getting in your best health ever is not going to mean you being perfect. And so if Perfection isn't the way, let me give you some direction to figure out what is better. Because we do want to be radically honest here. We don't want to kind of just go well, and I've called some clients out for this. Well, Courtney said I don't have to be perfect, so I'm just going to have this, right? I'm going to have it. It's a it's a beautiful combination of being better, but also being radically honest with yourself. You've already started thinking big for your health and your body and your life. So let's think about, when you think about yourself at your healthiest body and lives and mindset, all of that, when you think about in the future, where you want to get to remember she's not living perfect, if so, if you think about her doing this in an imperfect way, a consistently imperfect way, ask yourself some questions, how is she living? If she's not living perfectly, but she's doing better than you're doing now, how is she living? Does she eat less? Does. She eat different like, different times, different amounts, different types of food. How is she eating differently? Is she slowing down? I know that seems silly, but a lot of my clients eat really, really fast. I eat very, very fast. So, and that's one of the tools you can do to actually be a little bit more intuitive, is like, Let's slow this down a little bit. Let's put our fork down for God. I say that to myself all the time. Let's put our fork down for God's sakes. Does she work out consistently? How does she work out when? When does she fit it in? She's not perfect. She's better. So how is she doing it? You at your ideal weight, feeling so strong, feeling so amazing. How is she doing it? How does she dress? How do you dress when you're there already doing this, imperfectly, consistent? What does she prioritize? Here's one that I've been talking a lot with my clients lately. Do you drink less alcohol, or do you drink differently? There's a lot of women that they don't want to give up drinking altogether, but they'd like to feel more in control of their alcohol. I get it. We work on this a lot in my program. In fact, for my group that's starting in August, I'm adding a video to the portal that's all about drinking. How to feel more in control of your drinking. Because I have so many women that would like to drink less, and some women that eventually end up deciding not to drink at all. So you get to choose what works for you. How does she invest in herself? We are so good at investing in our kids. We are so good at investing in vacations and time to the people that we love and an effort to the to our homes and our friends and all the things. But are you investing financially and time and focus in yourself and in your health? Are you spending more time renovating your kitchen? What is What are you showing yourself that is really important to you? What do you think is important to you. What does she think is important to you in the future? You doing it imperfectly, but better. Spend time thinking about what better looks like for you without being perfect, and let this be fun and you, if you're like me, you will start to change and iterate as you go along. And here's a really important question, when you think about getting to your goal, you're thinking big, and your goal is like your healthiest, most joyful, powerful version of you. How does that feel? For me? It feels like freedom. It feels like freedom. And so your homework, my friend, is practice believing it's possible to achieve what you truly want. When you think big what you truly want, believing it's possible to do it without being perfect. Because when you start to believe it's possible and you start taking action towards it, you start creating evidence it can be done. Let me give you some of the things that my clients have created without being perfect, some of the things they have said that they wanted and they have achieved. I've had clients that have realized they can get to their goal of their goal weight, their goal health, without going to the gym seven days a week. That's something I've had so many people say I know I'm gonna have to work out every day to get where I want. They have proved that wrong. I've had so many clients say that they don't have to give up wine or alcohol. So many every time they've gone on a diet and they've lost weight, they've completely given up wine or alcohol or dessert, and they have proven in my program that they actually can get where they want, achieve the results they want, without totally giving up wine or dessert. They usually eat less or they make better choices within the alcohol dessert area. But they don't have to give it up. I'm never giving up dessert. I've had many clients realize they don't have to wake up at 5am to work out. They don't have to wake up at 5am to journal for an hour or meditate for an hour. They really kind of had this thought, Oh, I know I'm gonna have to do that. They realize now they don't. They don't have to, like to cook in order to eat better, or they don't have to food prep in order to eat better, although, I will say too, a lot of my clients start actually Food Prepping a little bit, and then they realize Food Prepping isn't all that hard. So here's a question to contemplate. Would you rather lose weight and get healthy, getting your best health ever, get control over your eating slowly and permanently, then try again, going very quickly, with the all restrictive diet being completely perfect, only to then, at the end, not be able to sustain it. I know the answer. I know I know that you don't want that, because that's it's not what I wanted either. I want to read you a testimonial that I have on my website, and I just love it so much, because it really epitomizes what I'm talking about in this podcast. And so one of my clients said I have never done a program like this before. I've. Lost weight before, but not without dieting and being miserable in your group program. I've lost 13 pounds without dieting or giving up alcohol. I finally started going to the gym like I've wanted to do for years. And the best part is, when I mess up, I'm not mean to myself anymore. I get curious and try to understand why I didn't stick to the plan. I have a little more weight to lose, and I know I can do it. Thank you. Oh, my God. I mean that I was looking through I was like, oh, I want to share a testimonial, and that one literally epitomizes everything I just talked about in this podcast. So stay tuned for the third and final podcast. Next Tuesday in this transformation series, I will be talking about intentional joy and purpose. And remember, I'm always saying this isn't just about weight loss, and I know that you know that, but the reason we do anything, the reason we want anything, is because we want to feel a certain way. So if you want more money, if you want more health, if you want to look a certain way in your pants, if you want to look a certain way when you get undressed in front of your partner, it is all because in the end, you think you will feel a certain way so often, for most of my clients, it's confident, it's free, it's joy, it's purposeful. That's why for this last podcast in this transformation series, I'm talking about how to create intentional joy and purpose. And of course, we're going to be talking about health and weight and weight loss and eating and all that stuff mixed in. It really does all affect it all. And so I hope you will join me on Monday for the CONTROL SHIFT free webinar I will be on Zoom. Very excited to talk to you about that. And I hope you have a lovely rest of your weekend. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently and feel confident and at peace around food, I invite you to head to Courtney Gray coaching.com to learn about how to work with me. I work with women privately, one on one, and I also offer small group coaching. There is a link to my website in the show notes you.