How are You Measuring Your Progress? Your Happiness Depends on it. A Book Review!

In this episode, I’m sharing one of my favorite book recommendations: The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. 

The big idea is simple: the way I measure my progress determines how happy I feel. If I measure myself against where I want to be, I create frustration and “not enough” energy (the gap). If I measure myself against how far I’ve already come, I build confidence, momentum, and pride (the gain). 

I explain how this shows up in real life, with weight loss and health goals, where people can overlook major wins just because the scale didn’t move.  But also in every area of life.

When you focus on what's missing, you create misery; when you focus on how far you've come, you gain momentum.

Enjoy!

I currently work with women privately to achieve their health, mindset, and body goals.  I would love to offer you a consultation HERE to discuss the changes you want to make to create more joy, health, and peace in your body and life.

Transcript

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Bob, welcome to modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to feel powerful, healthy, strong and confident, inside and out at every age. On this podcast, we talk about becoming a woman who is fully in control of her eating and movement, so weight loss, strength and energy become permanent. We also talk about something bigger, becoming the woman who takes her deepest desire seriously and goes after more in every area of her life. I'm body and life coach Courtney Gray, and I believe you can get in the best shape of your life at any age, and when you do, it becomes a catalyst for everything else, your relationships, your confidence, your joy, because when you feel like you and your body, all of life gets better. Let's get started. Welcome to the podcast. Episode 114 How are you measuring your progress? Your happiness depends on it. So I just recorded a whole podcast, and when I listened back, my microphone was not good, so I've tried to fix it. I hope I have fixed it, if for some reason, the mic at some point, doesn't sound as amazing as it should, please forgive me. I'm going to keep going, because time is of the essence, and I want to get this podcast out to you. So here's what I'm really excited about. This podcast, I am going to, for the first time ever, do a book review. I love to read. I love to read all things self help. I love to read informational books about eating and wellness and and I love historical fiction and all the things business. I love a lot of business books. Love all the things, and I love to not only read, but I also love to listen on Audible, because when I read, I fall asleep very quickly. So Audible is oftentimes my go to these days for getting more books in my brain. So this is a book that I'm going to talk about on the podcast today, that I've recommended to everyone. I've recommended it very strongly to my clients. If I've I've said to them before, did you get that book? Did you read that book? It's just a really great book. I've had my husband listen to it on Audible, and it is a book that will help you in every area of your life. Now, remember, this podcast is called Modern body, modern life. I want this podcast to help you with every area of your life. I know that when we understand our emotions, when we understand mindset, when we learn how to think big, when we learn how to feel discomfort and fear and do things anyways to make our true desires happen, all of those things, when we do all those things, we expand every area of our life. And so this book is about every area of your life. The book is called gap and the game, it's by Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy. The book is so good that I have it in hardback. I've listened on Audible, and I've even gotten other books that these two gentlemen got together and wrote because I loved this one so much. And I'll tell you why I think this book is important. If we are the kind of person that sets goals or that creates intention or creates a vision or creates a three year plan or five year plan, whatever way you look at it, I have a feeling because you're here listening to this podcast, you are the type of woman or person I know. I have some men listeners too, who you have a future vision for yourself. So whether you call it a vision, a goal, whatever you call it, there is a future. You a future vision that you are working towards. Maybe some days you're frustrated that you're not working towards it as well as you'd like, but nonetheless, you feel like you're working towards you're making strides towards this goal or future vision, the way you measure your progress is going to determine I believe really two things, and this is what I've learned from the book, is it's going to determine your happiness along the way. And I think that's really important to be happy along the way. I even have a little sticky note right now on my computer as I record this podcast, it says it's time to have fun and enjoy the process. The way we measure our progress when we are headed towards let's just call it our goal. What we tell ourselves about our progress is going to determine our happiness along the way. And if you're like me, I would like to be happy along the way. Like I said this note, have fun, enjoy the process. There's no need to mentally whip ourselves or to shame ourselves, or to tell ourselves we're not going fast along the way to our goal. I'm very passionate about this. Can you tell that I've had goals that I have mentally whipped myself towards? Not only does it create misery, it really doesn't help you get to the goal faster. So that is what this book is about. It talks about how we're measuring our progress is going to determine our happiness. And it really lets you know that you are the creator of your own happiness. And the beautiful thing that happens is when you enjoy the process, when you are happier in the attainment of your goal, it. Actually goes faster, because if you remember everything I've taught you, if you're feeling more proud, more confident, more empowered, you're going to show up differently during your day. If you're telling yourself this is taking too long, or, Oh, I always mess up, you're going to be feeling discouraged. And that never leads to anything good. When you're having a negative thought and you're having a negative emotion, it does not create positive action. So this book gap in the gain is going to help teach you, and I'm hoping this podcast will help teach you as well. Help teach you that you determine how you measure your progress, and I suggest measuring it based on how far you've come, not where you want to go. Most people create a lot of misery for themselves by measuring themselves and their progress, themselves and their progress against the ideal version of themselves. Let me say that in a different way, most people create a lot of misery for themselves by measuring themselves and their progress against the goal they're trying to get to where they want to be. And so every day, if you say to yourself, I want to make$500,000 this this year. And it's right now it's January 13. I think I don't even know 13/14, 14th. And you say to yourself, I want to make $200,000 this year. Well, you probably haven't made it yet. So if we're going to measure ourselves based on where we are in the year, you're going to be unhappy. Now, if you say to yourself, you know what, I've got a lot of I got a lot of year left, we're doing okay. This is what we did today. All of a sudden, you're going to feel better because you're going to measure yourself based on how, oh, look, I'm just getting started. I did a lot today. I see this so often in my program. When it comes to weight loss, women will say, I want to lose 20 pounds, and they will start losing weight. Their clothes will start fitting better. Their jewelry, their rings, start not fitting because they're losing weight, even in their hands, and so their rings aren't fitting. Maybe they need to get new clothing because their old clothes don't fit. They're sleeping better. People are telling them, gosh, you look really great. You look more energetic. They have more energy. I could go on and on and on with all of the positives that happen when you start getting healthy and you either are losing weight, losing inches, all of those things. They feel more confident. They feel more proud. But then all of a sudden, they sometimes will step on the scale and see that the scale is only down half a pound, or the scale maybe hasn't moved, or maybe the scale has gone up, and they let that negate all of the positive progress that's happening. So let's break this down, if we're thinking about it in terms of gap in the gain they're measuring themselves based on where they're going instead of where they've been, and they're creating a lot of unhappiness for themselves in that moment. Once they step on the scale, they make that mean they're not doing good enough. They make that mean this is never possible for them. They make that mean it's just not available to them at their their age. So let me break down gap in the gain. The gap is where we don't want to be. It's measuring your progress against your goal, meaning measuring your progress in relation to where you're going. Misery, the gain is measuring your progress against where you've been, how much success you've had, how far you've come, the strides you've made, the effort you've put in, the feelings you are feeling. So when my clients come to me and they say, Oh, I'm only a half a pound down, I have the opportunity to say, you are measuring yourself against where you're trying to go, and you're creating misery. And then I say, tell me all the things that are going right. And they start listing all those things and more that I told you. And then they get a shift. Then they get a shift in perspective. They get in the game. They say, Oh, you're right. I need to keep going. I just need to keep going. This is the work. And they feel motivated. And then, in my program, I teach them how to do this for themselves, because I love coaching people, but my job is to also teach people how to coach themselves. So let's break down the gap so you can really identify if you're living there more often than not. I want you to be able to go, Oh, I think that that is definitely where I've been living. I've been living in this place where I'm measuring myself towards something that I want in the future, and I'm telling myself I'm not there yet, and I'm creating misery. So here's what happens. You can know you're in the gap if you focus on what's lacking instead of what's improved. Now, another way to say this is glass have full glass empty. But I love this gap in the game because they really broke it down in much more of a expansive. Of way, because glass half full, glass half empty, for me, and I think for a lot of people, when they see that, they're like, be grateful. But this is so much deeper than grateful. So you when you're in the gap, you're focusing on what's lacking instead of what's improved. You're literally looking at your life and all the different compartments of your life, and you're looking at what isn't working. You're looking at your kids and you're comparing them to maybe where you think they should be right now. You're looking at your weight and where should it be right now, you're looking at your finances. Where could you be if you would have started saving earlier? You're looking at your house and you're looking at all that needs to be done. So you're literally just there's like a negative blanket over your life, right? You compare your current reality to a perfect, unrealistic standard. So it's a beautiful thing to create a standard and more beautiful standard for yourself, a more exciting standard for yourself. You want to lose weight, you want a bigger house, you want more money, you want better relationships, all amazing. But when then you compare yourself to there, instead of seeing how far you've come that is not where you want to be, then you're in the gap. Another way you can know if you're in the gap is even when you achieve your goals, you quickly reset the bar and feel like you're not really satisfied. There are people that do this habitually, and you want to catch yourself if you are the type of person that does this. Sometimes there are people that are constantly creating another goal, creating another goal, creating another goal. Now I'm like this too. I love creating a goal, but I make sure that when I achieve the goal, I take a moment to go, this is amazing. Let's let's feel good here, and then let's create another goal, just for the fun of it, not from the dissatisfaction that I haven't gotten there yet. So really ask yourself, when I get to where I'm going, do I quickly create another goal for myself, or do I settle in and say, This is amazing. I'm so proud of myself, and then why are you creating the next goal? Are you creating the next goal? Because it's fun. That's where I'm at. I love going, ooh, like I'm so excited. Tomorrow night is when my my modern change group starts, and I'm so excited to be able to be like, Ooh, what is going to be my three month goal? Where am I going? It's exciting, but it's not from a place of, you're not there yet. It's from a place of, how do I want to expand myself further? When you're in the gap, you're creating a lot of negative emotion for yourself. You're creating anxiety, you're creating a lot of like, never enoughness. You're creating frustration, and you're creating, sometimes motivation, but from like a mental whipping, stressful anxiety place, anxiety filled place, we can be in the gap and get a lot done. I have spent time in the gap when I think back to my first business, Gracie glass, and I was making a lot of money, multiple six figures in that business. And for many years, it was wonderful. I was in the game. I was like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. But I got to a point where I slipped into the gap, and I started really comparing myself to my future goal. And then I started creating a lot of misery for myself. I really started telling myself I wasn't doing good enough. I wasn't working fast enough. I wasn't making enough money. I wasn't creating enough new designs. I started creating some misery for myself, until I saw it happening, and thought, what is happening? I'm making more money than I've ever made, and I'm really not enjoying this. And I really had to get coaching on this, and I had to really kind of do the work to believe some new thoughts, believe that it was all about having fun and enjoying the process again. Back to my sticky note. I've had this sticky note on my computer for a few years now. It is a constant reminder that the goal is supposed to be fun and getting there is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable process. But back to motivation. I was motivated, and I was working my ass off, but it wasn't fun, it didn't feel loving, and it wasn't getting me the results I wanted. So when you're in the gap, it really does create a life where even if you get where you want to go, it's still not good enough. And I tell my clients this all the time. I want you to enjoy the process of learning how to eat better, learning how to manage your mind, learning how to be more emotionally intelligent, learning how to live an intentional life and lose weight, get healthier, gain strength, whatever their goal is, and enjoy the process. Because if we're not enjoying the process, we are going to potentially reach our goal and not be happy, because we're going to think that once we reach our goal, there's going to be like butterflies all of a sudden swirling around our head, going, Yay, we're here, but we're not going to feel here because we haven't learned how to be in the game. We haven't learned how to be intentional with our thinking. We haven't learned about what life is all about. It's about working hard, having big goals, up, leveling yourself, but enjoying it along the way. So let's talk about when you're in the game, how to know when you're in the gain. First of all, before I dive into it, how I know I'm in the gain is I'm feeling good in my body. I'm just happier when I'm there. So if you're not happy, if you're feeling kind of in a certain area of your life or overall, potentially, you're not there just because you're not feeling happy and proud when you're in the game, you're going to get farther with your goals and be happy along the way. When you're in the game, you measure your progress by looking at your growth over time. Now this doesn't necessarily mean that you rest on your laurels, that you're like, Oh, I've been doing so much hard work. I'm I'm ready for a break, and I'm not going to worry at all about this. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about you're moving forward. You're taking action, making progress towards your goal, but you're proud of yourself for how far you've come. You step on the scale and you say, oh my god, I'm the same weight as I was last week. You give yourself a moment to feel frustrated, and then you say, what do I want to think on purpose? Have I been doing a good job? And you might say, Yeah, you know what? I feel like I'm getting the hang of this. I feel like I have done a good job. I really am proud of myself for this, this and this, and I have less white and I'm actually sleeping better. And you find all the positive reasons there are in this area to be proud of yourself, and then maybe you want to end with a little evaluation. Hey, what could I do better? It's so much more fun to evaluate yourself and even to see some of your failures or flaws from a place of we're fine, we're doing a good job. So you're measuring your progress by looking at your growth. You're acknowledging your wins and improvements, even if you're still in the process. You are evaluating yourself from a place of curiosity, not from a place of, oh my God, I've messed up again, or anything like that, any that kind of negative shame on me, kind of you don't want to evaluate from that place you want to evaluate from. We've got this. How can I do better? You catch yourself when you slip into the gap. You catch yourself. And I did this just this morning. I caught myself slipping into this isn't happening fast enough. I should be farther along those kind of thoughts. And I'm like, Oh, I don't feel happy. I must be in the gap. What do I need to think in order to get into the gain? When you are in the gain, you are feeling gratitude. You are feeling momentum. You're acknowledging the momentum. You are feeling trust in yourself. You are messing up, and you're not mad at yourself. You're curious. You have more consistent motivation. I know that motivate. We don't want to wait for motivation, because we can do the things we need to do to make progress without it, but motivation sure does feel good. And I'll tell you, if you're in the game, you feel more of it. If you're telling yourself, you know what we're really doing well, we've really made progress, that does naturally motivate us to keep going. So here is what I want you to remind yourself when you're in the gap, you're saying to yourself, I'm far from where I should be. I'm not where I want to be yet. I'm not doing enough. This isn't happening fast enough. Those are all the type of thoughts that you are having when you're in the game. You're asking yourself questions like, How far have I come? What have I done? Well? What is going well, what is working? What is the progress I have made? Is there anything to be proud of? Am I seeing changes in myself? Is any of this getting easier? I could go on and on and on. I've spent a lot of time trying to be in the game. So here is what it looks like to coach yourself from being in the gap to getting in the game. Because this is what I want you to know, is sometimes we're in the gap 10 times a day, and we have to coach ourself out of it. You need to recognize you're in it and coach yourself out of it. So many people, I think that they they think they're going to get to this place, whether it comes to mindset or eating or health or money or whatever, they're going to get to this place where it's like, I'm good now you will get to a place where you definitely feel better and you feel like this is all getting a lot easier. But this is a practice, and so let me teach you what the practice is. The practice is all of a sudden recognizing you're in the gap by recognizing you're not feeling great, not physically, but you're not mentally, feeling happy, you're feeling frustrated, discouraged, some kind of negative emotion, and then you have a moment where you're like, why? Am I feeling this negative emotion? Can you figure out the thought that is creating it? Maybe the thought is, I should be farther along. I've been working so hard. And you can say, Huh, okay, that thought is a thought. It's not necessarily true, and it's making me slip into the gap, and I don't feel happy in the gap. And if being happy is feeling if feeling grateful and accomplished and proud and confident are some feelings I want to feel more on the regular. What's another way to think about this? You've probably heard me ask that question on the podcast. It's one of my favorite questions to ask myself. What is another way to think about this? It's a great question to get yourself in the game, so maybe you want to sit there and say, I okay. I'm in the gap because I'm having these thoughts. What is another way to think about this? Let's get into the gain. How far have I come? What progress have I made? And you literally just start asking yourself these great questions. You flood your mind with asking and answering these questions. Now, sometimes it works like that in it's a beautiful day when that happens, and sometimes it doesn't happen that fast. Sometimes you still feel like, wow, I didn't click over like I thought I would. And that's okay. Do it again and again and again. And here's what you will find. Like all change. You get stronger and stronger and stronger, and when you focus your mind on getting into the game over and over and over again, it gets easier and easier and easier to get there. I was telling my husband this the other day because him and I are constantly talking about entrepreneurship and doing scary things and feeling the discomfort and having visions for the future, all of these things. And I was telling him the other day about how the gap and the gain in this podcast, and I was telling him about how sometimes I have to do this like 10 times a day. And he's like, what? And I go, Yeah, babe. And I said, it's not misery. I don't sit down and journal 10 times a day. I just notice myself. Notice myself, and it gets easier and easier and easier to catch myself in a negative thought or in the gap, and then easily slide into the game. He had a bit of a thought error there. His thought error was he should be able to read a book, understand a concept, and that this should be kind of like, oh, this is what I do, yes, but you have to practice it. I think that that's why there's so many programs and self help books and self help podcasts and all the things out there. And people listen, people love I think that self help books is one of the top genre of book that is purchased, and God knows, that's how it is in the podcast world too. But I think one people have a thought error, that they think it should be happening faster again, in the gap, right? This work takes time, but if you can stay in the game, the work is more fun. The work is more enjoyable when I wrote down on this little sticky note I'm looking at right now. It's time to have fun and enjoy the process. I didn't say slow down, take more days off. Don't do hard things. What I meant was do all of those things you're doing, girl, because it's working. But have a little more fun. Enjoy the process and what is not written down here, but what I want you to hear is and be in the game, measuring your progress based on how far you've come, and be happy going to where you're going. I hope you have a great Tuesday for information on how we can work together. Head to modern body, modern life.com. To schedule a consultation with me. I'm currently coaching women privately, and I offer group coaching programs. I.