Emotional Eating- Sometimes it's Not That Deep

In this episode, I’m talking about something that might surprise you when it comes to emotional eating.

Sometimes… it’s not that deep.

I share a theme I’ve been seeing with several clients lately—where they assume something bigger must be going on, when in reality, it’s often much simpler than that. 

We tend to associate emotional eating with big emotions like stress, anxiety, or frustration. But what I want to offer is that it can also come from much lighter, more subtle emotions that are easy to overlook.

Things like boredom, hesitation, doubt, or even just a slight sense of discomfort.

This episode is about learning how to recognize those moments....especially the ones that show up when you’re about to follow through with something you said you would do.

Because often, those emotions don’t even surface until you stop distracting yourself.

I also walk you through the difference between escaping emotions and avoiding them, and why that matters if you want to feel more in control of your eating and your habits.

This is really about simplifying the process.

Not making it more complicated than it needs to be… and realizing that sometimes the thing getting in your way isn’t a deep-rooted issue, it’s just a moment of discomfort you haven’t learned how to sit with yet.

If you’ve ever felt like emotional eating doesn’t fully apply to you—but you’re still not where you want to be....this episode will help you start to see what might actually be going on.

Enjoy!

Courtney

I currently work with women privately to achieve their health, mindset, and body goals.  I would love to offer you a consultation HERE to discuss the changes you want to make to create more joy, health, and peace in your body and life.

Transcript

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Steve, welcome to modern body, modern life, the podcast for women who want to feel powerful, healthy, strong and confident, inside and out at every age. On this podcast, we talk about becoming a woman who is fully in control of her eating and movement, so weight loss, strength and energy become permanent. We also talk about something bigger, becoming the woman who takes her deepest desire seriously and goes after more in every area of her life. I'm body and life coach Courtney Gray, and I believe you can get in the best shape of your life at any age, and when you do, it becomes a catalyst for everything else, your relationships, your confidence, your joy, because when you feel like you and your body, all of life gets better. Let's get started. Welcome to the podcast episode 128 emotional eating. Sometimes it's not that deep. I have three clients this week that inspired this podcast, one in particular that literally said to me, so it's really not that deep sometimes, and I'm like, Yes, and I she even saw me write on a sticky note I go, that has to be the name of the podcast. So you know who you are. Thank you. But it's so interesting in my coaching of my groups and my private clients, how there are themes that come up. And I'm always just like, This is amazing when it's like the third woman to kind of say she's either struggling with something, or she has a an awareness in a certain direction, or she has a question, or she actually has made a discovery about herself, like up leveled in some way, and How these seem to happen multiple times throughout multiple women that I'm coaching. So I always love to jump on a podcast and say, energetically, the world is clearly like wanting answers on this. So that's what we're here today. But before I dive in, I want to say a few things. I feel like I have so much to tell you today. It's actually been a few weeks since I recorded a podcast because I I've been trying to take more time and do a few podcasts and kind of stack them up so then I can focus on my clients in between creating episodes for you. So it's been a few weeks since I have created an episode for you, and I want to tell you something that is totally random, totally out of left field. You're going to be like, what does this have to do with anything. But if you're like me, if you are like so many of the clients I you know, Coach, there's probably not one client I think that I coach that does not want to have a Hmm, how do I say this? Have a less codependent relationship with their phone, and most of the time with social media, it's not that we're texting our girlfriends too much. It's not that we're checking on our children too much. It's that we are on the socials, usually more than we truly would like to be. So this could be a whole podcast, and I think someday I will do a whole podcast on this, but I want to just literally give you a tip that has been a game changer for me. So I was listening to a podcast the other day with Arthur Brooks, who is just an amazing thought leader in terms of he has a lot of content on happiness and living a better life. He talks, I think he must have sons, because he talks a lot about raising boys to be amazing men, and so I just really enjoy him. His name is Arthur Brooks. Anyways, he I was listening to him on a podcast, loving it, and I just on my walk, just listening to it for enjoyment. And he started talking about how current generations of kids, their brains, are being really negatively affected by the iPhone. And he went in, you know, went on and on about it. And I think we kind of all are not surprised by this. But one of the things he said, because the woman said to him, like, what can we do? And he said, he goes, You know, one of the things I did that's been a game changer for me is I made my phone black and white. And he said that, and it was literally like a slap in the face all of a sudden. I was like, what? And he and she goes, Wait, what do you mean? He goes, I grayed it out. I don't know if it's either called gray or black and white. And he goes, I went into my settings and I made so now my phone is in color, right? And he says, I went in and I changed the settings to where it's black and white. And she said, The woman you know on the podcast interviewing him says, Tell me why you did this. And he says, because our phones are so addictive to us, they have been designed to draw us in at such a deep level. And we know this to be true, right? We know that our primitive brain gets the dopamine hit every time we swipe, and all we know that intellectually. But I never really thought about this that like, even though it's a beautiful day to day, and I can look out my window right now and I see the colors of the plants right outside my window, I see my neighbor's house across the way. It's a beautiful home. I see this our our streets in our neighborhood were just paved a few months ago, so even though it's kind of a random thing to think is beautiful, it is beautiful. They're really dark and they're. Just they look like new streets. And so I can look at all that and say, Oh, wow, it looks so nice. I really live in a nice neighborhood, and I can appreciate all of the colors and the visuals, right? Nothing compares to the visuals that we are getting on our phones these days. So when he said, I Black it out, I black and white. I've changed my colors on my phone to black and white. He says, I do this because it is so hyper addicting, because we are seeing colors and visuals and flashing lights and and, you know, images that have been so falsified and curated, it's not real, but it's drawing us in. And he said this, and I literally paused the podcast, went to my computer, Googled, how do I turn my iPhone into black and white? Came up immediately. How to do it took me two minutes. Very, very easy to do. And at first I was like, Oh, I didn't like it. That's the point. I've told a few of my girlfriends this, and they came back to me. They go, Oh my god, I only lasted 10 minutes. I didn't like it. And I said to them, I go, Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Girl, that's the point. We're not doing this. So we look at our phone and like it. We are doing this. So we are not drawn to our phone like we have been. It helps us put our phone down, because it's not as enjoyable. I know for my own life. I want to look and this is going to sound corny, but I'm just going to say it. I want to look outside at the pavement and the plants and my grass and my neighbor's house and see color in the real world. I want to look at my kids faces in the real world and see the color and their hair and their eyes. It's so cool. Each one of my boys has a different color eye. They're beautiful. So I want to see the color in my own life, and I want my phone to be a little bit less desirable. And it has totally worked for me. But you need to know it's supposed to make your phone less desirable. It's supposed to do that. And so what it has done for me is I was surprised that I did not get used to it. It's been probably two weeks now. I've not gotten used to it. Every time I pick up my phone, it's not quite as fun. That's a good thing. It's not quite as fun to shop. The other day, I was looking for tank tops, and I was on Nordstroms, and I was like, you can't even see the color options. And I was annoyed, but I thought, no, no, Courtney, this is what you wanted if you right now, want to shop online on Nordstroms, instead of using it as a way to, you know, occupy time because you're bored, get up off the couch, go to your computer or pull up your laptop, shop and enjoy shopping. Don't just shop because you're sitting in a line four deep at the post office. So this is what I wanted. So this has nothing to do with the podcast. Well, it's all kind of related, you know. But I just thought, Oh my God. I'm not ready to do a podcast on this yet, but I need to share this with the world. It's been a game changer for me. It is definitely every time I pick up my phone, I'm like, WA want, and that's a good thing. The hardest thing for me is Marco Polo, because I love seeing my girlfriend and my sister and my niece and, you know, I love and even on Snapchat, when I'm chatting with my kids, it's it's a bummer to not see them in color, but again, it just makes it even more lovely when I am in front of them in color in real life. Okay, I have one other thing to tell you before I dive into the podcast, and this is really, really exciting, and I'm going to tease you here. So be ready to be a little frustrated, but excited and annoyed at the same time, I have been working on something that I have been thinking about doing for years. It's been something I've been writing down in my journal. I have like this little manifestation journal that I've been writing down for years, something that I never knew when I would do, something that I never really knew what it would look like. It is a way for you to work with me that is more accessible for more people, that is more fun, that is at a deeper level. If you love this podcast, it's going to be a deeper level. It's a way for you to work with me that is more economical. It is probably my it is not probably it is my most cost effective way of working with me that I've ever offered. Ever in the history of me being coach, and it's coming, and that's all I'm going to tell you. And I'm you're like, What the heck? I'm so excited about this. I'm having so much fun creating this, and I know that it's going to serve all of the women that have already worked with me. And they're like listening. You're still listening to the podcast, you're still messaging me sometimes, you're still following along, you're still coming to my workshops. And it's also going to open the door to so many women that have wanted to work with me and just haven't made the choice to yet felt like it was not accessible yet, or maybe just haven't found me yet. It. And I could not be more excited. I even started out this year having no i idea that this is what I was going to do this year, really. I really good about making a plan for my year, like even my 2026, goals, and here's what we're going to focus on. And this, all of a sudden, came to me about a month and a half ago, and I thought, Whoa, it came to me in a meditation, and I thought, Whoa, what if this could be easy and fun, and that's always a really powerful place for me to start something. What if this could be easy and fun, and I also love to think, what if this could be a no brainer for everyone involved. What if it could be a no brainer for me? What it What if it could be a no brainer for you. So stay tuned. That's all I'm going to say. Stay tuned. I'm having a great time working on it. And now let's dive in to the podcast. This podcast is called, again, emotional eating. Sometimes it's not that deep. This podcast will especially be helpful to you if you find yourself learning from me, but every time I talk about, like, emotional eating or feeling discomfort on purpose, and you feel like it doesn't maybe really apply to you, if you think you kind of don't have anything really stressful going on in your life right now, or even when you do your life is really amazing. You're really grateful, even if you acknowledge that you don't have a lot of hardship in your life, even though some people, some people around you, do, and you kind of think that when you that maybe you just need to learn more tools in order to eat the way you want to eat, and move the way you want to move and live like your next 2.0 version of yourself. Maybe you think that you just kind of change your mind. Maybe you think that you just haven't been that committed, or you haven't found your why, or it's just kind of like, Oh, I'm just not there yet, and that's okay. Maybe this podcast is going to be for you. If you are thinking often about how maybe it's not what you're doing necessarily like that you eat pretty well, but it's your age or menopause that like is the root cause of why you're not where you want to be in your body. Now, this never negates having blood work done, going to see a specialist, understanding what's really physiologically going on with you. For sure, we always want to do that. I think it's the best thing ever. I started going to a naturopathic doctor. I haven't been in a while, but I I went a few years ago and got a full legit panel done, and I'm so glad I did that, because now I have that as a baseline if anything comes up for me. So it's so good to do that. But sometimes when people feel like they're not really emotionally eating, they don't really have anything stressful going on in their life, and yet they're 15 pounds over where they really want to be, and they go, it must be menopause. It must be what I'm hearing out in society. It must not be what I'm doing, because I'm pretty healthy. So it must just be my age. And I want to say this podcast might be a wake up call for you. So here is what three of my clients realized, and had like a little bit mini epiphanies, maybe this week, that it's not always that deep. We associate emotional eating with emotions like the classic emotions of like anxiety and stress, being hurt or mad, feeling guilt, like infuriated, embarrassed, we associate like a grief. You know, these kind of like big emotions. So if all of a sudden you told yourself that you really are going to snack less, but then you're snacking in the middle of the day, and you're like, but I'm happy, but I'm not really going through anything. I can't really it's not emotions. You might be thinking, what's going on? This might just be you not fully understanding the range of emotions that you could possibly be eating from. So here is what is equally as common that the reason why that you are, in fact, emotionally eating, but you are having emotions like apathy, inadequacy, overwhelm, that's a big one, insecurity, doubt, that's a big one, confusion, that's a big one, hesitation, and one of the biggest ones, I think that a lot of people I am coaching in the last year, two years, is bored, boredom. So let me ask you a question and pause if you take need to take a minute and really think about this, especially if you are driving or you're on walk. Do you think you emotionally eat? Now, I just gave you a bunch of emotions, some of these emotions, the one we the ones we kind of associate with emotional eatings, like the heavier emotions, you might see yourself in those. But if you don't see yourself in those, can you also possibly see yourself in the I don't know, less difficult? Health emotions, the hesitancy, the insecurity, the boredom, the inadequacy, the apathy. So if you said you don't really emotionally eat, I want to suggest you do. I really believe we all do. I do. I feel in control of my food. I feel in control of my mind. I am getting healthier and healthier all the time. I am constantly going to my next level. And in many ways, I'm like, oh my god, this is so exciting. I never knew there would be a next level. This is so fun. And I still emotionally eat. And when I'm having a good day, a good quarter, a good month, it is usually one of these lesser painful emotions that's getting in the way. So here's another question to ask yourself, do emotions ever get in the way of you getting more movement in I know that I positioned this podcast that it's about emotionally eating, but what you will find is that we emotionally eat to get out of some negative emotion or avoid a negative emotion. But emotions also get in the way of us becoming our strongest, healthiest self. They get in the way of us becoming our healthiest, more ideal version of our self. They get in the way of us going on that run. They get in the way of us lifting heavier weights. They get in the way of us doing sit ups and going for an extra walk around the block. They get in the way of us going for a walk with our dogs and then taking the dogs home and then going for an even faster walk by yourself. So ask yourself this, do emotions get in the way of you getting more movement in and my hope is that you say yes and actually find the truth in it, and find and see yourself in that question. A few months ago, on episode 105, of the podcast, I talked about, are you escaping or avoiding your emotions, or both? It can look two different ways, and so that if you love this podcast, definitely go back to that one, because it breaks down emotional eating even deeper. So this is almost kind of like a 2.0 version of that podcast, but that podcast really broke down two types of emotional eating, escaping negative emotion and avoiding negative emotion. So let me dive into both those really quickly escaping negative emotion basically looks like you are already experiencing a negative emotion, whether you subconsciously are aware or not, but oftentimes we're aware, so we feel like, Oh, I'm really stressed out today because my mother in law is coming and she's always annoying. Or like, Oh, I'm really stressed out because work is just so much right now, and now I need to go home. I need to get my kids ready for all their sporting events, or I have too much going on, or we're trying to sell our house, and this is all whatever we know, all the reasons we have, all these thoughts that create stress or grief or sadness or disappointment, all these things, and when we turn to food in those moments we are trying to get some relief from these negative emotions. Makes so much sense, right? You're sitting here nodding along like, yeah, yeah. We know what this looks like, but more common, often that people don't understand is their avoiding of negative emotion. And what this looks like is things seem good. You don't seem stressed, you seem happy. All seems to be well. You acknowledge that you have a grateful life, and things are going really well right now, especially when you can look back, I oftentimes do this with my kids, is I think shit, things are going really well right now, especially when I look back to a few years where we've really struggled with one of our boys, every day seems like a holiday sometimes, because he's doing so well, it's like, Wow, I'm so grateful. Okay, so I my work, if that's my case, and it is, my work is to know Courtney, sometimes you're going to avoid a negative emotion. And so what does that look like? And that looks like that when it's time to follow through with your plan, and let's be very aware of what your plan is. Your plan is that you want to feel amazing in your body and in your life. You want to feel healthier. You want to feel proud. You want to stop feeling like food is running the show. You want to drink a little bit less, whatever it is for you. Think about that thing, and then all of a sudden, when it comes time to either be the woman that follows through with that thing or be the woman you've always been and not follow through, there are emotions that get in the way, and these emotions don't even surface unless you stick to your plan. Let me say that again, these emotions don't even surface unless you stick to your plan. So I have a lot of women that I'll coach when they have great lives and they're like, I'm not stressed, and they overeat, even though they didn't want to overeat. And what I'll say, Why do you think that is let's dive into this so we can really get to the root cause of it. They're like, I don't know. I was so happy. Everything was going great. The reason why they don't know is. Because they're not even feeling those negative emotions, even if they're subtle, even if it's a little doubt, even if it's a little boredom, they're not feeling them. They're avoiding them by eating. The only way you are going to discover what negative emotion you're avoiding is if you stop avoiding it, if you sit there and say, Oh, I told myself I was going to be done eating, I was going to brush my teeth. But now it's 830 and everyone's gone to bed, and I'm sitting here and now I'm reconsidering my plans. That's the moment, my friend, that is the beautiful moment where you can say, oh, so what am I feeling? What is that what is happening in my body? Now, if you have not been good at diagnosing this emotion, you probably haven't. You might not even like be able to identify it, but go through that list again. Are you bored? Are you feeling hesitant? Are you feeling irritated? Is there confusion? Insecurity, overwhelm, inadequacy, apathetic. Now you might be like, no, no, no, but it's not coming unless you don't eat, unless you don't drink, and it might simply just appear at first, like agitation, like this out of body, like when you feel like you're almost like, get me out of here. That is an emotion, and even if you can't identify it yet, that's okay. Can you allow it and stick to your plan? You totally can. You totally can. If someone came into you and said, Listen, if you eat tonight, you were gonna light your house on fire, you'd be like, I'm good. You would allow that emotion. But in the moment, your primitive brain completely takes over, and you have a habit that has been forming for years and years and years of letting that happen. So it makes so much sense. There's no shame. But in that moment, you are not going to uncover what the feeling is that you are trying to avoid by eating, unless you sit with the discomfort. So for my clients this week, and for you who are like, Oh, sometimes it's not that deep, what I want you to realize is, in that moment, let's just, let's just put yourself in that situation where everyone's gone to bed or no one's in the house, no one's holding you accountable to any standard standard. Maybe you only want to lose 10 pounds, and your brain starts going, what does it matter? You look great, you know you're healthy, right? All of the drama our primitive brain tells us So put yourself in that position, and all of a sudden you have to sit there with a negative emotion. It doesn't necessarily mean trauma comes up. It doesn't mean that you start thinking about something that happened in your childhood that was that shouldn't have happened. It doesn't mean that you have some repressed thing that you need to go to hypnotherapy about. It doesn't mean that you're questioning your purpose. It just means that you're a little bit bored and it doesn't fucking feel good, because you have a habit of turning to food anytime you get a very light little whiff of boredom. Or, let me just say this, it just means that watching TV, eating something is more fun. Maybe that's true. I don't even want to talk you out of thinking that I know for me, on nights when I decide I'm going to make cookies and I'm going to have a few, it is more fun watching bridgerton. It is more fun watching Outlander with popcorn, but the nights when I decide not to eat anything and I sit there and just watch it, you know what's fun feeling like I'm getting really good at this. I'm already really good at it, but feeling like, you know, there was a time when I felt like I'm getting really good at this, I'm gonna go to bed and be so proud of myself. I stepped on the scale, and I've actually lost a pound this week, and I'm really proud of myself. At the same time, I'm implementing what I'm learning from the podcast. So sometimes it's not that deep. I want to give you a non eating example. One of my boys is a procrastinator. He kind of always has been, and it's something that we've been working on because he really recognizes that he is and he knows it's not serving Him. So we've been, you know, coaching on this, having discussions on this, for a while, and I told him, I said, whenever you decide to do something that you truly want to do, first of all, you need to know that in the moment, your primitive brain is going to be like, nah, this isn't a good idea. So he recognizes that. Now I've taught him that he really needs to actually put it in his computer, not just say, Oh, I'm gonna work on this on Sunday. He needs to actually make a time and put exactly what he's gonna work on in his in his like planner or in his phone calendar, and then he needs to know that his primitive brain is gonna step. Minute go. Oh, now's not a good time. He needs to know that from the get go, so then when it happens, he can identify it as, oh, that's my permanent brain. It just wants me to be in pleasure. And he also needs to know that it's not like he's going to be going into this writing session or workout session, whatever it is he wants to do feeling a horrible emotion. He's not going to go in like, Oh my God, I am really sad about this, or that. It's just going to be a slight confusion. It's going to be a slight. What if this doesn't work out, it's going to be a slight. You know, I just, I feel uninspired today, and then he's going to feel restless or irritated or unsure or confused or hesitant. It's not going to be deep, deep emotions that he's trying to avoid. It's going to be the little ones. And I think more often than not, it's these little ones that are getting in the way of so many people, and that's why I think this podcast is powerful. And he has been getting more done doing this, he's been getting more done, planning it, showing up, knowing that his primitive brain is going to offer him thoughts that are going to make him feel these low grade, no big deal emotions. I have many clients who want to be more organized, or they want to start a business, or they want to start a podcast, a book club, a travel group, whatever, but they're putting it off over and over and over again. And listen, it's not the end of the world. They're not crying to me, saying, I'm putting it off. It's just this low grade I keep putting it off. And here's the bummer about that is the longer and longer they put something off, it starts to really affect their self concept they now tell themselves the story. I'm not good at starting something. I have always wanted to do something, but I just never do it. It starts to become self concept, and then that makes it even harder for them to do something. And you know, what gets in the way is these very low grade emotions, of course, if all of a sudden you have something catastrophic happen in your life, and that week, you really were dialed in and you were going to start a podcast. Of course, we put off the podcast. If something happens that you really need to deal with, you gladly go. Now's not the week to put off the podcast, but it's the lower level. No so. Big Deal emotions that get us not doing that podcast, not doing our art, not taking up that new sport, not reaching out to a friend that you keep telling yourself you really would like to spend more time with them. And so when we start to acknowledge that, wow, I think it's these lighter, negative emotions that are really getting in my way now you have the opportunity to see it for what it is, and can you allow yourself to feel those negative emotions, identify them and keep going? It took me a lot of sitting down when I started this podcast four years ago, when I sat down pot to podcast, I would sit down, and at first there was a lot of big negative emotions, like insecurity, doubt, confusion, all that. But over time, those went away. My podcast was well liked. I was getting clients. People wanted to work with me. They were messaging me, saying, Oh my God, this podcast was amazing. I shared it with a friend. People wrote reviews. I mean, it's been amazing, but after a while it became more of the low level emotions, the whole I don't really want to do this now. What should I call the podcast? Like my primitive brain offers me so many things. You know what you're talking about, but what podcast title is going to really get them to listen? Right? It's these low grade emotions that have the tendency now to keep me stuck. People have thoughts like, I don't know where to start. What if it doesn't work? I don't have time right now. And when you have those thoughts, and those thoughts produce no big deal. Negative emotions. Negative emotions, I think all of us can agree, are not too painful. I want you to see that it's not that deep, and those negative emotions need to be identified and felt and honored so you can stick to your plan. There's no confusion. Oh, I need to sit here and feel a little bit of doubt. Oh, I need to sit here and feel a little bit of confusion and then try to get out of confusion. I need to sit here and feel a little boredom, or I need to sit here and just feel agitated, and I'm having a hard time figuring out what that emotion is. And that's okay, too. It's possible, if you are working really hard, to become the next level version of you, and you don't identify when I talk about negative or emotionally eating or feeling negative emotions, if you're like that's not me, if you feel like you don't have any trauma that you feel like is getting in the way. First of all, I'm going to be talking about trauma and like, big life emotions. Next. Week. It's kind of kind of be a two parter for this podcast. We're going to talk about that next week. But if you don't identify with that, maybe it's not that deep, but yet, maybe it's still significantly keeping you from being the woman you know you're meant to be. I hope you have a great Tuesday for information on how we can work together. Head to modern body, modern life.com. To schedule a consultation with me. I'm currently coaching women privately, and I offer group coaching programs you.