Becoming a Consistent Woman

In this episode, I’m talking about something so many women want more of...

Consistency. 

Not just being consistent when it comes to work, family, or taking care of everyone else... but being consistent with the things you truly want for yourself.

Because if you’re like most women, it’s often your own goals, habits, health, and self-care that end up on the back burner.

I share why consistency isn’t a willpower problem... it’s a thinking problem.

We dive into the thoughts, patterns, and beliefs that keep us stuck in the cycle of starting and stopping, and why understanding those patterns is the first step toward creating lasting change.

I also talk about the importance of having a strong enough "why," learning to stop waiting for the perfect time, and redefining what consistency actually looks like.

Because consistency is not perfection.

It’s learning how to keep showing up, even when life gets busy, even when you make mistakes, and even when it feels easier to quit.

This episode is really about becoming the woman who follows through on what she truly desires... imperfectly, compassionately, and consistently.

If you’re tired of starting over every Monday and ready to create a different relationship with yourself, this episode is for you.

~Courtney

Interested in working with me?  I currently support women in private coaching and inside my Aligned Life Membership... helping them create lasting changes in their eating, daily habits, mindset, confidence, and overall life.  Click HERE for all the details

Transcript

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Paul, welcome to Modern Body, Modern Life, the podcast for women who want to feel powerful, healthy, strong, and confident inside and out at every age. On this podcast, we talk about becoming a woman who is fully in control of her eating and movement, so weight loss, strength, and energy become permanent. We also talk about something bigger, becoming the woman who takes her deepest desires seriously and goes after more in every area of her life. I'm Body and Life Coach Courtney Gray, and I believe you can get in the best shape of your life at any age, and when you do, it becomes a catalyst for

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your relationships, your confidence, your joy, because when you feel like you and your body, all of life gets better. Let's get started. Welcome to the podcast, episode 133 Becoming a consistent woman, or becoming an even more consistent woman, if you feel like you're pretty consistent already. Before I dive in, I just want to tell you, if you listened to the podcast last week, you heard me talk all about my exciting new way to work with me. It's called the Aligned Life Membership. Many of you have already signed up, which I am so excited about. You can head to Modern Body, Modern life.com forward slash membership for all of the details, and the whole podcast really gave you all of the details, but I did get a few questions that I emailed and answered back to the people who sent me questions, and so at the very end of this podcast, I'm going to give you some of the answers to those questions, because I know if there's one or two people that have a question, or maybe they're confused, or maybe they're not totally, it wasn't clear, I always want to give that information to you. I don't want to just assume, oh, they know all the information. So, at the end, I'm going to give you some of the questions that were asked to me, in case you maybe went to my sales page and you thought, hmm, I have a question, but you didn't reach out. So, I'm going to talk to you all about becoming a consistent woman, and then at the end, I will go over some of those questions, because if you have been thinking you want to join me in the Aligned Life membership, I'd love to have you, and I certainly don't want one little hesitation or unanswered questions getting your way of becoming a woman who lives a more aligned life. Okay, let's dive into the podcast. I spent years, years, years stopping and starting, stopping and starting, all in, all out, shame, hope, all those things. Like, I feel like inconsistent was my middle name. Now, let me just say, I don't think a lot of people in my life would have said this about me, because all of my inconsistency was only with my own shit. It wasn't like I was an inconsistent mom. It wasn't like sometimes I got the kids to school on time, sometimes I didn't, sometimes I made dinner, and sometimes I just said, you know, I didn't. That's not that wasn't me. I was in, I was extremely consistent when everyone else profited from that consistency, but whenever I wasn't consistent, it was all the things that I truly desired for myself. Can you relate to this? This is called putting yourself on the back burner. This is called putting yourself at the end of your to-do list, or possibly not even on your to-do list. I think, as women, we historically do this, and so what I want to do on this podcast is I want to teach you how to become a consistent woman, and specifically consistent with the things that you truly care about, because here's what I will tell you, I think we have this notion, this incorrect notion that we have to do all the things for everyone else first before we can put ourselves on the list, and I just disagree. I really do believe it's not a, or it's not like we have to kick other things necessarily off the list. It's not like we have to stop doing as much for others. Sometimes we do, sometimes we need to say no to others and put ourselves first, but a lot of times it's just learning how to say and learning how to say I'm going to do all this and I'm putting myself first and what if I put myself first, how do I dare put my own needs first before I even do all the things for other people? It really is possible, and I truly believe that when we are really taking care of ourselves, it feels so good. It like turns us into this woman who trusts herself, and it makes us show up better for everyone else in our lives. I don't think that's the main reason to do it, but I think it's a lovely bonus. So, I was inconsistent with a lot of the things, with my eating, of course, with my drinking, whether I wanted to drink or not, I was inconsistent with that, with working out, but even for just moving my body, it wasn't even just working out, going to the gym, it was even like I would tell myself I was going to go for a walk, and then I wouldn't, and then it was like meditation, maybe you say prayer, maybe you say journaling, like for me it was a lot of those. Meditation, journaling, working out, just even movement, and the biggest one for me was eating. I was either all in or all out, and when I was all in, it felt amazing, except that I was usually doing it in a very diety type of way, and that's why eventually I was all out. So, like I'm always saying, like this is why diets don't work. It's like we go all in, we go on a diet, and then eventually we're just like, I can't, I can't, I don't want to, I, and we fall off. So this podcast is going to help you if you also struggle with that. It's going to help you become a more consistent woman. I thought a long time ago, when I really struggled with this, I really thought I didn't want it bad enough. I didn't really think, I mean, I thought the problem was me, but I didn't understand everything I'm gonna walk you through on this podcast, because I wasn't a coach. I really, to me, if you would have asked me 10 years ago, like, what is mindset, what is, do you understand the power of your thoughts and all that, I would have said, gratitude, I would have said, yes, it's important to be grateful, and it totally is important to be grateful, but mindset and understanding your thoughts, that your thoughts actually create the results you are creating in your life, it's way more than gratitude, gratitude is amazing, but again, it's and yes, gratitude and managing your mind and deciding what you want to think on purpose and understanding yourself at a deeper level. So, back then I thought I just didn't want it bad enough. I thought I really was just changing my mind, and especially because my brain told me it didn't matter in the morning, it mattered in the later in the day it didn't matter anymore. I would tell myself, I'm going to go for a walk after dinner, I really want to start getting more steps in. And then after dinner, I was tired, and I'd be like, it doesn't matter. And I just believed my brain. I didn't know if someone would come up to me. Like, sometimes I think if I could have gone back to her 10 years ago and just pulled me aside and said, "Hey, dude, hey, dude, I'm from your future, and we'd hug it out and cry. Oh my god, this is amazing. My future self is coming to talk to me, right? And then I would hug myself and say, hey, just so you know, like, you know how you always say you're gonna go for a walk after dinner because you want to get more steps in, or you know how you always say you're not gonna have dessert because you had dessert last night and you have a big weekend ahead, whatever. You know how you say you want to eat this way or you want to move this way, and then in the moment you change your mind, and I would have been like, yes, I would have been said to myself, you know, you have a thing called a primitive brain who actually just wants you to be happy in the moment, and that's why you're giving up, you're not actually changing your mind, this isn't you making an empowered decision, and I would have been like, what, I would have literally not even, no, I would have had to have a longer conversation, because it would have blown my mind. So I really did think long ago that I just didn't have the willpower and determination to put myself first. I was really good at putting everyone else first, but not myself. Just like everything else I teach you, consistency must be learned. That's why I've chosen creating consistency as the focus for this first month of the Aligned Life membership. So, for those of you who have already signed up for the Aligned Life membership, totally listen to this podcast and get excited and noodle on some of these prompts and questions and learn, but know that you and I are going to do this work together. This is like a little prequel for those of you that are going to be either already are or are going to be signing up for the Aligned Life membership. Creating consistency, or even better, really, what you're doing is becoming a woman who is consistent, is really important, it helps us create a better life for ourselves, and we can say to ourselves, sometimes, like in the moment, you might say, Yeah, I really want to start flossing my teeth. I remember there was a time when I really, I don't know, I maybe it was when I was 30, I started going, I really need to floss my teeth every night, I just didn't before then, and maybe that sounds gross, if you're someone who's always floss your teeth, you might be horrified by that, but I just didn't. It's like, I really, I knew it was important, but I didn't really know was that important. So, I remember, like, I think early 30s, I was like, I really think I need to do this all the time. I think my dentist started saying, oh, your gums are really receding, you might have to have like gum grafts. I was like, what? And so then I started flossing my teeth, and now I'm a.. I would never go to bed without flossing my teeth. I would actually get out of bed, oh my god, I totally floss my teeth. So, but even something simple, like you want to be consistent with flossing your teeth, you want to be consistent with wearing your mouth guard, you want to be consistent with doing 10 push ups or two push ups, you know, before you go to work in the morning. It doesn't matter, I could, I could be sitting here for an hour giving you examples of how you might want to be consistent. It doesn't matter what it is, but there's something you keep saying, I should do this, or maybe, maybe you heard one of your girlfriends saying she does this, you're like, oh my god, I should do this. Here's why it's important, because it might sound trivial, like, what's the big deal? Here's what the big deal is. When you start becoming consistent, it eventually becomes a habit, which is a beautiful thing. But when you start becoming consistent, you really get very aware of yourself, and you understand yourself at a deeper level. I'll explain why in just a moment. I'm going to give you kind of the four part game plan of becoming consistent. You really get to know yourself at a deeper level, but then the beauty is it becomes a part of who you are. It becomes just a part of your self concept. And why does this matter? This matters because then it gets so much easier when you hear me all the time saying, yeah, at first when you decide you want to eat better or drink less or move more, get up a little earlier in the morning. At first, it's hard. You've heard me say that it's hard at first, but then it gets easier, and it gets easier because it becomes who a part of you. It becomes who you are. Now, some people, I might say, it becomes a habit. Yes, but the reason why that is so powerful is because it changes the way you think of yourself? I almost feel like calling it a habit, like, negates it a little bit. It's like you could say, oh, this is a habit, or you can say, I've become the woman that most of the time I just act this way, most of the time I just take care of myself in this way. It sounds so much more empowering than, oh, it's now a habit. I love what creating consistency does. It just becomes who you are, and this is the next best thing - is that that can constantly be up leveling, up leveling, and up leveling. You can constantly change the way you think, in the way you feel, and everything. I saw this video on Instagram the other day, and it was so cool. I saved it. It was this woman, quite old, and she was sitting there in her little house that looked kind of like an average home, and she just said, "I look out at my yard, and it didn't show her yard. I was like, "Show us the yard, but she goes, "I look out at my yard, and I think this is so beautiful. I can't believe I live here. I am so grateful that I live with all this beauty, man. Am I lucky? And she says heaven cannot be better than this, and it made me even a little emotional. Like, can you imagine living with that like thought process happening? I literally saved it, because I'm like, I want what this woman's got. I don't know what she's drinking, but I want to drink it. It was amazing, and we all have the potential of looking at our life this way, and maybe for you it's your backyard. For this woman, she was specifically in that moment talking about her backyard. Maybe for you, it's your children, maybe for you it's your partner, maybe for you it's your connection with God, maybe for you it's your connection with universal energy, maybe it's your animal, maybe it's just the security you've created in your life. It doesn't matter what it is, like it's an amazing way to look at your life, and the cool thing is, and the reason why I'm tying it into this podcast is she's created a self concept with the way she's talking. I don't even know this woman, and I only saw a 92nd video, and I thought, I don't think that this was just this woman on the good day. I have a pretty good idea that the vibe of this woman is that's how she is living her life. It becomes a self concept to look at her life and go, man, am I lucky creating consistency in any area. It just makes you go, I did it, I do it, this is just what I do, and what's next for me. So, here is the four part game plan for becoming a consistent woman. Now, for those of you again that are in my Aligned Life membership, have fun, get excited. We are going to do this work together. Number one, owning what you truly desire, that has to be step number one in this four-part game plan for you to become a woman who is consistent. You really need to be clear on what it is you want, and it can be simple. It doesn't. It, this is a, this can be a very simple thing. You can say, I really want to start going to bed an hour earlier. That is a beautiful place to start. Now, you know me, I love thinking big. I'm all about thinking big, but sometimes we think really big, and then it feels, it feels so big that we don't know where to start. So, creating consistency, I would choose something possibly a little smaller. If you can create consistency, become a woman who is consistent with doing something small, you can build upon that. And a lot of times, if it's something small, there's not a lot of confusion around it, like if you say to yourself, I really want to get in my best health ever, or I really want to lose 25 pounds sustainably. I love that for you, but there might be a lot of like, how should I do that, like when should I do that, and what am I going to do, and where do I start, and do how it's pretty big, and I love that it's big for you, and it's. Something that you should really dive in and journal and answer all the questions, and do it in a way that sounds fun and exciting, but for the purposes of this podcast, I really think that it's awesome to start with something small, because if you say to yourself, I've been telling myself for a year now, I really want to get to bed earlier, why we're going to talk about why in a minute, but like, why do you want to just like answer that? Why? Oh, because I think if I go to bed earlier than when I wake up, it'll be easier to get up, because my primitive brain always tells me I didn't get enough sleep. This is a can you tell I've coached a lot of women on this, so that right there is enough. I want to go to bed an hour earlier. Done. Don't over complicate it. Let's move on. Pick and move on, you want to become a woman who goes to bed an hour earlier most of the time. So, I want you to really think about, like, I really, really want this. Do you really, really want this? Make sure that you don't say things like, I really should do this. I have conversations with a lot of people, and sometimes I'll even have women on consultations where they'll say, I really need to get healthy, or I've really like let my health spin out of control, I really should do this, and I'm like, I hear you, but do you want this? And sometimes they even look at me like, well, yeah, I want it, and I'm like, yeah, but you said I should do it, and you, you like, I don't know where that's coming from, is it your doctor, is it your family, but do you want it? It is a completely different energy towards it. So I want to give you the opportunity to really own what you truly desire. There's a difference between saying I really need to do this and I really, really want this for myself, because rarely, when we say I really should do this, can we get excited about that, but if we say I really want this, I really truly desire it, from that place, we can get excited about it. We can say, How can this be empowering, so much easier than I really should do. This do you hear the difference? I really should get in shape. I really should drink a little bit less. I really should lose about 20 pounds, or I really want to drink less. I really want to lose about 20 pounds. I really want to be in my best health. I feel that energetically in my body. Do you feel it differently when I say it? And the energetics are important. I'll tell you a total side note. I actually, this is the second time I'm doing this podcast. I did this podcast last week, and I did it, felt great about it, and then when I listened back, I was like, something's off, and I didn't even know. I'm like, I don't know, because I said all the right things. I'm following the same like bullet point for myself of what I'm going to talk about, and I'm like, I was in a good mood. I don't know what it was, and I just even afterwards, this doesn't happen very often, but probably like three times a year I will record a podcast, like you know, spend time on it, record it, like a few hours. This takes me a few hours, and then, like, the next day I'll still be thinking, I don't.. that just was off. Something was not energetically aligned, and sometimes I can't even really put my finger on what it was. But this morning I woke up, and I'm like, "You know what? We got no problem here. I'm going to re-record it. Energetically, it didn't hit, and I can even tell energetically I'm not even halfway through this podcast yet. It's hitting, so it's my energy, but I feel like my energy is really important because it's gonna, it's gonna affect your energy listening to this podcast. So, when you tell yourself I really should do this energetically, it's almost like you're being told to do homework in fifth grade. You're like, I really should.. I mean, it's almost kind of like saying, like, do you ever.. I was thinking this last night, I'm like, I really should do my hair tonight, so I don't have to do it tomorrow morning. And then I even stop myself, and I'm like, do I want to do my hair tonight? Like, I don't have to. No one's bossing me around. I'm the boss of my own life. There's a different energy by saying I really want to do my hair tonight, so then I have more time tomorrow than I really should do it tonight. So, for that reason, I want you to own what you truly desire. Do you want this? Are you the only one who cares? Can that be okay? And really own it for yourself. Okay, the second part of this creating consistency game plan is understanding why, but not understanding why necessarily you want this, yes, but why you haven't been consistent in the past. Very often when people decide that they want to make a change, they immediately go into taking action on the change, and so if we just take working out, for example, let's say you want to be more consistent, moving, getting stronger, so what a lot of people do, and I see this all the time, is that they'll be like, you know what, I'm going to the. Gym starting tomorrow morning. I'm done messing around. I'm going to the gym, and this isn't a horrible thing. Like, I'm all about, like, let's go, but it really would be even more powerful to take a moment and understand what has been getting in the way of you being consistent, doing something that you clearly want in the past. Like, why have you not been consistent in the past, so it's important that we don't just move into being consistent, but we start to understand why we haven't. What has been getting us, what has been getting in our way. First, of course, understanding the human brain, everyone's human brain, understanding how we have, you know, a prefrontal cortex that wants us to be consistent, that wants us to feel amazing in our bodies, amazing in our lives, be able to manage our mind. We've got that, the human beings have that, but also understanding your human brain. So, what does your primitive brain say to you to get you off track? What emotions come up for you that you feel like you can't handle, and sometimes you give up in the moment, so you need to not only understand the human brain, you understand need to understand your human brain, because your neural pathways, your programming, which started as a little, little kid, is different than mine, it's different than your best friend's, it's different than your partner's, so you will want to understand your brain, you want to understand your brain, you want to understand your beliefs, your assumptions, your patterns. Once you start understanding yourself at a deeper level, you can start saying, oh, here's what has gotten me off track in the past, here's what has made me inconsistent, and here's what the reality is. I'm laughing because I'm sure you're going to be like, it makes sense, is that if your primitive brain tells you, oh, it doesn't matter, just do this or do that and try to get you off track, then your brain is going to tell you it doesn't matter all the time. I went this morning to play tennis, and I sunscreened up, got totally ready to go, water bottle, all the things, and I got there, and the tennis pro is like, "Oh, Courtney, yeah, we don't have.. there is no tennis today. I don't know why, I just assumed that I just.. I got it wrong. I got the date wrong. There was no tennis today. And so, as I'm walking back to the car, my primitive brain is like,"Oh, well, you don't have to work out today, you can just either do it later or you should probably just take a rest day, you know, is no, and I just laughed, literally. Let people, if you, if they would have seen me walking in my car, they would have thought I was crazy, because I started laughing to myself. Because here, my, I, here I am, totally dressed in athletic wear. Here I am, totally sunscreened, ready to go, excited to, of course, play tennis, but also excited to move my body, and my primitive brain is now telling me, "Oh, well, you're off the hook, you might as well just go home. And so then I thought, "No, no, what can I do here? And I thought,"Oh, I'm gonna go to the park and go for a run. And then I realized I don't have my fanny pack, I don't have my earbuds. And so then my primitive brain is like, "Oh, this is this is too complicated. This is just too complicated. You should just go home. You really, you know, you went on a long walk yesterday, and you lifted weights yesterday. You've done too much. Your body really needs a rest. And I laughed again. I'm like, there it is again. And I'm like, I can easily swing back home, grab my fanny pack, grab my earbuds, and go to.. there's no problem, like I am my own boss here. No one is waiting for me at the office because I work for myself. So, and I just laughed, and I thought, isn't this isn't this what I realized was coming for me, because my brain says the same things: you can do it later, you needed a rest, this isn't important. I understand my brain so well when it presents that to me. I don't go, I don't believe it. I don't think I'm just thinking those thoughts. I know that that's my primitive brain. I know that's Frank as my primitive brain's name. Frank doesn't want me to do anything. Frank wants me to be sitting on the couch watching TV on my phone and eating two different things and having a cocktail. Frank has crazy ideas, but I understand myself at such a deep level, and that is really step number two of your four part plan, really of creating more consistency. So, what are your thoughts that are keeping you from being inconsistent? If I would have come home today and just started working and given up my plan for moving my body today, I would have been able to say, Courtney, what thoughts got in your way? Oh, I would have told myself it's too important. I left my earbuds at home, I don't have enough time, it doesn't really matter anyways. This is inconvenient. Oh, I would have been like, oh, yep, though there are the thoughts, there are the thoughts that got in my way. Let me give you some examples, because I'll tell you what is the most, the most wildly universal inconsistency with most people in terms of their health is weekends. What I've seen with my clients is weekends really are the hardest for most people to be. Consistent with their healthy habits, whether it's eating, drinking, moving, journaling, anything, weekends seem to be the hardest, and I think the why, why it's such a struggle for people to be consistent over a weekend is a thought process, and so it's a belief system, actually, even not just like we have thoughts all day, but like something that we truly believe, that we believe, you know, that has been, I think, even a societal norm is this thought process that weekends, very similar to holidays, actually, weekends are me time, weekends are supposed to be about fun and relaxing, putting yourself first. It's usually if we get together with friends, a lot of times it's over the weekend, and it's usually, especially if you have a job that even if you like your job, it's like, okay, I'm the weekend is all about me and my life, in my home, my family. And when, for many people, they think about going into the weekend and having fun and relaxing, and being finished with work, and all that. It revolves around eating and drinking, and like celebrating, either celebrating because something's fun, or feeling like you deserve to have food and drink because maybe you're, you've had a hard week. And so this is a belief system, and it's a belief system I don't think a lot of people are conscious of, but it really is this idea of now is my time, and that's usually associated with food and drink, because remember, your primitive brain wants you to seek as much and quick pleasure as you can, and usually food and drink are the fastest way to pleasure. So then what happens is many people have this belief system. Weekends are me time, weekends are about fun, relief from a hard week, whatever it is. And then all of a sudden their goals of eating better, drinking less, moving more, they kind of beat up against this belief system that weekends are supposed to be about fun, weekends are supposed to be about me time. Can you have both? Most people don't have any idea how they can have both. They're like, if I'm going to have fun, if I'm going to enjoy myself at a party here, wherever, how can I do that? You know, if I'm eating better and drinking less, or eating less. So, I think one of the main reasons why people are inconsistent over the weekends is because of this belief system, they really feel like this is me time, and then they look at their plan of eating better and drinking less and drinking better, whatever their plan is, and they don't seem to jive together, and I think this goes to an even deeper belief system that, like, if I'm going to really have fun, I need to be able to eat and drink all the things. If I'm going to be really having fun, I shouldn't be going to the gym. I shouldn't be worried about it's almost like I shouldn't be worried about anything. And there's just so many assumptions here. As if we have to worry about anything, we don't have to worry. We can just have fun and eat better. We can just have fun and go for a long walk and lift weights, do whatever we want to do. For many of my clients, what I do with them is I dive into, like, what are your deep beliefs about the weekend, and how can we think differently about the weekend? How can you actually think it is my time, and I want to have an amazing time, get into my best health, so you understanding what your beliefs are around the weekends and really diving deep, and do you have what a lot of people have, this idea that, oh my gosh, we have all these friends coming and all this is going to be so fun, I deserve to relax, and then you look at your health goals and you say these don't fit into that, if I do my health goals, am I.. if I'm consistent with everything I want for myself, I'm not going to have as much fun. Is that true? Is it possible you could still have an amazing weekend, and then at the end of the weekend be really proud of yourself for doing both? Do we have to ask ourselves, like, what is the point of the weekend is the point of the weekend eating as much delicious food as possible is the point of the weekend not moving our bodies that much, and just like hanging out with our friends, what is the point of it, or is it spending time with people, going to amazing places, having great conversations, listening to cool music, taking care of yourself, and having fun, so really understanding why you haven't been consistent in the past is so important, and if you're like so many of my clients, weekends seem to be troublesome, and really take a look at understanding yourself and your belief systems around weekends. So, before I get off this weekend soapbox, I want to give you some of the most common thoughts I have heard from my clients when it comes to weekends and sticking to their plan, so during the week my clients will do great, and then all of a sudden as they head into the weekend they have a lot of these thoughts, so I want to just give them to you really quick, because it might help you understand yourself better if you also have these thoughts. One of the thoughts is it's me time, I. Don't know what we will be doing, that thought. I don't know what we will be doing. It sounds very factual, but a lot of times that thought gets people into a place of confusion, gets people into a place of like feeling like a victim, feeling like they're not in control of their own lives, and it assumes that, like, I can't possibly stick to my goals, because I don't know what the group's gonna want to do. I don't know what the weather's gonna be. I don't.. there's so much like I don't have control, and that's the thought. You can have control anytime you decide to have control. You might have to iterate, you might have to make accommodations, but you do have control. Some of the other thoughts is, I want to have fun, and for some women, especially men too, I'm sure, but for some women who say, like, I want to have fun, what they're saying is, I want to have fun, and if I'm eating healthy, that's not fun, and you can really question that, is that true? Is that true? On the fourth of July, if you don't, if you decide you don't want to have a hot dog, does that mean you're not going to have any fun, or maybe you have a hot dog, but then you don't have cake, or whatever, whatever your accommodation is. Can you still have fun if you change what you put in your mouth? I believe we can. We're not at home, so I don't know. Again, it's I don't know we're not at home. I don't know we're off our schedule. I don't know we have house guests. Again, it's like you're not in control of yourself. My brain loves to tell me, I deserve this. You've done so good, Courtney. You deserve this. A lot of women, especially women that work full time during the week, is they tell themselves, I need a break. I need a break, as if, like, my being being my healthiest self and being consistent and being on track with where I like headed towards my goals. It's like I need a break from all of that. Do you need a break from it? You need a break from living in alignment with what you truly want, or is there a possibility you can take a break from something else? So really dive into what that means. Here's a big one. This won't be fun if I'm the only one not eating blank. This won't be fun if I'm the only one not drinking blank. Is that true? And maybe for you, you have been living this way for so long, you might say it is true, and can that be okay? So some of you might say, no, you're right, Courtney, that's so silly. It is still fun, but there's some of you. I've had some clients say, yeah, yeah, it's not as fun. And you know what, I'll tell you something. I went through this when I stopped drinking. There were times I would sit there and I would say, it's.. and I would.. my primitive brain would say, you're not having as much fun because you're not drinking, and I would look at all my girlfriends that were tipsy, and my kids that were tipsy, and the vibe of everything was so carefree, and let's have another cocktail, and all that. And I thought, is it true I'm not having as much fun? And sometimes I would go, yeah, it would be if I got a vodka soda right now, and I was halfway through that drink, I would be having a higher level of fun. It's true. And can it be okay, can it be okay that I'm sitting here very aware that in some ways I'm not having as much fun as other people, and you know what, I always go to who's going to be having the most fun tomorrow morning, it's this girl right here, because I'm going to be waking up tomorrow morning, I'm going to be going for my run, doing what I do, feeling motivated because I did it. I was willing to have a little less fun in the moment because the beautiful conversation that happened for me so many times that I'd say, yeah, it's not quite as fun, but you know what? Let me go talk to her. I haven't talked to her in a while, and let me love on her, and let me check in with her, and because that's what really matters more than anything. The last thought for you that I've heard a lot, and had, of course, myself, that can be getting in the way of our consistency, is no one else is blank, no one else is going for a run in the morning, no one else is going to the gym today, no one else is whatever, right? I'm going this weekend, we're going to go to a lake house with some friends, and I'm going to, I'm assuming there's, I mean, there's not going to be a gym there, it's a lake house, so I'm not bringing my gym, my, like, I'm not bringing weights and all that, sometimes I'll do that, I'll bring weights if we, you know, go to a hotel or something, but I'm like, you know what, I'm going to run and I'm going to do like a body workout somewhere on my run, I'll do my push-ups, I'll do maybe some lunges, something like that, and and I know I might be the only one, I might be the only one, and so my primitive brain is going to go, no one else is going for a run. My primitive brain is going to say, you don't know where you're going. My primitive brain is probably going to tell me you're going to get lost, and I've done this before, you're going to get lost, and so I'll say, hey, is there like a straight shoot out? I don't want to go on any turns or anything, because I'm not really very good with directions, and so I'll ask, and sometimes they'll say, oh yeah, if you go all the way up to the stop sign, then if you go right, there's another stop sign, you could just do that, L, and even if I just run for 20 minutes, great, but my brain, I'm telling you, my primitive brain is going to tell me, you're a weirdo, you're. The only one doing this. Why don't you just take a weekend off? But I'm a consistent woman, so Mama's not gonna, Mama's not gonna listen to that. Okay, let me talk to you about number three. Number three of the four-part game plan for you becoming a consistent woman is really understanding why you want this. So we already talked about why you've not been consistent in the past. Why do you want to be consistent, and especially if you decided that you want to do something kind of small, like a smaller goal, like go to bed one hour earlier, maybe put your phone across the room instead of putting it by your bed, wake up an hour, half hour early, or something like that. You really want to get very clear on why and make it exciting for yourself, because I'll tell you something, flossing your teeth or putting your phone across the room, or going to bed earlier, nothing sounds fun about that. So, that's part of the problem, is we think in the moment we're like, what does it even matter? So, I want you to be really clear about why you want this one thing, and you will find that your why is going to lead to something greater, so you might say, I want to go to bed an hour earlier every night, and in the end you're like, what does it really matter, but you're like, here's why it matters. It matters because I know if I go to bed an hour earlier, I'm gonna get like at least 40 minutes more sleep, and then I'm gonna be able to wake up earlier in the morning, and then when my brain tells me you didn't get enough sleep, when I wake up in the morning, I'll be able to go, yeah, dude, I went to bed an hour earlier, so primitive brain, please stop talking to me, right? You don't have to believe that thought. And then, if you wake up up a little bit earlier in the morning, then what's the ripple effect of that? So, it might just be one little thing, seems no big deal, but there is a ripple effect here about why one little thing is going to add to other areas of your life. It's going to add to being more consistent and helping you get to a bigger goal. You must have a strong why for something that you want. If you just are like, I really should do this, it's not going to be enough to pull you through in the moment, especially because you need to remember that if you have been inconsistent, you have a neural pathway in your brain, and the neural pathway in your brain might look like mine, and this is not scientific, but this is the way I like to think of it. Years ago, I decided I really wanted to do more yoga, but not necessarily like a full 30 or 40 minutes of yoga, but I wanted to tap on yoga, like, as a way, like as a warm-up for my workouts, and so I wanted to do, like, I think it's called sun salutations, I wanted to do 10 of them, and in the beginning, when I was doing, I could get to 10, but that would be so exhausted. I had a hard time even, like, really like working out really heavy, because I was so exhausted through these, these sun salutations. But here's what would happen, and I haven't. I really like to think that I had a neural pathway in my brain. The neuro pathway was

something like this: 39:31

we wanted to do 10 sun salutations, but we feel like we don't have enough time, and we're always exhausted after doing them, so we should just do those tomorrow, and we should just start with our regular workout today. And then I would start with my regular workout today, so I would be inconsistent, I would give up the plan. So I like to think of this as a neural pathway in my brain, and it was very well worn, I had good intentions, and then I didn't follow through, and then I just did my workout, so it's not like I'm a loser or anything. I did my workout, but I really wanted to incorporate yoga every single day. So, when I decided I really, really, really wanted to do this, and I, I figured out what was getting in the way in the past, I figured out really what was why did I want to do this. I went through this step, all these processes I'm giving you here is, I really created a new neural pathway in my brain. I really decided that I wanted to be the woman who could knock out 10 sun salutations like nobody's business, and I wanted to be able to do it to where it was like at the end of 10 of them, I was so strong it was nothing to me, but I knew my primitive brain was going to get in the way, and that was okay. So, every time my primitive brain, even to this day, sometimes says, "Oh, you don't have to do those, I'm like, "Nah, it's just who we are. I just immediately start doing them. This is now - I like to think of this as now a new neural pathway in my brain, and that old neural pathway of me thinking I couldn't do it, it was too much for me, I don't have time, I'm going to be exhausted. That one is probably still there. I don't know that the neural pathways ever really go away. I don't know. I don't know the science behind it, but I know it's very much not well worn anymore, because I'm not acting it out. Sometimes the thoughts are there, it doesn't matter, but I don't take the action and take the feeling in line with that old neural pathway. So I like to think of myself as creating a new neural pathway. This is how you become a woman who does things differently. Now I'm the type of person where it's like, oh, I'm at the gym, I'll even do this at the at the gym. In fact, my primitive brain used to say, oh, you can't do this in front of everyone, you're literally in the middle. I wouldn't do it in the middle of the gym, I would do it off to the side and. Be like, oh, people are gonna think you're a weirdo. People are gonna be like, why is that girl doing yoga in the gym? And I would just be like, yeah, it might be true. People might look over and be like, what is this chick doing? It doesn't matter what they're thinking. So I would do my ton 10 sun salutations as my warm up, and then I would do my workout, and it's just what I do now. I have become the woman that I am consistent in this area, but I really went through this process of understanding what got in the way, understanding my why, understanding my why now, all of this. So, what is your why? And do you need to beef it up? Do you need to get more excited about your why? I was asking one of my clients last week, what her why is, we've been like, I've been, we've been talking a lot about why, why it matters. She's lost some weight, she's doing so great, and she's, you know, still has more that she wants to lose. She's, you know, she's doing all the things, and I said, what is your why? And she's like, I don't know, I like, I don't know exactly what my why is. And it was so cute, because I just literally asked her the same question in a little bit different of a way, I said to her, well, so why do you think you want to keep going? Like, what, why is this important to you? And all of a sudden she just flooded me with a bunch, and she actually kept going, and actually there's this, and actually there's this, so she knew her why. But I think sometimes when we ask ourselves, like, why do I think I was stuck being inconsistent in the past, and we're like, I don't know. We have to actually guess. Why do I want this now? Why is this so important to me? We might say, I don't know. Well, ask yourself again, if I knew if someone was going to give me a million dollars for my answer here, what would it be? It was so fun to do that. All I did was change the way I asked the question, and she knew why. Number four, for your four part game plan for becoming a consistent woman, what does real consistency look like to you? Do you have a vision in your head about you being a consistent woman in this one area? I want you to really answer that question for yourself, because oftentimes we think real consistency is this dream situation where we never mess up, we never decide to have a burger and fries, we never decide to take a day off of the gym, we never decide to walk instead of run, you know, or we never, we think that we're never going to feel miserable, we think that our primitive brain is actually going to stop. I mean, that's what so many of you want, like, if it could just stop, that'd be great. Oh, I wish it would, but what is real consistency look like to you? This was really helpful for me to realize that I had an extremely perfectionistic ideal of me being a consistent woman. I really thought that it would be all shits and gigs, and the problem with that is we know in our heart that this is unattainable, we know that the perfect us, the perfect life is unattainable, and it also seems, I think, a little bit not fun. I created a vision of what Courtney being hyper consistent looks like for me, and I decided it wasn't perfect. I decided for me that I want to eat a cookie. I want to have a pizza pizza once in a while. I want to have some bread once in a while. I want to sometimes wake up and go, I'm really sore. I think I, I was planning on doing this workout, but I think I'm taking a day. And the cool thing is, is sometimes people say, well, how do you know if that's your.. how do you know if that's the real you, your prefrontal cortex, or how do you know if that's your primitive brain? And it's such a great question, and I think you know because most of the time you are consistent, and I think that you trust yourself to every once in a while go, oh, this feels different for me, like I rolled out of bed, and I am sore at a level that I think my body actually needs to rest, and I don't think this is just my primitive brain giving me an excuse, and every once in a while I will not be perfect, not be 100% consistent, and then at the end of the day I'll realize, oh, I think I was actually emotionally eating, oh, interesting. What, what is really going on there? Or, oh, I think that I actually was sore, but I could have worked out. And I listen to my primitive brain. I wonder what's going on. I wonder what happened. Maybe am I just human, and I kind of messed up, no harm done. But really, I take a look at it and go, oh, was I was I really trusting myself, and it's a constant learning process, but I want to give you permission to create a vision of you at your next level self who's consistent without totally being perfect, because that is what creates consistency. If we think we have to be perfect, we're not going to want to do it in the end. Most people do not want to diet for the rest of their life. Most people do not want to be perfect. It sounds exhausting, and so you need to have a vision of you at your 2.0 self, you at your next up level, and have it not be perfect, can. Consistency for right now can simply be you being a whole hell of a lot better than you're doing now, and then if you trust yourself to talk to yourself nicely when you're inconsistent, can you trust yourself to fall off the wagon of consistency and roll down the hill a little bit and go, oh, that's not good, I think I must be more stressed than I thought, or oh, I think I really, this weekend had had some thoughts about it not being fun if I was consistent. Oh, I think that I was people pleasing because I really felt bad around this person or that person. I see that that got me off track. Do I want to let that happen again? And you learn from it in order to create consistency. You must become a woman who knows what she truly desires, owns those desires, understands what has kept her inconsistent in the past, understands how she's always given up on herself and not everyone else in the past, and then can make a plan, but not a perfect plan to follow through, and then you build upon this, because it can't becomes who you are. Can you see how I'm just going to start eating better? I'm just going to start going to the gym. I'm just going to drink less. I'm just going to get 10,000 steps every day. Can you see how just automatically going into I'm going to jump into being more consistent doesn't work. We really do need to understand ourselves at a deeper level, and this is why diets don't work, because diets don't teach us how to understand ourselves at a deeper level. All diets do is they jump into the restriction and jump into the commitment. This is why a lot of times 30 day challenges, although they're fun and although they can be a light enlightening, and they can kind of give you a kickstart, it's not the end all be all. It's not going to be the main thing that changes you forever, unless that 30 day challenge, unless that 30 day challenge is something that you do, and it's an actual sustainable challenge. But a lot of times, when I see people doing 30 day challenges, they're very diety, they're very, you know, they have you living in a way that is not sustainable. It's why telling yourself that you'll start on Monday and then shaming yourself once you go rogue doesn't work. This work takes practice, time, commitment, and then recommitment when you mess it all up, and in the end, becoming a consistent woman is going to take changing you. It's going to take you possibly for the first time, at least possibly for the first time in a long time, putting your own health and your own true desires first, which can be hard to do. And we think it's hard as a society. We think it's hard because it's kind of like selfish. No, it's hard, because it's hard to not eat a fucking cookie when everyone else is eating one. It's hard to get up and go for a run when everyone's sleeping in. It's hard to say, I'm only gonna have one glass of wine when everyone's having three. I want to just allow you to realize this is this is hard to do. Putting yourself first is hard, and that's why we don't do it. It's not because we're so wonderful, and we put everyone else first. It's because it's hard to put ourselves first. I want to take just a moment and dive into some of the questions I got about the Aligned Life membership this last week. But first, let me just say, is I have a beautiful sales page that gives you all the details. It's at Modern Body Modern life.com forward slash membership. If you loved this podcast, and you're thinking, yes, I really do want to become a more consistent woman, that is what we are doing, actually. For the month of June, every month is going to have a different focus, and for the month of June, the focus is going to be creating consistency. So, let me go over some of these questions. So, first of all, actually, before I dive into the questions, I want to talk about the mini journal that is a bonus. So, the our first call in the membership is going to be june 10. It's going to be the first live call. If you sign up for the Aligned Life membership by june 10, you get mailed to you a custom little mini journal. And on the podcast last week I talked about it, but I feel like I didn't do a good enough job letting you know how special this mini journal is. This is not just a mini journal that you open it up and it has lined pages, this is this, that that's not what this is. This is a process, so I created when you open it up, there is a process that I have created that you are going to learn for our first month together, where you are going to be able to coach yourself, like in two minutes at any moment during the day, and it's going to help keep you on track, it's going to help keep you aligned, it's going to really lay out this is my options of like what is possible for me right now, so that's all I'm going to say about it, because I don't want to give away too much, and if you're hearing this podcast after june 10, you can still very much join the membership and do this work with us, but I wanted to create a little fun bonus for women who sign up by june 10, so you're going to get a journal, a mini journal in the mail if you sign up by june 10, oh. Okay, some of the questions. What is the difference between the courses and the monthly focus every month in this membership? I am creating a different focus, just simply for fun. For June, we're talking about creating consistency in any area, and then I have a bunch of ideas of what my focus is going to be for the following months, but I'm really going to wait and decide after I see what women are working on in the group, kind of see the vibe of the group, see where people are doing well, see where they need me, see where they're struggling, and I am going to create the focus once I've started this group, and so it just is for fun. It's just I was in a group long ago where every month there was a different focus, and I got so excited for the new month. I got so excited every month to dive into a different part of my own brain and dive into a different way of thinking about my life and my health and the way I eat and the way I think and all these things. So that's simply for fun. Now the courses are totally separate, so I have created four courses specifically exclusively for this Aligned Life membership, and you get immediate access to them when you join. That means you join, you're going to get an email to create a login into a portal where you can go in and you can start taking these courses. They are self-study. So I have a course called The Way You Eat, it's my sustainable weight loss course. I have a course called Aligned Habits. It talks all about habits. I have a course called Creating a Badass Self Concept. So important, the way you think of yourself, you can change the way you think of yourself. We can up level the way we think of ourselves, and that creates so much of an impact in our life. Oh, and then mastering your mind, I was like, I feel like I'm missing a course, the most important course, really of all, because it feeds into the others, is is mastering your mindset, master understanding yourself really at a deeper level. So, these courses are available to you right away, and you can do them any and every time, it doesn't matter, so there really is, it is separate from the monthly focus. One of the questions I received from a few people is, what if I can't make the coaching calls live? What if I have to work? There is a weekly coaching call every week on Wednesdays at 1o'clock Pacific time, and so you might think, well, shoot, I work, I can't make it. And this is what I want to address with you, there is an extra call every single month that is going to be on a different day, different time in June. The extra call is going to be on a Saturday morning, and the reason I'm doing an extra call is I know there are some people that want to come to the live calls and they might not be able to be there every week, and so I want to offer up a different time and place for me to be available to coach you live, but let me also just say this. This group is going to have a private podcast where all of the replays of the calls are going to be uploaded, and so that means when you go on to, like, look at Modern Body, Modern Life every week to for the podcast, you're also now going to be able to see, oh, there's the Modern Body, Modern Life podcast, and there's the Aligned Life Membership Podcast, and it's exclusive to only the women in the Aligned Life membership. And this is where you're going to get to go on a walk and say, I missed this week's call, but I'm going to go for a walk, and I'll listen to the call, I'm going to listen to Courtney teaching, I'm going to listen to Courtney coaching other women. Now, although I would love for you to be there live, because live is where you can get coached face to face by me over Zoom. You can learn so much by not only hearing me teaching, not only getting me in your ear once a week, but also by listening to other women present struggles, present ways of thinking, present challenges, present different thoughts and different conversations, and hear me coach them, and hear me talk to them, and hear me ask them questions. You can learn so much by watching other people get coached. You're also going to have access to the video of the call, but the reason why I'm really excited about the private podcast is because for me I am sitting a lot during the day, so I would rather listen to a call than necessarily watch a call, that's just my own personal preference. So I know a lot of you have desk jobs where you're sitting a lot, or maybe you're on your feet a lot, but you just would rather be on your feet, going for a walk, listening to a replay. If you are doing the courses and you are not able to come to all the calls live, and you're like, well, I have a question for Courtney, then you're gonna email me your question, and I'm going to coach on your question, your problem, your struggle on the call, so even though you're not on there saying, "Hey, Courtney, I keep messing up on weekends, it seems to be Sunday's the worst day for me. I'm going to be able to say,"Amazing, I do actually say that a lot when people present me with questions or problems. Amazing, and I'm going to be able to, even if you're not on the call that week, I'm going to be able to say, "Hey, before we dive into live coaching, I want. To coach some people that aren't able to be here, and here's what they're telling me, here's what they're struggling with, and so here's what I want to tell them, here's what I want them to consider, here's what I want them to ask themselves, here's their homework on how to do better. So it really is access to me, access to coaching with me, while you're sitting there asking me a question live, or you're emailing your question in, whether you're getting that feedback live or listening to it after, and I know you're not only going to learn from me, you're going to learn from the other women in this group. I know at least about half of the women personally, because I've coached them that are in this group, and these are amazing women. Like, I am selfishly excited to be in this community, even though I know I'm the creator of this community, like I can't wait. I can't wait to be surrounded once a week and then one extra call a month by these women. I can't wait to create even more courses to up level the whole group. The membership is $97 a month. My belief is that you will love being part of this membership, it's a combination of coaching with me, plus self-study courses, and community with other amazing women. This is not a diet program. This is a program where it is going to be like a gift to yourself. It is going to be like an anchor every week. You feel like you are connected to something that is helping you go to your own next level. It's going to guide you into actually doing this work, and not just getting inspired, and not just being hopeful, and saying,"Let's see. One of the questions I received was, "Do I still offer private coaching? Yes, from now, and I can't even imagine, for the foreseeable future, like not offering private coaching, I love my private coaching clients, and a lot of my private coaching clients are are finishing their coaching with me and going into the membership because they want to still continue to do this work. So, yes, you would schedule a consult if you want private coaching. I've had a few people ask me if I'm still doing my three month modern change program. Yes, I believe I'm going to be my next cohort is going to be in the fall for that modern change program, so if you have any questions, just shoot me an email or shoot me a DM. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have, and I want you to feel really, really excited about joining us in the Aligned Life membership. So, there's a link on my website, there is a link in the description of this podcast, and I hope you have a great Tuesday. For information on how we can work together, head to Modern Body Modern life.com to schedule a consultation with me. I'm currently coaching women privately, and I offer group coaching programs.