A Popular Take on Overeating I Disagree With

✨Free Playbook: Take Control of Your Evening Eating
Download your digital copy here: https://mailchi.mp/43700070f134/playbook

✨I coach women who are ready to become the healthiest, strongest version of themselves (inside and out) by mastering their mindset and taking control of their Body and Life. Learn more here: https://modernbodymodernlife.com/

I recently saw a popular take on why women overeat at night: that we spend all day people pleasing, saying yes when we mean no, and not living authentically, so food becomes the one place where we finally give ourselves what we want.

Hundreds of women were commenting, “This is me.”

But I disagree.

Yes, sometimes overeating is connected to something deeper going on in your life. But what if you love your life, have great relationships, feel grateful for what you've created…and you still really want the cereal, chips, dessert, or second glass of wine at night?

In this episode, I’m sharing why I think this explanation can actually make changing your eating harder, what I believe is happening for many women instead, and why you may not need to fix your entire life to finally feel in control around food.

I’m also talking about the difference between understanding yourself and actually changing your behavior.

Because you can know all about urges, emotional eating, planning ahead, and perfectionism and still find yourself back in the kitchen on a random Friday night doing exactly what you promised yourself you wouldn't do.

At some point, you have to move from learning about change to practicing change.

And that is where coaching can be incredibly powerful.

Enjoy~

Courtney

Currently, I work with women privately and in my monthly membership.  Click HERE to head to my website to learn more.

Transcript

Unknown: 0:01

Welcome to Modern Body, Modern Life, the podcast for women who want to feel powerful, healthy, strong, and confident inside and out at every age. On this podcast, we talk about becoming a woman who is fully in control of her eating and movement, so weight loss, strength, and energy become permanent. We also talk about something bigger: becoming the woman who takes her deepest desires seriously and goes after more in every area of her life. I'm body and life coach Courtney Gray, and I believe you can get in the best shape of your life at any age. And when you do, it becomes a catalyst for

everything else: 0:39

your relationships, your confidence, your joy, because when you feel like you and your body, all of life gets better. Let's get started. Welcome to the podcast, episode 144. A popular take on overeating that I disagree with. I saw an interesting Instagram post the other day, and I've seen posts like this before, and every time I'm like, ah, I disagree. But this time, this post in particular was very well written, and there were hundreds and hundreds of hundreds of women commenting in the comments, and and the comments were all very similar. It was all very, oh my God! No one's described it this way. Yes, I agree. I feel so seen. We're very validated. So I think that not only seeing a post that I disagreed with when it comes to eating, especially especially in the evenings, I think this this relates. But then, in addition to that, seeing so many people agreeing with it really kind of made me go, "Whoa, this is not good. This is not. I just thought this is not serving them. This post and this way of thinking is not serving them. Right? In order to get in our best health ever, in order to eat the way we want to eat it, in the way we want to, you know, support our bodies and feel in our bodies, and and just the the way that feels in alignment. If we want to do better at all of that, the way we think matters so much. Our mindset matters so much. And of course, I didn't leave a comment. I never leave. I only leave positive comments. But I thought, you know what? I might have to record a podcast on this because there's a chance some of my people and you're my person some of my people might also have seen something like this and have thought oh maybe that's true so this is what we're talking about we're talking about a popular take on overeating that I disagree with so here's the gist of the comment the gist of the comment was basically you know the reason women are overeating, especially at night. That was kind of alluded to, and I definitely could see how this could be alluded to in this kind of thinking. The reason women are overeating is because they're not living the lives they want to live. They're not being who they want to be. They're often people pleasing. They're saying yes when they really mean no. They're not. I think it even said, quote unquote, they're not speaking their truth. They're not advocating for them themselves, and they're taking on too much. And I think a lot of people can definitely relate to taking on too much. I think as women, we were amazing and we do take on too much oftentimes. I think it's a historical thing that that we need to continue to unravel, but and then the repercussions of all of that. It went on to say is then at night, eating is the only time that women are really being themselves. It's the only time women are being truthful. It's the only time women are really giving themselves what they really want. Finally, saying yes to themselves, and I just was like, "What? Like what? And so many people again were agreeing with this. I'm like, "So here we are. I'm going to tell you my thoughts on this, and my thoughts on if you hear that and you go, 'I can see that. I want to challenge the way of thinking. That way of thinking. Now, first, I'll say for some women, I agree with this. This is the story for some women. There are some women where they're not loving their lives, whether they they feel like their lives are out of their control or in their control. There are some women that they're not happy in their relationships. They're not happy with their jobs. They have strained relationships with their children. Maybe they wanted children, they couldn't have children. Maybe they're just looking around and they're like, "This isn't what I thought it would be. And is there is there a point in their day, especially at the end of the day, that they turn to food or alcohol to comfort themselves from this life that they've created and from the negative emotions that come from a life that either they created or that happened upon them totally. I mean, this is emotional eating, right? We know this. So yes, I do think that if you are looking around your life and you're feeling like this isn't what I wanted, and if you're feeling any negative emotions, for sure, for sure, we are probably drinking and eating to feel better, for sure. But I think for so many women, this is not true. I think there are so many women, and I coach so many of them that live amazing lives, that feel like they lucked out, or that feel like they've created something amazing, that have great relationships. Maybe life isn't perfect, but they're like, I've got a good thing going. So many women that I coach, and so many of my girlfriends would say they have a great life, and yet, at the end of the day, it's really fucking hard to not eat a cookie. At the end of the day, even though you've told yourself you're only going to have one glass, it's really hard not to have two glasses of your favorite cocktail. So for that reason, I think this messaging can be damaging. I think it can be damaging for a few reasons. When we hear that message of like women are not living the lives, they're not being who they want to be, it almost first of all it kind of sounds a little shaming. It's a little bit like you need to get your act together because if you had a better life, you wouldn't need to eat and drink, right? So there's that. That feels kind of crappy. Then on the other hand, if it's not your fault, if you're not shaming yourself, then you're a victim. It's like you've been dealt a bad hand. It's like you, you know, any of us at any time could look around our life and say, "Poor me, for any reason at all. We can always see the glass as half empty. So for this reason, we could look at our lives and say, like, this isn't fair. Like, I'm not where I want to be in my life because of these reasons. And for that reason, it's not fair. And this is why I turn to food. So it's you're a victim, and you're not in control of your life, and that's why you're not in control of yourself. How sad for you it makes sense that you're not where you want to be. So can you see as I break that down? There's just nothing good that can come from this way of thinking. Like, well, I'm gonna say actually. Let me. I'm gonna pause. The only good that could come from this way of thinking is is it potentially has the power to have someone say, I think I want more for my life, and I think I'm eating and drinking, especially in the evenings, to avoid making changes I really want to make. So that's possible. I think that there's, if anything, more victimy or shame going on. So let's think about you. If you're like most of my clients, who you have a great life in many areas, you're grateful. Yes, it's not perfect, but you're grateful, and you're still frustrated with this one area of your life. So many of my clients will say,"This is the one area. This is the one area of my life that I've never really felt like I fixed. I've got you. That's why I have a program where I help you fix it. Let's say you actually believe this way of thinking, and you quote unquote got your life on track, whatever that looks like for you. You got a new partner. You mended your relationship. You quit your job and started writing a book. And whatever it is, if you are living a more authentic life, if you are being who you wanted to be, does that mean you're not going to want a bowl of cereal at 9o'clock? Does that mean you're just going to automatically, because you're living a life that you're you feel like you you're not gonna want a third glass of wine. Does this mean if your marriage was better, you wouldn't want to have chips and salsa at 4p.m. even before dinner, even though you promised you wouldn't? If you're like me, you know that everything can be going quite well in your life, and instead of thinking I need to eat to get out of pain, you're thinking everything is so great. Let's celebrate. I need to enjoy my life. I'm just gonna keep the party going. Chips and salsa sound like a good time, no matter whether you're struggling or whether you're doing really well. I did two podcasts a few months back. They were in April of 2026, and one was called Emotional Eating. Sometimes it's not that deep, and then the other one there's there's a few in between. But the other podcast I did was on May 19th, 2026, and it was called Emotional Eating. Sometimes it's deeper than you think, and so these podcasts both kind of go hand in hand with this podcast, where it's like, yeah, if you feel like your life's not what you want it to be, if you're not being the woman you want to be, sometimes we turn to food. But also, it you can also be turning to food because when someone says, "Hey, do you want a bowl of ice cream? I'm scooping one. Ice cream sounds amazing, and you've not built the skill and the resiliency and the emotional capacity and all the things the follow through to be able to be the woman that can want a little ice cream and say no to the ice cream. A woman who can sit with an urge and say, "Nope, I promise myself tonight I'm not doing ice cream. A woman who can like put her hand on her chest either physically or energetically and say, "Ooh, I really want that, and I kind of feel like I'm telling myself I'm missing out. But no, I'm going to stick to my plan. I think the main reason I kept thinking about this post that I saw on Instagram and and the hundreds of women who were commenting on how great it was. Was because the message is you're not living the way you want to live during the day, and that's why you overeat. And this assumes that if women start living the way they want to, and they start advocating and living their truth, is what it was literally quoted to say that they would not overeat in the in the evenings, like problem solve. But this is simply not true. This is simply not what I see. This was my frustration long ago. My life was great, except that this one area of not feeling in control of food. So if this isn't the problem, yes, I want you to go to your own next level. Yes, I want you to advocate for yourself and be living in your truth, and all of these things for sure. We want to keep growing, but if but if that's not the reason you're eating, right? Whether you do or do not do that, whether you grow or don't grow, if that's not the reason you're eating, what is? Remember, you have to remember that we eat to escape negative emotions, but we also eat when things are going really well to celebrate, even when our lives are great. So what is true? I do think that we as women are holding it together all day. I do think that we are unbelievable. I think that we are wonder women of our families and friends, and we're doing oftentimes more than we should for others. It's kind of what we have been bred to be doing historically, and so does it make it even harder in the evenings to put ourselves first? It really does. To put what we truly desire for ourselves first, it really does. But what is true is wherever you are in your own development as a human, whether you maybe people please a little too much, or you're really good at not being a people pleaser. For example, you have a human brain that was not designed for current society, where food is so readily available and designed to be addictive. So this is what I want you to hear. It's not even necessarily a you problem. It's like a human brain, human body in 2026 problem. Your human brain was not designed for the times we are living in, for Uber Eats, for everything and all the calories that are coming in food. How food is hyper addictive for portion sizes, all of these things. So here's another way to really kind of make sense of all this. If we think about like the average like BMI, which first of all, BMI they don't even really use it anymore. It's a very antiquated term. But you know what I mean when I say BMI. If we think about BMI and we just do a quick little Google search, we can see that, like the levels of our BMI, the the amount people are weighing has drastically increased in the last several several decades. In America, the obesity rate climbed from 13% in the early 1960 s to 40% today. That's a lot, and why is that? More processed foods, larger portion sizes, more calories, more accessible food being more accessible, people sitting down more. Right? We we moved to a society that's a lot more people sitting and doing desk jobs, not really riding bikes, not really walking. It's just a lot of people driving cars, so we're not moving as much as we used to. Also, more screen time. I mean, this is huge. We all know this, and that leads to obviously the less movement. So, for all these reasons, it is harder to be a human and eat in a way that helps us in the evenings right now. So it's possible, yes, that you want to look at your life and you want to determine if you're using food as a coping mechanism to deal with things that you aren't happy with. It is a beautiful thing to do to look at your life and go, okay, if I actually took away food, do I feel like my life's not that fun in the evenings? What do I want to do about this? For sure, it's a great thing to do. If I have only one glass glass of wine, but what I really normally do is three, and I only have one, and I sit there with the negative emotion of kind of like frustration or sadness that comes up in that moment. Do I want to deal with that? Do I want to reckon with that and really kind of look at the pros and cons of how much is alcohol adding to my life? What would it be like if I stopped drinking as much? How would it actually benefit me? What do I really want? Not just in the moment, but overall. Yes, this is beautiful work to do, but also it can be that you have a fantastic life, and you're living authentically, and you're living your truth. But you've never learned how to eat better without being perfect. You've never learned how to eat in a way that keeps you at a weight range one to three pounds, where that's kind of just your range. It's very normal. It's like. I'm at a person. I'm a person who lives within a normal one to three pounds. It's very, very healthy and normal. Could it be this simple? Yeah, it could be that simple. It could be that it's not you. It's not your authenticity. It could be that you need new tools to practice doing better in our current society. You must learn how to trust yourself to make a plan of how you want to eat, and drink, and move, and then you must learn how to follow through on that plan even when life gets hard. Then you need to evaluate what worked and what didn't work without being pissed at yourself and giving up. And this is exactly where coaching becomes so powerful, because maybe you already understand yourself really well. You're a pretty bright woman. I know the the women that listen to this podcast are pretty amazing. You're educated. You're bright. You're you're intelligent. You understand a lot of the concepts, but maybe you've listened for a few months, maybe even a few years, and you know about urges. You understand like wanting something, right? You know about emotional eating. You know you don't need to be perfect. You know you should make a plan or a protocol and follow through. But knowing those things and actually being able to do them on a random Friday night are two very different things, and this is why I don't think you need another explanation of what's wrong with you and what's possibly wrong with your life. I think you need to learn some new skills. You need to learn how to decide ahead of time how you want to eat, and drink, and move, and live, and then build the ability to follow through on that decision, even when your extremely human brain gives you 20 reasons not to in the moment, and then when those reasons feel very real, and then when you don't follow through, you need to be able to look at what happened without judging yourself, but figure out exactly what happened, where things went sideways, and be able to practice something different the next time with no judgment but with compassion. This is the work I do with my clients. This is the work we're doing right now in my membership, because here's what happens when you try to do this by yourself. So one night, like you might not follow through. Maybe you had a plan, and then you don't follow through with your plan because you're thinking I'm missing out. It's a huge one. So many people feel in the moment when they tell themselves they're gonna drink less, eat less, eat better, they feel like they are missing out. Maybe another night your partner is eating on the couch and it feels like impossible to not be eating if you're sitting next to them, huge, huge challenge for a lot of people that I help. A lot of my clients come to me with that challenge, and I help them become the woman that can sit there and do what they want to do, despite what their husband is doing, or their wife is doing. What happens when the weekend comes and you don't even make a plan? You told yourself you're going to make a plan. You make a plan all week, but then the weekend comes and you don't even make a plan. You go unconscious, and then Monday comes, and you're like, "Oh my God, it happened again. And in every one of those moments, like it requires something a little different of you. It requires a different tool sometimes. It requires a different awareness. It requires a different skill set sometimes, and that's where coaching comes in. Coaching helps you see the moment where you're getting stuck and teaches you how to do it differently in the moment. Not just understanding why you overate, not just understanding why you wanted the food, not just how like what you've done in the past has probably led you to this moment, but how to actually become better at making a decision and following through in real time? You don't build self trust by understanding yourself. You build self trust by understanding yourself first, but then showing up differently over and over and over. And the practice of of implementing a new way of thinking and acting over and over and over again, and that's really what I want for you. I don't want you listening to this podcast six months from now and thinking like I know so much, like why do I do this, and still feeling frustrated every night when you walk back into the kitchen or every night you put your head on your pillow and you're like I did it again. At some point, you have to move from learning about how to change to actually practicing change, and you certainly don't have to figure this out by yourself. If you've been listening to the podcast and you're thinking, "She gets me. She's she's speaking differently than other other people that I've heard that I follow. I want to invite you to work with me on this. I offer two ways to work with me right now. I offer private coaching, you and me one on one, and I also have the Aligned Life membership. And doors will be reopening to the membership on august 25. So get ready, my friend, and have a lovely Tuesday. For information on how we can work. Together, head to modernbodymodernlife.com to schedule a consultation with me. I'm currently coaching women privately, and I offer group coaching programs.