Stop Trying To Make Toxic Happen.

We spend so much time teaching our kids math, science, and history… but what about love? 💛 In this episode of It’s Okay, we dive into why we aren’t teaching our kids to date the right way—spotting red flags, setting boundaries, and recognizing what healthy love really looks like.🫂

Through a real-life scenario, we break down toxic vs. healthy relationships and remind parents and kids alike: it’s okay to want love that lifts you up, not tears you down. (because yes… sometimes love lessons are harder than algebra)✖️🟰♾️

At the end of the day, healthy love isn’t just a lesson—it’s a superpower. 💖

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:06

Okay. How about changed my up? I just can't get it together.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Happy Monday, my friends. How is it going? How are things in your world? What is up? How are your relationships? Because today's episode is on relationships. How are your relationships with your romantic partners, with your friends, with your kids, with your kids? Look, this episode actually is an older episode. So I recorded this episode maybe like four months ago. This intro, however, is recently recorded. But I was going through my iPad, right? And I was deleting old music and putting episodes on a thumb drive so that I could free up space. And I fell across an episode that I recorded, like I said, like four months ago. And it was entitled Relationships. And I did record it out of like an intense emotion. Like I was feeling so intense within my emotions. I was like, let me just hop on the mic and like vent and get this emotions out and get the emotions out by possibly creating it into an episode. It is kind of like an art form to me in a sense. Whatever. So I did that and I actually recorded the episode. I didn't even listen to it. I didn't edit it, anything. But I go back and I listen to the episode and I'm like, oh my gosh. This episode was about this person who is near and dear to my heart. And they're still going through the exact same thing months later. So I recorded this episode four months ago based off of them and what they were dealing with that was put on my heart on my shoulders, and I was so overwhelmed with the emotions. I created an episode about it. And lo and behold, four months later, into 2026, they're going through the same exact thing. So I recorded the episode in maybe like it was either before October of 2025 or a little in October after October 2025. Actually, you know what? No, I take that back. I recorded this episode in the summer of 2025, way before October. Summer of 2025. So uh that's almost a year ago. We're about to be in the summer. Like, yeah, this was definitely in the summer. It was literally almost six, seven months ago. Almost six, seven months ago. So yeah, we're coming up on almost a year. But yeah, we're in 2026, and this person is still dealing with the exact same thing with this relationship. And I just I thought it was, I thought it was telling. Thought it was telling. And I went back and like edited the episode, and it's still fitting for what she's going through and what we're all going through when it comes to relationships and friendships and things like that. And not only in the episode, I describe how this person had been going through this for three years already. Toxicness. You're still going through that even after me recording the episode. Still toxicness. So going on four years now of the exact same toxic behavior. And as I'm going to get into in the episode, a child is now involved in the mix. And I mean, the child is still young, but you know, kids they grow up. They grow up. And kids are very observant. And so the kid potentially seeing this toxic behavior between the parents now. It's just a never-ending cycle of what the episode is about, pretty much. And we want to try to break that, right? So leading into the episode, look, that's obviously a child's first teaching of what a relationship looks like between the parents. And are the parents going to teach the child verbally on how to date and how not to treat their significant other? I don't know. But they're gonna see it with actions based on how the parents are treating each other.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

And that leads me into why aren't we teaching our kids how to date? Right? Like, why are we not tea and by our I mean you? I don't have kids yet, but I'm also saying our because I want to and will have kids one day, and I should teach my kids how to date, right? Like me and my husband should show our kids, like, hey, this is what a date looks like, this is what you should do. He should open the door, this is who pays, this is what happens after, like all the things. Like, why don't we do that? Like, we should be doing that, right? And this is why I'm kind of making this episode about us teaching our kids how to date is I want this person close to me, love them to death, and I want them to be in a happy, loving marriage, raising their children underneath a divine covenant of God, right? And unfortunately, they're not in that circumstance, but it's never too late. This so we'll call her what should we call her? We'll call her Naomi. Naomi is young, young early 20s, and was and is in a pretty much toxic ghetto relationship. I'm like, Naomi, girl, you have so much to offer, and you in this, but I digress. Since Naomi is in her, you know, early 20s, she's been in this long situation ghetto ship uh with this person even before her 20s, right? So they've been in this situation ship going on, I guess maybe three, four-ish years. This is too long, and of y'all being together and like all this is going on, Naomi. No, girl, okay. So they've been together three, four plus years, so before their 20s and then into their 20s, early 20s. Okay, so the situationship, you know how those go. It was toxic, it was ghetto. You guys aren't together. Okay, you are. No, you can't talk to anybody else, but I'm talking to other people, the how the guys do, and cheating on you, but we're actually not together, and obviously, women get attached, we're emotional, men. Obviously, you get attached, you're emotional, like it's a whole thing. The friends with benefits thing doesn't work. Okay, you're pretending that you want to do that. Obviously, you're gonna catch feelings. Okay, you caught feelings, and you guys are just in this never-ending toxic cycle, right? And well, well, lo and behold, now you have a baby with this person, right? And you're happy about the baby, you guys want to be together, but you guys also are toxic and don't want to be together, so you have that component. Oh my goodness, and then you have the the you know, component of you wanting things to be better, yes, it's toxic. Obviously, you should just leave and walk away, but now you have the baby, right? And it's like before the baby comes into play, how can we as adults in this world being in relationships figure out a way to like get through this like annoying phase and like figure out like are we gonna be together or are we not? And if we're not, can we like leave each other alone and like go find someone who we like actually wanna be with and like actually marry that person versus continuing to hold someone on lead someone on, like whatever, and then you end up pregnant, and now the baby's here, and it's just the ever-ending cycle of just black trauma, pretty much, and that's really what that is. The I feel unwedness, the unwedness, unmarriedness is a huge factor of the childhood trauma because you got ghetto parents who are just arguing about so much of just like dumb stuff, stuff that just like doesn't even matter, and it's ghetto stuff that you're like arguing about, honestly. Like, oh my gosh, and how can you like identify like okay, this is what this is, okay, we need to move on from this, right? That's pretty much what got me thinking about relationships, why Naomi is continuing to put up with this before the baby, though. Before the baby, once the baby's here, it's like, look, you're gonna have to figure it out. You you want to be with this person, you know you do, so you have to figure something out. Like, how are you guys gonna figure out how to not be ghetto? Pretty much is the sentiment. So you go from there, right? But before you even get there, I'm trying to give her tips on like how to deal with the toxicity in a stern but like positive way, and like all the things, and it's like because they're already so set in this like toxic cycle, she feels like she can't even break from that norm and like do something else, try something else, scared to do something else, even scared. Some of us as women in our own relationships are scared even to maybe speak up, or and even though we speak up, it's like in such a toxic as well, like negative, unproductive way to where it doesn't move the ball forward in any way, or we do just like shut down, but you know, because you're scared or because you're just so f like whatever the case may be, you just you don't communicate correctly as well, and we always blame it on the men, excuse me, but we're not communicating correctly either, and that's where these relationship lessons need to come into play. A lot of us get the lessons way, way, way later, which is all too common, and actually uh probably 99.9% of the time the case, and that's why we need to shift it the other way, and that's why I'm making this episode. We need to, yes, like teach our kids at whatever age you think is an appropriate age to tell them and teach them, men and girls, or boys and girls, like hey, this is what a date looks like, man and woman. This is what the guy needs to do, this is what the girl needs to do. You guys are gonna, you know, talk about this, ask about this, like make it on their level so that they can understand, like, oh, colors and like music, and you know, whatever the case is on their level, and you know, teach them about that type of stuff, and then of course, you need to teach them the after, after, after, after, definitely teach them, okay, like what's the follow-up? How is the follow-up? How does that go from there? And of course, you know, you should be in your child's life, obviously, as they're into adulthood, when those relationships truly, truly get serious, or even when they're high school sweetheart and and thus further into marriage, whatever the scenario is for them, there's always the caveats and nuances, not everything is going to, or one model, of course, is not going to fit so many different situations, of course, but you want to have a a gold standard, right? You want to have a gold standard, and I mean, I'm not just saying I think, I mean, there's a biblical component to it, but yes, you should have a gold standard, and that gold standard should be you know, marriage, family, safe sex, after marriage, after marriage, after marriage, boom, boom, boom, all that. Okay, so yeah, forward that message on to your children as best you can, drill it into them, and they should take heed to it. And if that situation does not arise for them that away, then okay, but at least you did your part, boom. So you should not not be doing your part, right? We should not not be doing our part. So, of course, you you know, and no, I I know I said in a previous episode, pretty I think I said in a previous episode last year, because I'm just jumping back into it. Um, that yes, people with no kids, i.e. me, don't yes have the right or you know the credentials to teach people with children on like how to be a parent, but also like I said, it's basic, it's basic common knowledge as well. So, yeah, I'ma tell you, and I'm telling you, you need to teach your kids, we need to teach our kids how to date, all the things, safe sex, all the things about marriage, how to treat the opposite, the opposite sex, all the things, you know what I mean. Girls, how to treat your guys, guys, how to treat your girls, all the things, right? So I think that, and it's like I said, 99% of the time we don't have those lessons pre to dating, so we go in blindly and we just accept all of this crap from both sexes, from both sexes, men accepting crap from women that they totally should not be, and vice versa. So again, teach those lessons, but yeah, the lesson is before you are deep set in a toxicity routine or situation to where you can't even pull yourself out of it, that should be, you know, yeah, avoided at all costs. So, you know, I'm trying to tell Naomi like, listen, this is what you need to do, you need to not tolerate the toxic behavior. Whenever he gets toxic, this is how you need to handle it. Like, and Naomi's just like, I can't do that, like he he's not gonna respond to that like that, and it's like she already knows, like, she can't even, like, she just has to be toxic back with him. Pretty much is the what I gathered from it, and I'm like, see, you're already set in a just toxic cycle, and to the point where you can't even get counseling. You mentioned counseling, relationship counseling, premarital counseling, premarital counseling, you should be doing that as well. So they're not even on the realm of marriage, but they chi, I should say, and it ain't even in his vocabulary, counseling. I'm pretty sure. Maybe I don't know, I shouldn't judge, but I'm pretty sure it's not because it's like, look, actions, of course, speak louder than words, and that's another problem Naomi is having with her uh baby daddy, so she can't even mention counseling to him because it's just it's gonna be just like what, like what, like what? And it's like that's his reaction, of course. Like, what, like what? And you've already now gotten yourself in a toxic relationship and embedded with someone who doesn't believe in counseling, wouldn't even get counseling, doesn't even care about you enough to, and vice versa, man with a woman. If you were having an issue and you bring it up to your to your wife or your woman and you need to get counseling for something, or and it's serious for you, fellas, on your spirit, and you're like, I'm I want to talk this out with someone because I love you, and your wife or your spouse, your girlfriend, whoever your spouse, your girlfriend is negative and unresponsive. Uh hello, yeah. I'm not even gonna say red flag because of the whole like red flag stigma now, but yeah, it is. It's like, wait, what? I love you coming to you with an issue, and you can't even like try to figure out how to make this better for the both of us, yeah. You're tripping. So the fact that you can't even do that, and you've already embedded yourself in this relationship with some in this relationship with this person, and you didn't even know that they're not that type of person because you didn't ask, you didn't, you know, really get to know them that well before you just deep dove into toxicity situationship, friend friends with benefits, um relationship situationship, toxic ship. I'm sorry, all of that is really annoying. It is because whenever you can't say, like, oh, I'm just I'm married, or oh, this is my boyfriend, like obviously it gets into the it's complicated on Facebook and all this other BS. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, right. So you've got that, and now you have as well the baby with the person now who you can't get counseling with, it's gonna continue to be a revolving cycle of toxicity because the party who you have now embedded yourself in this relationship with prior to the baby, now have the baby, does not want to get counseling or try to change it or do anything productive towards getting out of toxicity. No, that's their jam, that's their you know what I mean, and we all can get like that. I can get like that, you can get like that, we can get like that, where I don't know we. We just randomly think things are gonna change one day. We don't need to do anything different. One day it'll just be different for some reason. And we can, I mean, I feel like we all have that with something, right? Like me with drinking, like I just thought one day it was gonna be better. Like one day, like I I won't have a problem with it. Like, no, that's not how that works. Um, or same thing, like uh my relationship, it's just I'm just gonna hope for it to get better. It's just it's just gonna get better. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna pray about it. It's just gonna get better. I'm not gonna say anything different, I'm not gonna move over here different, I'm not gonna say this different. It's just it'll just randomly get better with no effort, nothing. And it's like, yeah, you need to be taught, you need to be told, no, that's not how that works. You need to change, that person needs to change, it needs to change, something needs to change, and yes, you need to hone in, and people know it too, right? Like, obviously, if you don't change, nothing's going to change clearly, and I'm pretty sure I have an episode about accepting change, embracing change, you have to do it, you have to do it, right? So I'm trying to give Naomi these lessons, I'm trying to tell Naomi these things, and it really is life, life life's right. But if you don't implement changes sometimes, no, things will not get better, things will not change, it just will not. It could potentially get worse, of course. It's like an open wound. Hello, it's like an open wound. If you do not treat the open wound, I guess I shouldn't say that because it's like if you don't treat it, your body, your cells, it will naturally heal, it'll just take longer, and it may be ugly and leave a permanent scar. Actually, you know what? No, no, it is a perfect analogy. If you don't take care of it, it's gonna be a permanent, ugly scar. How about that? Take that to the bank. If you do not treat it, if you do not apply pressure, if you do not clean it, if you do not disinfect, holy spray, prayer, prayer, prayer, and all the other things. Change, change, change, yeah, it's gonna get infected, it's gonna rot, it's gonna scar, it's gonna be ugly. That part. So yeah, you have to get counseling, you have to change, you have to do something, and unfortunately, as well, when you're young, you know, you think you know it all, and oh my god, I have all the time in the world. I know I thought I had all the time in the world. Why do we think we're gonna be 21 forever? Why do we think we're not gonna turn like 40? I don't know if it's like propaganda or if it's like uh a thing that's taught to us by our peers unknowingly, and or if it's just like something just pass down, pass down, pass down. Because even the people who are telling us when we're in our 20s, oh you're in your 20s, you got time, and um, oh my god, when I was in my 20s and all this other stuff, and then but they like never tell you, like, but you also don't have time because then they're also like telling you that you don't like it's a whole thing, so you you think you have all of this time, you think you're gonna be 21 forever, and you're gonna wake up one day and you're gonna be 40, and it's like okay, then what, right? So, no, you're not gonna be young forever, and you have to you have to figure this out, and I'm trying to just I mean, essentially trying to help Naomi with her situation and help it get better because I want it to, and I want everybody's situation and relationship and marriage to be great and better, of course. Like, who does not not trying to wish bad on everybody, obviously, but it's just it's something I was thinking about. I was thinking about Naomi, I was thinking about relationships and thinking about how if Naomi had relationship lessons before she even got into the situationship with this person, she first of all wouldn't even be in a situation ship, right? You already peep game, you you know because you've had the the lessons from your parents, from sound people in your circle who are close with your parents, and your parents were there watching them tell you this advice as well, you know. But you're getting those that advice about, you know, if he is saying he's taking it slow and um not trying to be in anything serious and just trying to have fun, like how to interpret that. And you know, no, you're not looking to have fun, you want to be in a relationship, so eh, actually, you're not for me, and they all try to do that. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I mean we can see, and it's like, nah, bro, we're not gonna see nothing. Either you're wanting to do that or you're not, so yeah, let's figure that out. Boom, like straightforward, and you don't have to be rude and cutthroat, and I don't think I think when women hear that, and even men hear that, like, oh, it's like masculine to be that way. Like, no, it's totally not. I don't want you to waste your time, bro. I don't want to waste my time, bro. We all have to, men too, you don't want to waste your time, even though men with women they don't want to waste their time with anything else, but they definitely do with women. Not gonna marry her. I don't want to, and I mean women don't want to waste their time, but and that's true. Come on, we have to admit that as men and women, men want to waste their time with women because if you don't want to marry her, why be involved with her? But it's because you you're wasting time, you you want to because you don't want to be with her, but you're involved, so boom. Women don't want to waste their time, but do because of men, right? Like you think something or you just whatever. Nine times out of ten, women don't want to waste their time. It's it's rare that they do. We we you know, you have some women who are like, I'm taking it slow, but they end up catching feelings, so then it reverts, it reverts. So when it reverts, I mean it's you would say that originally, anyway, it wasn't to waste time, yeah. You you don't you want to be with the guy, so there's that, right? So I went into that whole tangent. I'm not trying to like trash anyone either. We have to be in a realistic state of reality, and I meant that you need to be in a realistic state of reality, double reality, you need to really be in reality, okay. Think about that. So I just had she, Naomi, all of us had those lessons before we can, you know, move accordingly, right? Same thing. Naomi is experiencing the toxicity, you know, like oh, he he starts the toxicity first with bad language or calling me out of my name or or um blowing up my phone or saying inappropriate things to me or you know, things like that, and you know how guys do like oh you did this, so you must have been doing that, and it's like, dude, why are you uh acting like you're six years old right now? Like, could you chill? But there's that toxicity that's toxic because it's like, dude, what? And same thing with women. Oh, you must have been doing this because of this, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. Can you please go uh make a smoothie? I don't know, please sit down. So you have that whenever you are experiencing that, if you have those pre-lessons on how to handle that, you can you can maneuver that quickly, and so I just Naomi's already said in her toxic relationship, but if she and all of us had that prior knowledge of when someone is trying to be toxic towards you, you don't even acknowledge it, you don't acknowledge it. It's actually a lesson that you learn with kids, you do not reinforce negative behavior, you reinforce positive behavior, right? So if your significant other is getting snippy or rowdy, and there it's like, hold on, wait a minute, I'm not getting rowdy or snippy with you. Where is this coming from? No, you don't have to verbally verbatim say those words, but you're thinking that, right? You think that. Like, wait a minute, what is this tone right here? Instead of getting toxic back with them, you don't even reinforce it, you just like you don't say anything, and if they come back at you again, you just nonchalantly and just like, oh yeah, okay, like move past it, whatever it could be, it could be anything, just kind of like breeze past it, like whatever. And then the positive behavior should come back up, and you should positively speak to that and go forward from there, but vice versa. And with the name calling, right? Someone calling you out of your name. Wait a minute, men and women, instantly you should just hey, I'm I don't call you out of your name, I'm not gonna uh receive you positively calling me out of my name. Hey, you can say it however you want to. No, you're not going to call me out of my name. I'm not going to accept that. You need to say, or in whatever version you want to say, no, I'm not going to accept you calling me out of my name. We're going to end the date here. We're going to end the conversation here. I'm going to let you cool down, cool down to the point of where you don't have to call me out of my name or use profanity, and then we can pick back up the conversation. You know, you can however you want to say it, say it like that, but you don't be toxic back or be docile and just like let them, you know what I mean? Because there is to a certain extent a onus, a responsibility, a a blame here on Naomi as well. Because Naomi, how can you let someone be toxic or disrespectful towards you? I don't care who it is. No, you're not allowed to be toxic towards me. It's just, it's just, it's, it's not a thing. We can positively discuss what is on our on our on our hearts, on our minds, whatever issues that you want to discuss, something negative, even that I may have done that offended you potentially. I didn't know it was negative, or maybe I did, whatever the case may be. Come at your spouse, your significant other correctly, right? With maturity, with love in your heart, with positive reinforcement. You don't have to come at them rah-rah. You know what I mean? You ain't gotta be rah-rah. You ain't gotta do that. You can come as calmly as you can and address it like an adult, especially when you're an adult. When you're a kid, okay, bam, you can expect a temper tantrum. They don't know how to handle it yet. You need to be teaching them how to handle it, obviously. But they're they're short-tempered, they're still developing, they have to figure it out. We're still developing, actually. You know, the adage of your brain is fully developed at 25. There's still, I don't know, debates and stuff on that, but I mean, whatever, who knows? But also, regardless of that fact being true or not, your body, your mind, you're always developing, you're never not gonna be developing. That's how we end up getting old, right? Like, you're a baby, you are at your prime in your 20s, and then you start to slowly become old and decrepit, and that is developing. It may be developing, I wouldn't say it's developing backwards. It's it's definitely a progressive development, a progressing development for sure. So, even with that being said, I mean, we're always going to be developing, yes. So you have that component to it, but with these, with everything that I've said, pretty much, because I'm I'm trying to close her out. Yes, with the overall message of the podcast being that we need to teach our youth, period, our youth, and just our children how to date, how to avoid these toxic situations on both ends, how not to be toxic, and how to avoid toxicity because it just it doesn't make for a happy home. The kids see it, we all see it, and it doesn't do anyone any favors, right? Then you have the the murder component to it. Yes, yes, we have to talk about murder, murder and violence within the relationships because as well, Naomi has experienced violence within the relationship, and it's been on both ends. Naomi has been violent, Naomi's baby daddy has been violent, and I haven't heard of any violence since the violence, so they're moving in a positive direction. You still want to always be moving in a positive direction, but then you have the violent component to it, right? Where there's that reinforcement, where there's that reinforcement of behavior, you're allowing someone to be violent towards you. No, with every fiber and being in your body, you cannot allow someone to be physically violent towards you, men and women, men. You should not allow a woman, and I told Naomi that when the situation was found out, discussed, and known now. Oh wow, you guys are physically violent towards each other now, okay. And you find out that oh Naomi, you were physically violent. I Naomi, no, like, yeah, that person, your physical, your pre-baby daddy before he was your baby daddy, yeah, he should have left you. But of course, he's crazy and doesn't respect himself. He's like, Yeah, I'm just gonna let a woman put her hands on me. I don't know how the the situation was not resolved in a positive light because they're still going through toxic, negative, verbal, abusive behavior. But when you have this situation going on, it violence and I mean murder among relationships is insane. I know someone who in high school, even sweet girl, she was kind of you know awkward, but sweet girl, we're 17, 18, we're trying to figure out life, we're graduating high school, we're getting ready for graduation, all the things, and she's in a relationship with a guy who doesn't even go to our school, he goes to a different school, but he kills her. She, I don't know what her relationship was like with her mom or if her mom was alive, but I know she lived only with her dad full time, but her boyfriend killed her, and I'm like, oh my goodness, when I found this out, I just was so I just was so shocked and to know that it was her, and she was so sweet, but she was you know quiet a little bit and you know a little bit more awkward as well, but it just was it was so shocking to me, and you think about these things where relationships are they're toxic and they get violent, and it can lead to murder, right? And this is something that you also need to teach your kids like just the same thing. You want to play with fire, you're gonna get burned. You want to play with relationships, you might end up on the five o'clock news because you were playing with someone's mental health, someone's heart, someone's emotions. This is a lot of times. I mean, it's it's really it's not a game playing with people. So, and you can unintentionally be doing it, and this person you end up on snapped. That is a whole TV show where people just quote unquote snapped, right? And there's arguments to be made about that. A lot of it's premeditated, people plan to murder because they're so upset, which is a whole other thing, but there's so many. I hear so many true crime cases. It deals with relationships, somebody cheating, they're trying to cover it up, and all this other stuff. You got some people who ain't even trying to cover it up, the cheating, and it and it's just it's a whole thing, and it's like you you do, you have to teach your kids about this as well. Teaching your your son, you know, how to be involved with relationships with young ladies and teaching your sons, no, no, son, do not play with these ladies, do not play with these ladies' hearts. I do not want to see you on the five o'clock news. I do not want to have to tell someone that my son was killed by his girlfriend because he told her that he loved her, but was hanging out with Becky Larson down the street, like you know what I mean. You just have these all too often situations, and you're not teaching people as well, I think, this component that these things happen, and it's like we know that they happen, but you're not pre-doing the lesson that this could happen, you know. Like when you tell your kid, uh-uh, no, don't do that, don't do that. You're giving them a precursor of this could be wrong or this something could go wrong, right? When they're at the dinner table and everyone is eating with glass and glassware, but they're eating with uh, you know, their plastic sippy cup or their, you know, whatever they've got that's you know, silicone sippy cup, because we're trying to be getting. Away from the plastic and trying to be eco-friendly and you know recyclable and yeah, all the things, environment, environment, yes. Okay, so they're sitting beside you, right? And they're flailing their arms or whatever, and you have to tell them, like, hey, you're not flailing your arms because you could potentially knock mama's glass off of the table, off of the kitchen table. So um, you're it's the same thing, right? So when they're whatever age you think is comfortable, you need to tell them the same thing. Like, hey, if you're telling Becky and you're telling uh you're telling Charlene and you're telling, you're telling Juni all the same thing, uh, one of them might plot to end your life because they found out that you told the same thing to Juni, and it just you know what I mean, like if you tell your kids that maybe they'll think twice about potentially being a toxic human being in the dating pool, right? And that's also too something that I had to realize, and I don't think a lot of people think about, right? Like when you have children, we know that we have to raise our children, we have to teach them and raise them underneath the guise of God, that is first and foremost. But what is the saying as well? It's raise them so that they do not depart from him. That's like the the scripture for sure. But yeah, raise them underneath the guise of God, that too, which is the same thing, but yeah. So even with that, yes, you want to do that, but we have to remember we are raising our children also to be adults, they're gonna be adults one day, right? Are you raising a crappy adult? Yeah, you probably are. Are you think about that? Am I raising a future crappy adult? Am I raising someone who's gonna be a good girlfriend? Am I raising someone who's gonna be a good boyfriend? Am I raising someone who's gonna be a good wife? Am I raising someone who's gonna be a good husband? Am I raising someone who's gonna be a good mother? Am I raising someone who's gonna be a good father? Am I raising someone who's gonna be a good citizen? I mean a good citizen in society. Think about that. I think about that. How are my children gonna turn out, right? And I feel as if people who have kids, of course, do think that. I don't think they don't think that. And I know in the comments below, people are gonna be like, you don't have kids, because I've I've stated that for sure. You don't have kids, so how you gonna tell us we not thinking about our kids and how they gonna be, duh, we doing that. We gotta get you know what I mean. It's like, but everyone needs a friendly reminder. I constantly at work am like, hey, just want to give everyone a friendly reminder because look, it's a friendly reminder for a reason. Sometimes we need to be reminded. Look, sometimes you are raising a scumbag. You're the scumbag. Who raised you? Who raised you? What's the comedians? Kirkland, it's something I think it's TK Kirkland. Is it TK? I think it's it's something his his initials are TK, so it's something Kirkland. But yeah, who raised you? Who raised you? So you were raised by someone who was crappy, so therefore you are crappy, or you were raised by someone who's amazing, so therefore you are amazing. And there's always caveats and nuances, right? You could be raised by someone who is crappy and you're amazing, or you could be raised by someone amazing and you're crappy, like whatever you have the whole thing. Like the man who was raised by such a wonderful woman who pretty much took care of him his entire life, and he still ended up killing her for financial purposes, and it's like, dang, your mom literally was the sweetest person ever, did everything for you, and you still killed her, you still have you know what I mean. So there's always those caveats and nuances. But nine times out of ten, if you're raised by an amazing, well-rounded, realistic, sound person, I think I already used the word sound, but look, sound, okay, you know what I mean. Sound person, nine times out of ten, you're gonna be that. So yeah, raise your children to be amazing adults, so therefore, we have less of the toxicity, and there's always gonna be it, but one less, one person here in this message and being like, Yeah, I'm not gonna raise my kid to be a crappy human adult. Thanks. Like, okay, I did my part, but look, that's pretty much the message. That's what I'm just trying to relay here. Like, to everyone, to Naomi, to the people in the back, the very back, and to young adults. When dating, you need to set boundaries, you need to set standards before you even start dating. How do you want to be treated? How do you expect to be treated? You need to be with someone who is going to, is willing to, and will accept and treat and do those things that you expect and want for yourself, and vice versa, right? You want this expected treatment, and you should give it to them because, of course, they're expecting treatment. It's a compromise, it's a relationship because you are relaying the ship, right? You gotta stir it together, right? I mean, in a sense, the captain is stirring the ship, and yes, in I believe in men and female. I mean, yeah, man and female, men and women, whatever how you want to say it, relationships. So, yeah, the man is the you know, head, he's the captain. But what is the woman on the ship? She's doing the rest of it, so yeah, she's running the crew. Man stirring the boat, she's running the crew, so yeah, pretty much, and he's a part of the crew. So, um, how about that? You like that analogy, guys? You like that analogy, guys? The wife is running the crew, and technically, men, you are the captain, and I mean, you're a part of the crew, right? Your crew is your crew, and you're a part of the crew, your crew, so whatever, right? It's it's a it's an effort, pretty much is what I'm saying, and you have to make those compromises, as I was saying, but go into dating, realizing how you want to be treated, how you expect to be treated, and nobody wants to be treated crappily, so don't accept it, right? Women, do you and if I said to you, hey yeah, you're gonna meet this guy, um, he's gonna ask for your number, you're gonna give it to him, okay. And within like the first month of you dating, he calls you the B word. What would you do? Every woman would be like, Oh, absolutely not, absolutely not, absolutely not. But it's like you you go through that month of dating, and that happens to you though, and like you you you just like you continue to be with this person, nothing really happens, whatever, whatever. It's like, no, you need to instantly have repercussions, you don't need to respond toxically, but you need to put your foot down and demand respect, and also vice versa for the guys, and I'm not trying to be a relationship guru, like oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm just trying to give I'm just trying to give helpful tips because this was an issue for someone who is in my circle, who is in my life, and I know if just one person in my life is having this issue, and it's millions of people in the world, obviously, we have millions of people who have this issue. I I have had this issue, so it's a thing, it happens, and we need to be more resolution-based versus complain-based, right? You have people who complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain, complain some more, but you don't like have a resolution for the complaint, right? I am totally one of those people, excuse me, that have the right to complain. No, yeah, I do. I have the right to complain because guess what? There's gonna be a resolution behind that complaint. It's never gonna be just a complaint of just just talking, just like oh my god, oh my god, uh like no, there's gonna be action behind it, there's gonna be resolution because guess what? I'm not gonna continue to complain. How about that? I'm not gonna continue to complain about anything. There will be a resolution, and sometimes I get it, right? The resolution isn't just instant. I get it, I get it, right? But at the end of the day, regardless of if it's instant or if it takes you a week or two or a month, sometimes it could take us years. It should never take us years, though, because that is your life. That is years of life, your life that you'll never get back. We all know that. So many years of our life that we wish we could have back, boy. I tell you, but but you shouldn't, like I said, let it get that far. But you know, you wanna have grace, not too much grace though. You have people who be gracing it up, like grace here, grace here, grace for you, grace here, 10 years of grace, 20 years of grace. No, no, no, absolutely not. Look, you you know, you you you you give it that period or whatever, but there needs to be a resolution. Full speed, no breaks. No if, ands, or buts about it. I love that. Full speed, no breaks. Needs to be a resolution behind it. And that's pretty much what is the um the overall consensus of today's episode. Yeah, man, we we we have to do better at those relationships, you know. You have people who I mean constantly, I mean constantly, it is a weekly to bi-weekly toxic situation happening, whether it's an argument, whether it's a uh uh a whole uh hip hop uh world star situation, or it's you know, unfortunately a physical situation, like it's something that's happening weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, and it's just you can't get out of the cycle, and we cannot, we cannot allow that. We can't allow that to happen. We just we just simply can't. And so we have to identify it and come to that come to that resolute. Resolute have to come to a resolut salut resolut. So yeah, I just I I if if in any way if this helps someone, I mean I just I hope it does. That's what I'm trying to do. I hope it does, like I said, like if it if it helps one person, if it helps one person, I did my job. One person hears this and it's like I am in a toxic situation with someone who is verbally or physically being on some wild and Uno cards, and I I actually don't have to accept it. I don't have to accept it now. When you have the kids, kids in the mix, yeah, there does need to be a stern conversation of no, we're done, we're done with this behavior. I'm done, I'm not doing it. And if moving forward you do it, we're gonna have to, yeah, it's gonna have to be some switching up, boo, because I'm not, I'm not dealing with it. And you just you have to you have to you have to do it, you just have to do it, and I know it's easier said than done, but guess what? Yeah, it has to get done, it has to get done, and that's pretty much just the overall. I've like I said, once you get a mic in your hand, baby, you can't shut up. I've said numerous times now. That's pretty much I'm trying to wrap it up. That pretty that's pretty much the end of the episode, but yeah, we have to do better with teaching our youth, teaching our kids, teaching ourselves even how to date, what's the proper way, how to avoid this toxicity, how to not be toxic, and how to make the dating experience better for everyone. How about that? How about that, right? How about that? And remember, ladies and gentlemen, it is okay. It's gonna be, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be a okay.