The Hidden Cost Of Always Saying Yes

What if the fear of being judged is the only thing standing between you and the energy you’ve been missing? We zoom into that quiet worry—“if I put myself first, I’ll be judged”—and turn it into a clear, simple practice you can try today. Instead of chasing sweeping life overhauls, we focus on one change that sticks: a three-month cost check-in that pulls your choices out of the fog and into focus.

We share why our short, focused format works for real-world growth: one idea, tried consistently, beats a dozen tips you’ll never use. You’ll hear how to audit the true costs of constant yeses on sleep, health, and confidence, and how to pair your insight with a grounded move that holds under pressure. The practical tool: ask for confirmation in writing and bring a note-taking ally when it matters. That small shift calms second-guessing, curbs gaslighting, and creates breathing room before you commit.

We also name a pattern many women know too well: praised for overgiving, blamed for burnout. This isn’t a personal failure; it’s a system that benefits from your silence. While the system is slow to change, your choices can start now—modest, repeatable steps that protect your time and restore trust with yourself. If you’re tired of setting boundaries that don’t seem to stick, try tightening the loop between noticing, acting, and reflecting, and measure progress by what your body feels, not external approval.

Take a pause with us, try the cost check-in, and test the written-backup move in one real situation this week. If it helps, share this episode with a friend who needs permission to choose themselves without guilt. Subscribe for more short, steady practices, and leave a review to tell us what landed for you. Your small steps count—every single one.

The contents of this podcast are for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. If you have a specific health concern or condition, please consult a qualified Healthcare professional for more details. Check out herguru dot uk forward slash disclaimers

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome back to amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, wonderful ABGW for short. Yes, because I like things to be short. And today we're looking at the fear. If I put myself first, I'll be judged. Now, before we get into this episode, um,

Welcome And Today’s Fear

SPEAKER_00 0:36

I had a question that was actually texting me um through um through the website. You you know you can text me, you can also WhatsApp me as well. And I do actually am looking forward to more feedback because I want to improve the podcast. But this question was basically around why do you, instead of making one big episode every week, why I've chosen to do these mini episodes. And the way that I would describe it is I didn't feel it was me making these big episodes. You know, that's not how

Why Mini Episodes, Not Long Shows

SPEAKER_00 1:17

I run as an individual. Um, I think it's to do with my Kobe uh B Index School. Um, if you want to find out what it is, I won't bore you with it now. It's on my LinkedIn profile. But I'm the sort of person I I like to get in fast and get out fast. That makes sense, you know, which means just concentrating on one thing at a time. You know, in this world, everyone wants says that you should be a multitasker, and that's great and wonderful. But the thing is, you also need to be aware of what's going on inside yourself and notice what you're experiencing. I am not a multitasker, I don't think I ever have been. I think when I have tried to be a multitasker, yeah, like anything, you can keep it up for a little while, but then it then becomes uh a chain, you know, it becomes annoying, it becomes an obligation, something that you feel that you have to do. I don't want that for myself, I don't want that for my family, and I don't want that for you. I don't want you to feel as if you ever have to do anything because of obligation. I want you to be free to explore what's going on for you, and then be pro-social with that. So that's why I've chosen to do these five-minute episodes. Obviously, this one's probably going to be more than five minutes now, because I want you to think about one thing. I want you to take away one thing, I want you to try one thing,

One-Thing Practice And Low-Risk Experiments

SPEAKER_00 3:03

and it's not about evaluating that experiment, it's about seeing what comes up for you, noticing how you feel internally. Is it something that you're used to, not used to, something that's just come up for you? Whatever it is, it's a learning experience. All these things that I'm suggesting here are is for information only. It's so that you can experiment in a low-risk environment, ways that you can help yourself be more connected to yourself. It's one of the reasons why I created my quote because I understand that modern life expects results now in this hot minute. That's not how life always is. Sometimes, yes, we do have exponential learning in the moment, but most things are gradual, they come

The Pace Of Growth And Patience

SPEAKER_00 4:02

upon us, and you know, it almost takes time for it for our minds to ferment them into our body, and then we can generalize them out to what we're doing and what is important to us. So I hope that explanation helps. Um, because you you're wondering why this weird person called Cheryl is doing all these uh five-minute episodes. But I hope I haven't explained it because I know I do have a habit of doing that as well. But yeah, if you want to know more, please do email me um or you know, text me, or whatsapp me. You know, I'm here to help as much as I can. Um, but back to today's mini episode about if I put myself first, I'll be judged. Now, I know this fear that people have makes sense, especially us women, you know, women are historically been rewarded

Women, Judgment, And Burnout

SPEAKER_00 5:07

for being the endlessly accommodating. They then criticized for burning out. So on the one hand, it's like yeah, yeah, you know, you you you're you become the biggest people pleaser, but the minute you burn out, there's something wrong with you. And to me, this isn't personal weakness, this is a systematic issue that as women we can't wait for men to deal with, dare I say it. Something that we have to choose and be intentional about. So here's the pause. I want you to ask yourself if I keep doing this for the next three more months, what is it going to cost me? Is it going to cost sleep, my health, my confidence? I'm not talking about uh catastrophizing here,

A Three-Month Cost Check-In

SPEAKER_00 6:07

I'm talking about accountability to yourself, accounting for what this is going to cost you over the next three months. One grounded step that you can take is art score written follow-up or an accompaniment when it matters. So, for example, I'd like this confirmed in writing, and I'll bring someone with me who will take notes for

One Grounded Step: Written Backup

SPEAKER_00 6:39

me. Okay, that's it for today. In the next episode, we'll deal with the most demoralizing thoughts of them all. I'm tired. Boundaries, I'm tired of boundaries, nothing changes. Okay, so is something in today's episode landed for you

Teaser, Support, And Closing Pause

SPEAKER_00 7:00

even better? That matters, and you don't need to do anything dramatic with it. You just need to notice it. And if you're looking for any extra support, yes, go and check out her guru with resources. Okay, that's it for the moment. Take this moment with you to pause and remember that every step you take, no matter how small, is a step towards a brighter, more balanced future. Trust in your journey and remember progress is progress no matter the pace. Bye for now.