The Nurses' Breakroom with Jenny Lytle, RN
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The Nurses' Breakroom with Jenny Lytle, RN
48. Why Boundaries Matter for Caregivers
If you're feeling overwhelmed, burned out, or like there’s never enough time, I’ve got something just for you! Head to https://selfcareisntselfish.com to grab your FREE copy of my book, Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: The Compassionate Nurse’s Step-by-Step Guide to Personalized Stress Relief. It’s packed with simple, effective strategies to help you prioritize your needs—without guilt—so you can feel energized, focused, and ready to take on the day. Go to https://selfcareisntselfish.com
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of the nurse's break room with Jenny Lytle RN, and today we are going to talk about boundaries, because boundaries are something that are so important to have. But a lot of times we can have these misconceptions that boundaries mean that we don't care about other people, or boundaries mean that we just want to push things away, whether that be people or things to do. Calling something a boundary can sometimes be seen as a way of not wanting to deal with hard things. So let's just go briefly as to why boundaries are important and as caregivers, we are people who are wired to help others, and that can lead to us saying yes a lot and wanting to be able to be there for everyone when there are only so many hours in a day can mean that we end up saying no to ourselves and no to our own needs, and that's something that eventually can lead to burnout. And boundaries they can be seen as selfish, like self-care can be seen that way, but really they're a way of respecting ourselves and being able to do the things that we want to do, love to do or called to do and need to do long term. So you can be kind while being clear and you don't have to give and give without sometimes needing to say no.
Speaker 1:I know I am a recovering people pleaser myself. I want to be able to help everybody. I want people to like me. I want to be able to use my gifts and talents and knowledge and compassion to make life easier for other people, and I don't want people to think that I'm not a team player or think that I'm self centered. But what I found is that when I don't take time to take care of myself, then I don't show up nearly as well for other people and eventually I end up getting sick or something happens where I'm just put on the sidelines for a little bit. Anyway, and what I've discovered is that when I intentionally take time to take care of myself time to take care of myself, to relax, to have some downtime, to do the things that I know replenish me then I'm able to show up so much better for other people. I can do it with a better spirit, with more energy, with more love and compassion and excitement, and it also allows for other people to be able to use their gifts and talents.
Speaker 1:And that was something that was hard for me to grasp in the beginning. But I had somebody tell me several years ago now you know, when you are doing something, when you're jumping in to fill every hole, then maybe the person who wasn't as eager to or wasn't as confident in their own ability to take care of something maybe they would have stepped up to help with that particular situation. But you beat them to it and maybe that's something that they really needed to do on their growth journey and that's something that they would have felt empowered by, and by me always wanting to jump in and take care of things, fix things. Then I could be stealing that blessing that was maybe meant for somebody else. Now, I don't know if you agree with that or not, but I do think it's an interesting perspective and something to consider, and sometimes we don't want to say no. We don't want to set boundaries because we don't want to say no. We don't want to set boundaries because we don't want to be seen as someone who doesn't help out the team. We don't want to be seen as someone who's mean or uncaring or selfish. But I recently saw that boundaries aren't walls, they're doors, with doorknobs on your side, right, and I think that's an interesting picture.
Speaker 1:So ways that I like to keep myself from over committing, because, while I've come a long way in terms of boundaries and being able to say no, when necessary, to things that I know don't fit into my schedule, one of the things that I do struggle with still is being able to say no to things that I know are good, things, that I can fit into my schedule, things that maybe would help to show community support or help me get out in front of other people and meet them and be able to support them in some way, which also, in turn, helps me, because I become more well known in the community and people are able to see me and see what I can do. But what I'm having to learn now is to say no to myself because I want to do everything and I want to do it all right now, and that's just not realistic. And so I look at my calendar for the week and sometimes there's not a whole lot of breathing room. So what I've started to do is to really scale that back and really think before I just automatically say yes to the things that sound like they'd be something great, to the things that sound like they'd be something great, sometimes in a lot of different ways. So one way I do that is by saying you know what, let me check my schedule and get back to you on that, because in the moment I'm excited, it sounds great and I just want to say yes. And if I look at my calendar and I don't have something set specifically for that time, then I'm very likely to say yes.
Speaker 1:But just because I don't have anything scheduled right then doesn't mean that I really have the capacity that day or that week or even that month to add in something else. And when I take a step back from the excitement, from the urgency because everything feels urgent in the moment, doesn't it? When I take a step back from that, then I'm able to really look at the big picture and figure out is this the best? Yes for me. And oftentimes the answer is no, but sometimes it is yes. So if I look at something and I know, hey, this isn't something that's going to work for me, it's fine to say, hey, I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work for me, but sometimes there is this particular thing won't work, but I could offer XYZ and have that as an option.
Speaker 1:And I'm sure you've heard me talk about another thing I encourage my clients to do in the beginning, if they really struggle with the whole concept of saying no and having time for themselves, is to schedule things on your calendar Schedule blocks of time that are just blocked, or me time or creative time however you want to label that but basically it's a way that you can honestly say, hey, I've already got something scheduled then. And then the key with that is not just to say that, but to really have that be time that you protect and treat that like you would an appointment with someone else, because that time that you have for yourself whether it be to rest and relax and do things that you enjoy doing or maybe it's to do some of the things that you know need to get done, but they aren't things that have a particular due date, so maybe it's cleaning the house or going through and organizing some particular area. We all have those things that we're going to get to someday, and then you realize that it's been on your someday list for two or three years sometimes. So just being a little more cognizant of those things so that you can figure out when and how are those going to be able to get done and all of that starts with learning to say no, even in small ways, sometimes even in ways that are just to yourself.
Speaker 1:But being able to have those little boundaries. The more you put those into place, the easier it becomes. It's like workouts the more you build those muscles, then the easier things become to lift and to carry out certain activities. And it's that way with boundaries as well. At first it's going to feel uncomfortable, but start slow, start small and build up from there and I have a feeling that you're going to end up realizing that boundaries are something that really help to protect your peace, and it's not about blocking out other people. Until next time, remember self care isn't selfish. It's the only way that we can continue to care for others and live our best lives. Have a great week.