75. Why Rest Feels So Hard for Nurses and Caregivers (Even When You’re Exhausted)

If rest feels uncomfortable, frustrating, or even unsafe — you’re not doing anything wrong.

In this episode of The Nurses’ Breakroom with Jenny Lytle, RN, hospice nurse and stress-relief coach Jenny Lytle explores why rest feels so hard for nurses and caregivers, even when you’re exhausted and know you need it.

You’ll learn how conditioning, nervous system patterns, and identity all play a role — and why the resistance you feel doesn’t mean rest isn’t for you. It means you’re unwinding years of responsibility.

This episode offers reassurance, insight, and permission to approach rest in a way that actually feels doable.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why caregivers are taught (often unconsciously) that rest must be earned
• How a constantly alert nervous system makes it hard to slow down
• Why rest can feel uncomfortable or unsafe at first
• How identity and caregiving roles affect your ability to rest
• A gentler reframe that makes rest feel more accessible

This episode is especially helpful for nurses, hospice professionals, and caregivers who feel tired but wired, guilty when resting, or unsure how to truly slow down.

Next episode preview: Practical ways to transition out of nurse mode — without building hard boundaries or walls.

🔑 Key Takeaways / Action Steps

• Feeling restless during rest doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong
• Rest resistance often comes from conditioning and nervous system patterns
• You’re not bad at resting — you’re unwinding responsibility
• Rest doesn’t have to mean stopping everything
• You don’t have to rest perfectly to benefit from it

If you're feeling overwhelmed, burned out, or like there’s never enough time, I’ve got something just for you! Head to https://selfcareisntselfish.com to grab your FREE copy of my book, Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: The Compassionate Nurse’s Step-by-Step Guide to Personalized Stress Relief. It’s packed with simple, effective strategies to help you prioritize your needs—without guilt—so you can feel energized, focused, and ready to take on the day. Go to https://selfcareisntselfish.com 

Feeling stressed? Grab my quick and easy Busy Nurses' Guide to Less Stress for practical stress relief that truly fits into your life!  https://www.jennylytle.com/guide

Looking for connection with people who get the stress and self-care struggles of nurses and caregivers? Check out https://thenursesbreakroom.com 

Connect on LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennylytlern/

More ways to connect here: https://linktr.ee/jennylytle

Transcript

Welcome And Today’s Focus: Rest

Jenny Lytle, RN 0:29

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Nurses Break Room with Jenny Lytle, RN. Last time we talked about gentle ways to set the work down after a hard shift. And today I want to talk about something that often comes up right after that. And that's rest. And more specifically, like why is it that rest can feel so hard? Even when you know you're exhausted and you know you need it. If you've ever finally had time to rest and you feel restless or guilty or like you should be doing something productive, I totally get that because that is definitely something that I have struggled with. And I do struggle with myself. You're not alone, you're not broken, and neither am I. And there are several reasons why this happens. And none of them mean that we're doing anything wrong. But one reason is conditioning. And many of us, especially those of us in caregiving roles, we were taught either directly or indirectly that rest has to be earned, that you rest after everything else is done. But in this kind of work, everything is never done. In most things, everything is never done. You know, that to-do list. I mean, when is that ever finished? But for us, there's always another chart, another patient, another family, another need. And your body learns to stay on. And another piece of this is your nervous system. So when we spend our days being alert, you know, when you're constantly reading the room and responding to emotions and anticipating needs, your body gets very good at staying in that mode. And so when you finally stop moving, your system doesn't immediately relax, especially if it's not something that it's used to doing. And sometimes it feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels unsafe. And sometimes we just feel very off when we try to do that. And of course, that's not because rest is bad, but because your body hasn't fully learned that it's allowed to rest. And then there's identity. When so much of who you are is wrapped up in caring for others, in being needed, being dependable, then to take time for yourself, uh, that can be a challenge. Rest can bring up a question that we don't always ask out loud. But if I'm not doing, then who am I? And that's heavy. And that's something that I really struggled with that myself, with that losing my identity, not realizing who I was without the work that I was doing. And it sounds kind of crazy, but really it makes perfect sense. And so I just I want to offer you this reframe if rest feels hard for you. The discomfort doesn't mean that you're just not supposed to rest. It means that you're unwinding years of responsibility. You're trying to trying to undo some of the things that that have been very ingrained in you, whether by yourself or others. And instead of asking yourself, why can't I relax? Try asking, what does my body need to feel safe enough to rest? And sometimes that's movement before being still. Sometimes maybe that's quiet without the pressure to sleep. Sometimes it's rest that still looks like doing, but more gently than what we've been doing. And rest does not have to mean stopping everything. It can mean doing something softer, simpler, more enjoyable, maybe less demanding mentally, or it's choosing something that doesn't necessarily ask anything from you, but something that gently refills your cup. And so maybe the most important thing to remember is this you don't have to rest perfectly. It's not something else that you have to learn how to do. You don't have to rest without guilt right away. The only thing that you really need to do is just be open to experimenting a little bit. And even noticing the resistance or naming it, that's part of the work. And so next time, we're going to get practical again. And we're going to talk about how to transition out of nurse mode, out of caregiver mode, and not by building hard walls, but again, by creating bridges that help us move from work life into real life, family life, our life, our personal life with a little more ease. Until then, be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. The work is heavy and you're allowed to rest. And until next time, remember self care isn't selfish. It's the only way we can continue to care for others and live our best lives. See you next week.