The Feed My Health Podcast

You’ve Been Lied To About Self-Worth - Here’s the Truth

• Rosalind Tapper

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Unlock the transformative power of self-worth and inner belief as we navigate the post-half-term chaos together. Have you ever wondered how your childhood conditioning and societal pressures have shaped your self-worth? Join me as we explore the often-overlooked distinction between self-worth and confidence, and discover how embracing your intrinsic value without seeking external validation can spark profound personal growth. This episode is a guide to challenging what we tolerate, empowering you to rethink what you pursue, and ultimately fostering a life where you feel truly deserving of your goals.

We also unearth the lasting impact of childhood conditioning and societal expectations on our perception of self-worth, leading many to seek validation through external achievements. Together, let's unlearn those harmful beliefs and reclaim our natural self-worth. We'll discuss practical strategies for rebuilding self-worth, including the power of self-acceptance, altering negative self-talk, and setting firm boundaries. By prioritizing passion and personal values, this conversation encourages living each day to the fullest, empowering you to assert self-respect and focus on what truly matters. As we collectively support one another, let's work towards rewriting our narratives and reinforcing that we are truly worth it.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome back everybody to the Feed my Health podcast. Now, when you listen to this obviously if you listen to it on the day that it comes out it is Monday and all the kids are back to school Parents across the UK are breathing a sigh of relief. But right now, as I record this, it is Friday afternoon, the week before, and I can't actually believe that we've survived half term. My house is an absolute tip. I am getting the kids to do their jobs here, there and everywhere, but they very much go at a glacial pace and I'm okay with it. I've had to let my what's the word I'm looking for? I was gonna say systems, but that's not the right word. I can't think what the word is. But basically I've had to um, relinquish a lot of control and it's the first half term actually where the kids haven't really required anything.

Speaker 1:

I think you know, sometimes there's a bit of guilt when, especially when you work from home, you know, should I be entertaining them, should I be taking them out or the rest of it? And ultimately, when I think back to my teenage years, I didn't really want my mum entertaining me in the half term. She was at work anyway. So, yeah, I think, um, I mean, it's been a successful half term and a huge learning half term for me, because, as I say, like, though, I did start with like little moments of guilt, and then I would reflect on it and think, well, actually, you know, when you're 16, do you really want to be going out for the day with your mum? Probably not. You just want to be chilling at home, scrolling on your phone and talking to your mates, right? So, yes, there's no, there's no manual for how to be a parent, but one thing that I do want to talk about today is something that is at the root of every transformation, and that is self-worth.

Speaker 1:

Now, if you've ever felt like you're not enough, like you're constantly striving but never arriving, or like you keep putting everyone else first and leaving yourself last, then this episode is for you, and the reason why I talk about this quite a lot is because it's one of those things where somebody can tell you like you really need to start putting yourself first, and they can tell you and they can tell you and they can tell you. But it's not something that can just be, like you can't just switch it on and off. It's not like somebody saying to you right, you need to put the key in the ignition and turn the key to start the car, and then you just do it and it works. It's one of those things that requires repetition and lots of internal work, and this is, honestly, something that absolutely fascinates me. It's something that I am prioritizing. A lot in 2025 is kind of the inner work.

Speaker 1:

I'm prioritizing a lot in 2025 is kind of the inner work and, just like with health, the inner work that we do on our mindsets and, you know, such like a self-worth is a is an ongoing endeavor and it should never stop, and so I just think sometimes having these little reminders can really help just to solidify the fact that it's okay to look after number one and it's important and it's actually necessary. So the way you see yourself determines what you allow. It determines what you tolerate and what you create in your life. Okay, this is a massive thing to take on board the way you see yourself. So if, at the moment, you are feeling disrespected by people, that you feel like you're being walked all over, that you're not getting things done that you want to, that people are always asking things of you, then it's because you're you're tolerating that and it's what you're allowing. And I know that sounds like such a harsh thing to say, but once I understood that it was really clear harsh thing to say. But once I understood that it was really clear for me to go right. If I'm allowing this to happen, what do I need to disallow in order to create the life that I love? If you don't feel worthy of something, you won't pursue it with full belief. Okay, if you don't feel worthy, for example, of a weight loss transformation, then you won't pursue that in full belief. And if you don't believe in your worth, you will accept far less than you deserve. So today, in this episode, we're going to try and change that a little bit. So let's go deeper than just love yourself cliches okay, I want to give you real powerful shifts that will make you stop in your tracks and think, wow, like I never saw it that way before.

Speaker 1:

So let's talk about self-worth. So self-worth isn't confidence okay. It isn't self-esteem. It isn't how you look or what you've achieved. This is absolutely critical If you are a high achiever like I would class myself as a high achiever and I live in a house with high achievers and I can really see from my own experience, my own past, and I can see it in my children as well. Sometimes that self-worth is tied up in this. Okay, but self-worth isn't confidence.

Speaker 1:

Self-worth is your inner knowing that you are valuable just as you are, just as you are. So, without the clean house, without the degree, without the perfect grammar, without looking immaculate, without your kids looking immaculate, self-worth is your inner, knowing that you are valuable just as you are and that you don't have to earn the right to take up space. Okay, now I want you to listen to this episode more than once, because I feel like it would take quite a few listens to really get this to kind of soak in a little bit. So I'm just going to repeat it one more time, because I think, like I said, repetition is critical. Self-worth is your inner knowing that you are valuable just as you are and that you don't have to earn the right to take up space. It's the quiet but unshakable belief that you deserve good things. Because you do. I promise you this. You deserve great things, in fact, and not because you work hard and not because you've sacrificed things and not because you've ticked all the boxes of what a good woman should be, but simply because you exist in this earth, you don't have to earn it. And when you truly grasp this, your whole world will shift. You will stop people pleasing, you will stop shrinking yourself down and you will stop making choices from a place of guilt or obligation. So I'm going to give an example.

Speaker 1:

Actually, one of the things that I found myself doing quite a lot and I, when I did it, I was like why am I doing this? It sounds so pathetic and it's taken a little bit of understanding from my side and a little bit of inner work to figure out why. But one of the things that would happen quite frequently. I live quite far away from my mum, so when we saw each other we'd kind of gone. You know, it could have been weeks, months, whatever, between seeing each other, and so she's not actively present in my life. She doesn't see kind of what we buy in the supermarket and you know things like that. So sometimes she'd see me and she'd say, oh, you own a new top or you wear is that top new? And I would. My immediate response was oh no, not really. It's like I've had it a while, like it was a bad thing for me to have gone out bought something with my own money that I work hard for, you know, and I can't.

Speaker 1:

To this day, I still think, like, where is this coming from? Why do I feel that I need to shrink myself to? I don't. It's. It's absolutely bizarre, but it's so easy to see these traits in other people when you can actually start to see them in yourself, that's actually really powerful. The problem with it is when you see something in yourself, you don't like it and you do nothing about it, and that is a problem at that point. But we all have these little traits and little things that we do.

Speaker 1:

And if you're struggling with your self-worth, well, let's be super clear. You were not born this way. You arrived in this world knowing that you were enough. You did not question your worth as a baby. You didn't sit there in your cot wondering if you were lovable or if you had permission to take up the space in that cot. So something has changed and we have to think well has changed? And we have to think well, what was that? So, somewhere along the way, you learned that your worth was conditional. That was the story that you learned, and just note when I say the word story okay, it depended on being a good girl, perhaps right that it was measured by how much you did for others or how much you were needed or how much you fit into a certain mold. And it could have been from little things like, for example, if you come home from school with, you know, a great result on a test and your parents didn't respond in the way that you would have liked them to respond.

Speaker 1:

It can be little things like that that really stick with you as a child. And or even stuff like you know, at the dinner table when you're rewarded for finishing everything that's on your plate, and suddenly you feel like, oh, when I eat all the food that's on my plate, my mom or my dad or whoever acknowledges me, looks at me and praises and I've noticed that this is the only time that I get praise and therefore, if I keep doing this thing, I get praise and it feels good, so I'll keep doing it and then ultimately, that can lead to a life of always finishing everything that's on your plate, because you've been conditioned to believe that story and remember nobody told you that was a fact, it was a story you've created in your mind. So society experiences relationships. They all chipped away at that natural, unwavering self-worth that you were born with and now we have to unlearn it. If it is something that is hindering you and these things can show up in your life and hold you back in your life without you even realising it, and that's not a great place to be, because it's kind of like you've got something like, let's just say you were feeling unwell but you couldn't put your finger on why. That's a really difficult place to be. But as soon as you get a diagnosis even if you haven't been cured, it can feel like a relief because you get some kind of clarity, some kind of understanding.

Speaker 1:

So I want you to sit with this question what, or who, sorry benefits from you doubting your worth? So I want you to think about it. Who is profiting when women feel they aren't good enough? The diet industry, the beauty industry, the endless self-improvement hamster wheel? A woman who fully knows her worth is absolutely dangerous, is absolutely authentically herself and is absolutely unstoppable, and she is not easily controlled by anybody or anything. And you've been conditioned to believe that you have to fix yourself before you can feel good about yourself. But what if the opposite was actually true? What if the moment you decide. You are already enough. You start making choices that actually align with your best self. Imagine. So how do we build, how do we rebuild, self-worth? Okay, so let's talk about some real practical tips that we can start to look at implement, depending on where you are in your journey with this.

Speaker 1:

So number one is to stop seeking external validation. Self-worth is not found in compliments, it's not found in the scales, it's not found in your job title, it's not found in approval from others. Seeking external validation actually is an inside job. Okay, so you busting your backside at work for your boss to pat you on the back, or to get that pay rise, or to see that drop on the scale because you've worked so hard with your diet, or you put on a new dress and you're waiting for a compliment from your husband, that's you seeking external validation and that's not something that you actually need. You can give that validation to yourself.

Speaker 1:

Number two is to start speaking to yourself differently. Now, this is really difficult because where the way we speak to ourselves is so ingrained that we do it without even realizing it, you know, when you get in a car and you are going on a route that you've done so many times and you get to the destination you can't even remember how you got there. That is very much like the way we can. We can speak to ourselves. We have this natural internal dialogue that goes on and we don't even realize we're doing it. That's what's really frightening. But we have to get a little bit more conscious of how we are speaking to ourselves. If you find yourself looking in the mirror one morning and saying, oh, I look old or I look haggard or I look tired today, acknowledge yourself saying that and then flip it on its head and imagine it was your best friend. Imagine you know, if your best friend spoke to you the way your inner critic speaks to you, would you still be friends? Change the conversation in your mind and to start with, that is going to have to be quite a conscious thing that you do, but it's really worth it over the long run.

Speaker 1:

Number three is to make decisions from worth, not from guilt. So start asking if I fully believed in my worth, what choice would I make right now? Really difficult ones, but so powerful. And number four is to set boundaries, like your life depends on it, because, honestly, it does. So saying no isn't rude, it's absolute self-respect to yourself in action. So, yes, there's a book. In our village there's some ladies who have created a book club and one of the books they've chosen for this month for everybody to read is a nonfiction book, and the book is about living your life pretty much like it's your last day.

Speaker 1:

And any experience that you undertake in your day you know making a cup of coffee. Any experience that you undertake in your day, you know making a cup of coffee, going to sleep at night, having your lunch, just whatever you do on a typical day, do it with such passion, as if it was the last time you do it. And with the setting boundaries element, I feel like if we were all to live a little bit more in accordance with that, as if it was our last day. I know it sounds a little bit morbid, but if we did, I believe that we would all do completely different things in our day, we'd all speak to people in a completely different way, we'd all have really really different priorities and it would be a lot easier for people to say no. And the thing about saying no is is it's difficult because if you are a people pleaser like most people are saying no to somebody feels like, oh my gosh, but if I say no, they're gonna think badly of me or what I think. You know, what are they gonna think? I just don't know. The fear of the unknown, and you know, saying yes to everything doesn't make people respect you more or like you more. It really doesn't. Setting boundaries is one of the best things that I have ever done for myself.

Speaker 1:

And then number five is to celebrate your enoughness every single day, not what you've achieved, not what you did for somebody else, but just you as you are. If you can get into bed every single night and reflect on your day and yes, I'm a firm believer in celebrating wins I think women generally do not do that enough, and I'm a firm believer in this, which is why I am so keen to share women's wins on my social media, but also encourage my clients to share their wins, because it's so unnatural and once you start to do that more, it becomes more natural, it becomes easier and then your self-esteem starts to expand and that's really important, really valuable for a woman. But once you've celebrated your wins whether it's a small win, a big win, whatever just look back at the day and, just you know, think to yourself, like I got from A to B today, like, and I'm, I'm enough, I didn't need to prove anything to anybody. Um, and I want you to take this in right you don't need permission to prioritize yourself. I know that I talk about it a lot, but I do feel that women do feel they need permission to prioritize themselves. You don't need to earn your worth. You don't need to prove anything to be deserving of joy, to be deserving of love, to be deserving of good health or happiness. So what would your life look like if you truly deeply believed that you were enough right now, in this moment? What would it look like?

Speaker 1:

And that's the challenge that I want to leave you with today. I want you to think about it. I really want you to internalize what I've said and feel it and, most importantly, start acting from that place. So I would really recommend that you listen to this episode multiple times and just take one thing from it that you can go and think about more deeply or take action on, because I think, if you try and listen to this and go, oh yeah, okay, so I need to stop seeking external validation, I need to speak to myself differently, I need to set boundaries.

Speaker 1:

You probably will end up not doing any of them. Honestly, you probably won't. It's like me saying right, I want you to go for a run, then I want you do 25 million sit-ups, and then I want you to go and do a training session, and then I want you to go and play tennis. It's all too much and you probably won't enjoy any of it. Like you won't get out of it what you need to. So if you resonate with any of those points that I made earlier, just grab hold of one of them and start playing about and see it from a place of joy and experimentation and open-mindedness.

Speaker 1:

Even if this episode resonated with you, I would love for you to let me know.

Speaker 1:

It's always so interesting to know which episodes people enjoy the most, whether it's more like the health and fitness side, whether it's more to do with kind of this sort of mindset things. You know any kind of topics. You know I love to talk, so this is a great outlet for me, but it would be great to know if this kind of thing interests you. So if it does, it would be amazing if you could share it either on your social media and let me know you enjoyed this episode, or if you're a client, let me know if you enjoyed the episode. I'd just love to hear your thoughts and your feedback. To be honest with you, and if you know another woman who needs to hear this, then please send it her way. I can guarantee that you definitely know at least five people who struggle with self-worth, if not more, and we are rewriting the narrative, one woman at a time. So until next time, please keep showing up for yourself, because you are worth it, as L'Oreal says, and I hope you enjoy this episode. And please keep feeding your health.