The Feed My Health Podcast

Here's the EXACT reason why you start off well with your diet but then nothing 'STICKS"

• Rosalind Tapper

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We tackle the myth that intelligent, capable women should automatically excel at health and nutrition, exploring why perfectionism and misaligned values create unnecessary struggles on your wellness journey.

• Smart, capable women often feel shame about struggling with food and body image
• The "knowledge equals success" myth creates unrealistic expectations
• Even the most successful people seek guidance in areas outside their expertise
• Conflicting nutrition information requires aligning with your core values
• Quick-fix diets often conflict with sustainable, value-based approaches
• Perfectionism leads to all-or-nothing thinking and unnecessary disappointment
• Daily fluctuations are normal, just as they are in business and investments
• Sustainable results come from embodying your future self today
• Choose approaches that align with who you want to be, not just quick results

Share this episode with someone who could benefit from changing their perspective on health and weight loss.


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Speaker 1:

Happy Monday everybody. Welcome back to the Feed my Health podcast. Obviously it's Monday if you're listening to it on Monday when it comes out at 5am. I'm just doing my little. Imagine there's a jingle music going on.

Speaker 1:

Every Monday 5am a new episode is coming out. I hope you're having a lovely start to your week. Today. This episode is going to be for the woman who has ever in their life looked in the mirror and felt embarrassed by what you see. If you've ever started a new diet on a Monday and then felt like a failure by Thursday, or if you've ever thought that you should know better, that you should know what you're doing, now it's for you, so let's get straight into it. So I speak to a lot of very intelligent, very capable women who are embarrassed about being stuck in cycles of dieting yo-yo, dieting on and off, feeling like they should know what they're doing. And it makes sense, because if you are an intelligent, capable woman, which you definitely are, if you're listening to the female podcast, then it makes sense that if you're not feeling in control in that side of your life, in the dieting side, in the health, the wellness, looking in the mirror side of life you are going to feel a little bit of shame and guilt, and that's okay. Once you accept that, we can move on from it.

Speaker 1:

Here is a myth. There is a massive myth that knowledge equals success. Now let me clarify okay, even the most experienced, the most well-educated, the most powerful people in this world still struggle. Because if you are responsible for so many areas of your life maybe you have a quite high up job role, maybe you are, you know, you're quite well ahead in your job, maybe you've got lots of plates that you're spinning it can be very, very difficult to be exceptional in all areas of your life, particularly as well, if at the place in your life that you are, you're really focused. So let's imagine somebody who's in a great job, in quite a high up role, and their career is quite fundamental. Obviously it's important because you want to get ahead in your job and you want to be successful and all the rest of it, but also because, potentially, from a financial perspective, people are relying on you. You've got a mortgage to pay, you've got mouths to feed, etc. Etc.

Speaker 1:

Now here's the problem is that when you are in that situation or when you are, you know, really proficient in lots of areas of your life, you can start to get in your own way because you think that you should be proficient in all areas of your life. And so, just to quote somebody that I was speaking to recently, you feel that you should know what you're doing, because food should be simple, right what. We just eat less, or we go for the green stuff, or we, you know, I don't know, just we think that we should be good at everything. But you go back, going back to those people that are super powerful. So we've got like the Stephen Bartlett's of the world, we've got the Richard Branson's of the world. We've got I don't know like whoever Joe Bloggs was that started, um, I don't know like whoever J Blogs was that started whatever big company.

Speaker 1:

Do you think that they got to where they have got to by doing it on their own and thinking that they know everything? In fact, you know what. The most ignorant thing that you can do and I know that sounds really harsh, but I just, I'm just want to drill this home the most ignorant thing that you can do is think that you know everything and that you've got nothing to learn. And actually I've said this to my son once, because my middle son, harrison. He went through a phase when he was in, I want to say, primary school, like late years of primary school. He's he is an incredibly intelligent child and he got into a habit of sort of saying that he didn't need to practice anything or he didn't need to learn anything or he didn't need to read anything because he knew it all already. And that was his ego getting in the way because he was so proficient in lots of areas of his life. And the biggest mistake that I also made is that when I was at school and when I was at college and university, I was so excited for the learning portion of my life to stop. Lo and behold, did I know that I would then dedicate my entire life to learning?

Speaker 1:

There is not a day that goes by where I don't pick up a book, listen to a podcast, watch a YouTube video, ask people that know more than me, invest money into people that are 25 million steps ahead, because I now realize that knowledge is power and I'm not designed to know it all. In fact, the person that thinks that they know it all is pretty much writing their jail sentence right. So let's let that one go, okay, just because you are successful in so many areas of your life doesn't mean that you need to be successful and know everything in the. You know every area of your life, and even more so you need to ask from people that know better than you, because there are people that know better than you and we have to put our egos aside, so, so important.

Speaker 1:

The next thing that I want to talk about is feeling like you are the problem, when actually there's a lot of conflicting information. So this is where it gets tricky, because well, roz, you've just told me I need to go and outsource my information and get help, but there's so many people with so many different, conflicting bits of information. What do I do? Simple, you follow. You hone in, like a little homing pigeon, on the thing that aligns with you and your core values. So, if your core value is to be able to enjoy your food, to be able to go out to eat and be able to pick whatever you want off the menu, knowing with full clarity that you know what you're picking because it supports the version of yourself that you want off the menu, knowing with full clarity that you know what you're picking because it supports the version of yourself that you want to be and you find somebody out there that also supports that value. Bam done Similarly or not similarly, but like on the opposite end of that scale.

Speaker 1:

If you value quick convenience, faster results that aren't necessarily sustainable you're quite happy to, you know cut out certain food groups or live quite restrictively most of the time and that really aligns with your deep core and values, then you will probably zone in on somebody that also thinks that that is a great thing. So it's not about who you should turn to, it's about who do you align with, because if you can align with them, because your core values align, it won't matter how long the journey is. It won't matter how long it takes you to get from point A to point B. Let's say that you feel like your journey is like a long way and it's so appealing to have a really quick result. Well, does that quick result and the repercussions of having that quick result and also the methods in which you're going to have to take in order to get said quick result, do they align with who you really want to be? Would it make you super proud? Let's just imagine you standing on an invisible stage and you're telling your nearest and dearest about what you're doing and how you're doing it. Would that make you feel really confident and really proud and really aligned and, like you, wanna brag about it? When you get to that position, you will know what the right thing is to listen to.

Speaker 1:

If you are having lots of conflicting information, you don't know who to turn to, it's always almost definitely, because you actually don't align with half of the stuff you're listening to and you think that you should. You're doing a comparison thing. So once you get to that point, you'll just have analysis by paralysis and you will start to think that you're the problem, and actually it's not a problem that you you have, and it's not a problem that they have. It's the fact that you have values and morals deep down inside that you truly believe in and you maybe haven't realized that you need to find somebody with those same values, morals, and that's why research comes in, and that's okay. You need to always have an element of research when it comes to working with somebody or investing into something.

Speaker 1:

It's very similar, actually, while I'm thinking about it too, you know when you're at um university and you're applying for university places and you go around the universities and you walk around them, or you walk around colleges or you visit schools. You go to open days. Why are you that You're doing it? To see if it aligns with what you want and if they can help you to progress in an area that you need. You wouldn't just go to like 10 open days and then go. Oh well, they all do different things and they all offer different things, and they all offer different like after school or after college, clubs or whatever. Oh, so I just won't bother going to any of them. No, like, when in your life would you ever do that? It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1:

But yet when it comes to the conflicting noise around exercise and nutrition, we are very, very quick to actually go. Do you know what? There's just too much noise. I'm just not going to do anything and I'm just going to call out bullshit, because I think this is a really easy out, because it's an excuse. You're like you're creating an excuse, because actually you don't deep down. Maybe I mean maybe you want to do something, but it's easier to blame the fact that you don't know what to do on the conflicting noise than to actually do the hard thing, jumping with two feet at something and actually go all in on it. So, actually, it's not about the conflicting noise and it's not about you being the problem. It's about the fact that it's easier to blame somebody else or something else than to actually take ownership of the situation.

Speaker 1:

Put yourself in a scary situation. That's uncomfortable which, by the way, is where change happens and actually try something. What's the worst that could happen if you actually jumped in with two feet and tried something that didn't work? Well, it just wouldn't work. So then, what do you do? You move on or do you go? Do you know what that didn't work? So, sorry, I don't care about my health anymore. Not bothered, no, I mean, I would really, really hope that you value yourself and the people that you love in your life more than to just say sorry, I'm not going to bother them, because, essentially, every time you self-sabotage, every time you stop doing the things that align with your goals and your values and you don't care about your health, you are literally saying to yourself and to everybody around you well, I don't care enough about you. It is like that, and I know that sounds really brutal, because you've probably never heard it put in that way before, but that's the reality.

Speaker 1:

So I want to talk a little bit about perfectionism as well, because one thing that I hear quite frequently as well is that if they don't, if a woman doesn't see consistent results quickly, they lose motivation. And again, let's dive into this. So what you're saying is that if I don't get instant gratification from the thing that I'm doing and a pat on the back from my scales or a pat on the back from you know, my progress photographs or whatever, I'm no longer motivated. I'm no longer motivated. So let's turn the tables. Let's imagine you have a young child and their expectation is that they are going to get an A in every single essay that they ever write. And they then say well, if I don't get an A for every single essay that I ever write, well, what's the point? I'm no longer going to be motivated.

Speaker 1:

Sure, it's always fantastic when we see great results, but you have to also remember why you're doing this. Because in those very small moments where you jump on that scale and you see that number and you go, oh my god, that's not what I expected. That's not what I expected, that's not what I deserve, that's not what I want to see, you're suddenly putting all of the power into that 20 quid piece of equipment that you bought at farmers in and you're forgetting who and why you wanted to do this in the first place. Suddenly it stops becoming about the fact that you want to be healthy. Suddenly it stops becoming about the fact that you want to look great on your holiday this summer. Suddenly it stops becoming about wanting to be a great role model to your children. Suddenly it stops being about the fact that you want to look great on your holiday this summer. Suddenly, it stops becoming about wanting to be a great role model to your children. Suddenly it stops being about the fact that you've got a family history of X, y and Z and you know you want to make sure that you don't rewrite the chapter. Suddenly, it stops becoming about all of the reasons why you want this so badly, because in that split second that scale goes.

Speaker 1:

Well, let's see how badly you really want it and straight away you go I don't really want it that much. Where's the kitchen? Where's the chocolate? Where's the crisps? You forget, and that's why these fad diets and these shakes and these I don't know. Let me think about all the ones I've done, um, I've done Slimming World. I've done Weight Watchers, I've done the juice fasting, I've done the 5-2, I've done the Cambridge diet, I have done Slimming World, I've done Weight Watchers, I've done the juice fasting, I've done the 5-2, I've done the Cambridge diet, I have done stupid. I mean, the list goes on and on.

Speaker 1:

The key piece of this is I hadn't really aligned my values. Like I don't align with drinking shakes as an actual meal and then fix, but like, why do you expect to feel energized and motivated to the next? Like I mean, I could go on and on and on about this, but like food is to be enjoyed. It is your duty to get educated on food so that you can make great choices for the rest of your life. You do not get that from going for a quick fix to lose a quick amount of weight and then, when you don't see what it says on the scales, you go. Actually, you know what it's not working for me. No, your morals and your values and who and why you want this, are not aligned and you have to remember that every step of the way.

Speaker 1:

Let me put it this way to you as you all know, I own my own business. Now, I am not taking away from people that are employed, because there are lots of challenges with being employed. Many, many, many. I've also been employed, so I'm very familiar. However, having your own business is like having triplets it is so full on you never switch off you.

Speaker 1:

You wake up dreaming about your business. You'll go to sleep dreaming about your business. There's always something or someone or something. You know there's always something to do. And just like being employed, there will be days that go really, really well and it's like the best thing since sliced bread pardon the pun. But there will be other days where it will just feel like utter shit. Like your boss is on your back, you didn't meet the deadline, you didn't get the pay rise, you didn't get the promotion. You know the colleague across the road that bitches about across the road, across the desk, bitches about everybody, and it just drains you like there are so many things that could like just make you feel like you just want to throw in the towel, retire early, get a different job. I didn't want this business anyway. Let's just go be employed. Like there's so many reasons why you would want to throw in the towel, retire early, get a different job. I didn't want this business anyway. Let's just go and be employed. There's so many reasons why you would want to quit, and that's where you sort of separate yourself from the.

Speaker 1:

What's the analogy? The men from the beasts? Or the dogs from the? I don't know what it is. You know what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 1:

In those moments when I feel like that, when I feel low, when I feel like the world is on my shoulders, I don't go. Oh, do you know what? Sod it. Sometimes it goes through my mind. But what I've realized and what I've learned to do is look at all of the amazing reasons why I'm doing this, realign myself with this and look at all the incredible lives that have been changed as a result of what Feed my Health does. I realign myself with the vision, with my why, with the goals, and suddenly I'm like back in the game.

Speaker 1:

I have a reoccurring event on my Google calendar that tells me to look at my vision board. So I create a vision board and it's got all the things on it at the time of making it that I really wanted to achieve in my life. And when I'm feeling a little bit low or a little bit demotivated or things aren't going the way I want them, I will look at that and it will remind me of why I'm doing it. And I do this with our, with our clients, like we have, you know, periodic sessions where we get on a webinar together and we talk about goal setting, like we had a massive, massive um masterclass at the beginning of the year. We do um weekly plans with them, like we get them to assess their wins for the week.

Speaker 1:

All of these little, tiny behaviors will help to reaffirm why you're doing this and why you care, because, as much as you might be aligned with your why and you want a long and healthy life and lose weight and all the rest of it it's very easy in those emotional moments to forget, and I know that because I'm not an idiot, I'm not a robot. We all go through exactly the same thing all of the time. But it's your duty as an individual to remind yourself why this was important and understand that there are going to be days that are going to be hard and I'm not talking, by the way, about hard because you've chosen a restrictive method. Okay, if you are choosing a restrictive method, it is very hard and you are choosing it to be unnecessarily hard. That's just my opinion. If drinking shakes or injecting yourself or only eating iceberg lettuce or only eating blue foods aligns with your core values and your morals, then it will feel great, it will feel okay. But I want to question that because I don't think that, deep down, that's what anybody really wants. Um, and am I, am I okay with being wrong about that? I am, um.

Speaker 1:

What else did I want to mention in this, in this episode? If your diet or your strategy is relying on perfection, then of course, you are going to expect perfectionistic results. So I'm going to give you an example. Let's go with the shake diet for a second, because I think that that's near as damn it trying to be perfect as you could possibly be. So you weigh out your powder or whatever it comes in, you weigh out your water or your milk or whatever you mix it with, and you have one in the morning and one at lunchtime. Maybe you have one at dinnertime. You are having to follow a very perfect routine in order to comply to that diet, and so it makes perfect sense that when you step on the scales, you're expecting a very perfect result, and you're expecting a result because you are doing something goddamn difficult in my opinion. So I just want you to think about that, because if you are naturally the kind of person that feels easily demotivated when you don't see results or you don't see, you know whatever it is you're expecting to see, think about what you're actually embarking on in the first place. Are you embarking on something that expects you to show up perfectly Because you're almost indulging that side of you? That's going to feel like a failure when you don't get the perfect results off the back end.

Speaker 1:

Because the thing is, you can control what you put in your mouth. You can control the quantity of powder you put in that shake a cup and you can control how much water and you can control what time put in your mouth. You can control the quantity of powder you put in that shake a cup and you can control how much water and you can control what time you drink that thing. But you cannot control how your body responds to that. You cannot control how much water is in your body, how much blood is in your body, how much your digestion works, or you know any number of other things, but yet you're so quick to give up quit and all the rest of it when it doesn't do what you expect it to do.

Speaker 1:

You are not a robot. It's not as simple as once your batteries run out, you replace them. There is so much, there's so much going on, and a female has hormones. So, to top it all off, once you've tried to control how much water is in your body and how much muscle mass you have, and what your bone density is like, and how much body fat you've got and how much, how many times you've pooed that day, you've also got to factor in your hormonal fluctuations as well, and none of that you can control. But yet you will. You will literally throw your, your goals and your why and your values in the gutter because you didn't get the result you expected, and I really want you to sit with that. Okay, I really want you to sit with that.

Speaker 1:

So the key message I'm going to leave it here because my children have just come home from school and I imagine that on the back of this episode you are going to get loads of chatter and Gabriel's very happy because he's ordered a parcel off Amazon. He's bought himself a bike bike, a secondhand bike for his birthday and all week we've been getting parcels from the everyman because he's been buying little adapt like things to put on the bike, you know, like a little cup holder and stuff, and he's like buzzing because he's he's buying all these things with his own birthday money and then he's getting a. He's literally like me actually I've created a monster because I love a parcel, um, but yeah, he's, he's come home, he's got a parcel and he was absolutely excited. I thought, oh god, all you're going to hear on this podcast is is an excitable child in the background, um. So I am going to leave it here, but I want you to remember this this is not about me saying you should join feed my health. This is never about me saying you should join feed my health.

Speaker 1:

Do I believe that I can help you? I don't know, because maybe I don't know you, maybe we've not spoken, maybe our values and our morals don't align. Maybe you are the kind of person that is very, very happy and loves the idea of doing a certain diet. That maybe I just don't believe in And's okay. But if you get anything from this episode, I want you to know this nothing will truly work if number one the thing that you're expecting yourself to do doesn't align with who you want to be, what you value and your morals, in the same way that if you married somebody that didn't align with your values and didn't align with your morals, the marriage probably wouldn't last very long. It's exactly the same. So that's number one. And number two is every single day that you do something, do it from the perspective of the person that you want to be. When you have X result.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so let's just take the example of like being a millionaire. You imagine you want to be a self-made millionaire. In order for you to actually achieve that, you need to show up tomorrow like a self-made millionaire. You can't just claw your way to it, you have to demand it. You have to show up like that person. You have to make decisions like that person. You have to dress like that person. You have to embody that person who has that result.

Speaker 1:

And the longer you stay in a mindset of who you're trying to escape from, the harder it's going to be. So you have to draw a line under the sand and go. Do you know what? What decision would this version of me do? What decision would the millionaire version of me do in this difficult situation? Let's just say, using the scale analogy again, let's just say the scales are similar to, like, stocks and shares.

Speaker 1:

Do you think that somebody who is like super wealthy, who invests in stocks and shares, sacks it all in when the stocks go down? Invest in stocks and shares sacks it all in when the stocks go down? No, do they expect the stocks to fluctuate, because that's what happens in the world of stocks and shares, apparently. I mean, I know nothing about this, but I know that no, they don't. They invest again and they invest again because it aligns with them and they understand that there are natural fluctuations and as long as they keep doing the thing, eventually it will pay off for them. People wouldn't do stuff like that if it didn't.

Speaker 1:

It's the same with weight loss. It's the same with the methods that you choose. You have to do things that align with who you are, what you believe in and what you value, and you have to start showing up straight away as the person that already has the result you're trying to achieve. And once you have those two things, my God, you will take on the world, and I see this quality in a lot of our clients and it's incredible because I'm like flipping heck like you are powerful as anything, and that's an amazing place to be. So, anyway, I'm going to love you and leave you. Have a wonderful week. If you're listening to this on Monday, have a wonderful rest of your week. It doesn't really matter when you're listening to this. I hope you're having a wonderful week regardless. But I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would love for you to share this with somebody. It could really help somebody actually change their perspective on a lot of things and you could change somebody's life. You could actually save somebody's life. Have a think about that for a second.